Archive of Our Own ^beta

The last couple of months of Eddie’s life felt like a deep, dark pit he might not ever emerge from.

Not only did he blow up his relationship with Marisol, but he traumatized his son and drove him away, into the arms of his parents. He’s proven to everyone that he’s exactly the failure they always told him he was. He tried punishing himself, and denying himself any small moment of joy in his day to day life. He tried running from his failings, hiding himself away behind a thick mustache and avoiding his reflection in every mirror he walked past.

Logically, he knew that none of these things provided any sort of resolution to the mess he’d found himself in. Christopher wouldn’t get the vague sense that his father was suffering back home in L.A and decide to go home. He wouldn’t see a picture of his dad with a mustache and think “maybe he’s changed, maybe I can go home now.” None of what Eddie’s been doing would fix things with Christopher, but truth be told Eddie was just trying not to drown in the confusion and self hatred that’s been bubbling inside of him these past several months.

When Father Brian told him to allow himself to feel joy, to work on making himself better so he could earn the forgiveness he so badly wanted… Eddie felt for the first time since that awful moment in his living room, with Kim and Marisol and Christopher, like maybe his world wasn’t ending. Maybe he could work through this. He had failed Christopher then, but he didn’t have to continue failing him.

So he started seeing Frank again, once a week.

He probably should’ve been seeing Frank all along, but then there were a lot of things Eddie should have been doing that he just wasn’t. The point was that he was trying now, and he would keep working through this until he was worthy to be Christopher’s father again. He wouldn’t give up, he couldn’t. Being a good father to Christopher is the single most important thing in the world to him. So, therapy it is.

It had been going well, despite how hard it’s been. There had been so much hurt and confusion tangled up inside of Eddie for so long that he didn’t know how to loosen the knot, how to begin unravelling it all. With Frank’s help he’d managed to get a couple of loose strands free, feeling a flood of relief as things became clearer, made more sense. It was like something that had been constricting his heart and his lungs was slowly letting go, each pull from Frank making it just a little bit easier to breathe. Then there were other times. Frank would tug and poke and prod at the wrong end of the knot and Eddie would walk out of his appointment, thoughts and emotions just as tangled up as they were when he’d walked in, the only difference being the newly frayed ends of his overwhelmed threads.

He’d already been seeing Frank again for several weeks when he stumbled out of his office one day after an appointment, mind flooded with thoughts of failed relationships and dead wives and ghosts. All he wanted was to go home, have a beer, and forget about the things they covered in this session. At least for a couple of hours. As he made his way through rows of cars in the small parking lot, he spotted a familiar vehicle. Upon further inspection he realized it wasn’t just a familiar vehicle, but a familiar driver.

Maddie Buckley was sitting in the front seat, crying.

Eddie frowned. What was she doing here? He supposes he could guess. He knew at some point after what happened with Doug she had seen Frank for a while. He didn’t know she was still seeing him. Based on how distraught she was, he thought it was probably good for her to have someone to talk to. He watched as she wiped furiously at her eyes with a tissue clutched in her hand, shaking with sobs.

He wondered if Buck knew she was here, if he knew she was struggling like this. She’s one of the most important people in the world to him, everyone knew it. He wouldn’t want her to suffer alone.

Before he could think it through, Eddie was crossing the small distance towards her parked car and rapping gently at her car window. He watched as she jumped in her seat, head whipping to face him with wide, red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. She quickly rolled down her window, head tilting with confusion.

“Eddie?” Her voice was thick and wet, and Eddie felt a pang in his chest. He wasn’t close with Maddie, despite his close relationship with Buck and his friendship with her husband. In fact, he doesn’t know if the two of them had ever spoken one-on-one before. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to approach her like this. She might not want anyone to see her in this state, especially not someone she doesn’t know very well. Still, Eddie wants to make sure she’s okay.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just saw you crying and wanted to check on you, " he told her honestly, not seeing any benefit to beating around the bush.

“Oh,” she glanced down, avoiding his eyes, “I’m fine. Just talked about a lot of stuff during my appointment earlier and I’m… processing, I guess.” She gave a small laugh, sounding a little self deprecating to Eddie’s ears. Eddie’s appointment was an hour long. How long had Maddie been sitting out here? Had she been crying the whole time? His brows furrowed as he examined her, taking stock of the pile of crumpled up tissues on her passenger seat.

“You know, I was about to grab something to eat. Always like to have some comfort food after these sessions. You wanna come get lunch with me?” Eddie offered. He was lying about planning on getting food, of course, but he couldn’t just leave Maddie like this. She was clearly struggling and based on the thick streaks of tears streaming down her face when Eddie was approaching her car, she was still feeling very emotional. He’s aware that they’re virtually strangers but she’s Buck’s sister, Chimney’s wife. She’s family. Not to mention she was a couple of months along into her second pregnancy, meaning her emotions were probably all the more overwhelming.

Really, he wanted to be there for her if he could. She clearly needed it.

He watched as an internal debate played out on her face before she sniffled and nodded slowly. “Okay, yeah. Lunch sounds great. I’m kind of starving, honestly.”

He gave a small encouraging smile and reached in through the car window to open her door from the inside. She unbuckled her seatbelt and slid out of the car to stand next to him before he started off towards his car, just a couple of rows down. They walked in silence, the only sounds between them being the occasional sniffle coming from Maddie. The silence continued during the drive to a nearby diner, following them inside and only broken when they told the waitress their individual orders.

Eddie tapped his fingers on the table, the awkward atmosphere making him antsy, and he hoped the food would be brought out to their table quickly.

“So,” Maddie started, seemingly just as bothered by the quiet that surrounded them as he was, “You’re seeing Frank?” She immediately grimaced at her own words but followed it up quickly with a polite smile.

Eddie nodded and let out a heavy breath, “Yeah, and uh, so are you?”

“Yeah,” she replied with a little nod.

They both fell silent again for several long minutes. Maybe this was a mistake, maybe he’d made her uncomfortable by asking her to come. He wondered how he and Buck could have such a strong connection, understanding each other even without words, but feel like there was an invisible wall standing between him and Maddie now. He knows he can be a little awkward, not great at socializing or becoming acquainted with new people, but he’d sort of thought things would be easier with his best friend’s sister.

“I’ve been talking to him about my pregnancy,” she suddenly blurted, like she couldn’t stop the words from exploding out of her. He met her eyes and saw her sigh, shaking her head to herself. “I had really bad postpartum depression after I gave birth to Jee and I’m really worried it might happen again and I’m just very scared.” As she spoke her big brown eyes began to fill with tears, voice becoming choked and watery.

For a moment they just stared at each other as Eddie tried to think of an appropriate response to what she just told him. Luckily he was spared an extra minute to think as their waitress stopped by their table, dropping off their food.

He knew about her mental health issues after Jee, of course. She’d left her at the firehouse with Ravi and a video message to Chimney saying she had to leave. He remembered thinking he could relate to Chimney on that first day. How Chimney must feel scared, confused, betrayed. But he realized quickly that he couldn’t relate to him, at all. Above everything else Chimney was feeling was heartbreak, fear, and concern. He realized then that his marriage with Shannon was very different from Chimney and Maddie’s, even if he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why. Even if he didn’t want to.

He remembered Chimney following after Maddie, seeing the way he would’ve gone to the ends of the Earth to find her. He remembered Buck’s own heartbreak at being left again, even if he didn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t know the exact details of what happened in her absence but he knew she had at least temporarily sought treatment at a mental health facility. It must’ve been pretty bad.

Eddie watched as Maddie thanked the waitress, turning to her food and taking a big bite. “Oh, thank God,” she said, eyes closed and mouth full, “I was so hungry.” She swallowed, “Pregnancy is no joke. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t starving.”

The silence returned for a moment before Eddie spoke.

“I can’t imagine what you went through in those months after Jee was born, and I wish I could tell you it wouldn’t happen again but obviously I can’t know that. But at least you know, this time. You know that it gets better, that it’s worth pushing through. Chimney knows more now, too. So it might happen and I’m sorry if you have to go through that again, but I know you’ll be okay. You’re a great mom and a strong person. You’ve got this.”

She slowly dropped the hand that was holding her fork, watching him with big eyes. Her bottom lip began to quiver and tears filled her eyes once more. Oh no, did he say something wrong? Maybe he should say something else. He can fix this before it gets out of hand, he just needs to say something.

“Thank you, Eddie. I really needed to hear that. It can be hard to remember, especially when… I don’t always feel like a good mom.” A couple of tears leaked from her eyes. “I left. I missed the first several months of Jee’s life. I abandoned her. What kind of mother does that?” She sounded so heartbroken as she spoke, regret dripping from her words.

Eddie felt a bit more equipped to handle this conversation. After all, he’d left, too.

“I don’t know how much Buck’s told you about me. I left Christopher when he was a baby. I re-enlisted in the military without telling my wife, and left. I told everyone it was to pay the bills but a part of me knew the real reason. I was afraid.” He spoke honestly, feeling like Maddie wouldn’t judge him, not considering what she had just told him.

“I missed the first couple of years of his life. Years. Coming back to him, knowing he didn’t know me? I’m his father. It killed me. I’ve never stopped regretting it, failing him in that way. But you? Maddie, you left because you weren’t healthy enough to take care of Jee during those months and you can’t blame yourself for that. You didn’t fail her. You needed time to make sure you could be her mother in a way that was healthy for both of you, and that’s okay.”

He sat, waiting for a response but she just stared at him from across the table. The silence dragged on and he grew nervous, opening his mouth to continue talking and fill the silence. “Eventually I learned how to be his father and we became really close,” He tried not to think about the fact that Christopher was currently in Texas and probably hated him. “And Shannon, she left Christopher for a couple of years, too. Went years without seeing or speaking to him. But she came back and that kid welcomed her with open arms and an open heart.” He laughed softly to himself at the memory.

“He’s been abandoned by both of us and he’s still the most loving, brightest, warmest, strongest kid I’ve ever known. Despite all the ways I’ve failed him, he’s amazing. I don’t know if I’m a good father or not, but I raised the best kid in the world. That’s what matters most, I think.”

“Jee loves you, doesn’t she?” he asked and Maddie nodded, eyes full of unshed tears, lips pursed in a wobbly pout. “And from what Buck’s told me she’s really funny, and smart, and sweet.” He made sure to look her directly in the eyes for his next sentence, “You’re a good mom, Maddie.”

Tears she’d been holding back poured over her bottom lashes, falling silently down her face. “Thank you, Eddie.” Her voice was wet and cracking, “I don’t know if I can make you understand how nice it is to hear from someone who really gets it.” She let out a little sob.

“Sorry,” she laughed self-deprecatingly, “Hormones. Can’t stop crying these days.” She smiled through the tears and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re allowed to cry. I’m glad I could help in some way. And if you ever need to talk, I’d be more than happy to listen,” he offered with a smile.

“Of course, and same to you! You said you’ve never stopped regretting what happened… If it’s ever bothering you and you want to talk… Well, I’m here. And you know I wouldn’t judge you. We can make a support group,” she joked, but her eyes conveyed how genuine her offer was.

“Thanks, Maddie.” He nodded towards her plate, “Now eat before your food gets cold.”

She smiled and shoved another forkful of food into her mouth.

__

One week later found Eddie walking into Frank’s office for his weekly session, having arrived a couple of minutes early and shoving his phone back into his pocket, grinning at the “Good luck with Frank!” message Buck had sent him. They didn’t talk about it but he would always send some little encouraging message to Eddie right before his appointments. Eddie wished they didn’t make him as happy as they did, feeling a little silly to be beaming down at a couple of little words on a phone screen.

He was so distracted by Buck’s text that he almost ran into Maddie, who was exiting the office lobby just as he was walking in.

“Hey, Maddie! Good to see you,” he greeted with a smile.

“Eddie,” she replied with a sparkling grin, eyes squinted at the corners.

He wasn’t sure why he did it. Maybe he was still worried about her from the week before, or maybe he just enjoyed having time to talk to someone who understood him in a way no one else he’s ever met was able to.

“I don’t know if you’re busy about an hour from now, maybe you’d want to get lunch again?”

Her smile grew even wider and she nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, that sounds great, actually. I’d love to! I can just wait in my car, I have some bills to pay online and calls I can return while I’m waiting for you to be done.”

Eddie gave her a small smile, “Cool, I’ll see you in an hour.” He was excited that she’d said yes, realizing that he’d been a little worried she wouldn’t want to. Eddie doesn’t have a great track record with making new friends and Maddie is already part of the extended family of the 118 so it felt even more important that she liked him. Her friendly and bright demeanor reminded him of Buck, like a golden retriever puppy who was just excited to have someone talking to them. He walked into his appointment with a pep in his step, only slightly drained out of him by the end of his session with Frank.

Talking about Christopher’s absence and his failed relationships always left his mind running a million miles per hour, while somehow completely lacking the energy required to make sense of his thoughts. It was like running and running until his lungs gave out and his legs shook. By the end of it his heart was pounding, adrenaline rushing through him but his body overworked to the point of exhaustion. He once explained this to Frank who said it was normal to feel that way. After all, therapy was sort of like a workout for your brain, and it’ll get easier the more you work at it.

He quickly found Maddie’s car in the parking lot, seeing her squinting at her phone through the window. He knocked gently and watched her jump in surprise, head snapping towards him with eyes the size of dinner plates. She narrowed them at him as she rolled down her window, scolding “Eddie Diaz, you scared the life out of me! I’m pregnant, you know? How would you feel if you gave a pregnant woman a heart attack?”

He laughed and opened the door for her, watching as she pocketed her phone and jumped out to follow him to his car. There was no awkward silence this time, seeming to have become a lot more comfortable with each other after their lunch together the previous week.

“So, you seem to be doing a lot better after your session this week than last week,” he offered as they got in his car and began heading for the same diner from before.

“Yeah, honestly, I’m feeling a lot more hopeful this week. Talking to you before really helped. I wanted to thank you again.” Her voice was soft and kind, eyes shining happily. “What about you? Your appointment go okay?”

In other circumstances the question might seem like overstepping but considering the nature of their run-ins and their discussion last week, it felt okay. Eddie supposed part of the comfortability he felt towards such a personal question may be because she’s an older sister. Her words had no air of judgement or nosiness, just care and curiosity. He wasn’t about to divulge the details of what he’d talked about with Frank to her but he felt comfortable enough to talk about it a little.

“It’s been hard. Talking about Christopher isn’t easy but I know it helps. I feel better now than I did before, when I wasn’t talking about it at all.”

“Christopher… he’s in Texas, right?” she asked hesitantly. He glanced over at her from the driver seat, wondering how she knew. “Buck told me. Not everything, just that he’s staying with your parents and you wish he was home.” Her voice was gentle, soothing Eddie’s instinct to completely shut down the conversation.

He cleared his throat, “Uh, yeah. I messed up, upset him. Badly. He doesn’t trust me, or want to be around me. So he’s with my parents.” His heart ached as he spoke, the words like ash in his mouth. A part of him still couldn’t believe it was real, that Christopher wasn’t waiting for him at home, playing video games and ignoring the homework in his school bag. He’s gone.

“I’m so sorry, Eddie. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.” He looked over to her as he parked in front of the diner, finding her staring at him with an earnest sadness in her eyes. “At least you have Frank and Buck you can talk to about it, right?”

Eddie grimaced at the dash of his car and sighed, “Well, no.”

He pushed his door open and climbed out of the car, waiting for Maddie before heading inside. They didn’t speak again until they were seated with their menus.

“What do you mean, ‘no’?” she asked, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Do you not feel like you can talk to Buck about this? I know he’s not technically part of your family but the way he’s always talked about Chris… I know he misses him. And he’s your best friend, I’m sure he’d want to support you.”

Eddie shook his head, “I just… can’t. I mean, Christopher has always been a huge part of our relationship and now that he’s gone it’s like there’s a hole somewhere between us. A gap. We’re still our same old selves around each other, we just… don’t talk about Christopher.” He stared down at the table in front of him, avoiding meeting her gaze. “I don’t know, I feel like I disappointed him and I hate it. Not to mention… They’d always been so close and I messed it up for both of them. It’s my fault there’s a distance between them. I know it’s selfish but I don’t want to face that.”

“Eddie,” she gently admonished, reaching out and grabbing one of his hands over the table. “There’s no way you don’t know how much Buck loves you and Christopher. Everyone knows it. He would want to be there for you, to talk to you about him and what happened. And I know I can’t say what happened isn’t your fault because I don’t know what happened, but I know that Buck would forgive you even if it was.” Her tone was kind but resolute, staring him down like she was trying to force Eddie to absorb what she was saying. “You guys both love him, and you both miss him. So do it together.”

He shuffled around uncomfortably in his seat. He wanted to believe what she was saying but it was difficult. He felt so guilty for everything that’s happened, felt so much anger and hatred for himself over it all, he couldn't imagine that Buck wouldn’t be feeling the same way. But then again, Buck has always been better than him. Kinder, warmer, with a bigger heart and more belief in Eddie than Eddie’s ever had. Could it be possible that Maddie was right? She has known Buck his entire life. Aside from himself, she was the person in the world who knew Buck best.

He finally looked up at her, finding her heavy gaze still trained on him from across the table. He nodded, “Thank you, Maddie.” He couldn’t promise that he would talk to Buck about what happened but he wanted her to know how much he appreciated her kindness.

She smiled knowingly and patted his hand before pulling hers back to pick up her forgotten menu. “I’m here for you if you ever need to talk, Eddie.”

He believed her.

“So…” she started with a mischievous grin on her face, “Relationship?”

He looked at her puzzled for a minute before it dawned on him and his face burned, hot and red, blood rushing to his cheeks. “W-what? No. We’re just friends, Maddie.”

“Okayyy,” she dragged out, clearly not believing him, sending him a look that was equal parts amused and knowing.

“Don’t do that.”

“I’m not doing anything,” she defended, smile still pulling at the corners of her lips.

He points at her accusatory, “That right there, that look! I know that, I’ve done it to my little sisters. Quit it.”

“What’s the look then? If you know so well?” she quizzed him, brows raised in amusement.

“It means you think I-” He thinks about all the times he teased his little sisters for their obvious crushes when they were younger. He was sure Maddie could feel the heat burning in his cheeks from where she sat across from him.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, staring down at the menu in his hands.

She laughed.

__

As Eddie is walking into his appointment the following week he sees Maddie walking out, brows drawn together and mouth turned down in a frown. She walked past him without even glancing in his direction, seeming lost in thought.

“Hey, Maddie!” he called after her, feeling concern for the woman he’s been slowly getting to know over the last few weeks. She turned to look at him and he could see dried tear tracks down her cheeks. She told him the pregnancy hormones had been making her cry a lot lately but he felt his worry grow regardless. “Lunch?”

She stared at him expressionless for a moment before slowly nodding. Eddie had never seen her so sullen before. Even when she was crying or worried, she always found a way to smile or crack a joke. The serious expression on her face now had him briefly considering cancelling his appointment to make sure she wasn’t alone in this state, but before he could consider it too seriously she sighed and said “I’ll be in my car.”

His appointment passed by like most others, both relieving and exhausting. By the end of it he felt like a mop that had been wrung out all over Frank’s office, limp and sore. He told Frank about his conversation with Maddie the week before, about considering opening up to Buck about Christopher’s absence and why he felt so afraid to talk to him in the first place. He commended Eddie on acknowledging the possibility that the hatred he feels towards himself wasn’t shared with Buck.

It felt nice, until the conversation steered back towards Kim and why he’d done what he’d done. Frank spent the rest of the hour tugging at the threads of Eddie’s tangled up feelings, making him feel something that could only be described as emotional motion sickness.

He dragged himself out of Frank’s office at the end of his session, anxious to get out of this building and forget about his feelings for another week. He made his way out into the parking lot and saw Maddie sitting in the front seat of her car, staring blankly out her windshield. Eddie frowned. For the first time, she saw him coming as he walked over and jumped out of the car before he could get to it.

“So… Lunch?” she asked, hands twiddling in front of her anxiously.

Eddie nodded and gestured towards his car, following behind as she hurried over to it.

The drive was mostly silent as he contemplated what to say to her. Should he ask how she’s doing? If something is wrong? Does he try to distract her from whatever was clearly weighing on her mind?

“Thank you,” she spoke up from beside him, quietly. “For this, today. I’m grateful, really.”

“Maddie… Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” He gripped tighter to the steering wheel, nervously.

It was silent for a moment and he considered telling her to forget he asked.

“It’s the anniversary of… The day Doug kidnapped me.”

Eddie felt his heart skip a beat in his chest as he pulled into a parking space, turning off the car.

“It’s always a little difficult, every year on this day. This year it’s just a bit harder because of the pregnancy hormones and the stress. It’s just getting to me a little bit.”

“I’m so sorry that you went through that, Maddie.” Eddie wasn’t really sure what to say. He wanted to comfort her but he’s never been in any situation like the one she’d been in with Doug, and he’s never dealt with the heightened emotions that come along with being pregnant. He wished he could do something more to help soothe how she must be feeling.

She nodded and stepped out of the car, the two of them heading somberly into their usual diner.

They ordered and began eating in a comfortable but heavy silence, and Eddie hoped that at least his company would be able to provide some comfort for his friend. He heard a light clink as Maddie set down her fork, watching Eddie.

“I’m just grateful Howie survived, you know?” she said quietly. “That I still have him.”

Eddie looked up at her, seeing how she stared off into the distance, lost in thought. “You know when you’re young, just a high school kid, and you fall in love… You think you’ll get married and live happily ever after, but you wake up one day years later married to this person and… it’s nothing like you thought it would be.” She huffed a laugh, “You realize how stupid you were.”

Eddie chuckled quietly at that, “Yeah, another thing we have in common, I guess.”

She aimed a sad smile in his direction, “I heard about what happened with Shannon from Buck. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“It’s okay..” He looked across the table to Maddie’s kind brown eyes and couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of him, “I still miss her but… For a long time, I convinced myself that she was the love of my life but I’ve been talking about it with Frank and… She wasn’t. She had been my best friend and she’s Christopher’s mother. I’ll always love her for that. But it’s just not what I’ve been telling myself it was. We only got married because she was pregnant, and our marriage never worked. Even when she came back into my and Christopher’s life… She asked for a divorce. Right before she died. We were never meant to be together.”

She reached across the table and squeezed one of his hands, gently. “Hey, this just means you have a Howie of your own waiting to run off into the sunset with you.”

His lips pouted as he scrunched up his nose, “Gross.”

“Hey,” she said defensively and they both laughed, “I’m telling him you said that!”

__

Maddie had taken to sending Eddie messages off and on throughout the week between their post-therapy lunches. Sometimes it was an encouraging little message, or a picture of Jee and Chimney, or even memes she found online. Eddie wasn’t a big fan of texting but he never failed to respond to her, too endeared by the fact that she was thinking of him to ignore her. It was nice to have a new friend, especially one who was already enmeshed into his family unit. He found he liked the way she tended to big-sister him and occasionally even saw his own sisters in her teasing, jokes, and tears.

Eddie was sitting on his couch with Buck, sipping on a bottle of beer and watching some comedy that Buck had sworn he’d love (he was right but don’t tell Buck, he’d acted all grumpy about it and didn’t want to admit defeat) when he received another message from Maddie. He opened the text to see a TikTok of a young girl holding a baby doll, Reba’s “I’m A Survivor” playing in the background, with text that read “older siblings raising their little siblings”.

The message read: It’s us !! lol

He snorted and bit back a smile, texting back quickly.

Another thing we have in common! lol

“Who are you talking to?” Buck’s voice floated over to him across the couch. Eddie looked up to see beautiful blue eyes watching him curiously.

“Your sister,” he replied casually, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“Wait, what?” Buck’s eyebrows were pinched together with confusion, head cocked to the side. Eddie felt his heart swell slightly as he realized how much Buck looked like a puppy when he was confused. He caught himself staring and shook his head, clearing the thought away.

“We’ve sorta been hanging out lately, after therapy. We go on the same day every week. We have a lot in common actually, and it’s been nice to talk with her about some stuff.” Eddie explained lamely.

Buck’s brows raised slightly in surprise. “That’s… I mean, that’s great! I’m glad you guys get along so well.”

Eddie could tell there was something else he wasn’t saying.

“And...?”

“I just… Are you guys okay? I worry about you, you know and I just-”

“We’re both okay, Buck,” Eddie interjected softly. He should’ve known Buck would be worried, he’s always worried.

He thought for another minute about what Maddie told him before, about how Buck would want to be there for him with all the Christopher stuff. He was still afraid that Buck was mad at him, or maybe even hated him on some level, but he really wanted to be able to talk about this with him. Wanted the specific brand of comfort that only Buck offered, the way he was able to make everything better no matter how hopeless it seemed or how lost Eddie felt. Introducing him to Carla, patching holes in walls, literally saving his life over and over…

Eddie took a deep, shaky breath.

“Actually, there was something I kind of wanted to talk to you about.”

He paused, trying to ignore the creeping fear that this would drag up feelings that Buck had been pushing down, that Buck wouldn’t be able to deny his anger anymore and would finally walk out of Eddie’s life forever. His eyes found Buck’s, seeing gentle concern in them and feeling some of his fear melt away. 

He swallowed roughly.

“I wanted to talk to you about Christopher.”

He watched, waiting for Buck’s expression to change. To see him become angry, or annoyed, or even shut down - but he didn’t. His face didn’t change from the soft worry he’d seen before. Eddie felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest.

Of course.

Eddie felt like an idiot.

Of course, Buck wouldn’t hate him. Of course, he would only be worried, how could Eddie have ever thought otherwise?

He pulled his eyes away from Buck’s face, trying to get a hold of his emotions before he cried in front of him.

“I hate myself for what I did, Buck. Hate myself for hurting him that way, for ruining our relationship, for losing him. For making you two lose each other. I’m so sorry and so hurt and so angry, and it’s all my own fault. And I don’t know how to fix it if I even can.” The words feel heavy in his mouth. “I miss him, all the time, and I feel like I deserve it. Deserve to be miserable.”

He quickly glanced back in Buck’s direction, finding blue eyes staring back at him, wide and sad.

“Eddie,” he started softly, like there was something fragile about this moment, and he was afraid to break it. “You didn’t do any of that on purpose. You tried ending things with her, you told her to leave. What happened sucked, yeah, but you tried to stop it. God, please don’t hate yourself for that. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve to be hated or to be miserable.”

He paused for a moment and Eddie squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to keep from crying.

“I miss him, too. Of course, I do. Who wouldn’t? He’s the best kid in the world. But he won’t be gone forever. He’s coming home, Eddie. I know he will.” Buck sounded so sure, and Eddie wished so badly that he could feel the same.

“How do you know?” He hated how thick his voice sounded, wet with unshed tears.

“Because you’re the best Dad in the world, Eddie. Something complicated happened and you both got hurt in the process. That doesn’t make you a bad Dad.” Eddie shook his head, Buck was too nice - too generous. He was wrong. Eddie was a horrible father, he knew it.

Buck reached over and grabbed Eddie’s chin, turning him to face his direction. Their eyes locked and Eddie took a shaky breath at the intensity he saw in them.

“ The best Dad in the world, Eddie. The best. I promise you that. And Christopher knows it, too. He loves you, and he’s coming home. He just needs time.” Buck dropped his hand from Eddie’s chin to his shoulder.

“I’ll be here every day until he does. Whenever you need me.”

Eddie swallowed harshly around the lump in his throat and nodded minutely, lips pursed.

He reached up and grabbed Buck’s hand in his, interlocking their fingers and rubbing his thumb across the back of Buck’s. He turned to face forward again, eyes falling unfocused on the movie they’ve been neglecting, thoughts full of BuckandChrisBuckandChrisBuckandChris.

He leaned his head to the right, resting it on Buck’s shoulder and sighing softly when he felt Buck lean down and press a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“You’re amazing, Eddie,” he murmured against Eddie’s head before placing another gentle kiss into his hair.

It felt so intimate, so warm, lighting something up inside of Eddie and making his breath catch in his throat. He wished he could keep Buck this close forever, wished he could stitch them together where they were pressed up against each other and never have to live without the warmth of Buck’s presence again.

__

Eddie knocked on the solid wooden door in front of him, resituating the box in his hands as he waited. And waited. Maybe he should’ve called ahead.

Finally, the door swung open revealing a confused Chimney.

“Eddie? Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah. I just… was hoping to talk to Maddie. Is she home?” He shifted on his feet nervously. He definitely should’ve called ahead. He’d tried to ignore the tangle of thoughts and feelings in his head all morning but he broke sometime after lunch, grabbing his keys and darting out the front door before he could fully think it through.

So he’s panicking a little, sue him.

Chimney’s eyes raked him up and down, taking stock of his nervous posture and the box in his hands before stepping to the side to let Eddie in.

“You know, Maddie told me you guys had been hanging out recently. I guess I just didn’t realize you were drop-by-unannounced-when-you’re-freaking-out-about-something friends.”

“I’m not freaking out,” Eddie said defensively before he fully processed what Chimney just said. “I-if it’s a bad time, I can leave. I-”

“No, no. It’s okay. Really, it’s nice that you guys have gotten closer, just- are you okay?”

Eddie avoided Chimney’s eyes as he toed off his shoes and made his way further into the house, spotting Jee playing with some dolls in the living room.

“Yeah, I’m good. I just sort of need to talk.”

Chimney clapped him on the shoulder, “Alright, I’ll grab Maddie then maybe I can make lunch with Jee while you guys talk on the patio? Give you guys some privacy?”

Eddie nodded at him and smiled gratefully. Privacy is good. He did not want Chimney overhearing this conversation.

“Eddie?” Maddie asked, confused as she made her way into the room. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just- uh- wanted to talk,” he lifted the box in his hands up as he spoke, still feeling nervous about coming by without calling.

“Is that wine?” she tilted her head to the side as she asked and Eddie couldn’t help seeing the resemblance to Buck.

“Non-alcoholic,” he chuckled weakly.

Her eyes watered lightly and she hurried across the room to him, giving him a crushing hug over her growing belly. “I love you. You are my new best friend.”

“Sure, non-alcoholic wine guy is your best friend. I’m just the guy who fathered two of your children and married you and is making you your favorite pasta for lunch,” Chimney said with faux annoyance as he picked Jee up in his arms, kissing Maddie on the cheek as he walked past her towards the kitchen.

“Love you!” she called after him with a bright smile.

“Love you, too!” his voice echoed back from the kitchen.

She turned to face Eddie, eyes glimmering with excitement, “Gossip time?”

“It’s not gossip, I just need to talk to you about something that happened. Sort of.”

“Gossip.” she supplied with a grin.

He sighed, “Fine. Gossip.”

She squealed and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him to the patio door. “Howie! My love! Could you maybe bring us two glasses for our wine?” She called sweetly in his direction.

Chimney brought the glasses out as they were sitting down and placed them on the table in front of them.

“Maddie’s pregnant but you are not, Edmundo. Next time, you grab your own glasses,” he lectured lightly before returning to the kitchen.

“Thank you Howie!” Maddie called to his retreating figure.

“Yeah, thank you Howie!” Eddie called teasingly after him, laughing when Chimney flipped him the bird before disappearing back inside.

“So,” Maddie began, already serving herself some of the non-alcoholic wine, “What happened?”

“Well, I took your advice. I talked to Buck about what happened with Christopher and how I’ve been feeling about things,” He began explaining. She took a sip of her wine and watched him over the edge of the glass with wide eyes. “It went really well, I’m really glad I listened to you. It obviously didn’t fix everything but I feel a lot better now.” He finished with a nod.

“Okay…” she trailed off.

They stared at each other for a moment in silence.

“Wait,” A grin started spreading slowly across her face, eyes widening. God, this was a mistake. He already felt humiliated and he hadn’t even said anything yet. “Did something else happen between you two?” She sounded excited and scandalized, taking another long sip of her drink.

“No! I mean, m-mostly no. I don’t know.” He didn’t know how to explain any of what he was feeling. He swallowed roughly, like it would somehow clear all of his confusing thoughts out of the way before he spoke again.

“I’ve never had a friend like Buck before. We spend all of our time together, and we understand each other in a way that no one else does. He’s helped me raise my son, he makes home-cooked meals for us, and he practically lives at my house. I care about him in a way I’ve never cared about anyone before. He makes me feel cared about in a way no one-” He cut himself off, sighing. “It’s hard to put into words… Buck’s more important to me than I can explain.”

Maddie smiled softly at him, humming. “Another thing we have in common,” she joked lightly.

Eddie smiled softly at her, feeling some of his nerves start to settle.

“So what mostly didn’t happen?” she asked, referencing his earlier denial.

He felt himself flush, wondering if this was a good idea. Sure, she’s his friend and they talk more openly about some things than he does with other friends but this… this feels too personal. And she’s Buck’s sister.

Thoughts raced through his mind, shame and a desperation to vent about his feelings going to war with each other inside his head. Finally, the need to get it off his chest won out.

“After we talked… We held hands on my couch.” He muttered, shifting in his seat and avoiding her eyes. “And he kissed me on top of my head.” It’s so stupid. Holding hands is nothing, a little kiss on the head is nothing. He feels childish even bringing it up, really. No one else would even be phased by this, he was aware. Maddie probably had no idea why he even felt like this was something worth talking about. He just couldn’t help it. It felt big, like it carried some deeper meaning. Like it was something serious.

He lifted his gaze to find Maddie watching him with a look he couldn’t read on her face.

“That makes sense. You guys care a lot about each other. I don’t think anyone would be surprised about you two… holding hands,” She said carefully. He felt his cheeks flush red, somehow annoyed that she was picking up on the exact thing he was implying. God, he didn’t want to be talking about this. He just couldn't not talk about it. He clenched his jaw and looked away.

“I’m really glad he has you, Eddie. You’re a really great guy and it’s obvious that you care about him in the same way he cares about you. I think you really deserve each other.” It sounded so much like she was implying something that Eddie wasn’t ready to acknowledge, but he was still happy she said it. Something inside him floated at the knowledge that his best friend’s sister approved of him so strongly. He didn’t want to think about why it mattered.

__

It was around lunch time during a particularly slow day at work when Maddie showed up, a big Tupperware container resting on her round belly, huffing and puffing from the effort it took to get up the loft stairs. She was getting to the point of her pregnancy where anything more than walking was taking impossible amounts of effort.

“Maddie! My beautiful wife, what are you doing here?” Chimney asked happily, striding over to give her a hug and kiss on the cheek.

She beamed at him and lifted up the container she brought. “I made cookies! I thought maybe I’d bring some by and say hello to my husband who I miss so much when I’m at home alone,” she finished with a pout aimed at Chimney, who just explained earlier that Maddie’s baby hormones were making her feel a little lonely lately.

Bobby smiled fondly at them from the kitchen and asked if she was staying for lunch.

“I’d love to! That’s so sweet, thank you,” she sounded thoroughly touched as she accepted, hand pressed over her heart, smiling widely at him.

Eddie came over to where they were standing at the counter and grabbed a cookie out of the container, taking a big bite. He chewed slowly, closing his eyes and savoring the taste.

“Woah, these are good. Is this… apple cinnamon? I love apple cinnamon.” He grabbed another cookie before Buck swatted his hand away and grabbed a cookie of his own.

“Yes! Oh my God, I love apple cinnamon, too!” she replied, excitedly.

They looked at each other and grinned. “Another thing we have in common,” they said at the same time, laughing brightly.

“Oh God, what is this? Does Eddie have some sort of Buckley telepathy? First Buck and now Maddie?” Chimney deadpanned.

Eddie snorted.

“Maddie, are you trying to steal my best friend?” Buck asked, teasingly. Eddie knew him well enough to hear the subtle fear beneath his light tone. Eddie knows Buck can get a little insecure, that he thinks everyone will abandon him eventually.

Maddie stuck her tongue out towards him, Hen and Chimney laughing while Eddie shoved the uneaten half of his cookie in Buck’s mouth.

“You big baby,” he teased, smiling fondly, standing close enough for their shoulders to press together. Buck rolled his eyes but Eddie could see the pleased little smile that he wore as he chewed the soft cookie.

Eddie’s eyes swept over the room, catching Maddie’s watchful gaze trained on the two of them. Her eyes sparkled knowingly, eyebrows raised in silent teasing. His cheeks burned hot, looking away quickly.

Despite knowing she was watching them and occasionally shooting Eddie looks that made him feel transparent and humiliated, he glued himself to Buck’s side for the rest of lunch. Just in case he was still worried about Maddie stealing Eddie away as his best friend. No other reason.

Eddie really wished he believed that.

__

Eddie walked out of his latest appointment with his head spinning, nearly crashing into Maddie just outside the lobby doors.

“Woah! You okay?” She asked, hands holding her belly.

Shit. He forgot they were supposed to be getting lunch right now. His appointment ran a little over the scheduled hour, she was probably just coming to look for him.

“I’m fine, I just… I don’t think I can do lunch today. Sorry, Maddie,” he muttered and stepped around her to head for his car.

“Hey! Eddie, wait up! You can’t speed walk away from a pregnant woman, that’s cheating!” she called towards his back. He slowed to a stop, heaving a big sigh. She was right, it did feel mean to use her pregnancy against her as a means of escape. He just didn’t want to talk right now, he had too much on his mind and his appointment left him feeling frustrated and raw.

“Maddie,” he said apologetically, turned to face her, “I just don’t feel like talking, today was a lot.”

She examined him for a moment thoughtfully before waddling over to the passenger side of his car.

“What are you doing?” he asked, walking after her, “I said I didn’t want to talk today.”

“So don’t. But you seem upset and I don’t want you going home to suffer alone in an empty house.” he opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off, “And besides, maybe I still want to talk. Are you really going to deny your pregnant friend an opportunity to vent about her problems?”

He dropped his shoulders with a sigh, unlocking his car.

“Get in.”

She spends the entire drive to their diner airing out complaints about her different aches and pains, hormones, and exhaustion. At multiple points, her eyes began to water with frustration, and Eddie felt bad that he almost bailed on their lunch together. She obviously needed to talk, and it was honestly helping to distract him from the catastrophe in his head right now.

As they sat at their usual table together she sighed, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. 

“I’ve been scared again lately that I might fail as a mother. That I’ll fail Jee and the new baby and… It’s just really overwhelming. Howie keeps telling me I’m an amazing mother but he’s my husband, he’s sort of obligated to tell me that,” she rolls her eyes with a small smile.

“Hey, you’re a great mom, Maddie. I don’t know if you’ve forgotten but you sort of raised a kid already and he turned out… perfect.” The corners of his lips quirked up, “Buck is so smart, and unbelievably kind, and passionate, and brave. He’s loyal and funny, and so strong. He’s perfect, Maddie, and you raised him. Jee and this new baby? They’re in great hands.”

Silence fell between them as Maddie stared at Eddie, leaving him feeling oddly exposed. Just as he began to shift nervously in his seat, she spoke.

“Another thing we have in common,” she said softly, expression warm.

“Um, yeah, we talked about that already. We both had to do a lot of parenting for our-“

“No, not that,” she cut him off gently. “We both really love Buck, with all our hearts.”

He felt himself blinking rapidly, heartbeat picking up inside his chest. He opened his mouth to protest or change the subject or something but she jumped in quickly before he could.

“We don’t have to talk about it, it can just be what it is. I just wanted you to know I see it. And I love you.”

He tried swallowing but his mouth was too dry. He reached out to grab his glass of water, Maddie continuing on as if nothing happened.

“So the crib we ordered weeks ago finally showed up and it was missing like 9 screws, can you believe that? And-“

He could barely pay attention to what she was saying, trying to calm his racing heart. Hundreds of thoughts were flying through his mind, but one was a little louder than all the rest.

Buck is so lucky to have had an older sister like Maddie.

__

Eddie arrived 15 minutes early to his next appointment with Frank, to give himself time to sit in the car and take some deep breaths before going inside. After last week, he almost canceled this appointment in favor of shutting himself inside and pretending everything was okay.

Unfortunately, he’s grown enough by this point to know that means he really needs to go today.

With one last deep breath, he climbed out of the car and started towards the entrance of the office building. As he drew nearer he noticed a figure crouched on the sidewalk just outside the doors. He furrowed his brow, about to call out and ask if they needed help when he realized it was-

“Maddie?”

She lifted her head up towards him, expression pinched in pain and eyes filled with tears. “Eddie?”

Shit.

He ran towards her and crouched next to her, “What’s going on? Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

Her face screwed up and she nodded sharply, “Yes, pain. Help, please.” Her tone was clipped and voice pitched up with panic.

“C’mere,” he wrapped his arms around her, scooping her up and rushing them both back to his car as quickly as his feet would carry them. She groaned as he set her down in the passenger seat, folding over her rounded belly.

He ran around to the driver's side and jammed his key into the ignition. Despite his experience as an army medic and firefighter, he found his hands slightly trembling.

“Call Howie! Call Howie, please,” her eyes were wild as she slapped at Eddie’s arm.

He nodded, pulling out his phone. It took him twice as long as usual to pull up his contact as he focused on driving, finally bringing the phone up to his ear and listening to it ring.

“Come on, come on…” Eddie muttered to himself, anxiously.

“Hello?”

“Chim! Thank God. You gotta get to Cedars-Sinai, right now. Maddie’s having some serious pain in her abdomen and I’m driving her over there right now. Not seeing any blood, and she’s conscious. It’s a short drive so we’ll get there in just a minute, and I’ll keep you updated. Just hurry.”

“I’m on my way,” Chimney choked into the phone, before hanging up.

Eddie dropped his phone onto his lap as he pulled up to the hospital.

“Not the emergency entrance!” Maddie shouted, “I don’t want to go in alone.” He glanced at her, taking in the scared look in her eyes, and nodded. He found the closest parking space he could to the entrance and ran around to her side of the car to carry her inside.

“Help, please! My friend-- she’s pregnant and she’s in pain!" he called out loudly as they made it through the doors, “She isn’t due for a couple of weeks still, please help.” 

A nurse ran quickly to them with a wheelchair, Eddie setting her gently in it. Before he could step away she reached out and grabbed tightly to his hand. She stared up at him, afraid. “Don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

They were led quickly to a room where Maddie could be examined, checking her vitals and preparing an ultrasound. Eddie pulled out his phone to update Chimney as soon as they were told the baby was okay. He saw he had a couple of missed calls from Buck and quickly called him back.

He answered after only one ring.

“Eddie?” His voice was high and panicked, “How is she? Where are you? How’s the baby? Are you at the hospital yet? I’m with Chimney right now-“

“You’re with Chimney?” He cringed as he realized that was definitely the least important thing to address.

“We’re in the car on our way to the hospital. We’ll be there in maybe 20 minutes. How is she?” His words came out in a rush, one long blur of syllables.

“She’s still conscious, no blood. Still in pain but it’s not as bad now. We're with a doctor. Vitals look okay, ultrasound shows the baby is fine. Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem like an emergency.”

Eddie could hear the weight leaving Buck’s shoulders in the next exhale that came from his mouth, relaying Eddie’s update to Chimney.

“Okay, we’ll be there soon. Update us if anything changes?”

“Of course. See you soon.”

He tucked his phone into his pocket and looked up to find Maddie watching him tearfully.

“Thank you, Eddie. For bringing me here and staying with me and calling Howie. For everything.” Her voice was hoarse from all the crying she’d done, looking exhausted.

He smiled at her gently, “You don’t need to thank me, Maddie. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

He meant it. He’s grown so close to Maddie recently, feeling her presence as a friend and sister heavily in his life in the weeks since they’ve been getting to know each other. If anything happened to her or the baby… Eddie would be heartbroken. Seeing her in so much pain and not knowing what was wrong was terrifying.

She smiled at him through watery eyes and reached out a hand towards him. He clasped it in one of his own hands, squeezing tight.

Buck and Chimney burst through the door to her room several minutes later, out of breath and red in the face.

“Maddie!” they exclaimed together as they laid their eyes on her.

“Howie,” she sighed in relief, tears starting all over again as she saw her husband.

Eddie let go of her hand and stepped away as Chimney scooped her into a tight hug, pressing kisses all over her face. He let her go just long enough to let Buck get a hug in, kissing her on top of her head.

“We were so worried about you, Mads,” Buck sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie replied, softly.

“Hey, no. Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just so glad you’re okay," he said, stroking her hair lovingly.

Chimney looked to Eddie with gratitude shining from his eyes, clapping him on the shoulder. “Thank you for taking care of her. I’ll owe you for the rest of my life, seriously. We’re lucky to have a friend like you.”

Eddie shook his head with a soft smile, “We’re family, man. It’s what we do.”

Chimney gave Eddie a quick hug before heading back to Maddie’s side, grabbing her hand as Buck came to stand by Eddie’s side wearing a shaky smile.

The doctor chose that moment to return to the room and Eddie and Buck decided to make their exit, with a promise from Chimney to update them if anything changes.

They drove home in silence, Buck’s hands shaking from time to time in Eddie’s peripheral vision. After the third time Eddie noticed it, he reached over and grabbed one of Buck’s hands in his own, holding tight as he rested them on Buck’s leg.

He only let go when they parked, climbing out of the car and joining hands again as they walked through the front door. They held hands all the way to the living room, Eddie pulling Buck down onto the couch beside him as he sat.

“I, uh,” Buck started, in a daze, just barely louder than a whisper, “I was really scared for a minute there.” He turned to face Eddie, eyes tired. 

Eddie nodded. “I know,” he said softly.

“I’m glad you were there,” Buck continued quietly.

Eddie pulled their clasped hands behind him, tugging Buck further into his space and wrapping his free arm around him, tucking him into his chest in one smooth motion. He hugged him tight, feeling Buck bury his face in his neck and sigh softly, breath fanning across his neck.

They stayed in that position long enough for one of Eddie’s legs to go numb from the odd angle he was leaning and he briefly considered letting go but decided quickly that it wasn’t an option. Instead, he leaned backward, pulling Buck on top of him as he moved to lay flat on his back on the couch.

The weight of Buck’s body lying on top of him and his warm breath on Eddie’s neck quickly lulled him to sleep, exhaustion winning out over his desire to soak in the comfort of this moment.

__

Eddie texted Maddie the following day, checking in and asking if there was anything he could do for her.

I’m okay.

I’m still scared, obviously. I will be until we get the test results back but…

As long as I have Howie with me I know I’ll be okay.

Thank you again, for everything you’ve done <3

Eddie stared down at her messages, feeling something tugging at the tangled knot in his head. His eyes zeroed in on one line in particular.

As long as I have Howie with me I know I’ll be okay.

Something comes loose, the threads quickly unraveling in his mind.

Buck.

I’m in love with Buck.

It was the first time he ever allowed himself to think it freely, and the certainty of it knocked the breath out of his lungs.

Oh.

He couldn’t admit it to himself before. Couldn’t admit it to Maddie when she hinted to him that she already knew, couldn’t admit to being anything other than straight when Frank talked to him about his long list of questionable relationships.

But now that the thought wriggled free from the confines of his mind where he’d locked it away, he knew there was one person he needed to tell. Right now.

He quickly closed his messages with Maddie and pulled up a different contact, typing out a message.

Can we talk? ASAP.

He pressed send and stared blankly at his phone, waiting for a response. Before long the device started ringing loudly in his hands.

He took a deep, shaky breath and pressed accept, pulling the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Dad? Is everything okay? Are you and Buck alright?”

Eddie felt relief flood his body at his son’s voice. Christopher sounded worried and despite the guilt he had for stressing his son out, he couldn’t help but smile knowing his son didn’t hate him.

“Everyone’s okay, but there’s something I need to talk to you about. Or I guess, a lot of things I need to talk to you about. Do you have a minute? Are you alone?”

“Yeah, I’m alone and I have time. Let’s talk.”

Eddie felt the nerves running through his body like electricity as he decided to rip off the bandaid.

“Chris… I‘ve been coming to terms with some things lately. Things about me.” He took a deep breath, “I’mgay.” The words flew out of his mouth in a blur, barely distinguishable.

It felt fitting that Christopher was the first person he said it out loud to. There was no one his denial hurt more than his son, so he felt like he owed him this honesty.

Despite knowing Christopher would never be homophobic, he was still afraid of how his son would take this news. The implications for his relationship with Christopher’s mother, for what happened with Kim.

Eddie found himself holding his breath as he waited for Christopher to say something, anything.

“Oh… Okay.” Christopher said, slowly. “Well, thank you for telling me Dad. I love you, and I’m proud of you.” Eddie felt tears fill his eyes in an instant. “It sounds like you’re doing a lot of introspection.”

“I am, Chris. I’ve been in therapy for a while now and… I’m working to be a better man. A better father. I’m so sorry about what happened, what you saw. I need you to know I never wanted you to see her. I shouldn’t have been involved with her at all and I realized that. I told her to leave, that I didn’t want to see her again. I swear I did. I’m so sorry I ever brought her into our lives.”

It was quiet on the line for a minute and Eddie wondered if Christopher had hung up.

“I just don’t get it. Why did you ever get involved with her, to begin with?” His voice was small and confused, striking Eddie’s heart like a bullet.

“I felt… I felt broken, Christopher. I never got closure with your mom and it hurt. So when I would date these kind, beautiful women and still couldn’t fall in love with them… I felt like maybe it was because I couldn’t move on from your mom. Then I saw Kim and I thought maybe I could just… just find some closure through her, somehow.” Eddie shook his head and ran a hand down his face.

“I know it was stupid but I just wanted something to fix me. And I realize now how wrong I was. The reason I couldn’t love those women wasn’t because I was broken. It was because I’m…” he trailed off, having lost the initial adrenaline that allowed him to admit it out loud.

“Gay?” Christopher asked.

“Mhm.”

There was another long moment of silence over the phone before Christopher sighed loudly into the speaker.

“I understand. I mean, you’re right about it being stupid. It hurt me and it hurt you, but you weren’t trying to do something bad. And I love you. I’m proud of you for working through this and,” his voice broke as he began to cry quietly, “Things might be weird for a while still but I think I’m ready to come home.”

Eddie exhaled roughly, nodding his head vigorously before realizing Christopher wouldn’t be able to see him.

“Of course, yeah. I’ll get you on the first flight back and your abuela can ship whatever won’t fit in your bags.”

The rest of their phone call passed in a blur and Eddie paid for a one-way ticket from Texas to California with a crazed smile on his face.

His son was coming home.

__

Eddie was buzzing with excitement from the second he got off the phone with Christopher, carrying into his shift the next day at work. He wanted to tell Buck about Christopher’s return so badly but held back, opting to surprise him instead.

There was just one day to wait, he could do it.

Although, Buck had definitely noticed something was going on with Eddie. He’d been shooting him weird looks all day and even asked at one point if Eddie had a new secret girlfriend. Eddie couldn’t help snorting at that, even if Buck couldn’t know why he thought it was so funny.

His good mood seemed to have influenced the rest of the team, everyone laughing and joking brightly between calls. Or maybe Eddie was just so happy it made the rest of the world seem happier, too. After all, he could’ve sworn the birds were singing louder than usual this morning, the sun shining brighter.

He just got done running on the treadmill, trying to burn off some of the electric energy vibrating under his skin, when the alarm went off. A car swerved off the road and slid partway down a cliffside before getting caught, hanging precariously with two inhabitants still inside.

The 118 worked diligently to extract the young driver and her friend, bringing them back up to solid ground where Hen and Chimney were able to treat their (luckily, minimal) injuries. Bobby had just radioed to Buck that they were about to pull him up from where he hung inside the balancing car when Eddie heard metal screeching. He felt his heart sink into his stomach as he looked down from the edge of the cliff, watching in slow motion as Buck hurriedly tried to move around inside the car to climb out of the door he had crawled in. The car was sliding, slowly now but it would soon fall completely, and if Buck were still inside…

Buck had made it to the door and began to climb out when he suddenly froze. He pulled forward hard, but something was stopping him from climbing out the rest of the way. The car began sliding faster and Eddie watched in horror as Buck unhooked his harness, letting himself free fall down the side of the cliff, narrowly avoiding being crushed by the rolling car.

“Buck!” he shouted, petrified. He cursed under his breath when he saw Buck land hard on a ledge about 15 feet below where he’d been hanging. He wasn’t moving.

He distantly registered Bobby radioing for an additional unit before trying to reach Buck over the radio. No response.

“Bobby!” Eddie called, already grabbing the second harness off the truck.

“No way, Eddie. I don’t need you unhooking yourself trying to get to him. I’m sending Chimney," he ordered sternly. “Han, harness!”

Chimney grabbed the harness from Eddie’s hands and got himself secured in quickly.

Eddie felt like he was going to be sick.

He didn’t realize he was having a panic attack until he heard Chimney’s voice over the radio telling Bobby that Buck was unconscious but breathing. Suddenly, he gasped in a deep breath and dropped his chin to his chest, thanking God or whoever else may be listening that Buck was alive.

The time was somehow both dragging on and speeding by. Every moment felt like agony but in a blink he was in the back of an ambulance, holding Buck’s hand as they sped to the hospital.

He tuned into the voices speaking around him in time to hear them radioing to the hospital that Buck had multiple broken bones and possible internal bleeding. They told them to have an OR ready. Eddie’s hand squeezed Buck’s in his.

Today was supposed to be a good day.

At the hospital he was led by the shoulder to a chair in the waiting room, moving in a daze as words he couldn’t hear were said to him. He sat, eyes wide yet unseeing. He had no idea how much time had passed when Chimney, Hen, and Bobby ran through the doors and sat next to him.

“Any news?” Hen asked.

Eddie shook his head, “Going into surgery. They’ll update us.”

“I called Maddie, she’s on her way,” Chimney announced to the group.

They fell into a tense silence, time ticking by slower than ever. It felt like hours before Maddie burst through the door, moving impossibly fast for a woman as pregnant as she was. Her eyes scanned the room quickly before finding the group of firefighters and hurrying over to them.

“How is he?” Her voice was shaking, and her eyes were full of tears.

Chimney stood, “He’s in surgery, no update yet.” He gave her a hug and a kiss and gestured for her to sit with them. She dropped down into the seat beside Eddie and immediately grabbed his hand, holding it tightly.

Eddie lifted their joined hands above her head, careful not to smack her in the face, and laid his arm across her shoulders, their clasped hands resting on her collarbone. He pulled her into his side and dropped a kiss onto her hairline as Chimney sat on her other side, holding her free hand between both of his.

As they sat clinging to each other in the waiting room, he couldn’t help thinking “Another thing we have in common, neither of us can breathe right when Buck is hurt.”

Minutes turned into hours and the 118 (along with Maddie) were starting to lose it. Every time someone came through the doors, five pairs of wild eyes turned sharply in their direction, hoping for an update.

Hen had called Karen and let her know she would be home late, saying goodnight to her kids over the phone as she held back tired tears. Bobby called Athena, who promised to come to the hospital as soon as her shift was over at work, which should be any time now.

At some point, Chimney insisted that Maddie eat something, even if she didn’t want to. For the baby. She just nodded blankly and allowed him to go grab her something from the hospital cafeteria, trusting that Eddie would stay by her side. She didn’t end up eating much but something was better than nothing.

Eddie thought about Christopher. He was probably packing right now. He would be arriving tomorrow and Eddie didn’t want to think of the possibility that his first day back home would be anything less than happy. For a moment he imagined having to tell Christopher that Buck wouldn’t be here when he landed and he felt bile rising in his throat, quickly banishing the thought.

Buck would be okay, he had to be.

At that moment, a doctor emerged from through the doors to their left and approached their little group. Eddie felt his stomach turning, tangling itself up in knots.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” she asked.

They all stood.

“That’s us,” Bobby spoke, voice cracking slightly from the non-stop prayers he’d been muttering under his breath since they’d arrived.

“Evan is stable and resting,” the doctor started, letting them all know they no longer had to fear the worst. A collective sigh escaped the group and Maddie sobbed from beside Eddie. “There was slight internal bleeding which we were able to stop and repair. He dislocated a hip, knee, and shoulder, all of which were set. Two of his ribs were fractured, and they will need to be monitored as he heals.”

Oh, Buck.

His heart ached for the pain he would have to endure through his healing process, but relief washed over him like a warm ocean wave.

The doctor continued, “All together, I would say he got pretty lucky considering how far he fell. He should be awake soon, though visiting hours will probably be over by then so we can only allow immediate family to see him at that time. The rest of you are more than welcome to come back and see him tomorrow.”

Everyone turned to face Maddie and she grabbed roughly onto Eddie’s arm.

“That’s us. I’m his sister and this is his husband," she lied quickly.

If the doctor caught her lie, she didn’t say anything. She just nodded and told them they would be notified when he was transferred from recovery into his own room where they could see him, then turned and retreated through the doors she came in from.

The others all turned to face Maddie and Eddie, eyes lingering on him a bit longer than her. Which makes no sense, by the way. She’s the one who came up with the lie, but whatever.

Bobby broke the silence first, nodding to them both and saying, “Update me if anything changes. I’ll be by first thing in the morning to check in on him.”

“Of course,” Eddie spoke for the first time since they arrived, voice low from under-use.

Hen chimed in, “Same here, please. I know they said he’s okay but I’ll be worried about him regardless.”

Eddie met her eyes and nodded.

“I’m going to let Athena know she doesn’t need to come in when she arrives, she can pick us up outside and drop you off at home, Hen,” Bobby told her.

“I’ll stay here with you guys for a bit,” Chimney said, wrapping an arm around Maddie’s waist and hugging her close.

They all said their goodbyes and parted ways for the night.

“So. As much as I want to hover over Buck until he’s all healed, I am very pregnant,” Maddie announced to Eddie and Chimney.

“Another thing we have in common,” Eddie joked dryly. Maddie snorted and Chimney looked at them quizzically.

“ So,” She continued, “I think once we’re allowed back I’ll just go check on him for a couple of minutes and then I should probably go home with Howie to rest.” Her plan was perfectly understandable given she was pregnant and exhausted, but her words were still laced with guilt, an apologetic look on her face.

Chimney rubbed a hand between her shoulders and assured her that he would be here waiting to drive her home whenever she wanted.

It was about an hour later when the doctor returned and told them they may go see Buck, that he was still asleep but should be waking up any time now. Maddie kissed Chimney and told him she’d be right back before threading an arm through Eddie’s and pulling him down the hall in the direction the doctor had indicated.

As they walked into the room, Eddie saw Maddie press a hand to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears.

“I hate seeing him like this,” she said quietly, “It feels like he’s always in the hospital.”

He knew exactly what she meant.

“You know, I was sort of keeping a secret from him.” Eddie told her as they approached his sleeping form, “I was planning on surprising him tomorrow, and when I saw him fall I… Keeping it a secret suddenly felt stupid.”

She looked up at him with surprise in her eyes, “You mean… You were going to tell him…”

His face burned as he rushed to correct her, “No. Not that. Jesus.” He cleared his throat. “Christopher… He’s coming home tomorrow.”

Her jaw dropped and eyes widened almost comically. “Oh my God. Oh my God! Eddie! That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, all of you.” He knew she was referring to the three of them. Eddie, Buck, and Christopher. Their family.

He felt a warmth spread in his chest. “Thanks. I, uh- I need to pick him up from the airport tomorrow. I’m just feeling so relieved that Buck will be awake by then.”

As if he knew they were talking about him, Buck began to stir in the bed next to them.

He grumbled, slowly blinking open his big blue eyes, still fuzzy with the remnants of sleep and anesthesia. “Where’m I?”

Maddie brushed a hand through his golden curls, smiling down at him. “Hospital,” She told him, “You fell off a cliff and gave me a heart attack.”

He groaned, “Feels like it. Head hurts.” His voice was raspy, dry from the hours of surgery. Maddie held water out for him to sip from.

Eddie smiled at him fondly, it was so nice to hear Buck complaining. For a minute there, he was worried he might never get to hear that sound again.

Maddie leaned down and kissed him on his forehead, “It’s really late so I should probably go get some rest for the baby’s sake, but Eddie’s here. He’s staying with you, okay?”

“Mhmm,” Buck accepted, sleepily.

Maddie smiled softly at him and began walking out of the room. “Update me if anything changes. I’ll be back first thing in the morning.” Eddie nodded to her, giving her a firm hug before she ducked out the door.

Eddie pulled a chair up to Buck’s bedside, dropping down into it and grabbing Buck’s hand softly. Buck squeezed gently to the hand holding his.

“Hey,” Eddie greeted him gently.

“Hi,” Buck responded quietly.

“If anyone asks, I’m your husband. I’m cheating visiting hours.”

Buck hummed from next to him, “You won’t hear any complaints from me.”

Eddie’s heart stuttered in his chest.

“I was really worried about you there,” he tried to sound lighthearted but it came out far too serious.

Buck lifted his heavy lids, bringing his tired blue eyes to meet Eddie’s golden brown. He squeezed Eddie’s hand tight in his own.

“I’m sorry," he said softly.

Eddie shook his head, “Don’t apologize. All that matters is that you’re alright.”

Buck nodded and closed his eyes again, falling back to sleep in a blink.

__

Buck’s room was packed full of people. Truly, it was cramped.

Hen, Chimney, Athena, Bobby, and a very pregnant Maddie came to join Eddie and Buck that morning and stayed for a couple of hours before feeling satisfied in the fact that Buck was alive and well. Or, well, as well as someone could be the day after a traumatic accident resulting in a laundry list of injuries.

Hen was the first to leave, apologizing profusely but having to bring Denny’s forgotten homework to his school so he wouldn’t get an F. She teasingly pinched at Buck’s cheeks and told him to stay away from any more cliffs, at least until his ribs healed. Buck rolled his eyes but smiled at her fondly as she left.

Bobby and Athena were the next to leave. Athena was called in for an emergency at work and Bobby had to finish his report on what happened at the scene of Buck’s injury for the formal record. He’d been too distracted and too tired to work on it before he could come in and check on Buck for himself.

Eddie had to leave next.

He’d been texting Maddie back and forth to coordinate the Christopher-is-home surprise as best as possible. Maddie and Chimney were going to stay with Buck in the hospital while Eddie went to pick up Chris with the excuse of running home for a shower and change of clothes.

As the time grew nearer, Eddie could feel his nerves threatening to make his heart beat out of his chest. Christopher had texted him earlier when he was boarding the plane and Eddie felt like running laps just so he could burn off some of the excited energy building inside him.

He checked the clock and saw it was time to head to the airport.

“Hey,” Eddie interrupted the ongoing conversation about what to eat for lunch, “I think I might run home really quick to shower and change. I can pick up food on my way back if you guys want. Just text me where you want food from.”

The three of them thanked him and said they’d see him soon as Eddie made his way out the door.

He took deep, calming breaths the entire way to the airport. He was about to see Christopher. He was about to see his son for the first time in months. He wondered if he'd be taller, how long his hair would be. He wondered if Christopher would let him hug him.

He was waiting impatiently in the arrivals area, feeling like he could throw up, when he saw him. Long curly hair, big glasses, familiar crutches, and a nervous look on his face.

Christopher.

“Christopher!” Eddie called, not caring if his teen son would find him embarrassing.

Christopher’s face snapped in his direction, smile growing on his face. A smile. Aimed at Eddie. Christopher was smiling at Eddie. God, he could cry.

“Dad!” Christopher called back as he approached him.

Eddie used all of his self-control to not tackle his son into a hug, not wanting to push his boundaries, but to his surprise, Christopher immediately wrapped his arms around his Dad in a tight hug. Eddie wound his arms around Christopher and squeezed him, holding on for as long as Christopher would let him.

“I really missed you,” Christopher told him when he pulled back and Eddie felt his eyes welling up with tears.

“I missed you, too, kid,” he replied softly, “More than you know.”

They walked to baggage claim together as Christopher told him about his flight. They grabbed his bags and loaded them into Eddie’s car quickly, and Eddie knew he needed to break the news before they got in the car.

“So, Christopher,” Eddie started, slowly. The teen shot him a nervous look, not saying anything.

“Everything’s okay, but Buck was in a bit of an accident yesterday, so we’re going to have to see him at the hospital instead of at home.” Eddie had told him that his return was going to be a surprise for Buck and he knew the boy was looking forward to it.

“What? Is he okay? What happened?” Christopher asked, worriedly

“He’s fine. He fell at work and got hurt, but he’s alright. He just needs to rest. They said he might even get to go home today.”

Christopher sighed with relief as they began climbing into the car.

“Good. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to Buck,” Christopher said honestly.

As much as he hated the thought of anything happening to Buck, the fact that Christopher cared so much for the man warmed his heart. The three of them were a family, and no one could deny that.

“Yeah, me too, bud,” Eddie replied, exhaustion from all of his worrying yesterday weighing heavily in his tone.

They stopped to pick up burgers on the way to the hospital, at Maddie’s request. Buck wanted tacos but 8 months pregnant trumps severely injured in the matters of food decisions.

Making their way up to Buck’s room had Christopher giggling with excitement, bouncing on his feet. Eddie couldn’t keep the wide smile off of his face.

Finally, he was about to have his family in one room together again. He would probably be convinced this was a dream if not for the fact that it was all taking place in Buck’s hospital room.

Eddie instructed Christopher to wait in the hallway for just a moment while he brought in food and said hello. He took a deep breath and tried to tamp down the blinding smile on his face. 

Okay, he could do this.

He pushed open the door and walked in, hands full of fast food bags, leaving the door wide open behind him. Maddie, Chimney, and Buck cheered good-naturedly when they saw the food had arrived and Eddie quickly handed off the bags to Chimney.

“So, Buck,” Eddie started, trying and failing to sound casual, “I sort of have a surprise for you.”

Buck looked at him with brows furrowed, a small grin playing on his lips. He started opening his mouth, probably to ask what he meant, when movement by the door caught his attention.

Eddie watched as Buck’s eyes widened, jaw dropping as he stared at Christopher in the doorway of his room. His brows raised and eyes fluttered gently as the look in his eyes morphed from pure shock to something softer, warmer.

“Christopher,” he breathed, shakily, just a whisper.

“Buck!” Christopher cheered in greeting, voice heavy as he held back tears.

Upon hearing his voice, Buck’s face split into a smile so wide it almost looked painful.

“Christopher!” He exclaimed as the teen began rushing towards him, “Oh my God, you’re here! You’re actually here!” He laughed in disbelief.

Christopher threw himself at Buck, allowing himself to be embraced tightly. Buck stared down at the top of his head for a moment in shock before lifting his gaze to find Eddie.

The two of them smiled at each other, eyes watery.

Eddie knew immediately that he would never forget this moment. His best friend, the love of his life embracing his son as if being reunited with his own child. The joy radiating out of Buck and Christopher was enough to blind Eddie, but he watched on, unflinching.

His family was finally back together. For the first time in months, Eddie felt whole.

__

Once Buck had been discharged, he went home with Eddie and Christopher to rest and be doted on. They set him up on the couch and Christopher talked his ear off about everything he’d done, seen, and learned while in Texas. Buck, of course, listened attentively, obviously excited to finally have this favorite kid back home again.

Maddie was texting Eddie off and on throughout the day, requesting updates on Buck’s condition, which Eddie helpfully supplied each time she asked.

Get home okay?

Yeah, he’s settled in, Christopher is making sure he’s comfortable. Lol

How’s he doing?

Getting lots of rest, all good here!

That one had an attached picture of Christopher and Buck asleep on the couch, leaning on each other with faces slack as they dozed.

How's it going?

He’s taken his meds and is eating just fine.

He didn’t complain about my obviously burnt cooking though so the doctor might’ve been wrong about there being no brain damage.

Still doing alright?

Safe and sound! :)

He attached a selfie he had taken about an hour before. It was Buck, Eddie, and Christopher squished together on the couch, Eddie and Christopher on either side of Buck who sat in the middle with a bowl of popcorn. The three of them all wore big smiles and Eddie made it his lock screen the second he took it.

After that last update, Maddie texted him back.

I know you’re busy fawning over my brother but do you think you could come over for a bit? I need to talk to you about something.

Eddie flushed and rolled his eyes as he texted back.

I’m NOT fawning over him.

But yeah, I can be there in 20 minutes. You okay?

He got a response almost instantly.

I’m fine, but we need to talk

Bring more of that non-alcoholic wine, please

:)

He pocketed his phone and slid off the couch, being careful not to wake Buck who had fallen asleep with his feet propped up in Eddie’s lap. He headed down the hall to Christopher’s room and knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Christopher’s voice called from within.

Eddie opened the door to find Christopher lying in his bed, scrolling on his phone. Eddie smiled fondly. Seeing his son laying in his bed, here at their house… He would never take this for granted again.

“Hey, I need to head to Chimney and Maddie’s house for a minute. Buck’s still asleep on the couch. Call me if you need anything?”

Christopher nodded, “Sounds good. Love you.”

Eddie felt his heart swell.

“I love you, too,” he said fondly, shutting the door behind him as he left.

His mind stayed occupied with thoughts of his son, finally living at home again, as he picked up the wine and headed to Maddie’s house.

He knocked on the door, only having to wait a short moment before it swung open to reveal Maddie. She stepped to the side to allow him room to enter and grabbed the box of wine from him as he toed off his shoes by the door.

“So… You wanted me to come over?”

“Of course,” she responded, eyes glued to the side of the box, “It’s always a pleasure to have you over.” 

He had a feeling she wasn’t talking to him.

He rolled his eyes, “What did you want to talk about?”

She finally met his gaze, smiling gently. “Why don’t you come sit down?”

He followed her to the kitchen, sitting at the dining table while she grabbed glasses for their wine. Neither of them spoke as she served wine for each of them, pushing his glass across the table towards him. He lifted it to his lips and took a sip, watching her as she got comfortable in her chair.

“So, you’re in love with my brother,” she said conversationally, as if those words wouldn’t send a shock through Eddie’s system, nearly choking.

He stared at her, eyes wide, arm frozen halfway between his mouth and the table where he was going to set his glass back down.

“You have to tell him, Eddie. He could’ve-,” she cut herself off, unable to say the words out loud. “We could have lost him this week, Eddie. He deserves to know how you feel, he deserves the chance to spend the rest of his life with you. And you deserve that, too.”

His mouth went dry as she spoke, brain struggling to keep up with everything she was saying to him.

“Maddie…” he mumbled slowly, avoiding her eyes, “I can’t. I... I’ve only just gotten to a point where I can admit to myself that I’m…” The word caught in his throat. He still had trouble saying it.

But this was Maddie. She was Buck’s sister, Chimney’s wife, and Eddie’s friend. Truthfully, she was one of Eddie’s best friends. She treated him the way he imagined an older sister would and he felt like he could trust her. Like he was safe here in her house, under her gentle gaze. Maybe in this place, he could be honest. Even if he was scared.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue on. “That I’m gay,” he tried to sound sure of himself, but it came out as a whisper. “How am I supposed to admit that I’m,” deep breath, “In love?”

In a moment of bravery, he brought his gaze up to see how Maddie was reacting to the things he’d just confessed. Her brows were drawn together, eyes wide and full of something gentle that Eddie wanted to let himself sink into. Something warm, loving, and free of judgment. Her lips pursed briefly in thought before she sighed and reached a hand out across the table to grab one of Eddie’s.

“Have I ever told you about Evan’s wedding phase?” she asked, making Eddie wonder if she’d decided to drop their previous topic of conversation entirely.

Eddie shook his head silently.

“He was obsessed with weddings when he was younger. He was only like 6 or 7, young enough to still want to play pretend. He made paper flowers that he would hold like a bouquet and make me officiate all these weddings to some imaginary bride.” She had a far-off look in her eyes as she spoke, reminiscing with a small fond smile. “Afterward he would always tell me how one day he was going to fall in love for real, and live happily ever after. He’d have this dreamy smile on his face, starry-eyed and excited.”

Eddie felt something twist in his chest at her words. He could almost picture a little Buck, with messy curls and big blue eyes, dreaming about the day he would vow his love and loyalty to his special person.

Maddie laughed softly, fondly. “Those were always some of my favorite childhood memories of him. He just looked so sweet and beautiful in those moments. I could imagine him all grown up at an altar, that big heart of his making him cry his way through his vows.”

As she spoke it was like he could see it. Buck in a suit, standing at an altar with Maddie in a dress behind him, his maid of honor. His golden curls glowing like a halo, blue eyes shining with love, tearing up. He would have the most beautiful vows, of course. He’s Buck. The man is made of pure love and loyalty and devotion. Bobby would be officiating, and he’d be watching Buck with all the pride of a loving father shining through his expression. The front rows would be full of all their friends, their family.

And there would be Eddie. Stood next to Buck at the altar in a suit of his own, Christopher standing in a suit behind him, his best man. He would be crying, too. How could he not? It was Buck. He would get to proudly declare his eternal love for the man to everyone, and most importantly - to Buck. They would kiss and everyone would cheer, and they’d spend the rest of their lives together.

He was broken out of his thoughts as Maddie continued on, “I know he’s in love with you, Eddie. I know because he gets that same look on his face from all those years ago when he talks about you, or when he looks at you. Dreamy and starry like he’s seeing the rest of his life in front of him, his happily ever after.”

Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. His eyes sting with tears as he allows himself to imagine, just for a moment, that Maddie was right. Could it be? Could Eddie have a chance at everything he’s ever wanted, with the only person he’s ever been in love with?

“Go, Eddie. Tell him you love him. Live happily ever after.”

The words made something inside of him snap, springing into action. He jumped out of his chair, nearly knocking over the glass in front of him. He quickly grabbed Maddie’s face by both of her cheeks and pulled her to him, dropping a loud kiss on the top of her head before sprinting towards her front door. “I love you!” He yelled out to her as he pulled his shoes halfway on, running out to his car before he could even hear the replied, “Love you, too!”

He ripped the door open and jammed his keys into the ignition, engine roaring to life. He tried his best to get home in record time without earning himself a traffic ticket, though he was certain he ran at least one red light. The haphazard angle he parked in his driveway proof of the frenzy he was in during his trip home.

He heaved a deep breath before climbing out of the car and marching to his front door, on a mission. His heart was racing as he pushed the door open, feet leading him automatically to the living room where he knew his best friend was resting.

“Eddie!” Buck greeted with a smile, having woken up some time while Eddie was with Maddie. “Your beautiful son came out and made me some tomato soup with crackers earlier, can you believe that? I still remember when he was too young to-”

Eddie had stormed straight up to him on the couch, sitting beside him and fisting his hands into the front of his shirt. He interrupted Buck’s little monologue by leaning in and firmly planting his lips to Buck’s, mid-sentence.

For a moment neither of them moved and Eddie felt his heart jump at the thought that he may have just made a horrible mistake, but before he could pull away he felt Buck lift a hand to cup Eddie’s cheek, tilting his head slightly and deepening the kiss. Sparks ran up Eddie’s spine as Buck licked at his bottom lip gently, prompting Eddie to open his mouth. Buck licked inside as Eddie dropped his hands to Buck’s waist, pulling until they were pressed tightly against each other. Buck sighed softly into his mouth, moving a hand to squeeze gently on the back of Eddie’s neck.

“Dad!”

Eddie pulled back so quickly that he nearly fell off the couch, catching himself at the last second. He whipped his head to face the hallway behind him, eyes wide. There stood Christopher with a horrified look on his face.

Eddie couldn’t tell how much of his heart pounding was due to his kiss with Buck and how much was due to being caught by Christopher.

“That’s disgusting! Get a room!” Christopher’s nose was scrunched up as he complained with all the sass of a moody teenager, “If I have to see you guys make out ever again I will bleach my eyeballs. I mean it!”

Eddie wasn’t sure he was breathing.

It almost sounded like… Christopher was okay with this. Not the kissing on the couch part, but the EddieandBuck part.

Eddie was still trying to process what just happened when Christopher walked past them into the kitchen, grabbing a drink from the fridge. No one said anything as he turned and walked past them again, back down the hallway and into his bedroom, door shutting behind him with a quiet click.

Eddie’s mind was reeling as he tried to get his thoughts in order, when Christopher’s door opened again and his voice called, “I’m really happy for you guys, though! Love you! No PDA! ”

The door clicked shut again.

Eddie turned to face Buck, wide-eyed. Buck was staring back at him, expression mirroring his own. They broke at the same time, wild laughs erupting from them. Buck flinched as the laughter caused the pain of his fractured ribs to flare up and Eddie placed a gentle hand over the offending area.

Despite the pain, Buck was still smiling. He reached a hand out, cupping Eddie’s cheek once more. His eyes were sparkling and Eddie thought for a moment that maybe he understood the look Maddie had been talking about.

“Hi,” Buck whispered.

“Hi,” Eddie replied, and Buck giggled. It was one of the most beautiful things Eddie had ever heard.

“Buck… I have to tell you something,” Eddie forced himself to maintain eye contact as he spoke. Buck nodded, and Eddie took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m in love with you,” he said, quiet and nervous. He tried to focus on steadying his shaking hands to keep his mind off of Buck’s reaction.

Buck smiled widely and pulled Eddie in for a short but firm kiss. “Thank God, because I’m in love with you and that could’ve been really awkward if you didn’t feel the same," he murmured against Eddie’s lips.

A laugh escaped him, and he felt like he was floating.

Buck kissed him again, and again, and again as they giggled into each other’s mouths. 

Eventually, they found themselves lying side by side on the couch, squished into each other and holding each other tightly. Eddie sighed contentedly and dropped a kiss onto Buck’s hairline where his head rested on Eddie’s chest.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him and Eddie pulled his phone out of his back pocket, opening his messages.

“What are you doing?” Buck mumbled sleepily.

“Texting your sister.”

“Oh, okay.”

A moment of silence passed between them.

“Wait, what?”

__

It was one of the rare days when none of Eddie’s extended family had to work and everyone had gathered together at the Grant-Nashes for a barbecue.

Christopher was inside with Denny, playing video games online with Harry who couldn’t be here, and May was inside with Mara and Jee, volunteering to entertain the younger girls with makeovers so their parents could have some time to themselves.

Speaking of, Hen and Karen were standing with Eddie, Chimney, and Maddie and all of them were cooing over the little baby in Maddie’s arms. This was the first time the newest Buckley-Han had gone out with his parents and no one could get enough of the little angel. Buck had to practically be pried away from him to go help Bobby over at the grill, Athena currently setting the large table with finished sides.

Eddie watched Buck chatting to Bobby, a small fond smile on his face.

This moment was so perfect, Eddie wanted to live in it forever.

Christopher had settled back in at home with ease, and some days Eddie could almost forget he had ever left. Baby Buckley-Han arrived safely and healthily, and Maddie hasn’t shown any signs of postpartum depression this time around. Both Eddie and Maddie were able to cut down their appointments with Frank to every other week, still continuing their tradition of going out for lunch together afterward. Scheduling was a little difficult in the early weeks after she’d given birth but between all their family members she was able to find the free time for her appointment and the time to hang out with Eddie.

Buck was always volunteering to babysit when Chimney and Maddie needed him. He loves kids and he loves his family, so he always jumped at the chance to do it. Though Hen and Karen babysat nearly as much as he did. They were so grateful for the way Chimney and Maddie took care of Mara during their problems with Councilwoman Ortiz and were excited to return the favor.

Eddie was broken out of his thoughts by Buck crossing the yard and taking his place at Eddie’s side, grabbing one of his hands in his own.

“Hi,” Eddie said softly, with a smile.

“Hi,” Buck replied, grinning widely at him.

“Alright, lovebirds,” Hen said exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

Karen lightly smacked her on the shoulder, “Hey, it’s sweet. Leave them alone," she scolded her wife. She directed her next question to Buck, “How’s the move going?”

“Good! I already had a ton of stuff at Eddie’s place so moving the rest of it has been easy. The most time-consuming part is just trying to sell all my old furniture. I’m practically giving my couch away for free but no one wants it," Buck told her. She looked at him sympathetically, wrapping an arm around Hen’s waist.

“Does someone want to hold the baby for a minute? I just need to run and pee real quick,” Maddie interrupted, with an apologetic smile.

Karen raised a hand excitedly before reaching out to gently grab baby Buckley-Han from her.

“Maddie, that’s like the 10th time you’ve peed in the past hour. Are you okay?” Buck asked, half joking.

Maddie rolled her eyes, “I’m fine, it’s just that my bladder is the size of a walnut since I gave birth.”

“Another thing we have in common,” Eddie said, nodding with faux sympathy. Maddie choked on a laugh while Buck furrowed his brows in confusion.

“That one doesn’t even make sense,” he whined, playing up his annoyance at their friendship. He joked a lot about how close the two had become, but he secretly loved it. Two of the most important people in his life and they had their own special friendship. Buck couldn’t be happier about it.

“It’s an inside joke, Buck. You wouldn’t get it," Maddie told him with a teasing smile.

“Yeah, Buck. You wouldn’t get it," Eddie echoed.

Chimney rolled his eyes, Hen and Karen watching on with amused smiles on their faces.

“Chimney, do something!” Buck complained, “Your wife is trying to steal my gay boyfriend.”

Eddie snorted.

“I already have a gay boyfriend, I don’t need yours,” Maddie told him, matter of factly.

Chimney turned to look at her with brows furrowed, “I’m not gay, and I’m not your boyfriend.”

“Close enough.” She shrugged.

She kissed him on the cheek and hurried inside towards the restroom while Hen snickered.

Eddie turned to look at Buck next to him, smiling at the happiness he could see in the man’s eyes. The chatter of his family floated to his ears as Buck turned to meet his gaze. The corners of his eyes were crinkled with a smile, pink lips turned up softly.

Right here, on this day, there was nothing wrong in the world.