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I was watching Mr. Zhou nervously during his first few bites, trying to pretend I was enjoying the food myself. In fact, I was too nervous to pay attention to the taste, other than finding it bland and lacking. He was chewing slowly, taking small mouthfuls with his chopsticks from each dish until he had tried every one of them. Only then did he tilt his head slightly to the side and gave me a look of honest surprise.

“Hao chi!”, he exclaimed, as if he had not expected it. Of course he hadn’t. “Shuyi was right. You are an excellent cook. Even though you’re Taiwanese.”

“Dad prefers Japanese food”, Shuyi explained with an apologizing look. “He hires his own cooks so he can eat Japanese everyday.”

Mr. Zhou looked almost embarrassed as he shrugged and said: “Well, I grew up with it, what do you expect? I gave up my home when I came here for Shuyi’s mother many years ago. So at least I don’t want to miss my country's dishes.”

“Was it hard?”, I asked. “Leaving your home?”

I wondered if many people had asked him that, since he looked slightly suspicious at the question, as if it was something strange to be interested in.

“Well… it was. I’ve always been interested in other countries, and I’ve traveled a fair bit during my youth. But I’d never expected to move to another country altogether. It was a challenge at first, especially the language. But I adapted. What could I do-- she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on.”

He let out a booming laugh I’d not thought him capable of. It made me smile, but mostly because Shuyi’s face had broken into a wide grin.

“She passed that on to her son, then”, I said, giving him a quick little look, but long enough to see him blush. Mr. Zhou went serious in the split of a second.

“Don’t you flirt in front of me!”, he exclaimed, pointing at me with his chopsticks. OK then. It had almost been going too well. Maybe he was still trying to pretend, deep down, that he was just having dinner with his son and his good friend, instead of his boyfriend, his partner. The words still sounded as strange to myself as it probably did to him. Years had gone by during which I’d never known how to explain what exactly Shuyi was to me. How strange to have words for it now.

However, Mr. Zhou quickly regained his composure, probably also due to a silent look of reproach from Shuyi that didn’t escape my notice. Clearing his throat with a cough, he turned to me again.

“You probably got an idea what it feels like when you went to the US. And now your mother and part of your family are there… Shuyi tells me you even have a small brother now?”

I nodded, smiling at the memory. “Yes, I do. Oscar.”

I quickly got up to take a framed picture from the windowsill that showed my mother with Oscar on her lap, both smiling happily, and handed it to him. He didn’t show any particular expression while looking at it.

“Do you miss them?”, he finally asked, handing the picture back to me. I placed it at the back of the table, Oscar’s smile a silent and steady support.

“I do. But due to modern communication, the world isn’t as big as it was twenty years ago. We talk almost every day, so at least I know they’re well.”

“Every day! That’s more than Shuyi ever talks to me!”

I wasn’t sure if this was meant as an accusation, but saw both of them smiling at each other as if over a shared joke, and decided it was probably fine.

“Gao Shide’s mother is very nice”, Shuyi said between two bites of fish. He had been strangely quiet and I was starting to wonder if he was holding back on purpose so his father and I would get to know each other.

“Oh?”

“She loves Shuyi”, I added, as this was probably what any father would love to hear. Mr. Zhou nodded deliberately, as if this was something he had already expected.

“And she… approves?”, he asked, rolling the word on his tongue like something entirely new to him.

“She does. She’s known for a long time, since Shuyi and I first got together five years ago. She’s been very… supportive of our relationship.”

The short silence that ensued almost made me regret saying it, but then Mr. Zhou went on as if he hadn’t heard my answer.

“And you’re sure you don’t want to go back to them?”

His tone made me realize that this was where the conversation had been head ing all along. So he still mistrusted me, still thought I would leave Shuyi, when he himself was the reason I had not been with him those last few years. Years we would never get back. It would probably take some time and work for me to fully get over the anger I still felt for him. Yet, I was doing this for Shuyi, as I kept reminding myself, so I swallowed down all the feelings that threatened to push to the surface and smiled.

“My life is here now, with Shuyi.”

The look Shuyi gave me reminded me that it was all worth it. Sometimes it almost felt painful, that love I felt for him, something so strong I feared I could never put it into words, nor into action, nor into any of those kisses and touches that we shared. Maybe it was all for the better. It would probably scare him.

“Well, well”, Mr. Zhou replied and gave me a quick smile, the kind that made you wonder if it was friendly or really the opposite. “We’ll see how that’ll work out, considering he’s technically your boss now.”

He chuckled and I could see the thought gave him some satisfaction, of his son being somehow superior to me, and I left him this small joy. After all, it was almost a small miracle he was sitting here, with us, pretending this was all something normal for him.

“Dad”, Shuyi interrupted him for the first time. “It won’t be like that. Hierarchies are a lot flatter now than back in your days. We’re going to work together rather than Gao Shide for me. After all, he knows the company a lot better than I do. I’m going to rely on his help.”

“Back in your days?”, Mr. Zhou repeated with a wink into my direction. “Seems like he’s actually calling his old man old.”

He laughed his booming laugh again, which made me think, for the first time, that I might actually find a way to like him. Not because I had to, not because it would make my life a lot easier, not because he was Shuyi’s closest living relative and a loving father, but because he was, beneath everything that had made me resent him for so many years, a genuinely nice person.

“Well, Gao Shide”, he continued and raised the glass of wine that Shuyi had bought for the occasion. “Seems like you need to teach him some manners.”

…

In the end, I was surprised how easy the evening went. I had expected more tension, more awkward moments , more trick questions. Instead, it turned out that Mr. Zhou was perfectly capable of pleasant conversation, even though we did hit the occasional pitfall. It wasn’t really the easiest kind of situation, I figured, with five years of suffering as a treadmill between us . Still, we all did our best. Mr. Zhou made sure to repeatedly praise my cooking, and even requested some of the leftovers when we had finished eating.

“I’ll give my cook a day off tomorrow”, he said with another wink. “That will make him very happy.”

Fortunately, he didn’t show any intention of staying much longer after dinner, and exchanged a few muffled sentences with Shuyi in Japanese while I started to clean up the kitchen. It was a habit I kept even though Shuyi had a housekeeper, as it made me uncomfortable to have dirty dishes piling up until the next day. I only picked up bits and pieces of the conversation as my Japanese still wasn’t exactly fluent, but enough to know it was all harmless, just casual inquiries about Shuyi’s work and health. There seemed to be an easy familiarity between them that I envied. Even though Shuyi and I had settled all misunderstandings, there were still occasional moments of awkwardness between us. Five years had passed after all, and with them so many unshared kisses, so many mornings of waking up alone, so many habits developed in the other’s absence. I had left Shuyi as an innocent and happy student, only to find him again as a grown man with responsibilities and a fair share of scars. Scars I had caused, at least to some extend, which were still itching and aching and required care.

I envied Mr. Zhou for being with Shuyi during all those years, watching him become this person I had to rediscover.

When Shuyi went to the bathroom, Mr. Zhou walked over to the kitchen and watched me work in silence for a moment, before asking in a low voice: “Has he been eating well? How is his stomach?”

“There haven’t been any major problems recently. Sometimes he’ll feel bloated and have slight cramps, but not as bad as they used to be.”

Mr. Zhou nodded his slow nod again. “I see. Well, I’m glad you’re taking care of him. He’s terrible at that himself, to be honest. He tends to skip meals, he just forgets them. Sometimes he eats late at night when he remembers, and then sleeps poorly because of it.”

I nodded, but didn’t mention the other part, the mental part, behind all of it. How he would break sometimes under stress or a heavy heart. That much I had learned. It wasn’t just the regular meals that helped him, but holding him gently after a long and tiring day, feeling the tension gradually leaving his body as I pressed my lips against his temple and whispered sweet nonsense to make him smile. Or giving him a massage that always left him craving more, as he could have me kneading his shoulders and back for hours without getting enough.

“What are you smiling about?”, Mr. Zhou interrupted my thoughts as we heard the toilet flush in the background.

“Nothing, I’m sorry.”

“Anyway”, Mr. Zhou whispered quickly as the door opened and Shuyi approached us with quick steps. “Make sure he eats regularly.”

“I will”, I confirmed as Shuyi entered the kitchen with a happy grin on his face.

“What are you two talking about?”, he asked like a mother who has discovered her children scheming behind her back, his tone half accusing, half amused.

“I’ve only told Gao Shide again what an excellent cook he is”, Mr. Zhou replied with an embarrassed little smile that made it obvious it wasn’t the truth. He was such a bad liar.

Shuyi didn’t show any hint of not believing him, however. “I told you”, he only said with a raised eyebrow.

“You should come over for dinner more often”, I offered. “Your cook will be glad to have more free time.”

“Well, I’m a busy man”, Mr. Zhou said with a sigh, patting my shoulder in an almost amicable gesture. “But I will make sure I’ll come whenever my timetable permits it. In return, I want to give my cook an opportunity to show off his skills as well. Now, it’s your turn to visit.”

“We will”, Shuyi confirmed happily and the lightness in his voice warmed my heart. It was rare to see him so carefree, and I knew he had been probably at least as nervous as me about this dinner. Still, I couldn’t get myself to say anything. The thought of dining in the room with all the expensive artwork where he had shown me Shuyi’s broken phone and requested me to stay away from him for five endless years gave me the creeps. The mere memory of that moment of humiliation and helplessness made me shiver.

We said our goodbyes then and I almost let out a breath of relief as Shuyi escorted Mr. Zhou to the door.

“Well, that went better than expected”, Shuyi said as he stepped back into the kitchen. Our eyes met and I managed a smile when I saw the tenderness in his eyes as he watched me wiping the surface of the kitchen counter.

“You still do this every day”, he said, and I wasn’t sure whether there was mockery or admiration in his tone. “Even though you’re a CEO now.”

“Not anymore”, I sighed. “Still, I found some manual labor can free the mind after a long day’s work.”

“Manual labor”, Shuyi repeated and chuckled. “You’re still so down to earth.” Now that was mockery.

“You should try it.”

He chuckled again. “You remember the last time I tried?”

We laughed at the shared memory of him pouring water all over the kitchen top at my mother’s place. Even though it was a happy one, it still sent a sting right into my heart. Most of our memories together did. What had happened between those moments of happiness and the present had tainted all of them, thrown a shade over them that I wasn’t sure would ever be lifted. We tried, but sometimes the burden proved to be too heavy.

I placed the damp cloth next to the sink and inspected the result of my work.

“Shuyi”, I said, when I was satisfied. “Come here.”

With our bodies, it was easier, I had found; they were simpler, less fragile than our minds. They didn’t hurt at a mere word, didn’t flinch when confronted with an unpleasant thought. They were direct, honest, they showed us what we wanted, what we needed, deep down. All the doubts I kept having were wiped away when Shuyi pressed against me with a sigh and my finger started raking through his hair, massaging his scalp.

“So, what do you think?”

“It was OK”, he whispered, enjoying the soothing circles of my fingers. “No, it was even better than OK. If I didn’t know any better, I’d even say Dad likes you.”

We both smiled at his words.

“Well, he has to, eventually”, I said, letting my hands drop to his waist and pulling him even closer. “Because he’s not going to get rid of me any time soon.”

Shuyi seemed to be as tired of words as myself, and he pressed against me with a sudden desperation that seemed to come out of nowhere, when I knew it had built up during the whole evening. I responded by kissing him, tenderly at first, gently caressing his mouth with mine, until I plunged in my tongue when I felt the same hunger on his lips, only barely disguised under a thin layer of composure.

He welcomed me with a low moan and wrapped his arms around me, his body trembling slightly. It had been worth waiting for this for five years, I thought, as I did every time I made him come apart or came apart in his arms myself. There had never been the possibility of doing this with anyone else. No one could ever fit against me like this, fill my empty places as effortlessly as he did.

“Gao Shide”, he panted when my hands slipped beneath his shirt in a sudden urge to feel more of him, his face already flushed, his breath coming in huffs. He was too beautiful, I decided, too out of this world. I had dreamed of having him like this too many times in order to believe it was finally happening. Still, I didn’t want to wake up. I couldn’t.

His skin felt soft under my hands, goosebumps erupting under my fingers. Pressing him against the kitchen counter, I decided I might as well lift him up on it, which earned me a small exhale somewhere between surprise and excitement.

“You just cleaned up everything so meticulously only to eat again right away?”, Shuyi moaned as my lips found his throat, his legs locking around my waist as if they had found their natural place.

“Come to think of it”, I whispered against his skin while my hands pulled him closer, “this is the only room where we haven’t done it so far.”

Shuyi laughed breathlessly and I felt him beginning to harden against my belly. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea, though, as it wouldn’t be convenient to get rock-hard first thing in the morning while fixing my coffee, just as I did when I went to take a shower and remembered sucking him off under the warm stream of water, the tiny tiles leaving imprints on his body. Or whenever I sat on the couch, remembering the sound of his skin slapping against the leather surface, our ecstatic moans filling the room. I had even taken him on the very table where we’d just had dinner, which, while not being the most comfortable place, had provided him with an unprecedented climax, and the image of him arching off the smooth glass surface had burned itself into my mind. It was too much of a thrill, being together without any restrictions after the long separation; being able to be as loud and unrestrained as we wanted, because there was no one here to care.

I was too lost in thoughts, or maybe in my exploration of Shuyi’s mouth and body, to hear a familiar sound that I really should have recognized by now. Maybe it was because it was so mundane that didn’t cause any alarm in my subconsciousness, and apparently it didn’t alarm Shuyi, either. After all, it was only a door opening and closing, and we had five years to make up for. Only when we heard a horrified “Shuyi!” did we jolt apart, Shuyi slipping off the counter and pushing me away quickly. It was too late; I had already backed off and turned away slightly to hide my beginning erection, while Shuyi pushed down the shirt that I had shoved up, my hands just reaching his nipples when Mr. Zhou had surprised us.

“Dad!”, he exclaimed, “Couldn’t you ring the bell or something?”

Mr. Zhou seemed at loss of what to say, his face a crimson red. “I… I forgot the food that Gao Shide packed for me”, he stammered and pointed at a neat little package in a plastic bag I had prepared for him earlier.

“Oh. Right”, was the only thing I managed as I moved to hand it to him. My face must be the same color as his, and probably show the same expression of utter embarrassment.

“I’m sorry”, I said, bowing slightly.

Mr. Zhou opened and closed his mouth a few times, his eyes darting between Shuyi and me.

“Well”, he finally pressed out with a painful smile, “I’ll better get going.”

Shuyi said something in Japanese that I didn’t quite catch, and I noticed an almost devious little smile on his face. He was the only one who didn’t really look embarrassed, only disheveled, his lips still moist and slightly reddened.

I noticed a flush of rage on Mr. Zhou’s face as he pointed his finger at him and shouted something back, before indicating at me and switching into Chinese. “At least he had the decency to apologize!”

“This is my home”, Shuyi said calmly. “I don’t need to apologize to anyone.”

Mr. Zhou turned around, positively fuming, and stormed out of the house, slamming the door in his wake. It took a moment for the burning sensation in my face to subside. I looked at Shuyi questioningly, who was still wearing the same smirk.

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him not to act so surprised. That we’re grown up people and we have sex. No need to make a fuss about it.”

An incredulous laugh escaped my throat. “You did?”

He shrugged. “I’m not letting him dictate my life any longer. He kept me away from you for five years, he doesn’t get to act offended. I love him, but he can be glad I still talk to him after all he did. So I decided to set the rules from now on, and that includes fucking my boyfriend in my own home whenever I feel like it, whether he likes it or not.”

I stepped closer, unable to keep the same amusement from claiming my face.

“I quite like this new, rebellious Shuyi”, I said, grabbing him by the waist and bringing him close again, our mouths only inches apart. I felt his breath coming slightly faster.

“Come on then”, he whispered. “Let’s move this somewhere more suitable.”

…

As much as I enjoyed our explorations of Shuyi’s (or rather our) place, I still liked the bed the most when it came to sex. It was where we had made love first thing after making up, the bracelet on his wrist an enchanting sight on his otherwise completely naked body. The place still bore the memory of a new beginning, of Shuyi unable to hold back his tears when he came, his arms wrapped around me so tightly as if he feared I could vanish again right on the spot.

This time, we undressed unhurriedly and got into the silky sheets completely naked, and I enjoyed the simple domesticity of it. As starved as I still felt for Shuyi’s body, I loved to take my time with him, enjoying the simple fact that we had it now. There were years and years lying before us, years of doing this, but also going for walks, having meals together, chasing each other out of the shower on a hectic morning, going on trips, giving each other good-night kisses.

There was a future for us now.

Right now, there was this to do, however, and I wasted no time in pressing Shuyi against myself, ravaging his skin, enjoying the small red marks blooming all over his body. It wasn’t long until he lay under me writhing, his cock rock-hard and begging, a shiver of want running through him like electricity. He seemed impatient, but let me take my time and sighed desperately as I dipped my tongue into his belly button.

“Please… Gao Shide… I… oh fuck”, he rambled unspecifically when I took him into my mouth, watching me with rapt attention. I made sure to make eye contact every now and then, as I loved the primal desire in his gaze as he watched me sucking him off. I couldn’t wrap my head around how beautiful he was, his pale skin soft and shimmering with a thin layer of sweat, his hair disheveled and messy, his face a mask of ardent want. My finger caressed the insides of his thighs, making violent shivers run through him.

“Gao Shide, wait… don’t… I don’t want to come yet”, he exclaimed, backing off slightly. I knew by now how much he loved to extend our love making sessions, being played with for hours until he couldn’t take it anymore and begged me for release with a single “Now!”.

“You’re close already?”, I said mockingly, raising an eyebrow. “I was just getting started.”

He huffed in annoyance and flipped us around before I could even realize what was happening. Suddenly, he was on top of me and I sighed when I felt his hands on me, quickly wrapping around my erection without hesitation.

“Let’s see how long you’ll be able to hold off, then”, he whispered against my ear and slid lower, lower, lower, giving me the same treatment as I had given him just now. It made me burn all over, him taking initiative like that, and when he wrapped his lips around me I could only cry out his name and give in to the fire raging through me. He was good at this, too good, and he clearly enjoyed having his way with me, slowing down just when he felt my arousal building up, then starting off again when I had cooled down slightly. I was shivering all over, firmly in the grip of pleasure, when I heard him whisper my name.

“Gao Shide.”

“What?” I raised my head that I had thrown back into the pillow to look at him, and was taken aback by the sight. He was looking utterly debauched and more beautiful than I had ever seen him before. And he was mine. Mine alone.

“Can I… can I be on top tonight?”

His voice was low and he seemed almost embarrassed to ask, a slight blush coloring his face. Didn’t he know that there was nothing, nothing, he couldn’t ask of me? I smiled and stroked his hair tenderly.

“Of course. If that is what you want.”

“I’m just… I’m afraid I might not be very good at it.”

He had probably not expected me to agree so easily. The reason why we had only ever done it the other way around was mere routine; we were so used to it that we just fell into our roles as soon as we started. It wasn’t about willingness, however, as I had often toyed with the idea, but never expected Shuyi to be the one to bring it up.

“Relax. It’s not a competition, it’s about having fun. You know what feels good, right? Just do what you like yourself.”

He nodded, still clearly embarrassed, but at the same time his trembling fingers told me he was excited, too. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he took me back into his mouth while his right hand slipped down between my thighs.

“Raise up your legs a bit”, he mumbled, the tip of my cock hanging on his lips. Now, it was my turn to be embarrassed, even though I’d had him in this position countless times before. I had underestimated how vulnerable it would feel, offering myself to him like that. But it was him, it was Zhou Shuyi, I reminded myself, and complied.

He had fingered me before, his playful nature never ceasing to make him come up with new ideas, but now the anticipation of what was to come made us both nervous. When I felt one of his fingers entering me, my breath caught in my throat. It didn’t feel bad, but strange, the invasive feeling making it hard to relax.

“Are you ok?”, Shuyi whispered, who had abandoned my cock to focus on that other region of mine. “You’re awfully tense.”

“It feels weird”, I admitted, trying to relax my muscles, and it worked to some extent. His finger slid deeper.

I reminded myself again that I was doing this for him, that I wanted to make him feel good, and it helped somewhat. While he opened me up, slowly adding more fingers, I focused on that look of excitement on his face, his breath coming faster, on the intimacy of him touching me in a place no one had ever touched before. Before I knew it, arousal was coursing through me from within, his name leaving my lips several time as pleasure began to take hold of me. When he put his mouth back on me, I couldn’t hold back a loud moan, my hips stuttering, not sure whether to push up or down, which kind of pleasure to pursue.

“It feels good, right?”, Shuyi smiled when his face emerged after what felt like an eternity. He looked almost proud, a look of utter satisfaction in his eyes.

I nodded, almost relieved that I would be able to grant him his wish. Needless to say, I would have endured it even if it had been painful, but he clearly wanted me to enjoy it. Of course he did – sex was as much about the other one’s pleasure as about our own.

He had apparently decided I was ready now and opened the bedside drawer to pull out a condom and the bottle of lube. Only then did I realize he had prepared me without it, which was probably the reason why it had felt so strange at first.

“You maybe should have used that from the beginning”, I said when he had put on the condom and was slicking himself up. The sight had my heart beat faster, and I couldn’t decide whether it was from being nervous or excited about having him inside me, finally, for real.

“Oh”, he said, slightly chewing his lower lip and stopping his movements. “I’m sorry, I– ”

I had to laugh at his doubtful expression and pulled him between my legs, locking them around his waist. He hissed when our cocks met.

“No need to worry. I’m only telling you for the next time.”

“I hope there will be a next time”, Shuyi mumbled and went slightly tense against me. “If I mess this up, I…”

I realized then how nervous he still was and kissed him gently to ease his tension.

“Hush, darling. I told you, there’s no ‘messing it up’. Just enjoy this. You’re doing great, you made me feel so good just now.”

It annoyed me sometimes, how much he still relied on praise, on validation from the outside, but I had accepted it by now. It was how he was, even though I wished I could shake the feeling that from his point of view there was still a sense of rivalry between us. Still, I gave him what he wanted from time to time, watching his face light up like in primary school when he got a sticker from the teacher.

Now, he didn’t smile, only pressed our foreheads together and positioned himself. He caught my lips when he slowly, tentatively, began to push inside, only to pull away his mouth after a few seconds, panting: “Oh my god, Gao Shide, this feels amazing. Please, tell me it doesn’t hurt.”

It did hurt; a dull, throbbing pain, but it was accompanied by the feeling of him stretching me slowly, entering me with the same overwhelming force he had entered my life with. Feeling him inside me was breathtaking, and I bit back any sound of discomfort, only exhaled slowly, trying to relax into the feeling.

“It’s alright. Go on.”

I felt him trembling and the way he was holding back excited me somehow, the awareness that he desired me so much, that he wanted to be with me like that. It was stronger than any kind of pain and made me feel the pleasure of having him inside me; then, gently, nudging deeper and deeper. He was biting his lips, watching me closely, and, as I nodded encouragingly, started to thrust for real.

The dull throbbing erupted into a sharp pain that made me cry out, but there was something else, something I had never felt before. It was a strange, burning sensation deep inside me, and I wasn’t sure whether it came from my body trying to convert the pain into something else, or if it was a new, radiating pleasure that came from another place entirely. It was good, though, so, so good, and I never wanted it to stop.

“Gao Shide, are you ok? You feel so good, oh fuck, I can’t take it.” Shuyi panted above me, his hips settling into a gentle, but strong rhythm, his beautiful face even more breathtaking in the throes of passion. My love for him washed over me like a wave, never drowning, always nourishing me.

“I’m great, my love. You feel good, go on, just like that…” Words failed me and I let out a string of moans, one every time he hit that pool of heat inside me that seemed to fill up steadily. It felt like molten gold, a heap of sensation within me, a hidden cave that only Shuyi had ever discovered.

He didn’t talk anymore, just kissed me again and again, his thrust growing harder. I didn’t mind; the slight pain was a small price to pay for what I felt. I was lost in the pleasure that seemed to spread into every part of me, my whole body humming with the feeling of Shuyi.

I couldn’t hold back anymore and wrapped my hand around my aching cock. Being stimulated from two sides was almost too much to bear and I let out a desperate whine, which didn’t escape Shuyi’s notice.

“Let me”, he panted, patting away my hand to replace it with his own. As his fingers wrapped around me, he looked at me almost in awe.

“How are you so beautiful, Gao Shide? You’re the fucking most gorgeous man on this earth, I swear. Don’t you ever show this face to anyone else.”

The heat inside me made it hard to think straight, let alone form full sentences.

“How could I”, I breathed. “You’re the only one who could ever make me feel this way.”

He smiled a short little smile, but it gave way right away to an expression of mindless want, his eyes falling shut.

“Please, Gao Shide”, he moaned. “Touch me.”

It was almost too much to ask, to make my body do anything beside giving in to the bliss I was feeling. Still, I let me hands slid down from his shoulders, where they had been digging into his skin, to his hips, feeling the muscles of his back tensing at every thrust, roaming the skin, touching as much as I could. Then, I slid down even further, reaching his buttocks that were snapping back and forth, and grabbed them tightly, making him drive into me even harder while he still worked my cock.

I had an idea then, born from the haze of my dizzy mind, and I quickly grabbed the bottle of lube still lying beside me, coating my fingers with liquid. It earned me a surprised look from Shuyi, who stopped his movements to watch me.

“What are you…”

“Shhh, go on”, I whispered. “You wanted me to touch you, so…”

Only then did he realize what I was aiming for, but he didn’t stop me, only let out a helpless groan. When my fingers slipped between his cheeks and inside him, he hid his face in the crook of my neck and cried out almost desperately.

“Oh my… Gao Shide, it’s too much, I can’t…”

“Let go”, I mumbled against his side. “There’s no need to hold back. Just take what you want.”

He pushed himself up again with a determined expression on his face, then threw back his head when he felt my fingers digging deeper, directing him into resuming his thrusts. My own moans got louder when he started fucking me again, in turn pushing into me and back onto my fingers, his face a mask of desperate desire. I could only watch him in awe, coming undone on top of me, his body trembling all over, until he finally cried out.

“Oh God, I’m close, I’m so close, Gao Shide…”

His movements became erratic, but it didn’t matter; there was stimulation everywhere for him and suddenly he went tense, his mouth falling open, sucking in air, while he shook with the force of his orgasm. It was bliss, watching him like this, the most amazing sight in the whole fucking world, a sight I lived for. His arms didn’t seem to be able to support his weight anymore and he collapsed on top of me, pressing his face into my chest, breathing hard and trembling.

I slowly withdrew my fingers and wrapped my arms around him as tenderly as I could, holding him through the aftershocks. He went unexpectedly soft against me, like all the energy had been sucked out of him at once.

These were usually my favorite moments, those fragile, tender minutes after climax, when all there was was the comfort of each other’s presence, the warmth and the tenderness in each other’s arms. I breathed in his scent of sweat, passion and exhaustion, and kissed his temple gently.

“Damn you”, he mumbled finally, still boneless on top of me. “I was going to make you come like this, and again you got me off first.”

I smiled and nudged him with my nose. “So what? Watching you come is as good as coming myself. Maybe even better.”

Probably this was, once again, some kind of competition for him, my name again on the top of the list. I could sense the boy from years ago, angry at the missed opportunity to excel. I had to get this out of him, somehow, had to make him understand that I wasn’t his rival, but his friend, his lover; that I was at his side, not his opposition. That I would step back to be Mr. Second, always, if he asked me to.

However, there was still time for that.

“Then how about you make me come now? Sooner or later, what does it matter?”

He sighed and pushed himself up, about to pull out of me, but I pressed my thighs against his sides to keep him where he was.

“Like this?”, he asked, his eyes going wide. “But I don’t think I will be able to get hard again…”

“So? You still have hands, don’t you? Just stay inside me.”

A flame lit up in his eyes, and I could see the idea excited him. He looked at me with a strange expression and started to stroke me, his cock still settled inside. I sighed and closed my eyes, loving the feeling of his hands on me. I loved everything that made him more real and less like a dream. While I got lost in the sensation, I felt him moving closer and kissing me, and I opened my mouth to let him in, moaning against his lips as I pushed against his hand. Despite of what he had said, I felt him hardening inside of me again and his breath came slightly faster. The awareness of his renewed desire pushed me to the edge faster than I had expected, my arousal suddenly reaching its peak seemingly out of nowhere.

I only had time to cry out his name, clinging onto him with all parts of me, before my whole body shook with the force of my climax. I was dimly aware of Shuyi holding me through it, his hand continuing to stroke me until the last bit of cum had shot out of my cock, until I had almost passed out, gasping for air. Finally, he pulled out of me, almost fully hard again, and dropped down next to me while I was catching my breath, every part of me humming and my ears ringing. It was one of those moments that made me feel like we were the first ones to ever love like this, that our love was unprecedented and would never be surpassed by anyone. How stupid of me. We were neither the first nor the last, but it didn’t matter. This was all there was and all there ever would be for us.

“Happy?”, I asked when I was able to speak again and gave him a lazy smile. He moved to snuggle against me and I pulled him close. His head settled on my chest as he began to draw little circles on my skin.

“Did you like it?”, he asked after a while of comfortable silence during which I had not done much thinking, but he apparently had.

I sighed, tilting up his head with my clean hand and kissing him tenderly.

“I did, of course. I like everything with you, Shuyi.”

He rolled his eyes. “So you keep saying. But, you know… from an objective point of view…”

I couldn’t suppress a laugh and ruffled his hair tenderly.

“Is there ever an objective point of view when it comes to sex?” I looked at him urgently to really understand what I was going to say. “I love you, Shuyi, and I love everything we do together, as long as we both want it.”

He smiled sweetly and it warmed my heart to see him like this. I hoped he finally understood.

“I guess I’m just not used to someone not having any expectations of me.”

“Oh, I do have expectations. I expect you to stay by my side forever and never leave me. Always be mine. Can you do that?”

His smile broadened even more and his face lit up like being illuminated by the morning sun.

“I think I can do that”, he said softly, falling back onto my chest and hugging me so tightly it was hard to breath. It didn’t matter. I didn’t need air, anyway, I only needed him.

“By the way”, I said after a while, when a deep and satisfied exhaustion was beginning to settle into my body, “do you think your father will be mad at us?”

Shuyi shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Anyway, don’t worry about it, I’ll deal with it, alright?”

He was probably afraid that any kind of bilateral interaction between me and his father would lead to another catastrophe, and he was right. Look what it had done to us the last time. The problem had very likely been that I had overestimated Shuyi’s father and his influence on him, and in turn underestimated his independence, his own determination to get what he wanted. I had overlooked the simple fact that he was his own person and made his own decisions. It was a mistake I would make sure not to make again.

Shuyi was the first to take a shower and I stayed in bed, dozing off with the sound of running water in the background. As I drifted off to sleep I repeated in my head the three simple truths, as I called them, as I did every night before going to sleep, like I prayer. I knew Shuyi would wake me up later and make me wash off all the sweat, saliva and cum, as he hated going to sleep without being clean. Still, there was some small fear in me, some superstition that if I would fall asleep without repeating them, they would become untrue or unreal. So I mumbled them, quietly, mostly in my head.

First: Shuyi was back with me and had forgiven me.

Second: He would stay with me forever.

Third: This, and only this, was Happiness.

The sound of running water mingled with the rustling of the leaves from the trees outside. It was rainy and windy, the typhoon season just about to start. The night was deep and dark, and there were many more nights to come.