Chapter Text
Karkat slams the door of the coffee shop. Who even gives a fuck if he makes a scene? It’s not like he’ll be going back anytime soon, if fucking Dave Strider of all people is still working there. Karkat doesn’t know shit about running a cafe, but he figures hiring an idiot who insults his own customers doesn’t exactly represent the pinnacle of business acumen. Fuck it. If there’s anything this city has in abundance, its cafes. He’ll find somewhere else.
Karkat knows there’s no way he will be able to focus on studying now that he’s all worked up. Re-routing himself back to his dorm, he runs through the conversation over and over again in his head. It’s ridiculous that he ever thought Dave might be kind of fun, that he could hate his personality but still kind of enjoy… the act of hating him? But this wasn’t fun at all. Dave’s been a jackass from the very beginning, trying to lure him in by occasionally saying something not totally stupid, when his plan was probably always to just embarrass and make fun of Karkat, preferably in front of other people, so he can look cool, calm and collected while Karkat’s just your typical laughing stock. Despite a lifetime of experience dealing with these kinds of people, Karkat’s amazed to see that he’s fallen for it again.
As he walks home, the bitterness morphs into something closer to sadness, as he fully lets himself consider the comment that set him off so much in the first place. What kind of stool does Dave have to stand on, commenting about the social life of someone he doesn’t even know? So what if he’s a nerd? He’s got friends who he sees all the time, thank you very much. He goes to parties with Sollux and they have the time of their life! Dave wouldn’t even know half the awesome shit they get up to, and if he did he would be jealous of how much fun Karkat’s having while still acing all his classes. All those nights getting plastered, watching Sollux try to hit on girls way out of his league. What a riot! And then Sollux making out with some girl for the whole rest of the party while Karkat drinks in the corner. But that’s fine! He’s so happy for his friends! And that’s just how college is! You’re supposed to make dumb decisions, have your sexual-romantic awakening in a sweaty dorm party and get roasted by your friends for it the next morning. And Karkat’s more than happy to play the role of this friend, simultaneously chastising and helping Sollux throughout his romantic endeavors. But goddamn if he doesn’t feel undesirable every time he thinks about the fact that the roles have yet to be reversed. And that he just has to watch as his friends value their embarrassing, usually regrettable attempts at romantic connection above their genuine fucking friendship with him every single goddamn time.
He can already see it happening; he can recognize the signs from a mile away. When Jade started taking longer than usual to respond to his messages over the break, he knew what was coming before she even mentioned Nepeta’s name. This was just how it went. How could he expect his friends to put him first when they literally had something which was, as it was so often described, “more than friends.” He can’t even blame them, really. Karkat would be lying to himself if he thought he wouldn’t do the exact same thing if he had a relationship. He’s more obsessed with that shit than anyone else, subsisting on a steady diet of rom-coms and bodice rippers for years, analyzing each relationship troupe, fantasizing about his perfect partner, planning his future wedding down to every detail. It just sucks that it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for him at the current moment, as he watches all his other friends get swept off their fucking feet, and he’s just the backup option, the third wheel. He just wants someone who will put him first for a change. It wouldn't even have to be romantic, really.
But wait. Wasn’t this feelings-jam supposed to be about how immature Strider was being, instead of turning into a useless pity party? But of course it isn’t really Strider who’s the problem. It’s Karkat. It’s always Karkat. And Strider’s just the one who happened to be perceptive enough to notice how much of a loser Karkat is and use it to his advantage. Can he really even blame the guy?
Karkat arrives home hoping to nap away his feelings before getting back to work, but of course he finds Sollux curled up on the lower bunk, glaring into his phone.
KARKAT: YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THE SHIT I HAD TO PUT UP WITH TODAY, AND IT’S NOT EVEN NOON.
SOLLUX: KK iim not really in the mood for your rant of the day.
KARKAT: FUCK OFF. I’M THE ONE WHO’S BEEN LISTENING TO ALL YOUR ROMANCE PROBLEMS THIS WHOLE WEEK AND HELPING YOU OUT EVEN THOUGH I’M BASICALLY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE IT’S YOU WHO’S THE PROBLEM.
SOLLUX: well iim not actually 2ure iid call iit romantiic 2o much a2...
KARKAT: NOT HELPING YOUR CASE!!
KARKAT: ANYWAYS, GUESS WHO I RAN INTO AT ALTERNIA’S.
KARKAT: THE ASSHOLE FROM MY PHIL CLASS. I GUESS HE WORKS THERE?
KARKAT: SO NOW I CAN NEVER GO BACK TO WHAT USED TO BE MY FAVORITE CAFE.
KARKAT: AND, GOD, HE WAS JUST BEING SO STUPID. SO OF COURSE I HAD TO PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE. GIVE HIM SOME ADVICE. SOME BRUTAL HONESTY FOR HIS OWN GOOD. GOD KNOWS HE ISN’T GOING TO GET IT FROM ANYONE ELSE.
KARKAT: BUT I GUESS RATHER THAN THANKING ME, HE JUST GOT BUTTHURT ABOUT IT. IDIOTS LIKE HIM CAN NEVER FACE THE FUCKING FACTS.
SOLLUX: ye2 ii am 2ure thii2 ii2 exactly how that conver2atiion happened.
KARKAT: SO THEN HE STARTED MAKING FUN OF ME, PROBABLY JUST TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF.
KARKAT: AND TO TOP IT OFF, HE INVITED ME TO THIS STUPID SIG EP PARTY??
KARKAT: AS IF I WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD AT SUCH AN IMMATURE OUTING.
KARKAT: PROBABLY HE JUST WANTS TO SHOW OFF THAT HE CAN GET INTO SOME LAME EXCLUSIVE PARTY. OR MAYBE HE JUST WANTS ME TO SHOW UP SO HE CAN NOT LET ME IN AND LORD IT OVER ME FOREVER? THE POSSIBILITIES FOR HUMILIATING ME ARE ENDLESS.
SOLLUX: yea becau2e ii alway2 iinviite the people ii hate two my partiie2 two show off? KK grow the fuck up.
SOLLUX: and you go two partiie2 all the tiime what are you even 2ayiing.
SOLLUX: but now we are ab2olutely going two that party.
SOLLUX: you have to get me iin.
KARKAT: DID YOU NOT HEAR LITERALLY ANY OF WHAT I JUST SAID?
SOLLUX: ii do not care about any of your 2tupiid iimmature b2.
SOLLUX: fef2 gonna be there and you know 2he2 been leaviing me on read all week 2iince 2he 2aw me wiith AA.
SOLLUX: iim a dude there2 no way were gettiing iinto a frat wiithout your guy lettiing u2 iin.
KARKAT: NO. JUST NO.
KARKAT: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE THE EXTENT TO WHICH THIS WOULD DESTROY ME IN MY BATTLE TO THE EGO DEATH AGAINST STRIDER? HE JUST WANTS ME TO GO SO HE CAN PISS ALL OVER ME IN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS. METAPHORICALLY.
KARKAT: THIS WOULD BE EFFECTIVELY EQUIVALENT TO HAVING STRIDER STUFF MY MORAL HIGH GROUND RIGHT UP MY ASS, AND THEN LETTING HIM PISS ON IT FOR EXTRA GOOD MEASURE AS IT DRIPS BACK OUT.
KARKAT: IT’S SOCIAL SUICIDE.
SOLLUX: youre liiterally 2o gro22.
SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 so embarra22iing ii don’t under2tand how you have any friiend2 when you 2ay 2hiit liike thiis.
SOLLUX: ii don’t even care iif you 2tay you just have two get me iin.
SOLLUX: but iit2 2uppo2ed two be liike the biigest party of the 2eme2ter.
KARKAT: NO. THAT’S FINAL.
SOLLUX: there2 going two be lot2 of baddiies there.
SOLLUX: iill wiingman you.
KARKAT: NO.
SOLLUX: iill help you wiith your programmiing homework.
SOLLUX: a2 iif ii havent notiiced you procra2tiinatiing on iit iin order two overachiieve iin cla22e2 that are completely iiirrelevant to your major.
…Ok, that’s actually pretty useful.
KARKAT: FUCK. I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M GOING TO AGREE TO THIS. IN A COUPLE OF HOURS I AM GOING TO REGRET THIS; I JUST KNOW IT.
KARKAT: I WILL GET YOU IN, IF YOU AGREE TO MY CONDITIONS.
KARKAT: 1. YOU MUST WINGMAN ME SO SUCCESSFULLY THAT BY THE END OF THE PARTY MY SOCIAL POPULARITY WILL ECLIPSE THAT OF YOU AND STRIDER COMBINED.
KARKAT: 2. YOU WILL HELP ME WITH MY PROGRAMMING HOMEWORK WHENEVER I NEED IT FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH.
SOLLUX: best ii can do ii2 the homework plu2 ii will try two get you a 2ingular 2mooch.
KARKAT: WHATEVER. FINE. I’M GOING TO THE LIBRARY NOW, SO THAT I DON’T WASTE THE ENTIRE DAY ON OTHER PEOPLE’S BULLSHIT. I WILL BE BACK AT 10, AND WE WILL GO THEN. HAVE FUN WALLOWING IN THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR OWN ROMANTIC INEPTITUDE UNTIL THEN.
****
Karkat and Sollux turn down to the street where the brownstone housing the fraternity is. The entire block is filled with drunk students, at least half of which probably don’t even go to their school. Karkat certainly doesn't recognize any of these people. Intoxicated chatter fills the block, punctuated by the occasional shriek or whoop. Sloppy makeouts have unfortunately already begun in the line.
SOLLUX: fef2 probably already iin2iide
SOLLUX: where2 your guy? can you text hiim?
KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE HIS CHUMHANDLE.
SOLLUX: wtf? then how are we goiing two get iin? the liine2 down the block.
KARKAT: I DIDN’T EVEN THINK I WAS GOING TO COME UNTIL YOU FORCED ME TO. AND I’M JUST HERE TO WATCH YOU STRIKE OUT AGAIN WITH A CHICK WHO FINALLY CAME TO HER SENSES AND REALIZED SHE’S COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
KARKAT: EVEN I CAN’T ROOT FOR YOU IN THIS.
SOLLUX: ii would have thii2 all under control iif you could just get us iin two the FUCKIING party.
SOLLUX: were gonna push through two get two the bouncer.
They push through the crowd, Sollux leading the way. At some point a fratty looking guy waving his arms about accidentally spills some of his drink on Karkat, prompting an outburst.
KARKAT: WHAT THE HELL. YOU’RE NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO DRINK ON THE STREET YOU IDIOT. THE FACT THAT YOU’RE HIDING IT IN A PAPER BAG ISN’T FOOLING ANYMMFFFFFFFFF
Sollux clamps a hand over Karkat’s face, dragging him away.
SOLLUX: 2top beiing anal iin front of the bouncer.
SOLLUX: your viibe2 are 2o ranciid iits a wonder youve ever gotten iin anywhere.
The bouncer looks up at the two of them after they finish pushing to the front, indicating to Sollux there’s no way they’re getting in unless they bring a few girls. Karkat watches Sollux argue with the bouncer, arms crossed in front of himself, selfishly hoping they don’t get let in. The arm of his sweater is soaked and everything smells like beer and sweat. He’s getting elbowed left and right and is feeling the beginnings of a headache setting in behind his left eyebrow. He’s contemplating whether going to this party is even worth it to not have to deal with a mopey Sollux for the next week when he feels an arm on his shoulder.
DAVE: yo man you made it come on in
DAVE: bring your angry boyfriend too
DAVE: god the two of you make a pair
SOLLUX: iif you thiink were together you miight actually be dumber than even KK made you out two be.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. THAT’S MY ROOMMATE YOU PRESUMPTUOUS TOOL. AND THIS PARTY TOTALLY SUCKS. SO IF YOU CAN GET YOUR HAND OFF ME, I’M GOING TO GO GET SUFFICIENTLY WASTED SO THAT I CAN ACTUALLY TOLERATE A FEW HOURS IN THIS TRASH HEAP.
Dave stares at Karkat in silence, Karkat feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. What the fuck is wrong with him, is this some intimidation tactic or something? A few seconds past when the awkwardness sets in, Dave starts to giggle like a maniac.
DAVE: dude youre even funnier when im blazed we have got to meet this way more often
DAVE: lets go get you guys schwasted
Directly inside the townhouse is a “bar” area on which there sits a few huge buckets of what Karkat can only guess is some kind of disgusting alcoholic beverage.
DAVE: so what can i get for my esteemed guests
DAVE: i am hospitable as fuck so let me offer you a selection of our finest beverages
DAVE: we got
DAVE: jungle juice
DAVE: and
DAVE: more jungle juice
Dave devolves into a fit of giggles once again, Karkat and Sollux giving each other a resigned glance before filling up a cup with the punch. Karkat takes a tentative sip before coughing uncontrollably.
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT
KARKAT: IT JUST TASTES LIKE RUBBING ALCOHOL, THAT A FRUIT FARTED VAGUELY IN THE DIRECTION OF.
DAVE: uh i mean they didnt have a huge budget left after paying me slightly over minimum wage for this
DAVE: you know im very in demand these days
DAVE: everyone wants a piece of strider all fucking day im having to turn down requests left and right cause i just got so much on my plate
DAVE: its so exhausting having to choose who deserves the honor of some undivided time with yours truly
DAVE: tragic even
DAVE: youre lucky youre so charming vantas otherwise youd have to survive the infinitely sad fate of a night without getting to see my handsome face
DAVE: anyways i think the drinks just everclear and coolaid
KARKAT: FUCK.
KARKAT: WELL THEN AT LEAST IT’LL GET ME DRUNK ENOUGH TO SURVIVE A NIGHT LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC.
SOLLUX: yea iim not dealiing wiith you two
SOLLUX: dave do you know iif feferii2 here
DAVE: damnnnn bro youre lookin for fef?
DAVE: you got more rizz than i expected
DAVE: she’s already on the dancefloor in the basement
SOLLUX: iim out of here
As Sollux leaves, Dave settles against the bar next to Karkat, lowering his voice so Karkat has to lean in to hear him.
DAVE: yo but bro for real im so glad you came
DAVE: ive been feelin hells of weird about earlier but it seems it didnt bother you too much
DAVE: i gotta go let in a few more friends and then im up but
DAVE: bro my sick beats are gonna blow your motherfucking mind tonight you dont have any idea whats coming for you
DAVE: but just like
DAVE: forget about everything i said earlier and have fun tonight
DAVE: later homie
What the fuck? Of course Karkat’s upset about what happened earlier, but he wasn’t going to bring it up until Sollux left and now he’s all alone and pissed off that he didn’t get a chance to chew Dave out. Although, on second thought, it might be better to wait until they’re both sober, if only because he wants Dave to remember just how badly he’s going to get his ass handed to him. Glancing around, Karkat can feel a low level of anxiety starting to build up. Is anyone looking at him, noticing he’s by himself? It doesn’t look to be the case yet, but he still busies himself with refilling his cup before heading out to look for Sollux before Dave starts and the dance floor descends into chaos.
****
He finally finds Sollux in a corner, staring into his phone.
KARKAT: HEY. DID YOU FIND HER.
SOLLUX: yea but 2he2 avoiidiing me.
SOLLUX: took one look at me and iimmediiately looked away 2o...
SOLLUX: whatever let2 just go home.
KARKAT: FUCK NO.
SOLLUX: 2ay2 the guy who diidnt even want two come here.
KARKAT: YEAH. BUT NOW I’VE COME ALL THE WAY HERE, AND DRANK TWO OF THESE DISGUSTING JUICES, FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING SURE YOU WOULDN’T SPEND THE WHOLE NIGHT MOPING AROUND.
KARKAT: AND YET, LOOK! DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS TO BE AN AWESOME BRO, YOU ARE STILL MOPING. GODDAMN UNGRATEFUL. I’LL BE DAMNED IF I HAVE TO BOTH COME TO THIS PARTY AND DEAL WITH YOUR POUTY ASS ALL WEEK.
KARKAT: SO WE ARE GOING TO GET SLOSHED, AND FORGET ALL ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING GIRL PROBLEMS.
KARKAT: AND THEN, TOMORROW, WE WILL DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT ONCE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER, AFTER A GREAT NIGHT OF PARTYING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. IS THAT CLEAR?
SOLLUX: ew it2 2o criinge when you try two be niice.
KARKAT: STOP BEING BITTER. YOU ARE GOING TO GET ANOTHER DRINK, AND PARTY WITH ME, UNTIL THE MAGIC OF OUR BROMANCE TAKES A GIANT RAINBOW SHIT ON YOUR PROBLEMS.
KARKAT: PLUS YOU STILL OWE ME YOUR WINGMAN SKILLS TONIGHT.
SOLLUX: whatever KK.
Karkat and Sollux chug down one more drink and… yeah he’s starting to feel it. This night might actually be going better than he expected. Now that he’s drunk enough to have forgotten most of his anger at Dave, he’s starting to think some suspiciously heartwarming thoughts about this night. Despite being roommates, Karkat and Sollux haven’t been hanging out as much as usual this semester, and Karkat’s determined to remind him how much fun they used to have.
Getting down to the middle of the dance floor, they watch as Dave steps out beside the turntables and begins his set. Everyone is screaming and Karkat lightly bounces next to Sollux as the music begins, letting the beat wash over him and empty his mind. Normally, it feels like his brain is running a million miles a minute all the fucking time, just a constant internal monologue berating himself and everyone around him for just about everything. But at a party like this, it’s as if everything is working together to drown out the voice in his head. The lights, the pounding music, the floaty haze from the alcohol, the push and pull of the people around him, all moving in synchronized rhythm. It feels like so much work to think about anything other than exactly what is happening at the moment.
Mr. Brightside comes on and Karkat and Sollux have their hands around each other’s shoulders, screaming lyrics at each other and leaping up and down, falling into a huddle of laughter as the song finishes. Karkat turns back to look up at Dave on stage. At first glance Karkat had thought Dave looked fairly average, skin so pale under the bright fluorescent lights of the classroom, his harsh blush impossible to hide even under the sunglasses, hair covering most of his forehead and baggy hoodies obfuscating his lithe body. It was as if he was trying way too hard to project an aura of coolness while simultaneously hiding as much of his face and body as physically possible. But it’s different now. He seems more lively, strong. Karkat had noticed Dave’s big arms earlier at the coffee shop, and again he finds himself drawn to watching them as Dave works the turntables. He lightly bounces from one foot to the other, his hair floating up and down, and Karkat imagines how soft it must be. Dave may be a giant ass, but it’s finally starting to make sense why he’s so popular. In the right environment, the guy is fucking pretty.
Karkat looks over to Sollux and… huh? He’s nowhere to be found. Fucking hell, Karkat is not sober enough to deal with this shit again. There’s people everywhere and it’s borderline impossible to move in the crowd, so Sollux must not have gotten too far. Jumping to look over the heads of the crowd, he finally finds spots Sollux swapping spit with what looks like the hipster final boss - complete with thick round glasses, a purple streak through his hair, and a fucking scarf in a sweltering hot fraternity basement. He’s a bit surprised, Sollux never told him he was bi before. But he supposes it’s kind of the default in his friend group at this point.
But what the fuck? Wasn’t this supposed to be a bros night? They were going to talk over this shit tomorrow, figure out the situation, and here Sollux is making it all about a thousand times more complicated. Karkat had been genuinely excited by the prospect of spending a night between just the two of them, like they used to at the beginning of college, to feel like he wasn’t always just Sollux’s nth choice if all his other options weren’t available. And yet here he was, choosing to make out with a stranger that he was sure to hate the moment he wasn’t drunk out of his mind rather than spend a night with Karkat. Realistically, Karkat knows this wasn’t the right way to think about it, that Sollux is probably just hurt and confused and acting out, but who gives a fuck about being fair! Sollux has been blowing him off to flirt for months, and Karkat's spent the last few days trying harder and harder to shove down the sinking suspicion that Sollux is starting to get tired of him. And now he's been ditched by his friend at a party he didn't even want to go to, with no one else who he knows, looking around to make sure nobody notices the loser who doesn’t have anyone to dance with and… fuck! Wasn’t the whole appeal of getting drunk to turn off thoughts like these?
Well, clearly the only option here is to get way more drunk. Karkat dodges jumping bodies and swinging arms until he gets back to the bar. He fills up his cup and chugs it down once… twice… three times… there we go. It’s almost immediate, the dulling of his thoughts. Who even gives a shit about Sollux? There is some awesome fucking music and a hot guy on stage, and Karkat will be damned if he misses one more moment of it because of his stupid feelings. Suddenly he’s jumping, screaming nonsense that vaguely resembles half-remembered song lyrics, people are cheering him on as he lets himself go but he barely even notices, so wound up in the moment as faces and songs and lights and time itself blurs together, all his senses completely overwhelmed and his mind so blissfully empty.
But after what feels like almost no time at all, the music stops, the lights come on, and everyone is moving. Where? Why? His ears are ringing and the room is spinning and suddenly it's as if all the euphoria he felt before is replaced by overwhelming loneliness. He feels like he’s going to cry, like he’s going to fall over, like he’s going to be sick and it's all just too much. He lets himself stumble to the floor, covers his face with his knees to block out the blinding light, covers his ears with his arms and curls himself up. He just needs a minute. Just a minute to hold himself together until the world stops moving quite so fast.