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The sight of him is confusing.
Maddening. Ridiculous. Heartbreaking, and pale. She raises her hand to reach for his shoulder, but stops it halfway. There’s an instinct to touch him. She doesn’t know why. It’s just… confusing.
No one else gives her this reaction. They’ve been explaining it since she woke up. Missing memories. Aliens. Yokai. All of this crap that makes no sense and yet somehow, this guy standing in front of her sticks out. Black wavy hair. Big round glasses. A look on his face that makes her want to hide. Why is that?
No matter. She’s pulled into a screaming match with this pink haired skank before there’s time to ponder it further. It takes everything in her to walk away when Vamola pulls her ahead of Jiji and the others. It’s such a weird feeling. All these people she hardly knows, coming up to her, talking to her, interacting with her and she can only nod along like she isn’t totally freaking lost.
Now she’s in class, and it’s even worse than it was in the hospital. She’s got Jiji freaking out to her right. Miko and Kei are completely enamored in every little detail she can spare them (it isn’t much). And at the same time it feels like everyone around her is looking at her. Forget paying attention to the teacher, Momo might as well be the subject of the lecture today. At least they aren’t grabbing on to her again.
When lunch rolls around, she isn’t sure how, but it gets even more overwhelming. Not only is the pink haired skank back, but so are these other people she doesn’t recognize. This guy Kinta (who makes her slightly uncomfortable when he introduces himself). Vamola, again. A new girl she doesn’t recognize, says her name is Rin Sawaki. Jiji, Miko and Kei too (though, they’re both very confused and mostly listening to everyone else talk). She’s being swarmed in here and all she can do is sit back in her chair and try not to freak out.
“This is crazy!”
“I cannot believe this is happening, what are we going to–.”
“Are you… are you feeling okay? Have we tried to–”
“I believe we can solve this—“
“So, what’s the last thing you remember?”
That question, again. She ducks her head and grits her teeth, “I don’t–” It’s not that she can’t remember, it's that looking back hurts. Overwhelming. So overwhelming. There isn’t a particular memory there, just a feeling. A feeling that pulls at her core and makes it feel like every neuron in her brain is firing at once. It hurts.
“Everyone please, back up!”
That voice…
Pushing through the pain, she glances up and finds that boy from before. Black wavy hair. Big round glasses. He’s sitting in front of her, one arm on her desk and the other raised towards the group. She’d wanted to hide, seeing him before. This time, all she can do is stare at the back of his head.
“Please consider that Miss Ayase does not know what’s going on, and all of you are probably overwhelming her with all of these questions!”
Finally, someone with some goddamn sense. There’s an immediate sea of apologies from just about everyone. Miko and Kei glance over to her with this look that confuses the hell out of her, so she stops looking at them and watches as everyone backs up a bit and starts talking among themselves. Discussing her, clearly, along with how they’re gonna fix this ‘problem’ and what the next plan of action is. Ugh. All of this is just so damn annoying, and her head still hurts.
She collapses into the desk and hides in her arms. The dark and relative quiet helps soothe the blistering pains at her temples. She stays like that for a moment, just until it becomes bearable, and then she raises her head. Immediately, she finds the boy looking at her with a concerned expression. She stares up at him, a weird feeling once again beginning to bubble up from her chest.
“You okay?”
The question throws her off. She isn’t sure why this guy is making her so nervous all of a sudden. Presumably, he’s just one of many friends from these memory gaps and clearly he’s the only level-headed one of the bunch. Maybe it’s more than that though. He at least cares enough to check on her like this. “Y-yeah. M’fine. Thanks.” It doesn’t feel like enough, but it’s all she can say.
Seemingly realizing his sitting position, he cautiously takes his arm off her desk and swings it in front of him to be held by the other. He keeps glancing at the group, and then back to her, and then to the ground. She isn’t sure what to say, so she keeps quiet, and slowly looks down to her lap as she sits up in her chair. The prickles of her headache dissipate just as the bickering grows louder. They’re full-on arguing now. She doesn’t even feel like listening.
“Are you feeling hungry?”
She snaps her head up to find his arm is back on her desk. He’s smiling, and it's all she can do to stop herself from smiling back. She isn’t sure why, again, weird ass feeling in her chest. Upon further consideration, she is actually a little hungry. Or at least, she could be hungry. She nods her head, and he moves to stand up.
“I’m gonna go get some lunch, wanna come with?”
Now, Momo isn’t dense. She can recognize an out when she sees one. Maybe this is just his way of being kind. Trying to help her escape this situation for now. But honestly, she’s thankful for it. She’d rather be anywhere else than this room with this group of people all shouting and worrying over her. She nods again, “Okay, lets go,” and gets up from her desk alongside him.
“Yo! Okarun! Momo! Where you goin’?”
Okarun? Is that his name? Can’t be…
He turns and waves a hand. “We’ll be back. Keep discussing the plans, we’re just getting some food.”
At least three of the seven people immediately move to get up and follow, but Kei and Miko suddenly jump up and wrangle them all back in. “Hey! Why don’t we just let them go alone, yeah?”
“You heard him, she’s overwhelmed. Give her a break!”
She’s out of the room before she can catch any more of the excuses they make for her. Something tells her their intentions are less than noble, but at this point, she could care less. Anywhere but here.
The hallway is quiet in comparison, and she welcomes the change. Next to her, this boy walks somewhat close, but it’s easy to tell he’s keeping some distance. It’s weird to think about, but maybe he’s walking farther than he normally would. It’s a little sad, she thinks. Not that she remembers him at all, but still, there’s that strange feeling in her chest that just won’t go away.
“So uh, what’s your name anyway?”
“My name? Oh… right.” He crosses his arms and chuckles. He looks nervous. “Um, Okarun. You can call me Okarun.”
There it is again. “Okarun? Hah?” Weird ass name. She tilts her head and tries to determine whether he’s messing with her. It only makes him more nervous. “You all messin’ with me? That can’t be your name.”
“What? No!” This time his laugh is more genuine. He adjusts his glasses and looks her in the eye. “That’s just a nickname, you uh, gave me. You’re the one who came up with it.”
Nah, no way. “That makes like, no sense! What’s your real name?”
He coughs. “That isn’t a good idea.”
“Huh??” Now this guy’s pissing her off too. “Tell me!”
“You’re not gonna like it!”
“How do you know that!”
“You told me not to use it!”
“I don’t remember that!” She growls. “Just tell me already! Stop coddling me!”
“Fine! I will!” Both of his hands shoot up and grip his hair. He leans forward and a strained groan escapes his mouth before he very quickly goes, ”My name is Ken Takakura!”
…
…
…
Every nerve ending in her body might as well have been lit on fire, because the moment she hears that name, it freezes her in place and simultaneously sends a wave of heat rippling through her skin. Not normal heat, though. Yeah, she’s probably beet red, but it’s something else too. Like her core has been set ablaze. That feeling, it’s stronger, way stronger, what the hell? Ken? Takakura? Like, her Ken Takakura? Favorite actor, movie star, strong and silent darling Ken Takakura???
Oh my gods oh my god oh my god oh my gods
“I tried to tell you!” Even in his scolding he sounds apologetic. “I get it already, you don’t gotta explain. Just call me Okarun. Now, come on.”
…
…
…
Guess she’s callin’ him Okarun.
“R-right,” she mutters, and her feet unglue from the tile. “Okarun. Alright.”
It takes her a beat to remember how to use her muscles. But she recovers fast enough to keep following him. He’s already regretting saying the other name, she can tell by the way his mouth tries to smile and crumples it into a half-grimace. He gestures down the hall, careful not to get too close. He keeps his elbows tucked in like he’s afraid of bumping her. It’d be a little endearing if the heat in her cheeks would calm down. Now she’s embarrassed. Great.
“So, you wanna try the cafeteria or,” he says, voice kept small on purpose, “we can go to the vending machine, if you’d rather that.”
“Screw the cafeteria, the food sucks anyway. Wasn’t even hungry, just wanted out of there.”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”
They round the corner of the hall and hit the vending machines on the second floor. Almost immediately, Okarun takes out his wallet and walks up to the machine, punching in a few numbers and silently waiting for the drinks to fall. After a second, he grabs it through the opening and hands it back to her without a word.
A pompi…
“How’d you…” the question starts and stops as soon as it hits her brain. Of course he’d know what drink she likes. He knows her. Has known her. Apparently.
He answers anyway. “Just a guess.”
She turns the bottle in her hand. Cold plastic, sugary orange on her tongue. “Good guess,” she murmurs, because she figures it’s better than staying silent. No reason to be an asshole right now.
He rubs the back of his neck after grabbing his own drink. “We can go back, or if you want we can go to the roof or sit on a bench outside, if you’d rather avoid them for a bit.”
Honestly, quiet sounds like a miracle. And the concept of going back to that room and getting probed for the rest of their break is horrific. She nods, “Outside?” And they cut down the empty hall. On the landing, sun squares spill through the small window and make the dust visible in the light. They push through the door and find a bench nearby. When they sit down, Okarun very obviously sits closer than he wanted to, and quickly shifts away a few inches.
The more she sits with it, this feeling in her chest, the easier it gets to handle. At first, it’d been strong and overwhelming. Like a sore spot that rubbed against her clothes and made every little movement difficult to handle. But now, she’s getting used to it, and the more she’s around Okarun, the more she understands it.
He’s rattling off some silly factoid about aliens (which still definitely do not exist) and all she can do is stare at his face. His eyes. His lips. It’s like she’s entranced by this guy and she only just met him. Or… she didn’t. She’s known him for a while, if she wants to believe her grandmother. She doesn’t on a lot of things. But… if they told her that this guy means something more to her. That somehow, she’d gone and forgotten someone truly important to her, beyond being a friend, beyond the details of her life and aliens and yokai. She isn’t sure that’d be so hard to believe.
It’s not like she’s swooning over him or anything. She even makes a point to argue with him when he starts talking some bullshit about a ‘real alien’ named ‘Chiquitita’ and nearly cracks him on the head when he tells her, “You need to realize that aliens are real and they’re walking among us!!”
“Enough with this crazy crap! I don’t believe it! I have no proof!”
“You literally walked to school with one this morning!”
“You calling Jiji an alien?” She huffs, trying not to laugh. “I mean, I know he’s a bit weird but—”
“No!” He snickers and hides behind his palm. “Vamola!”
“HAH?? Stop fucking with me!”
Shit like that! If she were like, dating him or something, there’s no way it’d be this easy to 'fight' with him about stuff. There’s no way she’d find sitting next to him so comforting, or easy. Dating isn’t like that, at least… it’s never been like that before. So what's different now? Assumptions. She’s assuming a ton of stuff about this guy and she doesn’t even know him. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to her. Something’s up here, and she isn’t sure what but damn it she needs to know.
To hell with it. She’ll just ask.
“So what’s our deal, anyway?”
It cuts him off mid-sentence. He blinks, staring her down wide eyed and rosy cheeked. He stammers after a half-sigh, “We really don’t have to talk about any of that if you don’t want to. I know you’re tired of this sorta thing.”
Still trying to look out for her. Even when she’s the one bringing it up. “I wanna know.” It’s too important to not ask. It’s too big a feeling to just sit on. “Explain it to me. If I have these missing pieces, you’re one of them, clearly, so tell me.”
Okarun’s quiet for a long time. Momo doesn’t mind. She understands trying to remember things like this on the spot is hard. Even if she remembered everything, if someone asked her to explain her existence to someone else, it’d probably take a while to even know what to say, let alone how to say it.
Eventually, he sighs and leans back against the bench. “We met a few months ago. I was getting bullied and you… stood up for me. Then I sorta hounded after you about aliens, and you told me you believed in spirits, and neither of us believed each other.”
Bullied? This guy? Doesn't seem likely. He seems confident, and... cool. Why would anyone be bullying someone like that?
Not believing in aliens, though? “That second part sounds pretty accurate.” She chuckles, and he matches her tone as he crosses his legs up onto the bench seat.
“You’re really not gonna believe me from here on out.”
“Try me.”
“Okay,” He adjusts his glasses, “Since neither of us believed each other. We tried proving it. So, I sent you to this hospital that’s well-known for UAP sightings. And, you sent me to this closed off tunnel…”
“In Shono City?” Her eyes widen, and he nods. “That place is famous online, you go there you're definitely gonna see some crazy shit.”
“Yeah well…” He looks down and starts scratching at his head. “You were right. I saw something. Actually, I was cursed. By a Yokai called Turbo Granny. She sorta corrupted me, turned me into this monster. But it worked out, because turns out I was right too.”
“I saw aliens at this hospital?” She doesn’t really believe it, but the concept is cool enough to entertain.
“Yeah, actually, you were abducted onto their ship.” His tone goes grim, and her smile fades as he transitions from his head to his collar. “They uh, took you and were doing some really messed up things. And then I was there too, as this half-monster thing, and you saved both of us.”
A dry chuckle. “I saved us from aliens?”
“You did.”
It doesn’t sound real. “How?”
“You have psychic powers, and being in that situation made them come out. You,” His smile returns, and he looks up to the sky. “You were awesome. You totally destroyed them and saved both of our lives.”
As a fairy tale story, it works. It’s hard not to like the idea of her being this super powerful psychic that could single handedly take down an entire alien spaceship. Hard to believe, still, but she figures it wouldn’t hurt to buy into the fantasy for a bit. “So, I take down the aliens, and you’re still cursed?”
“Well, I was, for a while. But we worked together, and, well,” he laughs, “lotta stuff happened. We figured out the Yokai that cursed me wasn’t actually too bad after all, and for a while I was able to use her powers to help us. We fought, aliens, other yokai, we found my–” His eyes go wide. “Uh, we fixed my curse. We met pretty much everyone that was in the room back there. We’ve… been through a lot. If you want, we can go through all of it in detail later, but that involves a lot of people and there’s a lot to it all. Don’t wanna overwhelm you too much.”
“What about us, then?” It’s a dangerous question that could have a lot of different answers, but it’s what she wants to know. “After that first stuff. What did we…”
“I mean, we were together for pretty much all of it.” He hides a bit, ducking his head and staring down at his hands. “We fought together, we helped save a bunch of people, we were… close.”
Close.
“Close, what does that mean?” She’s probably doing too much. Saying too much. Asking too much. But at this point… “What was I to you?”
The question is a big one, she realizes, but it doesn’t seem to phase him all that much.
“I mean, you’re my best friend. That’s how I view you, that’s how I’ve viewed you probably since the first week we met.”
Best friend.
“And that's… it?”
He stops hiding for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“Just… best friend?” She’s pretty sure her entire face is painted red at this point. But she can’t find it in her to care. She needs to know. There’s no way around it anymore. “Nothing more?”
Do you love me?
Okarun looks at her with this expression she can’t place. Either it’s sad, or hopeful, or longing, or some weird mix of it all, but it makes her want to cry and hide and smile all at the same time.
“I’m not supposed to… to tell you…” He smiles, and she notices the faintest shimmer in his eyes. “Until you’re back to normal. That’s what you told me. I think… I think it’s best if I honor that.”
…
…
Oh.
…
It’s weird… how much sense that makes to her. Even with the left out details. Even with him dancing around it so badly. Momo gets it. She thinks. Some part of her understands.
She smiles. “Okay then, Okarun.”
They spend the rest of the day together. Not alone, eventually they go back to class and are met with more of the same overwhelming swarms of questions and theories and planning. It’s a lot. But he’s there. And so is the feeling in her chest. It’s stopped bugging her. Now, it’s more comforting.
After school, they’re all gathered in her home. It looks different than she remembers it. She has posters of aliens (sacrilege) hung up on her walls and one long look at Okarun is enough to guess why. She’s missing her Ken collection, and actually, most of what she remembers owning. They tell her the house had been destroyed a few times. Everyone sits around the table and eats a meal that is by all accounts delicious. Her grandma is a great cook. They plan, and they plan, and they plan some more. Not much of it makes sense to her. They speak about these people trying to steal Yokai powers, countless terms that don’t ring any bells, names she still doesn’t recognize. Okarun sits next to her the entire time. It helps.
By the time the sun started setting, most everyone had already gone home. A few of them remained, talking to her granny, more planning, she assumes. But there comes a time where it’s just her and Okarun left.
“So, we’ll be training our chi together, then?” She smiles at the memory of going through the motions with her grandma. “Haven’t done that sorta thing since grade school, really. I guess it’ll be sorta fun.”
“It will be!” He beams, and she takes the energy and lets it warm her long enough to nod.
“Right!”
Granny’s voice carries from the kitchen. “I want you here bright and early four-eyes!”
“Of course, Miss Seiko! I’ll be here!” He turns back to her and smiles. “I should—”
“Yeah,” she says, and before she talks herself out of it, “I’ll walk you out.”
The genkan creaks under their weight as they step into their shoes. At the door, he thanks Granny again. The old hag waves him off with a snort and a smile, already halfway to bed. It leaves Momo and Okarun stepping outside, then facing each other with the gate between them.
If today showed her anything, it’s that she’s missing something important. It’s like her body is remembering things before her brain does. These feelings, these impulses, these desires, they’re present but they don’t make much sense when she thinks on them. Acting on them is a whole other story. Her previous self might’ve been right to tell him to wait. How could she handle any of this without even knowing… for certain…
Do I love you?
He hesitates, shifting his bag up his shoulder. She can feel the question sitting on her tongue, the answer sitting on his. The feeling in her chest is stubborn, steady, it doesn’t shut up. But that’s a good thing, now. It’s nice. It’s annoyingly nice. She looks down to grab at the hem of her shirt instead of doing anything brave. Okarun takes a step back onto the path. She doesn’t follow it. Her cowardice takes over, and for a second, it feels like the whole day tilts. She’ll see him tomorrow morning. They’ll fix all of this. Things will work out. They have to.
She turns toward the house, and behind her, gravel crunches. Then—
“Miss Ayase! See you tomorrow!”
Momo doesn’t know how to react to anything anymore. It’s just too much. She looks down, smiles, and then continues to walk away. It doesn’t feel right, but nothing feels right when all she can think about is this piece of herself missing. She trudges along the path back to her house, away from the gate. Head down. Pulling at the hem of her–
“Hey!”
She freezes. And then she turns around to find Okarun standing there, pointing to his hand and waving ever so slightly. She cocks her head in slight confusion. “W-What?”
“You gotta say it back!” He looks absolutely frustrated in the cutest way. Cute? Shit, he does look cute. No point in denying it. “See you tomorrow!” He repeats, waving his hand yet again and looking on expectantly.
He wants her to… ugh. It’s almost impossible not to smile at his demeanor. She even chuckles, albeit small and under her breath, “O-Okay!”
A pause. She stares at him as his mouth goes a little slack and his eyebrows raise just a bit higher. What’s he waiting for… oh, right.
“S-See you tomorrow!” She calls, louder than she should have, and her stomach feels a little funny as she adds on at the last moment, “Okarun!”
Was that too much? Is she… too much?
It doesn’t seem like it. Her answer satisfies him enough to lower his hand and go back to smiling. “Good.” She hears him say to himself. And then he turns, slowly, and walks down the path stemming from her house.
All Momo can do is watch as he disappears down the road. The ghost of a flush spreads across her cheeks. Why does it feel weird, seeing him leave like that? Like… she doesn’t want him to.
Is this how she felt before? He’d implied it. But was that just his feelings, or hers too? Weird questions, all for a version of Momo Ayase everyone swears existed. She can’t keep running from this, these memories, these problems. There’s probably bigger ones, she imagines. All this world ending alien stuff is probably more important than how this boy makes her feel. Her grandma talks like they’re in danger at all times. That has to be more important than whatever this is.
But is it? To that other version of her?
Or is this more important? This feeling. The flutter in her chest that hasn’t shut up since she saw him for the first time this morning. The comfort she feels around him, even without memories, even without knowing who exactly Okarun is to her.
Is this what matters most to her?
…
It could be.