Chapter Text
Title Card: Through the Looking Glass, an OFMD Time Travel AU for the Reverse Bang 2025
Written by: Blooming_Aloe, Art by: Meg_ofmd
2025
Stede blew out a sigh of satisfaction as he looked around the studio. They'd been talking, and then planning, for years. Now, the Gentleman Tailor and Blackbeard were finally launching their joint fashion brand, Gentlebeard.
Never in a million years had he imagined that Lucius bullying him into applying for America’s Next Top Designer would lead to him meeting his best friend. But when he'd been paired with Ed for a mixed fabrics challenge, they hit it off immediately and were virtually inseparable from that moment on.
Stede smiled as the soft strains of “Merry-Go-Round of Life” from Howl’s Moving Castle drifted from the back room – Ed was listening to his “Make it Work” playlist – and scanned the showroom again. The short modeling platforms had been installed, and art had been hung on the walls. Overstuffed chairs and sofas, side tables and coffee tables had been delivered, and sitting areas perfected. Decorative pillows and cashmere throws had been artfully arranged, and tasteful floral bouquets and other small accessories had been added here and there to tie everything together. But the space felt incomplete; something was still missing. He glanced through the display window, past the mannequins attired in some of his and Ed’s newest creations, his gaze ultimately landing on a storefront across the street with a sign that read, Yearn for the Sea – Antiques, Curiosities, and Treasures of the Deep .
That’s funny, he thought. I don’t remember there being an antiques shop there.
“Lucius, has that shop always been there?” Stede asked, furrowing his brow. A feeling of, well, not déjà vu exactly, but still a sort of disconcerting familiarity, niggled at the back of his mind.
Lucius answered with a question of his own, not bothering to look up from his phone. “Has what always been where?”
“That antiques store across the street.” Stede knew Lucius wasn’t looking, but he pointed in the shop’s direction anyway.
“How should I know?” Lucius replied dismissively. “You’re the one who’s obsessed with that stuff.”
Stede clicked his tongue and scrunched up his face in offense. “Well, I’m going to check it out. If Ed’s looking for me, tell him I’m across the street. I’ll be back in a jiffy.” He didn’t wait for Lucius to reply as he flung open the studio door. There was an 80/20 chance the boy hadn’t even been paying attention.
He dashed across the street and stepped into Yearn For the Sea , the little bell above the door tinkling softly to announce his entrance. He sucked in a deep wondering breath as his eyes darted around the space. It was like something out of his wildest dreams; the shop held everything from tchotchkes and trinkets to chairs and china. He would definitely remember this slice of heaven if he’d visited on a previous occasion.
He wandered down narrow aisles between tables and cabinets in wide-eyed awe. “Oh my god,” he breathed, running his hand along the edge of a table. “This is a Louis XIV giltwood console.”
“Aye.” Stede startled at the voice, making an undignified squeak. He jumped to his feet and spun around to see a tall, thin man with long blond hair standing behind him. “Ye’ve a keen eye,” the man said in a thick Scottish brogue.
“Oh! Well, thank you.” Stede smoothed a hand down the front of his shirt and introduced himself. “I’m Stede, by the way. My business partner and I have a place just over there.” He gestured in the direction of Gentlebeard Designs. “The space is still feeling,” he paused, searching for the right word, “unfinished, so I thought I’d nip in here and see if one of your fine wares might be the missing piece.”
The man hummed and nodded his head slowly. Then, his blue eyes went a bit unfocused and he cocked his head to the side as if listening for something. “Ye’re welcome to poke around all ye want,” he intoned. “Just be wary of starin’ intae the void, lest it get curious and stare back.”
“Riiiiight,” Stede said slowly. “Okay, yeah. No staring into the void.”
It wasn’t long before Stede found himself in front of an ornate trifold full length mirror. He ran a finger lightly along the gold frame, tracing the baroque curls and feathers. The silver backing on the glass appeared to be flawless and the glass itself seemed pristine, not a chip in sight.
“It’s perfect,” he breathed. He’d found it, the missing piece. And he was taking it with him, come hell or high water. “How much are you, you absolute beauty?” He murmured as his eyes darted all around the frame, looking for a price tag.
“‘Tis nae for sale,” the shopkeeper replied, stepping out from behind the mirror, surprising Stede yet again.
“Jesus!” Stede yelped. “Why is it on the sales floor then?” he asked once he regained his composure.
“I dare nae question the whims of the gods,” the shopkeeper replied cryptically. He patted the frame of the mirror fondly. “Karl knows no master; he goes where he will.”
“Of course he does,” Stede replied with a calculating glint in his eyes. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I get the distinct impression that, uh, Karl would like to go with me.”
“Do ye, now?” The shopkeeper’s expression was disturbingly blank.
“Um, yes.” Stede cleared his throat. “Yes, I do. Surely, we can come to some sort of agreement, some amount that you’d be willing to part with– with him for.”
The shopkeeper gazed into the mirror for several long moments. Finally, he said, “I couldnae part with him for less than ten thousand talents.”
Stede blinked slowly, wondering what the talent-to-dollar exchange rate was. “I’ll give you $300,” he countered.
The shopkeeper stared through him with a faraway look in his eyes, head cocked to the side as if listening to something only he could hear. “Nine thousand four hundred and thirty-seven nefernubs.”
Ten minutes of increasingly bizarre haggling later, Stede was the proud owner of the most gloriously ostentatious mirror he’d ever had the pleasure of owning. He had massively overspent, but it was worth it to know that he’d finally found the perfect piece to complete the Gentlebeard vibe.
He didn’t even care when the shopkeeper held the front door open for him and somberly said, “Ye best have caution with ol’ Karl. If ye look close enough, you’ll find what ye most need. But it’ll not be a pleasant journey. Ye ken?”
“Yep,” Stede replied absently as he rolled the mirror out the door on its little wheeled platform, “I promise to take excellent care of, er, Karl.”
He was giddy, bursting with excitement, as he slowly rolled the mirror down the block to the crosswalk and across the street. He couldn’t wait to show Ed his find. It wasn’t until he reached the studio entrance that he realized he wasn't going to be able to get the mirror inside without help.
He yanked open the door and glared at Lucius, who was busy smirking at whatever was on his phone screen.
“Lucius! Could you please help me?” he huffed. “Get the other end of this mirror.”
“Pass,” Lucius replied without looking up.
“Okay, fine, but could you at least come over here and hold the shop door open? I really don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
“I’m sorry, but can you be for real right now, Stede?” Lucius took a long drawn-out sip of his iced coffee as he finally looked up. “You know I don't get doors. I’m who people get doors for.”
“Lucius, if this thing goes pear-shaped because you can't be arsed to walk literally three feet and hold a door, I will fire you.”
“Puh-lease. You’d miss me after, like, five minutes,” Lucius scoffed. “Why can’t you just get Ed to help you?” He waved toward the back room.
“I’m not bothering Ed when you are sitting right here,” Stede said in a bitchy tone. “Tighten up, mate. Now, come on. I need your help getting this place ready for the big day.”
“Ugh! Fine.” Lucius threw his hands up in resignation, heaving an over-the-top sigh as he stood up. He fiddled with his phone in one hand, while he held open the door with the other.
“What are you doing?” Stede narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
“Documenting this for the inevitable insurance investigation,” Lucius said wryly. “Because honestly, I’m shocked that you even got that thing across the street intact. There’s no way you’ll actually get it through the door in one piece.”
“Hey, I’m not that bad!” Stede pouted. “Besides, it’s on wheels. All I have to do is get it over the little threshold bump. Easy peasy, as Ed would say.”
Lucius hummed in disagreement. “Are you sure you don’t want to ask your other half for help? I know I tease you, like, all the time, but that mirror isn’t looking super stable on that platform.”
“I’m not going to interrupt Ed while he’s busy hand embroidering the octopus on that leather blazer. He needs to focus, Lucius!”
“Ooookay,” Lucius sing-songed. “It’s your ridiculous Final Destination-worthy funeral.”
The next minute and seventeen seconds were fraught as Stede tried to push, and then pull, the little platform over the threshold without success. The mirror teetered and Lucius gasped dramatically more than once; Stede just couldn’t keep the mirror stable and maneuver the wheels over the bump.
“Jesus. What the fuck are you doing?” Ed said, appearing somewhere behind Stede, sounding vaguely alarmed. He must have heard Stede and Lucius bickering from the back room. His footsteps hurried closer.
“Ed!” Stede peered up from where he was squatting to examine the wheeled platform. “Isn't it perfect?” He beamed. “I found it in that new antiques shop across the street. The vendor wasn’t gonna sell it to me, but I managed to sweet talk him.”
“Yeah?” The corners of Ed’s mouth twitched upward as he held out a hand and helped Stede to his feet. “How’d you pull that off?”
Lucius eyed the receipt taped to the back of the mirror and snorted a laugh. “Looks like by giving him a lot of money. Like, more money than I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Stede frowned at Lucius. “It’s a beautiful mirror and I would’ve paid twice as much for it. You don’t see antiques in mint condition these days. It was quite the find!”
“Absolute madman,” Ed under his breath as he huffed out a laugh.
“Yes, but you like it,” Stede teased back. “That’s why we’re best friends, right? My crazy matches yours.”
An expression Stede couldn’t identify flickered across Ed’s face before he smiled warmly and replied, “It’s one of many reasons, but yeah, you’re a fucking lunatic and I like it.”
Stede preened, soaking in the warm glow of Ed’s reassurance that his friendship was wanted, no, welcomed , by the coolest, funniest, handsomest guy in the world. It still seemed surreal that someone like Ed would want to be friends with someone like Stede , and he had to pinch himself sometimes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.
“Right,” Ed said loudly, giving himself a quick shake and clapping his hands together. “Let’s get this magnificent fucker inside before something happens to it.”
Two milliseconds after Ed and Stede had rolled the mirror clear of the entrance, Lucius unceremoniously released his hold on the front door and wandered back to the front desk. He flopped down in the chair with a muttered, “Came for the furniture catastrophe, forced to stay for the old man flirting. So gross.” Then he did a full-body shiver and shoved his nose firmly back into his phone.
“Really, Lucius?” Stede put his hands on his hips as he turned to look at his assistant with irritation. “You think everything is flirting. You know, I’m beginning to think that you don’t actually know what real flirting looks like.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Lucius looked scandalized. “You think that I don’t– that I don’t–” He threw up his hand in a ‘stop’ gesture. “Stede, if anyone doesn’t know what flirting looks like, it’s–” he cut himself off. “No, I’m not doing this with you again. If you can’t see what’s right in front–”
Ed chose that moment to interrupt. “Stede, mate, where d’you want this thing?”
“Hmm?” Stede turned his attention back to the mirror. “Oh, yes, sorry Ed.” He chewed on the inside of his lip as he surveyed the space, considering his options. He finally pointed to a corner. “There, I think.”
They unloaded the mirror from the wheeled platform. Stede stepped back and pursed his lips; the mirror wasn’t quite in the perfect spot, but all it really needed was a slight nudge.
The “slight nudge” became ten minutes of fussing over the exact placement, Ed gamely moving the mirror by millimeters in different directions while Stede supervised.
Stede was standing back, his head cocked to the side and brows furrowed, arms crossed over his chest as he assessed the mirror. He was pretty sure they’d finally placed it just where he wanted it when he caught sight of Ed’s reflection. He was crouched down, trying to stay out of Stede’s line of sight, but ready to move the mirror again if needed. He was smiling softly with a look in his eyes that seemed almost fond.
Stede had caught Ed looking at him like that before. Lucius had teased that that look meant Ed wanted to be ‘more than friends.’ But what did Lucius know? Ed was the whole package – he could have anyone he wanted. Stede was just Stede; he was just happy that Ed wanted to be his friend. Those looks were obviously good-hearted amusement, nothing more.
“Huh, that’s weird.” Ed squinted up at the mirror from his crouched position for a moment before rising to stand.
“What’s weird?” Stede asked, meeting Ed’s eyes in the reflection.
“I thought–” Ed shook his head. “Nevermind.”
“You thought what?” Stede took a step closer.
Ed blew out a breath. “I thought I saw a ripple or, like, an uneven spot in the reflective surface. But I guess I imagined it.”
Stede’s heart leaped into his throat. “A flaw?!” He hurried to stand beside Ed, peering closely at the mirror. “Where? I don’t see anything.”
“Yeah, I don’t see it from this angle either. Hang on. Maybe if I–” Ed resumed his squat. “This is where I was when I saw it before. It was right about there.” Ed pointed at a spot about halfway up the mirror and Stede leaned in even closer.
“I don’t–” Stede murmured, his nose practically touching the mirror. There it was, what looked like a tiny imperfection, a blurry spot. “Oh, wait. I think I see what you’re talking about. Gosh, I hope it’s just a smudge. How did you even see this from down there, Ed?”
Except, when his arm touched the glass surface, it didn’t stop. It kept going through the glass. Stede was unprepared for the complete lack of resistance and cried out as he tipped forward. He reached a hand back, flailing wildly in an attempt to grab anything solid. He felt Ed’s hand grip his own, but instead of reeling him back, it felt like Ed was falling along with him. Behind him he heard Ed gasp, “What the fuck?”
Stede absolutely agreed. What the fuck, indeed.
—--------------------
1718
“Oh, Edward, I love it,” Stede breathed as he took in the room.
A pair of tattooed arms slipped around his waist and pulled him back against a warm chest.
“Happy anniversary, love.” Ed pressed a soft kiss behind Stede’s ear before hooking his chin over his husband’s shoulder. “You really like it?”
Ever since Ed had uncovered the rundown shack hidden in the vines and tangles behind the inn and fixed it up as his “Ed Shed” (he’d looked positively giddy when he came up with the name), he’d been mulling over the idea of turning one of the inn’s empty rooms into something similar for Stede.
Stede blinked back happy tears. “You made me my very own ‘Stede Space,’” he said in a wobbly voice.
Ed had partially recreated in miniature the Captains’ Cabin on the Revenge. He’d built floor-to-ceiling bookshelves along the wall on either side of the window and then turned the resulting alcove into a window-seat designed to look like their bed nook. He had even managed to sneak Mary’s lighthouse painting in without Stede noticing it was no longer in the sitting room. He’d placed two overstuffed armchairs and side tables in front of the other window, creating a cozy little reading area.
“Stede Space,” Ed giggled. “Love that, babe. I thought maybe we could put your fancy desk over there.” Ed gestured to the empty space next to the reading area. “You know, to give you some privacy for writing letters to the kids and Mary. And I figured you’d fill up those bookcases pretty fast, so I built some over there too.” He pointed to the wall opposite the bed nook.
“I can’t believe you did this for me,” Stede turned in Ed’s arms and planted a kiss on his lips. “It’s almost perfect. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”
Ed made an “awww” sound and shimmied his shoulders bashfully. He looked up at Stede from beneath long dark lashes. “Naw, I’m the luckiest– Wait.” He frowned. “What do you mean ‘almost perfect’?”
“Well, I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful, darling, because I’m not,” Sted reassured him. “It just feels like something is still missing.”
“Is it an auxiliary wardrobe?” Ed smiled into Stede’s neck.
“Oh, now that’s an idea!” Stede perked up.
“Way ahead of you, love.” Ed grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the wall of bookshelves opposite the nook. “There’s s’posed to be a closet in this room, right?” Stede nodded slowly. “Well, I made you a secret closet.” He reached for a tiny pirate figurine on a shelf and tilted it forward. There was a soft click and the bookcase swung outward to reveal a modest closet. “It’s not as big as the Revenge’s auxiliary wardrobe, but our bedroom closet is on the other side of this wall.” He knocked on one wall of the closet. “I could knock it out and double the closet size if you want.”
“This is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” Stede sniffled as the tears slid down his cheeks. He kissed Ed slowly, pouring all of his love into it.
“Perfect now?” Ed asked against Stede’s lips when they finally broke the kiss.
“Mmm, not quite,” Stede murmured back. “We still need a mirror.”
“A mirror, eh?” Ed gave him an indulgent smile.
“Yes, a mirror. One of those full length jobs. It’s important, Edward. To really complete the vibe.”
Ed leaned back and let out a deep belly laugh. “Alright, then. Let’s get you a fancy-ass mirror. Gimme a sec to grab my shoes and we can head into town. See if there’s anything good at the shop.” He kissed Stede soundly on the lips once again before turning to retrieve his shoes.
“I’ll jot down a quick note for Buttons to take to the Revenge too,” Stede mused. “Perhaps the crew can keep an eye out for something suitable in case we don’t find anything here.”
Stede was disappointed, but not surprised, at the lack of suitable options in the town’s so-called antiques shop. The few mirrors they did have on display looked like they’d been fished out of sunken wrecks, waterlogged and warped, or salvaged from fires, all singed frames and blackened spots on the silver backing. He made a silent vow to give the shop owners a lesson on quality assessment next time he visited town, and sent a letter off to the Revenge promptly upon returning to the inn.
A few weeks later, Stede glanced out the kitchen window while washing up the breakfast dishes to see the outline of the Revenge in the distance. Lucius sent a short message via seagull that they’d found something they thought Stede was going to love (he underlined “love” three times) and to expect their arrival. The boy had even included a quick sketch of a mirror in the shape of a giant phallus, which Stede found mildly amusing and Ed thought was absolutely hilarious.
Deep down, Stede hoped Lucius was just joking. He didn’t really think a dick-shaped mirror fit the ambiance he was aiming for in his “Stede Space.”
He breathed a sigh of relief as Fang, Olu, Jim, and Archie unpacked the mirror later that afternoon. It was, thankfully, not as phallic as Lucius had implied. Actually, it was a rather lovely trifold full-length mirror with a gilded baroque frame in perfect condition. The crew must have raided a particularly successful merchant ship to find something of this quality.
“Are you sure you don’t want to keep it for yourselves?” Stede asked reluctantly. “You’re the ones who put in the hard work to get it, after all.”
“Nah,” Jim replied. “Frenchie’s been freaking the fuck out about this thing since we brought it on board.”
“Won’t touch it. Refuses to be alone in the same room with it,” Olu added.
Frenchie popped his head in the door to Stede’s little sanctuary. “Did I hear m’name?”
“Yeah.” Archie smirked. “Stede wants to know if we wanna call ‘finders keepers’ with the mirror.”
A look of alarm passed across Frenchie’s face fleetingly. “So, uh, no offense, Stede, but the sooner that thing is off the ship, the better. Its vibes are rancid, mate. And I swear I can feel it looking at me when my back is turned. I don’t know what it wants, and I’m not keeping it around long enough to get sucked into its evil plan.”
“I think you might be reading into things a bit much, Frenchie. It’s just a mirror,” Stede replied dismissively. “But I didn’t really want to give it to you anyway. I think it’s my new favorite thing.”
“All yours, Stedey-boy,” Frenchie held up his hands in mock defeat. “But don’t say I didn’t warn ya when shit gets weird. So, anyway, I was just popping in because someone – not namin’ names – managed to convince Ed to teach us some of his old Blackbeard moves–”
“Fang,” Jim and Archie said together.
“Yeah, so he’s out there in his whole get-up if anyone wants some pirating pointers. I think he and Zheng are trying to out-insult each other at the mo. But it’s just for shits and giggles,” Frenchie reassured Stede quickly after seeing his alarmed expression.
“Oooh-ho-ho, yessss,” Archie rubbed her hands together. “I gotta see this.”
“Oh, for sure,” Jim agreed. “Ed’s no slouch in the shit-talk department, but Zheng’ll verbally fuck you up.”
Olu nodded. “Yeah, Ed might’ve met his match.”
“Well, what’re we still standin’ around here for?” Archie exclaimed. “Let's go before we miss the whole fucking thing!”
She grabbed Jim by the hand and pulled them out the door behind her. Olu and Frenchie followed at a more relaxed pace.
Frenchie paused in the doorway. “Stede, you coming?”
Stede shook his head. “Ed is rather adept at verbal sparring and– what did Jim call it? Shit talk? I'm sure he's enjoying the challenge that is Zheng. Her wit and her tongue are both quite sharp. I’m sure I'll hear all about it later.” He smiled. “No, I think I’ll stay here and take this delightful piece of home decor for a spin.” He patted the mirror’s frame. “But I trust you’ll come get me if the situation veers into ‘French party boat’ territory.”
“Will do, captain.” Frenchie gave him a half-hearted salute and was gone.
Five minutes later, Stede stood in front of his open mini-auxiliary wardrobe, lamenting the dearth of high-end menswear at his disposal. He finally selected a pair of well-worn brown leather trousers and a dark green shirt that laced up the front. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn either item. He wasn’t sure the leather trousers would even still fit.
Thankfully, they did.
He pulled on a pair of sturdy brown boots to complete the look, smoothed some wrinkles from the front of his shirt, and did a little spin so that he was facing away from the mirror. He struck a pose and looked over his shoulder at his reflection.
Oh. Okay. He looked good.
“Check out this fabulous booty I’m rockin’,” he murmured as he wiggled his ass.
He was startled out of an internal debate about possible accessories when the door burst open accompanied by the deafening sound of a gunshot–
No. Not a gunshot. Just the door slamming into the wall as Ed bounded into the room, full of gleeful energy.
“Babe, come on! The crew’s gonna–” Ed cut himself off as his expression shifted to one of concern. “You okay, love?”
Stede took a couple of deep breaths, willing his pulse to slow. “I’m fine, darling.” He pasted on a smile. “You just startled me, that’s all.” He could see the wheels turning in Ed’s head as those whisky brown eyes took in Stede’s fake smile and stiff posture, and narrowed slightly.
Stede really didn’t want to talk about it. He’d moved past the thing at the academy; he’d buried it and built a wonderful new life with Ed. His brain had just tilted off its axis for a moment, that’s all. And if he caught a whiff of gunpowder and copper, so what? That happened sometimes. It was really nothing to worry about. He wasn’t going to ruin a pleasant visit with the crew by rehashing an event so far in the past that it was irrelevant.
“So, what was it you wanted to tell me?” Stede asked, mentally patting himself on the back for changing the subject. “Something about the crew?”
“Oh! Yeah, so Jim and Archie got bored and came up with this game where you try to throw these little sacks of dried beans into a hole cut into a wood plank. Archie called it ‘Snakes in the Hole’.” Ed paused. “I dunno, I just thought it might be fun.” Then his gaze drifted down from Stede’s eyes. “But we can do that later,” he growled in what Stede thought of as his ‘sexy bedroom voice’ and stepped closer. “Right now, I’m more interested in doing something about that slutty chest you’re flaunting.”
Stede glanced down at the sliver of skin showing through the deep v-cut of his shirt. “Oh, this?” he asked innocently as he looked up at Ed from beneath his eyelashes.
“Fucking indecent,” Ed purred as he backed Stede up against the mirror. “Tits on display for the whole world to see.” He leaned in for what Stede was certain would be a filthy kiss. Except, they didn’t get that far. Stede’s back touched the glass, the mirror rippled like a raindrop hitting a puddle, and he lost his balance. He stumbled backward with a squeak and pulled Ed with him.