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‘At what point are you going to tell me where we’re going?’ Warriors asked exasperatedly, even as Legend continued to drag him through the unfamiliar streets.
Legend gave a snort of derision. Or exertion. It was hard to be sure; a fast walk for Warriors was a near sprint for his companion’s shorter legs. ‘Settle down, princess,’ he huffed back, ‘we’re almost there now.’
Princess. Warriors wasn’t entirely sure when or why Legend had abruptly switched to that odd little nickname, when “pretty boy” had been working well enough beforehand. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but he wasn’t sure he disliked it, either. He was sure that Legend would stop if he asked.
He hadn’t asked.
‘Are we there, yet?’ he asked again, just to be difficult. Legend obliged him with a dramatic, winded groan, and kept jogging onwards.
It was early in the morning on what was supposed to be a day off. Legend didn’t usually cope well with mornings at all, and from the manic look in his shadowed eyes, at least two cups of Hytopian “coffee” had been involved in overcoming that particular hurdle. Warriors made a mental note to confiscate that surely illicit substance, or at the very least, to do a better job of removing himself from the splash zone of Legend’s caffeine-fuelled bad ideas – of which this, surely, must be a truly bad idea.
Time, in contrast, usually awoke before Warriors did, and that day was no different. Warriors had cast a brief, pleading look at his older-younger brother on the way out of the inn, and predictably, said older-younger brother had of course promptly turned a blind eye – despite, Warriors might add, the fact that Time’s blind eye was on the complete opposite side of his head. Clearly, that adult-shaped gremlin was in on it. Which was, as far as Warriors was concerned, a damned good reason to stay out of it.
‘Hey, vet. I’m starting to think you might be up to shenanigans,’ he announced aloud.
‘Too late. We’re here!’ sang Legend.
“Here” turned out to be an incredibly suspicious-looking two-storey venue bedecked with purple walls, a red roof and an ostentatious golden archway with a giant golden “M” emblazoned above it. Utterly bemused, Warriors glanced back at his smirking, utterly-pleased-with-himself companion, then over to the side to find a wooden cut out of a red and yellow dress.
‘A dress shop?’ he asked dubiously.
‘Sure is,’ Legend said cheerfully. ‘Not just any dress shop, though: welcome to Madame Couture’s, the finest tailor in all of Hytopia!’
‘So we’re going shopping?’ Warriors asked dubiously. ‘That’s what all this is about?’
Legend’s smile wavered slightly. ‘Well, yeah. That was the plan. Unless you really don’t want to, I guess?’
Warriors had the sense he’d messed up, somehow. He quickly clarified, ‘Well, it’s not like we can’t go dress shopping or anything, but don’t you already have like a bajillion outfits? And that was before you and Wild went out to Gerudo Town the other day.’
The deflated, kicked puppy look cleared away. Legend rolled his eyes. ‘We’re not shopping for me, dumbass. We’re shopping for you.’
‘Me?’ Warriors said blankly.
Legend gave an irritable huff. ‘Yes. You. Alright… look. If I’m reading this wrong, that’s fine and all, but… the way you were looking at me and Wild when we came back with those outfits the other day, I thought… maybe…’
(Bright, colourful silk, glittering gold jewellery. Decidedly feminine, but it suited them. It didn’t look out of place at all. Not like it would’ve if Warriors had worn something like that. So, sure: maybe he’d been a little jealous at the time, but –)
‘I didn’t mean to stare,’ Warriors said abruptly. ‘I said I was sorry, right?’
‘No, no, that’s not what… shit…’ Legend trailed off, shuffling awkwardly on his feet. He scowled down at the cobblestones. ‘Look. I’m sorry. For misunderstanding, and getting all defensive about it. So this is my apology, ok? We’ve got the best dressmaker in town – or in the country, or the continent, maybe – ready to make something, or several somethings, just for you. Whatever it is you want, they’ll make it look good. They’ll make you look good in it. And take it from me: the right clothes make all the difference.’ He reached abruptly into his bag and snatched up a thick slip of paper. ‘See this?’ He grinned. ‘Blank check. I wrote to Zelda and got her to write to Princess Styla. Called in some favours, you know? From both of them. So now I can buy anything and everything you want, and the Hytopian Crown’ll just have to deal with it.’
Warriors blinked. ‘Wait. Really?’
‘Yes, really. I mean, I saved their Kingdom and all, right? So this sort of request is nothing. No big deal,’ Legend scoffed, giving a dramatic shrug to show exactly how small of a deal it really was to him.
Legend was a terrible liar. That was part of what Warriors liked about him: it made him easy to trust. It was also extremely funny, and extremely endearing, at times.
‘It sure sounds like a big deal,’ Warriors mused. ‘High quality custom clothing isn’t cheap, after all. And I thought you hated calling in royal favours?’
‘Huh? Who said anything about that? I’m the Hero of Legend, and if I wanna splash cash and status around, I will. Just ask my scammer roommate,’ Legend replied dismissively. ‘Like I said: no big deal.’
Warriors grinned. ‘Your ears are turning red again, Legend. Just so you know.’
Said ears promptly turned even redder before Legend hastily clapped both hands over the sides of his head, glaring at Warriors in a deeply funny way. ‘Fuck off, prett- I mean, princess,’ he groaned. ‘So, are we going in, or not?’
Not without regret, Warriors pointed to the golden chain strung across the doorway. ‘Looks like they’re closed,’ he reported. ‘Might be the early hour; you were a bit too enthusiastic about all this, I think. So, you wanna wait around? Or go somewhere else? I’m fine if you just want to head back early, of cour–’
‘They’re closed for us, dumbass,’ Legend interrupted, ears still cherry-red from embarrassment as he pulled his hands away and instead reached for the place where golden chain met golden hook on the wall. ‘I booked the damn salon. We’ve got a few hours to look at the catalogue and get things fitted, then they’ll work through any remaining alterations over the rest of the day. Who the hell knows how long we’ll be here in Hytopia, after all? I’m not getting you stuck on some stupidly long waiting list. C’mon in, already.’
Warriors stared at him. ‘You’re joking, right?’
Arranging a day off with Time was one thing. Setting aside his pride and independence to wrangle some sort of exceptional royal purse was another. Booking out an entire store and paying some probably-ridiculous fee for a rush order, just to… to what? Indulge in some silly little wish that Warriors had only murmured of that one time?
(‘I’m a bit jealous, you know,’ he’d admitted. ‘If I wore that sort of thing, I’d look ridiculous. But it suits you – it looks good on you.’
‘Who said it wouldn’t suit you?!’ Legend had demanded hotly. Warriors had laughed awkwardly and quickly changed the subject.)
‘Quit freaking out about nothing,’ said Legend. ‘It’s just a damn shopping trip. We do that all the time. We can buy some potions on the way back if it makes you feel better. Or that fucking “hard tack” or whatever gross soldier rations you’re used to. Just pick a few dresses you like and we’ll be done in no time.’
Warriors shook his head in disbelief. ‘Why stop there? If we’re already playing “crazy noble in a boutique”, then why not do that whole “I’ll take everything from there to there” thing while we’re at it?’
Legend actually paused at that, looking genuinely contemplative.
‘It was a joke,’ Warriors cut in hastily. ‘Like one of those trashy novels, you know?’
‘Not a bad idea, though,’ Legend mused.
‘It really, really is,’ Warriors pressed.
Legend shrugged. ‘Well. Either way.’ He gave a sweeping bow. ‘Shall we?’