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“’Dear Tsukki.’”, Takeo started and Tadashi just wanted to crawl under his desk. “Ahaha, he’s crossed out the name multiple times! Tsukki, Kei, Kei-chan!”
Takeo - one of Tadashis and Keis classmates stood in front of the class. They actually should be studying silently now, because their teacher is absent for a few minutes, but everybody's attention is directed at what the boy in front of them has to say.
Tadashi, who was usually really fast in completing any task their teachers would give them, had decided to write something really important and really private once he was done with the assignment. Which was actually a stupid idea to have in the middle of a classroom.
It was a love letter.
Not quite a ‘real’ love letter, he never meant to give it to it’s recipient. It was more of a opportunity to write his bottled up feelings down, to have a draft of whatever he wants to tell his best friend sometime.
Not now. Not like this. Unedited, in front of everyone and not even with his own voice.
Takeo just wanted Tadashis help with the assignment and had walked over to his seat, just to read the first few lines of the letter and deciding to make a bit of a show.
‘TADASHI IS IN FUCKING LOVE WITH TSUKISHIMA OH MY GOD!’, he started his exciting monologue and continues reading from the letter.
Tadashi, still in shock and full of shame watches his classmate with wide eyes, clutching his hands into fists and shallow breathing. He couldn’t even bring himself to turn around to look at Kei. He really wanted to at least see his reaction. But from the moment Takeo took the letter from his desk, Tadashi decided to never go back to school ever again.
“’If you are not as cold hearted as everyone says and I’ll never believe, you probably have already guessed that there is something going on. In the past few months I have developed some really strange feelings and thoughts and they are all related to your existence, so I guess I should tell.’ - Oh my god, this is so pretentious!!”, Takeo laughs and shoots a superior smile in Keis direction. “Don’t act like it’s romantic. You’re disgusting. ‘I’m pretty confident that I am in love with you.’ Ew, Tadashi.”
It felt like Tadashi couldn’t breathe. That he had to wait. The silence was hurting. It was hurting that Kei didn’t say or do anything. That he felt unable to.
“’I like that you are smart and that you care about so many things a lot. And that you are shy about telling, but actually you’re always pretty obvious. It’s cute. I think your glasses suit you a lot and your hair always smells so nice. I enjoy every minute of walking to school or home with you. You seem to always listen to me and support me. I like your dedication to volleyball. I like how you always have something cool to say. Every second we are together I find myself wanting to get closer to you.’ Tadashi, you are so disgusting.”
It feels like the whole class is laughing, while a few actually seem pretty uneasy about this strange situation. This isn’t right. This is not how their friendship should go. It would probably break at this very moment.
“’I don’t really want this to change anything between us’”, Takeo goes on, ”’but I’m pretty sure, it will. That’s how things work out in life, sometimes. I guess. I just thought it was fair to tell. And if you want to consider going through the struggle of still being my friend, I will be there, waiting. I’m sorry.’ He seriously ends his love letter with ‘I’m sorry’ what the fuck? Not even a heart or something. Still, this is so cheesy. Look, he’s red!”
Tadashis cheeks were burning, this was seriously the most embarrassing thing that has happened to him ever. His inability to move turned into a overwhelming want to escape this situation. He pushed his stuff into his bag, got up, his chair falling to the floor. Takeo took a few steps back, thinking he was going to be attacked or that Tadashi would get the letter back, but he was just quickly leaving the classroom. It took him a few minutes on the way home to start crying and to get out of the shock.
The school called his mother and he had a lot of chaotic explaining to do, but somehow he ended up staying at home for multiple days. He was actually not feeling well, his stomach hurting, not being able to eat anything.
Kei on the other hand felt the same shock. Mixed with equal parts of anger and joy. Anger because of Takeo, who made his best friend feel this way, to embarass him in front of everyone. Anger at himself for not intervening. But he didn’t want to cause more trouble. He just stayed silent about the whole matter.
But the joy came from a really positive side of this. Kei was happy about Tadashis unwanted confession. He was happy about the feelings he had received and about the love letter, which he took from Takeo and which was now hanging on the wall next to his bed. His heart pounding really fast whenever he just looked at it. He knew about Tadashis feelings probably even before Tadashi himself was confident about them. He felt the same way.
How they spent every minute they could get together, sharing nearly every secret, things like that change a friendship. The way they started touching each other innocently, grabbing the other by the arms, leaning a little closer than before while doing homework. They naturally got so close, Kei always felt that it would be just a matter of time they would kiss and hold hands and cuddle. Kei also kinda enjoyed how Tadashi was completely unaware that his best friend was also attracted to him. Making shy movements, asking intimate questions with a little stutter, turning red at unusual moments. He really really enjoyed that.
What he doesn’t enjoy now is, that the natural progression of their relationship was disturbed and it angered him even more, that Tadashi now felt bad and probably the worst he had ever felt.
Kei knew that Tadashi wouldn’t answer any of his calls and texts. He tried anyway but didn’t expect much of it. He had planned something different. Kei had a mission. And that mission was to make his boyfriend to be as happy and full of love as he have ever been. Because Tadashi was right. Kei cared about many things. And with this, he didn’t want to hide it. He wanted to be the most confident he has ever been with this, because Tadashi deserved it.
So on Friday, at 4pm, the evening of the Torono Winter Festival, he stood in front of the Yamaguchi house the first time since the incident and rang the door.
“Oh god, Kei-chan, I thought you would never show up!”, Tadashis mother answered him with a relieved tone in her voice. “TADASHI! COME DOWNSTAIRS! KEI IS HERE!”, she shouted and just left the door open, going back to the kitchen. Kei entered the house and took his shoes off.
Outside it was freezing cold and the trees, cars, fences and houses were all covered in white, frozen ice. The sun just started setting and Kei really wished for Tadashi to hurry up. This was the perfect time, the perfect circumstances and he had fucking roses hidden behind his back, so this evening was damned to be a good one.
After a few seconds Kei caught Tadashi shyly walking down the stairs, still or already in his pyjamas.
“Tadashi.”, Kei smiled at him, suddenly feeling his heart beating really fast again. He was so sure this was going to work out, but he still got too excited to see his best friend so unhappy and with the ability to make him so damn happy. He never felt such pure joy by just looking at a person.
“Kei.”, Tadashi answered and his voice sounded like it hadn’t been used the past few days.
“Do you want to go to the Winter Festival with me?”
“N… no?!”, his best friend answered confused and looked him in the eye with a questioning look.
Kei repeated the sentence, but this time with a more pressuring and ambiguous voice.
“Do YOU want to go to the Winter Festival with ME?”
He got the roses from behind his back and held them in his direction. They were bright red and filled the dimmed entrance of the house and Tadashis surprised and overwhelmed face with their radiant color. Tadashi put his hands around Keis and the roses and pressed them together tightly.
“I… guess… I mean… ok, let’s… let me… change clothes… wait right there.”, Tadashi stuttered.
Tadashi hid the roses from his mother as he was sprinting the stairs back up. Kei was sure, she was going to find out sooner or later, but now this didn’t matter. He was anticipating the moment when he finally could kiss his boyfriend-to-be.
He came back with jeans and a turtleneck sweater and he put on his shoes, a scarf and a hat.
They silently walked outside, Kei feeling Tadashis stare at his cheek. He helplessly fumbled around with his fingers, until his ring finger caught Tadashis index finger and they intertwined them. The spot where their fingers touched felt so warm and secure that it felt almost natural being together again.
They had just skipped a few steps and the time to make the final one would come sooner or later. After a few minutes Kei just starts talking about what has happened in school or at practice and Tadashi listens, but his mind is still as chaotic as ever.
When they entered the festival, the smell of fried almonds, cookies and tea covered them, making them feel even more comfortable. People around them were chatting, walking, looking at the many displays of decorations, listening to the band that is playing somewhere in the distance.
But Tadashi had only eyes for Kei, still in awe at how his best friend is acting like it was completely normal to give him red roses and to go on something you could easily call a date.
They were both freezing a bit, but it was nice for Tadashi to breathe fresh air and get outside for once. It felt like there was no tension and as confused as Tadashi was, he knew he had nothing to worry about. Kei had taken the lead again and was caring for him as much as ever.
Suddenly Kei walked over to one of the booths, leaving Tadashis index finger cold, but he promptly came back with a small package of fried almonds in his hands and held one of them to Tadashis mouth. Tadashi parted his lips and looked at his best friend with a wide-eyed expression.
“You thought so.”, Kei snickered, quickly putting the almond into his own mouth and pressing his lips against Tadashis even quicker. If he didn’t put his hand on the back of his best friend, pushing him to walk beside him again, Tadashi would have stood there for ages, contemplating on what on earth just has happened.
Kei had kissed him. He had kissed him!
Tadashis thoughts fell into place. His anxiety seemed to leave his body in an instant. All his worries began to vanish. Without looking he searched for Keis Hand and held it tightly.
“Want a few almonds?”, Kei asked with a wide grin and held them to Tadashis mouth once again.
“You thought so.”, Tadashi answers and put Keis hand down to kiss him.