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Vetinari: Guards, read me my bedtime yaoi.
Guard: (visibly sweating) My liege, if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories...
Vetinari: Yes?
Guard: ...there will be...no one left to guard the palace. During that time.
Vetinari: Any intruders are welcome to join us for story time.
Drumknot (whispering): My liege, the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.
Vetinari: (very, very quietly) when will it be my turn
Carrot: heckin her doggostyle with my wholesome chonker
Angua: I can't --
Angua: I can't fucking believe I'm so attracted to you
Wolfgang: Now you're lying in the breakfast nook
Wolfgang: do you think that's acceptable wolf-like behavior
Angua: Fuck all the way off
Vimes (scrolling): 'Course all cops are bastards
Vimes: (scrolling) Punch nazis
Vimes: (scrolling) However people want to express their gender or whatever shouldn't be your bloody problem
Nobby (too eagerly): Does that say it's always morally correct to steal from corporations?
Vimes (pushing him away by the face): Stop reading over my shoulder.
Vimes: (scrolling)
Vimes: (scrolling)
Vimes: (scrolling, growing visibly more pale) What is...'bedtime yaoi'?