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Buck has been living in Eddie’s house for a couple weeks now.
He’s never called it his house, not once during the months he lived there by himself when Eddie was in Texas.
But ever since the first night he spent there since Eddie got back, he feels he could call it home.
And he’s been sleeping on the couch…
He’s started to look for a new apartment a couple days ago but Eddie said he’d help him look and they’ve been so busy lately, he just keeps forgetting to open his laptop and take a look at the listings.
The couch is not uncomfortable, Eddie is not making him pay any rent and the company is pretty good. He can’t complain. He’s actually never felt so at home anywhere else in his life.
But he knows he can’t sleep on Eddie’s couch forever.
This week is gonna be pretty rough at work because they have a couple long shifts coming up. But he promises himself he’ll talk to Eddie about it next week.
“Evancitoooo” Buck is folding Chris’s clothes when he hears Tia Pepa walk into the house. Eddie and Chris come walking out of the kitchen to say hello as soon as they hear her chirpy voice.
Buck stands up and waits for her with open arms. “Pepa,” He strokes her back softly. “So good to see you” He loves how the whole room warms up with laughter and smiles as soon as she walks in. She hugs him so tight he doesn’t understand where she gets all this strength from.
“Buenos días, tía” Eddie gives her a kiss on the cheek.
Buck hears Pepa’s honeyed voice say, “Mi amor,” Buck looks at them, standing by the couch with his hands in his back pocket. He loves to listen to them talk to each other when they’re in their own little world. Mi amor, Buck says inside his head. That sounds so sweet. He wishes there was a word like that in English he could call people he cares about. Pepa kisses Eddie back and then grabs Chris’s cheeks and pinches him. “Y mi otro amor” Chris grins at her and then turns around to finish his breakfast before Pepa has to take him to school. Buck or Eddie have been driving him lately but this week shifts changed and they’re gonna need her help with drop off and then pick up as well.
“Can I make you a cup of coffee?” Buck asks her, Chris’s folded clothes now in his arms.
She grabs the clothes from his hands. “I’m good, Evancito. Let me help you with that,” He knows better than to say no to her, so he lets her take the clothes to Chris’ bedroom. “You go see if our Eddie needs any help in the kitchen”
Buck enters the kitchen and Eddie can feel his presence even before he sees him. From what he says after, he might have even read his mind. “She sent you to check on me?” He’s doing the dishes they used for breakfast that morning. Buck had made chocolate chip pancakes for everyone and there was melted chocolate all over their plates.
Buck laughs and nods. But when he realises Eddie has his back to him and can’t see his face, he walks toward him and leans on the counter next to him. “Yeah,” Buck takes a long look at Eddie’s side profile and then he feels like he’s being ripped apart. So he moves his gaze toward Chris, who’s finishing his orange juice and texting someone on his phone. Everything feels so good, Buck wants to cry.
Because this isn’t his real life.
This perfect domestic fantasy he’s been living in for a couple weeks is coming to an end soon and there’s nothing he can do about it.
Buck will never tell Eddie how he feels.
And Eddie will never love him back.
-
The first time Buck says it to Eddie, they’re on a call; A first date gone awry.
A homemade hot air balloon ride in a backyard, what could go wrong?
The rest of the team is working to get the man out of the rogue hot air balloon that managed to get stuck in the only tree in the yard, and Buck and Eddie are assessing the woman.
“I’m fine!” The woman insists, huffing at Eddie.
Buck and Eddie look at each other, their eyebrows raised. From their vantage point, they can clearly see her foot facing the opposite way it should be.
Buck takes Eddie’s place, kneeling in front of the obviously shocked woman.
“Ma’am, you fell out of the tree. We need to assess you.” Buck says, in his best sickly sweet voice, and the woman caves.
Buck can hear Eddie scoff behind him and whisper “works every time.”
He can feel the heat rising in his cheeks at the sly remark.
Buck manages to get a good look at the woman’s foot, and can see that it's much more than just a twisted ankle. “Miss, it seems you have broken your foot. I need you to keep your leg as still as possible.” The lady starts to panic, forcing Buck to hold her injured leg down to keep from thrashing around.
“Eds, mi amor, a splint would be great right now.” Buck speaks, looking back at Eddie with a sense of urgency. Eddie stares at Buck, mouth agape. Buck clears his throat, still fighting to keep the woman still. “Earth to Eddie! Splint. Any day now.” Eddie finally comes to, out of his frozen state, and runs to grab the splint. When he gets back, the woman has finally calmed down enough for the two of them to get the splint on her foot without much of a fight.
Eddie bumps Buck’s shoulder, and they smile at each other. Eddie has a puzzled look on his face, and starts to ask “Buck, what did you-” before the woman looks down at her foot and screams, passing out. They barely manage to get her laid down before she comes to again, staring up at them.
“This is a much better view than my foot.” She whispers, smiling in a daze at Buck. Eddie mumbles something under his breath and stands up.
“I’m just gonna check on the others, be right back!” Eddie blurts out, walking away before Buck can get a word in edgewise.
Not long after, the rest of the team gets the man down, leaving his diy disaster of a hot air balloon in its newfound home, the limbs of the oak tree.
As they hop back in the truck, Buck can feel Eddie’s eyes on him. He tries not to react, but the rapid pickup in his heart rate says otherwise when Eddie’s hand brushes against his as they take their seats, beside each other.
-
The second time it happens, they’re at a grocery store with Chris.
Buck picks them up that Saturday morning because Eddie’s truck is at the shop and he has nothing for lunch at home. At least nothing that a picky teenager is willing to eat.
“Thanks again, man” Eddie grabs a basket by the entrance since he doesn’t need a cart for the couple of items they need for today. “They said the truck would be ready around six today,”
Buck shrugs and just smiles at him. “No problem,” Then he turns around to look at Chris who's walking behind them like any teenager would. “He’s too cool to walk next to us now?” He whispers next to Eddie.
Eddie scoffs and shakes his head in amusement. “He would have stayed home but he wanted to get some stuff too,”
“Gonna go get some cereal,” Chris mumbles without even looking at them, before turning around and walking toward the cereal aisle.
Eddie laughs softly and Buck bites down a smile. Buck has been in their life since Chris was a little kid that only wanted to walk next to his dad and hang out with his Buck. But he’s also enjoying being part of this awkward stage where you’re not sure if the kid even likes you. He wants to be part of their lives for as long as they’d let him. But he’s not sure how that’s gonna work if Eddie ever finds someone else who can talk to Chris when he doesn’t want to talk to him, or someone else to drive him to the store.
“Buck,” Eddie is pushing the basket against his arms. “Can you hold this while I go get some meat?” Buck clears his throat, snapping out of his thoughts and holds the basket Eddie gives him.
Buck turns around when he hears Chris’ crutches. “Hey,” He says when Chris drops four cereal boxes in the basket. “You sure this is enough?” He teases him, knowing Eddie won’t mind but that he would probably also joke about the same thing.
Chris rolls his eyes at him. “You’re just like him,”
Eddie walks towards them with a bag with meat in his hands. “Just like who?” He drops the bag inside the basket that Buck’s holding and then also takes the basket from him. “Four cereal boxes, Chris? If you’re preparing for the apocalypse, are you sure that’s enough?” He teases his son while looking at his best friend to see if he laughs at his joke.
Chris looks up at Buck and raises his eyebrows.
Buck can feel his cheeks getting warmer.
They grab a couple more things they need and Buck adds two bags of chips and some ranch dressing for himself.
When they’re waiting in line at the cash register, Eddie takes his wallet out of the back pocket of his tight jeans and Buck stops him by grabbing his hand for a second. “It’s okay, mi amor. I’ve got it,” Buck whispers to Eddie.
But not quietly enough, because the girl at the register softly smiles at the three of them, and Chris looks at his dad with a confused frown on his face.
Eddie’s face turns hot and bright red. His brain sends danger signals to the rest of his body, his heart is pounding inside his chest and suddenly he can feel what he had that morning for breakfast upsetting his stomach.
Eddie doesn’t say anything that time either.
-
They’re at a PTA meeting when it happens again.
Eddie asks Buck to tag along to avoid the wandering eyes of the PTA moms.
“I’m telling you, it’s like they’re hunters and I’m their prey!” Eddie says as they make their way into the school.
Buck rolls his eyes. “It can’t be that bad, Eddie. I think you’re overreacting a bit.”
Before they can even sit down, they hear a woman from across the room.
“Mr. Diaz! So excited for you to join!” The lady says, walking up to Eddie with her arms open in invitation.
Eddie reluctantly accepts the hug, giving Buck ‘see what I mean?’ eyes when he pulls away. The woman is staring Eddie up and down when Buck clears his throat.
She looks up at him, a smile on her face. “Hi! I’m Ms. Jackson, but you can call me Lara.”
“I’m Evan Buckley, most people call me Buck.” He says, shaking her hand.
“Like the deer?” Lara asks, winking at Eddie. Eddie gives her an awkward smile and puts his hand on Buck’s shoulder, gesturing him towards their seats.
“That’s right, Ms. Jackson! We’re gonna find our seats now. Nice to see you again!” Eddie says as politely as he can, putting on his best fake smile.
Buck can’t help but laugh once they sit down. “You were not lying, man. These PTA moms mean business.”
Eddie rolls his eyes, punching Buck’s arm playfully. “I told you! Ms. Jackson’s been after me ever since she found out I was single.”
Buck’s eyes search the room, and find her already looking their way from the potluck table. She waves, and he gives her a nod before looking back at Eddie. “She's pretty, why not give it a shot?” Buck asks, trying to hide the jealousy in his voice. Eddie looks at Buck like he has two heads. Buck shrugs. “What? She’s like the epitome of your type.”
“I don’t think so, she’s not y-” Eddie starts, cut off by the head PTA officer starting the meeting.
“She’s not what?” Buck whispers.
Eddie’s cheeks turn pink, and he avoids eye contact with Buck. “Oh, uh.. Nothing.” Buck stares at him, hoping to get Eddie to crack and finish his sentence. Instead, Eddie points at the speaker standing in front of them, shrugging at Buck and mouthing “Sorry.”
Buck groans and can see the quirk of a smile on Eddie’s face.
After the long, and frankly, boring meeting, Eddie is standing at the table full of desserts, trying to decide which baked good he wants.
Buck watches his eyebrows furl in deep thought, and it takes everything in him not to stand up right then and shout to the world “I LOVE EDDIE DIAZ!”
In a perfect world, he would be able to do that.
He would have Eddie as his own.
In this world, however, he watches as Ms. Jackson walks up to Eddie and shamelessly picks up a cupcake, licking the icing off the top and staring into his eyes.
Eddie’s eyes almost pop out of his head and he frantically searches for Buck’s gaze to save him again.
Before he even gets the chance to give Buck his signature ‘Help Me’ eyes, Buck finds his spot between the two.
“Have you decided what you want, mi amor?” Buck smiles, snaking an arm around Eddie’s waist. He leans in and whispers “Follow my lead.”
Eddie grins, and if his cheeks turn bright red, that’s no one’s business but his own.
“Not yet. I’m stuck between a chocolate chip cookie or a slice of banana bread.” Eddie says, looking back down at his choices.
Buck moves his hand up to Eddie’s shoulder, and grazes his thumb along the nape of his neck.
Eddie shudders under his touch, but doesn’t pull away.
Buck finally looks at Ms. Jackson, and points at her mouth. “Oh Lara, you’ve got a bit of icing there.”
Lara scoffs and wipes her lips in haste. “I should’ve known I didn’t stand a chance by the way you two have been ogling at each other from across the room for the past five minutes.” She huffs, turning and walking away.
Buck and Eddie look at each other and grin.
“You know what, these cookies don’t even look that great. I should’ve chosen banana bread from the beginning.” Eddie smiles, nudging Buck.
-
A few days later they’re on shift, and Buck and Eddie are assigned to dishwashing duty after dinner.
Just like at Eddie’s house, they have a system;
Buck does the washing and Eddie does the drying.
“You do know only Eddie was asked to wash dishes, right?” Ravi yells from the dining table.
Buck drops the dish he was washing in the sink and huffs, turning to look at Ravi. Eddie snickers under his breath. “It’s easier this way, Rav. We have it down to a science.” Buck bites back.
Ravi rolls his eyes and laughs. “Yeah, it’s called codependency!” He drops his now clean plate in the sink and stands between them, his hand on both of their shoulders. “I don’t know how you two haven’t caught on yet.” He says, patting their shoulders and walking away.
Buck continues doing the dishes, seemingly unphased by what Ravi has said. Eddie places a now-dry mug in the cabinet and sits his dish towel down. What did Ravi mean by that? Haven’t caught on to what?
His mind starts racing and he doesn’t realize that he’s been staring at Buck until he tries to hand him the clean dish, and Eddie doesn’t reach for it.
Buck clears his throat, and Eddie startles, grabbing the dish from him to dry it. Buck gives him a grin and goes right back to work. Eddie can feel his cheeks turning rosy and hopes that no one else can see it.
“Buck, Come here! Jee wants to talk to you!” Chimney calls from his seat at the table, on FaceTime with Maddie and Jee.
Buck tosses the plate he’s washing back in the sink and turns around, almost bumping into Hen. “I’ll be right back, mi amor. You think you can take the reins for a minute?” Buck asks Eddie, already walking towards the table.
Eddie can’t hide the smile on his face.
Hen gives Eddie a confused look while sitting her dishes in the sink. “Did he just call you what I think he called you?” Hen asks, biting her lip to keep from smiling.
Eddie’s whole face heats up and he puts himself to work, washing the unfinished plate Buck was working on. “I don’t even think he knows what it means, Hen.” He starts, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “He keeps calling me ‘My Love’ but nothing has changed between us. We’re still just best friends.” He shrugs, trying to hide any hint of his real feelings about the situation.
Hen pats him on the back.
A sympathy pat, Eddie thinks.
“And you want to be something… more?” Hen whispers, making sure no one else hears their conversation.
Eddie sits the clean dishes in the empty sink and finally looks back at Hen. “Is it that obvious?” He asks, his eyes wandering over to his best friend at the table.
Hen follows his line of sight and looks back at him, and she smiles. “If it helps, I think he’s pretty obvious too.” She says, winking at him and walking away, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts.
‘That can’t be true, he’s just calling me mi amor as a joke. That 's gotta be-’
Eddie’s inner dialogue is cut short by Buck’s hand on his waist. He jumps, dropping a plate on the floor in the process. Buck chuckles and says while shaking his head, “See this is why we work better together. No broken dishes.” Eddie smacks him with the dish towel and laughs when Buck lets out a yelp.
Nobody even bothers to ask why when Buck is sweeping up the broken dish into the dustpan, being held by none other than Eddie.
-
The last time it happens without repercussions they’re all out for after shift drinks.
“A toast to friendship!” Buck is raising his fifth shot glass at them and pouring it down his throat the next second. Chimney is the only one who’s been drinking with him since the beginning of the night. Ravi had two beers and now is looking bored. Hen is sitting right opposite Eddie and exchanging looks with him. Buck makes a face after the vodka burns his insides and leans over the table to grab Ravi’s shot that’s been sitting there, untouched. “I’ll take this if you don’t want it, thank you” Hen shakes her head at Eddie, who simply shrugs. “And to our sweet waitress Madi who gave me all these shots for free!”
Ravi looks down and scoffs. “She definitely did not-”
“Thank you, Madi!” Buck points at her with his now empty glass. “And to firefighters!” He keeps going after Madi awkwardly smiles at him all the way from the bar.
Eddie clears his throat. He’s the designated driver tonight. So he’s painfully sober. Warm skin sticking to Buck’s sweaty arms who’s been pressed against him for hours. “Um, Buck. I think you should-”
But Buck is not listening to him. “And to saving people! And to baked goods! And to-”
Eddie softly grabs him by the arm and interrupts his toast. “Why don’t I take you home?”
Buck frowns at him like he’s been punched. “No, Eddie. I’m having fun! We’re having fun, right?” He turns to his other friends.
Chimney is now asleep on the table. Hen and Ravi are standing up while Ravi is looking for his phone in his pocket. “Gonna call an uber for the three of us. We’re taking Chimney to his house,” He mumbles while typing on his phone. Hen's arms are crossed over her chest and she’s staring down at Eddie. They look like they’ve been having telepathic conversations all night long.
“Boo! Boring!” Buck is slurring his words and trying to reach Hen's shot glass that she hasn’t touched.
Eddie carefully takes Buck’s hand and places it on top of his own lap. “Buck, let’s go home” He whispers into his ear. The bar is loud and people are not looking at them but he doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable by calling people’s attention to them.
“Mi amor, I’m fine,” Eddie’s eyes immediately turn to Hen and Ravi who just roll their eyes or shake their heads at them. Eddie’s heart skips a beat and he feels like he’s drunk on air. “I don’t wanna go, please-”
Eddie can’t take this anymore so he drags him out of the booth by the hand and Buck complains all the way but follows behind him. “We’re leaving, guys.” Eddie announces to their friends. “See you Monday.” He fakes a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Hen looks at him and pats his back twice with a sad look on her face.
Buck falls asleep as soon as Eddie plops him down on the passenger seat of his truck. He mumbles some incoherent words the whole drive to his house but Eddie can’t understand one word. He tries not to look at him, at the way his eyes are closed and his mouth is parted and his chest is raising and falling and his big hands are placed under his chin.
After he helps Buck into his bed, he leaves a glass of water on his bedside table and a pain killer next to it.
“Eddie,” Buck mumbles and turns his body slowly to the other side, to face where Eddie is standing by the door. But he doesn’t open his eyes and doesn’t say anything else either. So after a quiet minute, Eddie turns the lights off and goes home.
-
It finally happens during a family dinner at the Diaz’s house.
Chris invites Buck over the night that Pepa is coming to have dinner with them.
She cooks one of her famous family recipes that they all love. Now, after Chris says good night and locks himself in his room to play videos games until late hours of the night, it’s just the three of them at the table. Pepa and Buck are sharing a bottle of red wine that Buck brought that night while Eddie has had two beers already.
“I’m telling you,” Pepa says between laughs, second glass of wine in her hand. “Our Eddito here,” She points to Eddie with one of her long pink nails. “had this phase were he would rather hang out with me than to go play with his friends!” Buck smiles fondly at his best friend who’s biting the inside of his now red cheeks. “We would watch telenovelas every day after school!” She squeezes Eddie’s hand and Buck’s heart warms at how much they love each other. And he wishes he had something like that too.
Maybe it’s the three glasses of wine in his system, but he can’t help but feel tingles all over his body at the loving way Eddie is looking at his tía. And tía Pepa’s words make him feel warm all over. So he puts one hand on Eddie’s forearm and simply says, “Always so sweet, mi amor.”
Eddie immediately sits up straight and looks at his tía, eyes widening. He aggressively shakes his head to her and raises his eyebrows, but he’s not fast enough. She doesn’t understand that he’s asking her to not say anything, to please stay quiet.
So one second after, she’s hugging Buck with one arm and squeezing Eddie’s hand with the other hand. “Mi amor?” A wide smile takes over her face. “Evancito?” She softly strokes Buck’s back with one hand. “Eddie, mi vida! You’re finally together?” Eddie retrieves his hand from under Pepa’s and moves both hands to his lap, fingernails sinking into the denim of his jeans.
Buck frowns with confusion and looks at Eddie who’s looking down at his feet in silence. Then he quietly turns to Pepa, whose smile is already gone from her face. “Um, what?” Buck asks her in a voice that is nothing but a nervous whisper. Pepa hears him, but doesn't answer him. She just looks at her nephew, her eyes now heavy with sudden sadness. “What do you mean?” Buck swallows hard and asks one more time. Maybe this time she’ll answer and the answer will make sense and his heart will beat normally again. But she suddenly stands up and grabs her bag that’s hanging off the back of her chair. Buck’s brain seems to work again and something tells him he shouldn’t have been calling Eddie mi amor these past few weeks.
Pepa crosses her arms over her chest and softly smiles at both of them, even if Eddie is still looking down. “I’m gonna go, Eddie” He hears her, though. Because he slowly moves his head up and down. “You boys need to talk, I think” She moves her mouth in what should be a smile and then walks out of the kitchen. And she might as well have taken all the oxygen with her, because neither of them can breathe. At least that's what it feels like right now.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck carefully moves his chair closer to Eddie’s.
Eddie drags a hand over his face and raises his shoulders, then drops them back down. “I don’t know…” He murmurs, eyes now on the wall in front of them. He can’t look into Buck's blue eyes right now. “I didn’t mind you calling me that” He grabs the two empty beer bottles and tries to stand up to go toss them but Buck grabs him tightly by the wrist.
“That’s not what I meant,” Eddie is now standing with Buck’s hand grabbing him tightly and he can’t go anywhere. There’s no escaping this. Literally and figuratively. He needs to face this. He needs to face him. “Do you…?” Eddie takes a deep breath and turns to look his best friend in the eyes. Buck looks up at him and softly lets go of his wrist. “Why did Pepa say that?” He whispers. “What does she know that I don’t, Eddie?”
“I can’t tell you that” He nervously shakes his head.
Buck squints his eyes at him “Why?” Hope is all he has in this instant. And he’s clawing at it.
Eddie simply shrugs. “Because it could ruin everything”
Buck doesn’t even let him finish that sentence when he asks him, “What does mi amor mean, Eddie?”
“It means my love” He confesses, because the only way out is telling him the truth.
Buck feels his blood freeze in his veins. And then burning him one second after. “And you didn’t correct me because you…” Fuck it. “liked me calling you that?”
“Yes” He doesn’t give time to his brain to trick him into lying to his best friend.
And Buck doesn’t give time to his mouth to stay closed, he just bluntly asks, “Because you love me?”
“I thought you knew”
“No, I… I didn’t know. If I knew, I…” Eddie wipes a tear that’s coming down his face and Buck hurries to grab him by the cheeks. “I love you too, Eddie” He whispers over his mouth.
Eddie gulps and grabs Buck by the wrists. “What?” A small, shy smile is slowly creeping up on Buck’s face. “No, you can’t…”
Buck scoffs and wipes another tear off Eddie’s face with his thumb. “Oh, I can’t love you? And why is that?” A sweet laugh travels all the way from his mouth to Eddie’s ears.
“Because…” He starts caressing Buck’s knuckles. “You love me?” He whispers. Brown eyes burning into Buck’s blue ones. He’s so afraid he’ll get lost in them. And he hopes he does.
“So much it’s driving me insane, Eddie” He closes his eyes for a moment, to be able to feel Eddie’s soft fingers touching the skin of his hand.
Eddie opens his mouth and closes it again. His heart is trying to jump out of it. His voice cracks when he says, “What do we do, Buck?”
And Buck is usually the guy with the answers. Mostly to silly questions. But this time, he also knows what to say to this life altering question, “I think we should start with a kiss.”