Chapter Text
War was over. Everybody was discharged from the hospital and slowly but surely, the society was once again rebuilding and healing. All students were given time away from school and hero work to spend it with their families and take care of themselves, especially mentally. Shouto was of course no exception to this rule however, the man did anything but take care of himself.
After Touya's death he had taken leave out of school to stay over at his home with his siblings and his mom and dad. His mother had gotten discharged and was free to do whatever so, and she chose to stay at home with the family and take care of endeavor now that he was retired from hero work. His siblings were still continuing on with their normal life, the only exception being natsuo who was staying at home with fuyumi instead of going over to live with his girlfriend as he had intended for the time being.
They were all grieving, together, like how a real family would. Like things were normal. They weren't. Touya's death had hit them as hard as it did all those years ago. It broke them the same, if not, even worse. Everybody had cried and broke down when they got the news, they cried when they saw Touya's dead body for the last time, charred black, his face was barely visible and all that remained intact was his lower jaw showcasing his entire set of teeth. they cried during and after the burial. All but one member. Shouto. It wasn't that he didn't feel any remorse, in fact, he was torn apart from his brother's death. He barely knew him enough to even call him that however he was one of the only people who got to fight Touya head on and put an end to him. Still, he couldn't stop himself from wondering if only he'd done something before, if only he reached sooner, if only he made it all stop back then. Maybe then Touya would..... He couldn't think like that. He shouldn't. Not when his family needed him the most. So, he was at home to wipe his sister's tears away when she needed him to. He was there to look after his father because he refused to let his mother do so. He was there through it all, simply because he couldn't let his family go through that pain. Not alone. Throughout the midst of all this he had completely disregarded his own stability, completely devoting his time towards looking after everyone around him. It was only his duty as a hero.
When endeavor and Shouto were called to the police station for one final briefing, fuyumi and natsuo went along too, just for the sake of keeping company. Shouto didn't complain one bit. Fortunately, it didn't take much time. The police sat them down one by one, first shouto. They asked him all kinds of questions, including every little detail about touya. All that he had confessed to him and that he had remembered of him way before. He did so. When he was done he exited the interrogation room, and fuyumi rolled endeavor in next. Shouto couldn't bear staying in the same room with his siblings any longer. He kept thinking over his questioning, wondering if he somehow gave a wrong answer or maybe he missed some important detail out. He felt like he was about to throw up and before he could burst into tears right there, he excused himself out of the room with the excuse of going to the bathroom.
.
He took a lungful of air once stepping out. His heart was thrumming, hard, in his chest. His ribs felt too tight, like they were caging his lungs in. He started walking, hoping to distract himself. Maybe expending a little energy would help calm his nerves.
There were a handful of civilians in the halls, many of them were bandaged and clearly injured. If he were to guess it was probably all the civilians who were caught in the crossfire, brought in for questioning like shouto was. Though he walked past them, he couldn't look at any of them. He had his head focused on the ground below him as he strode across the hallway, not having a certain destination.
"Shouto?" The half & half boy stopped in his track upon hearing the familiar voice. He looked back up, focusing his vision on the figure in front of him. Blonde hair...the familiar red eyes....
"Katsuki?" His eyes widened. He didn't even notice him. He actually hadn't even noticed he'd walked so far ahead already. Upon seeing him his shoulders instantaneously relaxed slightly, his pinched eyebrows relaxed back to their natural state.
He hasn't seen the blonde boy in the past month with all the ongoing affairs he'd been part of. He'd totally forgot to contact him after the whole incident and the instant rush of guilt stabbed him in the chest painfully. Some boyfriend he was.
"You look like shit, have you slept?" Katsuki comments while moving closer to the boy. His eyes stinging with the familiar feeling.
He nodded no. It was true, he hadn't slept in the past week ever since he'd been over at home. How could he? Knowing his family was in pain, he couldn't sit there and watch.
Katsuki laughed, pulling shouto out from his thoughts, "yeah I can tell...your eyebags are really prominent y'know?"
Only then does shouto notice two more figures behind katsuki, his parents. He bows to them awkwardly and they smile back at him.
He realises Katsuki is standing in front of him, his eyebrows furrowed in that face he makes when he's trying to crack a code or understand a complex question. Shouto also realises he hasn't said anything since he saw the other boy. "How's your..." He vaguely gestures around Katsuki's chest, the place where his heart had been brutally ripped out by shigaraki. The blonde looks down at the place shouto is referring to and then back at him and casually shrugs.
"It's fine, it won't be stopping anytime soon. I got fuckin' edge shot in me" he smirks all proudly and Shouto feels a weight being lifted off his chest at that. Of course he'd been worried when he'd heard about katsuki, he just didn't have the time to ask him before.
"Hey...are you like...okay? I heard about the whole thing. We're all really worried y'know...the class and all I mean." Katsuki quietly mutters. He searches at shouto's face and Shouto doesn't know how to answer, or more so, doesn't know what to say. He hadn't even stopped and thought about how he really was because he was too busy caring after his family.
So he nods his head. "I'm...fine." his voice cracks by the end of the sentence and he stumbles back, seemingly tripping over literally nothing and almost doesn't catch himself. Katsuki grabs onto his bicep to keep him on his feet. When shouto looks back up he feels dizzy. The feeling of throwing up coming back to his throay and he feels nauseous. He notices Katsuki's parents round around the corner and leave the two alone, with them gone shouto takes a better look around. To his surprise, he'd actually walked further away from his room than he intended too. He was almost by the exit and it was way less crowded this side.
"Woah, you good? You look like you can pass out anytime shou'. " Katsuki's voice is laced with concern and his eyebrows knitted together when he looks down at Shouto. Shouto's heart aches once again. He doesn't want to see katsuki like this, he can't bear to make someone else he loves to be sad, not because of him especially. He pulls away from the man's arms and immediately feels s at the loss of touch.
"I'm fine, sorry." He looks at the ground again. They fall into silence. Usually with Katsuki, it's never awkward. Not that shouto has been part of many awkward situations but with Katsuki it's almost never there. They both balance each other perfectly. They both enjoy being quiet around each other, it's peaceful that way. And when it isn't quiet, it's still peaceful because he's still with Katsuki. And he's in love with Katsuki.
...
"Hey."
Shouto looks up again.
"I've been saying something y'know? Are you even listening?" This time Katsuki's eyebrows are drawn in a deep scowl. His mouth is parted, a mean frown pulling down on his lips as he waits for shouto's response.
"Huh?" Shouto raises his eyebrows. He genuienly didn't hear katsuki or, didn't even realise he was saying something. He could've sworn they were silent. Everyone was gone around them. It's so silent, so quiet, so peaceful. Just like how things should be.
A push to his shoulder brings him back to the real world, "...you're pissing me off what the fuck is up your ass? You haven't even replied to any of my calls or texts shouto."
Katsuki's eyes are glassy, how they usually get when he's too overwhelmed with anger and emotions and they're warning to burst out any moment.
"I wasn't....I haven't checked my phone.." he pats around his pant pockets to slide his phone out. When he turns it on, the screen displays a no battery signal and Shouto audibly sighs, putting the phone back into the pocket. Katsuki watches his actions carefully.
"About the no visiting i..." He pauses at that. There's no explanation for him to not visit his own boyfriend, he knows that. Not even a call, no text, nothing. He knows it's not polite of him, he knows that, and yet his brain can't catch upto that fact. He's so focused on everything else around him to notice the thing right in front of him.
"You what?" Katsuki glares at him, one hand on his hip. Shouto feels grounded under his gaze, he feels uncomfortable just being there. He doesn't want this. He doesn't want to do this right here and right now. He sighs again and closes his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Katsuki is stubborn, he's well aware of this. Anybody who's ever met the blonde boy probably knows of this fact as well. The problem is, shouto is stubborn too. At times he can be stubborn to a point where it comes off as petty or even bratty. He's not proud of that side of his, and thankfully it doesn't come out often. That day however is not today.
"God katsuki, I dont- not now okay, please?"
"That's what you always say when I'm tryin' to talk some sense into you!"
There's silence again and this time shouto looks at Katsuki's face just to make sure he isn't really ignoring him. Katsuki looks right back at him, but his face remains unfazed. Red ruby eyes bore holes into shouto's own eyes and he wants to run. He looks behind Katsuki's shoulder and eyes the exit door. Air doesn't come easy to him for the second time today as he tries his best to remain calm and as put together as he can possibly try. He starts restlessly tapping his foot on the floor and begins fidgeting with the loops of his jeans. Katsuki eyes every single one of his motion, his eyes glued to him, and Shouto feels almost like an ant stuck in honey.
"When are you coming back to school?" Katsuki asks, seemingly out of nowhere.
Shouto looks up at the ceiling for seconds and then back down, "I don't know. I just- I can't leave...I can't leave my family alone. Not right now. They're hurting, I can't turn my back on them..."
Katsuki raises his eyebrow, "and you?" Katsuki pointedly asks. Somehow, shouto feels like he's being attacked, like he needs to prove himself right now.
"What about me?"
Katsuki stays silent and simply stares at Shouto looking all perplexed, like he's trying to figure out a case or solve a particularly tricky question. But of course, he's Katsuki Bakugou. He always figures out a way or another, no matter what the situation is. It just so happens however, today shouto doesn't have any answers to present the other with.
"Shouto, are you like...okay? I know what happened with touya probably hurts like shit, I wouldn't really know but I can only imagine and if you wanna talk or some shit like—"
"I'm fine bakugou." Shouto spits out Bakugou's name as if it were an insult. Harshly. He's aware katsuki doesn't deserve to be treated this way. He's aware he's being rude. Katsuki just wants to look out for him, like a good boyfriend. Shouto doesn't deserve one bit of it and fortunately for once, shouto couldn't care one bit about his actions.
Bakugou is still struck silent by Todoroki's sudden rudeness. He swallows and looks at todoroki up and down and back up at him in the eyes, as if challenging the taller boy.
"The fuck? I'm just trying to-"
"Then don't. Not everything has to be about you Bakugou." He turns around to glance back at the hallway and sees his siblings at a distance standing side by side seemingly talking about something. Fuyumi has a small smile on her face and natsuo's eyebrows aren't furrowed into a scowl like they have been for the past week. He turns back to the blonde in front of him, "I don't want to talk. Not now and surely not about this, okay?" He nods his head at the older boy and brushes past him, knocking their shoulders in the process.
Just as he's a few steps away he hears Katsuki's voice again. "How long is this gonna go on for?" He expected it to sound harsh and mean. The usual agression in katsuki seeping away and instead replaced with a soft and neutral expression when he turns back to face shouto.
"What?" Shouto looks back at the blonde, anxiety thrumming in his nerves as his skin itches to feel the outside air. To be free from the tension in the room. To get away from all the anger, the hurt, the emotions, they're too big for shouto to continue carrying and for once he'd like to put them down and take a breather. Just for a minute. That's all he asks for. Not katsuki however it seems.
"How long are you going to pretend to be all big and mighty and carry all of this on yourself shouto?" Katsuki's expression morphs into something else. It's something shouto hasn't seen on him. He looks concerned but also has the softness from before which hasn't left his face once from the start. It's only making shouto's heart beat harder against his chest and he's sure it's gonna break some of his ribs any second now.
Katsuki steps closer and slowly takes hold of shouto's hand. Shouto flinches at the sudden contact but forces his body language to relax. He doesn't want katsuki to worry about him, there's nothing to worry about in the first place and he can't afford to waste time like this. "I-"
"It's not your fault. I hope you know that none of it was your fault. It's important to me that you know it isn't shouto, nobody blames you and nobody ever will." Katsuki places his other hand onto the one in his hand and shouto's world stops in that very moment. The only thing alive and in motion being the boy in front of him, the way his eyelashes touch his cheeks when he blinks and how his red eyes gleam at him even in the bright white light. Katsuki's face is stern and focused. He knows katsuki never lies, he knows this. And yet..
He rips his hand away from the blonde and stumbles one large step back, looking at the boy in front of him in a horror.
"Don't put yourself where you don't belong. Leave me alone, seriously." And okay, maybe he blurted that out louder than he intended it to be and maybe it stung a little to see the hurt and shocked expression on Katsuki's face. He felt even more eyes on him now, looking at Katsuki's parents standing in his peripheral vision and his gaze shifting to his siblings. It's all too much. He turns on his heels and practically sprints out of the back door to the back of the police station. It's a narrow alleyway where not much light travels to.
He squeezes his way around the corner of the building and stumbles into another alley which leads to a dead end, shadowed in darkness. He crouches down behind a trash can trying to catch his breath, when did he even start panting? Sweat beads at his forehead as he tries to regain his composure. He'll surely have to apologize to katsuki for his rude manner but he doubts katsuki would even want to hear from him now. Shouto was already acting like an asshole by completely ignoring his boyfriend and now he'd yelled at him in front of his own parents when katsuki was just trying to help him. Maybe he'll finally see shouto's real personality and decide to leave him for good. Shouto's only dragging his boyfriend down. He doesn't deserve something so good.
His mind replays Touya's words, the fact he couldn't do anything for his brother had been gnawing at his bones for the past month. He'd visit him any chance he could just to listen to the stable beeping of the machine, finding solace in the constant rhythm it being the only reminder of his brother's senses.
'You're nothing but dad's little puppet now, shouto.'
Shouto had spent his entire life trying to pave his own way from under his dad's shadow. He'd spent all his life trying to suppress his anger, his emotions, his ugly side, anything to not be his father's son. Of course it wasn't possible. Half of him was endeavor's after all and everyone around him never missed one moment to remind him so. He had been Endeavor's successor since the day he was born of cource, the day when Touya was pushed into madness, just because of the sole existence of Shouto. It was only natural for Touya to blame shouto for being the reason to lead to his madness. In the end all touya had wanted was his father's love. He wanted him to be proud of touya like he was of Shouto. And it was all Shouto's fucking fault that neither touya nor any of his other siblings got to experience a normal family relationship.
He starts to shake and his vision blurs and stings. He can't do this. Not now. Not when his siblings are in the building and faring much worse. He doesn't fucking deserve to cry it out when he's the reason for this. A whimper breaks out of his throat and he can't stop the rest from following. He hiccups from the sobs breaking free from him as he holds onto the wall with one hand and wiping at his eyes with the other. He really really doesnt have time for this damnit.
"Shou'?"
He almost uses his quirk on the man in front of him from being startled. He wipes furiously at his eyes and looks up to see none other than katsuki, his hands in his pocket, staring down at him.
Katsuki let's out a long drawn out sigh as he crouches down in front of Shouto to sit on his knees. Shouto is still on the edge, his eyes still stinging and he's sure they're red by now. He can't seem to form any words at the moment so he just stares at Katsuki dumbfounded. What the hell is he doing here anyway? Is he here to officialy dump him, right here? He'd hoped it'd happen a little later than now but it's not in his hands anymore so he can't complain. Just the thought of it breaks another sob out of Shouto and he can't stop it.
"Oh Shou....it's okay princess..." Katsuki holds both of shouto's shaking hands in front of him, clasping them together to calm his nerves. He rubs circles around on them with his thumb, an action he usually does to calm shouto's anxiety.
Shouto tries to push him away, if katsuki is going to breakup he'd rather him do it now and leave instead of dragging it out. He tries breaking free from Katsuki's grip but it's impossible now when his body won't fucking co-operate and muster up the strength to do so.
"Stop— please stop kats-" another sob breaks out from him as shouto curls further into himself in this position. He doesn't want katsuki to be here. He doesn't want him to look at him like this when he's so open and so vulnerable. He wants him to just go away so he can wallow in himself and suck it up so he can go back to his family.
Katsuki pulls him closer even as shouto struggles away. He shifts closer so that he can hold shouto's head against his chest, brushing his hair away from his face and wipe the tears away.
"Shh it's okay, it's only me, nobody else. Let it all out shouto" it feels like he whispers it sweetly into shouto's ear as he pats his head. Something in shouto finally breaks apart as he let's himself go once for this past month. He feels like he's leapt out from the ocean, coming out, taking huge gasps of air into his lungs to finally breathe for once.
He falls deeper into Katsuki's body holding tightly onto the other's shirt and sobbing hard into the fabric. He's not a loud crier, never was. Even if he was, it was beaten out of Shouto all together when he was a child so he had never been given a chance to let it out freely, not even in the security of his own room. He couldn't allow himself to let himself go, not yet. He was a hero dammit he couldn't waste his time on focusing on himself when there were more others to be saved. He had to save his family and he'd do whatever it takes to do that. Katsuki is well aware of that. He's known since the day shouto confused it all to him when he broke down in front of Katsuki for the first time and he'll never forget that day. Despite this he's still here, shaking and sobbing into Katsuki while he holds him through it all. Just like he always has before, and just like he always says he will.
It's not clear how long he goes on sobbing for but by the time he's done his voice is rough and his throat is dry and cracks a little when he tries to speak sentences. Shouto spilled everything to katsuki. He told him about the conversations he'd had with his older brother. He'd told him about the visits to the prison ward. Told him everything in his mind and katsuki sat there and listened to it all, not a word in between. He patiently sat and rubbed shouto's back through it all, whispering gentle words of reassurance and let Shouto speak his heart off.
"I'm sorry katsuki, I'm so so sorry for not being there, I'm sorry for being so distant I don't know what's been going on, I should've been better to you" he whispers into his shirt, voice cracking and hiccupping in between. Even then katsuki gently cards through his hair and place a barely there kiss onto the top of his head.
"It's okay, I'm not mad shou'."
When shouto finally breaks away his face feels stiff and warm and using his cold side doesn't help with it either. He's still sniffling and wiping the corners of his eyes when katsuki decides to finally speak up, "wanna stay over at mine tonight? You can come over for dinner." He brushes the loose strands away from Shouto's face and pats down the crinkled parts.
Shouto thinks the invitation over before remembering that he can't. He couldn't indulge this much, not yet. His family was still in pain, they still needed him, shouto can't run away from his family now when they're finally making some progress—
"If you say something about your family once again shouto I swear to god." Katsuki jabs out. He sounds pissed off and rightfully so, he did hold him through his breakdown for god knows how long.
"They're waiting for me katsuki" shouto closes his eyes and rests his forehead along Katsuki's. They stay that way for a while, breathing into each other's space in silence. It's not awkward, it's barely ever awkward for them, they bask in these comfortable silences to feel each other's presence and make up for the lack of contact they've had.
Katsuki's the first to break away, "you've got to stop underestimating your family shou', they can live without you y'know?" He swipes a thumb over the taller boy's cheek to wipe the dried tear off. "You need some time away from them and you know that. You deserve that much at least" he tilts his head to look into his eyes, Katsuki's gaze doesn't waver even once. He might go crazy but not because of the situation, because of his boyfriend alone.
"I want to stay with you too katsuki..." Shouto sighs. He really could use some time alone and he knows katsuki would surely provide him that.
"Then it's settled!" The blonde boy stands up suddenly and puts his hand out for shouto to take and follow. Shouto does just that, holding onto katsuki and being pulled up and out the alley. "I'm taking you over to my house, stay there for as long as you want alright? No rush"
Shouto smiles softly, "Okay".
.
When shouto returns back into the building side by side with Katsuki, he sees his siblings and dad sitting by and chatting amongst each other. When they look towards the two younger boys, shouto looks over at Katsuki nervously and the blonde simply squeezes his hand gently before stepping back a step to let Shouto do the talking on his own.
"Where did you go?" Natsuo asked curiously making shouto also flinch but he forced his shoulders to relax and take a deep breath.
"Getting fresh air" he rubs the back of his neck and looks over his shoulder at Katsuki who gives him a stern glare. They honestly look like little kids getting permission from their parents to let them have a sleepover, it kinda is that way actually. It's the first time shouto's ever asked to stay over at someone else's place and even though he knows his family would most likely let him do whatever he wants, it still makes him nervous for some reason.
"Hey I was thinking..." He starts to fidget around with the drawstring of his pants, nervously looking around at anything by the people in front of him. Fuyumi shoots a concerned look to natsuo who simply shrugs his shoulders and turns his attention back towards shouto. "Would it be okay if I were to stay out tonight?" He finally spits out nervously. This time when he looks at his siblings he sees them looking at him confused, like they were expecting him to say something further.
Fuyumi is the first to reply, "um...sure..?" She giggles nervously, something she does to diffuse built up tension around her and for once shouto's actually glad to hear it. It means that maybe his siblings aren't mad at him for leaving them.
"Shouto, we don't care do whatever you want" natsuo looks back down between his hands at his phone screen to scroll away on something he's watching. Fuyumi does grumble something to him about not being so mean about it but shouto doesn't care enough to hear the rest. He looks back at Katsuki, smiling softly at the boy who smiles back even wider at him.
"Have you asked your parents?" Shouto turns to ask katsuki who rolls his eyes.
"Yeah yeah, don't worry about that. Worst case scenario, they say no and we'll sleep on the streets, big deal." Katsuki grins ear to ear while saying it but it deeply concerns Shouto that there's a possibility he'd have to spend the night outside. He'd rather just sleep over at his own house instead, maybe he could invite katsuki there...
"I'm joking." Katsuki's smile deflates and is replaced with his usual sneer. It weirdly calms shouto down.
They hear the door in front of them open and see endeavor exiting. Shouto's nervous again. Was he supposed to ask him too? Technically he should right? There's a much bigger possibility endeavor was gonna ask shouto to come back home with them instead of loitering with Katsuki but shouto could honestly care less about what he'd say.
"Dad! It's only us three for today, shouto's going over at bakugou-kun's house." Fuyumi stands up to stroll endeavor to the group. Endeavor looks up at Shouto in surprise, he opens his mouth to say something but hesitates and closes his mouth before saying anything. Shouto's grateful for it.
"Katsuki! Let's go already!" A booming voice from behind them startles shouto and the rest of the group. Looking back at his shoulder he sees the familiar and identical patch of blonde hair walking closer being none other than Katsuki's mom and his dad.
"Shut up! I'm coming already!" Katsuki grits through his teeth and rolls his eyes at her. Mitsuki is ready to whip him around the head but she stops when she sees the people in front of her and immediately changes her mood to being cheerful and greeting shouto's family with big smiles.
"Fake ass..." Katsuki mutters under her breath and this time mitsuki does slap him around the head, hard. Fuyumi and natsuo look over to shouto with concerning gazes and Shouto simply shrugs his shoulders to convey that it's normal between the two. They have an...unusual relationship to say the least, but it only shows how close of a bond they have with each other. Sometimes, shouto can't help but be jealous of it but he wouldn't trade what he has with his mother for anything else.
"Oi, by the way, shouto's coming over to stay for the night. Said he needs a break from his fam' and all" katsuki casually tells his parents as he's trying to detangle his mom's hand from his hair.
Shouto whips around to glare at him. "I didn't say that." He looks back at his family to reassure them he didn't who simply giggle.
"Really? That's fine, we can pick up something to eat on the way if you'd like, shouto?" Mitsuki smiles so brightly shouto almost forgets she has katsuki in a deathly chokehold under her as she speaks.
"I'd actually prefer your cooking Bakugou-san" shouto response with a small smile of his own. Mitsuki's cooking is truly delicious but even better than that is her husband's soba recipe. It almost beats fuyumi's own cooking, his mouth waters just thinking of it. Mitsuki laughs and just then katsuki finally pulls away from her chokehold and straightens himself with his designated scowl.
"It's sorted then! You boy can have your little sleepover" mitsuki smiles widely. It doesn't escape shouto's notice the way bakugou looks at him with a crooked smile for just a second.
Shouto turns back to his family to ask one more time wether they'd be okay. Of course they're not dying, he knows that, but still. A part of Shouto remains anxious, gnawing at his bones at just the thought of leaving his family for himself, or anything else. He wouldn't want to mess up when he's been graced by a second change.
"We'll be fine shouto. You can relax alright?" Natsuo affirms him, seemingly breaking the tension that was forming around the family. Shouto smiles at him softly and bows slightly before leaving with the bakugou family.
He couldn't be more grateful to be surrounded with such loving people even during the hardest times. Thinking about it only makes shouto feels worse for treating katsuki the way he did earlier, but he's already looking forward to making up for those mistakes. He looks beside him in the backseat from the bakugou family's car to see katsuki staring out the window, his attention focused on something else entirely. He gently rests his hand on Katsuki's on the car seat which seems to pull the blonde out of his thoughts and turn back to face shouto. He throws a cautious glance towards the front seat to make sure his parents aren't paying attention, and when he confirms they aren't, he gently takes shouto's hand in his and squeezes it, giving him a soft smile while doing so.
Shouto must really be going crazy. His boyfriend is going to kill him one day, he's sure if it.