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On nights like these, when rain pelts the windows and the cold reaches his bones – Cheng Xiaoshi finds himself crawling out of bed more than he should. The stairs creak sometimes, and he flinches every step they do, but at least Lu Guang didn't seem to stir this time.
He sits on the sofa, head leaning back, listening to the rain. Something about it just – just makes him feel uneasy. Did they leave on a night like this? He can’t remember anymore. He just remembers waking up to a cold, empty house.
The soft patter of footsteps rolls down the stairs.
“…Lu Guang?”
The white-haired boy looks at him from across the living room, the palpable tension on his face breaking into relief.
“Lu Guang,” he repeats, rolling his name in his mouth, like a piece of candy.
Cheng Xiaoshi pats the seat next to him. “One for you.”
Padding across the cold tiles, Lu Guang sits beside the older boy. “Tell me before you leave next time, won’t you?”
“Want me to wear a bell too?” Slouching on the sofa, Cheng Xiaoshi leans his head back down to look at Lu Guang, a corner of his mouth turning up.
Lu Guang makes a tsk noise, and leans back as well. If he looks up far enough, he can watch the rain fall too. It’s rhythmic, peaceful. Grounding. Lu Guang needs it, sometimes. A metronome to follow, despite everything.
There’s a loud crack. White lightning flashes across the room, blinding them for a second.
Lu Guang flinches, straightening up like a rod. He turns, hands betraying him, reaching out for Cheng Xiaoshi instantly. They run up and down his front, as though searching for something – something moist and darkly stained.
Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes widen a little as he watches him. There’s something wild in his eye, something he hasn’t seen before. He grabs his wrist, holding his arm in the air.
“–Lu Guang, what – are you okay?”
He looks at him like a deer in headlights – fearful.
“…It’s just lightning, nothing got hit, nothing fell – I don’t think?” Cheng Xiaoshi turns, trying to make out anything in the dim room. “It’s alright, Lu Guang. It’s alright.”
Lu Guang’s arm falls limp from his grip, and he shifts forward, burying his face in Cheng Xiaoshi's shirt.
Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes widen again, but he places a hand on soft white hair, tentatively.
Lu Guang shudders a little with each breath, keeping his face hidden.
He's crying.
Cheng Xiaoshi's brows furrow.
"Hey.. hey. Lu Guang. What's wrong? Did something happen?"
"Nothing." He answers, muffled in the fabric.
"Lu Guang-ah. I'm not that dumb, y'know?" Cheng Xiaoshi slowly cards his fingers through the younger's hair, trying to calm his heaving breaths.
"It — It's nothing." Finding permission with the comfort, Lu Guang slides his arms around Cheng Xiaoshi's waist. "It's not for you to worry about," he murmurs.
"Lu Guang... I." Cheng Xiaoshi's hand freezes.
The coolness of the rain sits in the air, but his heart speeds up. He feels heat building in his cheeks as he responds. "I want to be helpful, Lu Guang. I... I don't want you to worry alone."
"...Is it something I did? Did I do something wrong?" Cheng Xiaoshi's fingers tighten in Lu Guang's hair. His voice gets tenser. "Did I make another mistake? Don't lie to me, Lu Guang."
"I know you do sometimes, I know you leave things out, you think I can't handle it. You think I'm too soft. Lu Guang, if you just—"
"You'll leave me."
"—Wha, what?" Cheng Xiaoshi's brows furrow.
"...You think I'd do that? Leave you?"
His eyes crinkle up in disbelief. He relaxes a little, laughing lightly as he shakes his head. "Lu Guang, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried. I like you too much."
Cheng Xiaoshi ruffles his hair warmly, but Lu Guang hasn't taken his next breath yet. "And I'm not just saying it, y'know? I mean it."
"You'll leave me, and I can't save you."
Cheng Xiaoshi pauses.
"...That's what happens in my dreams. I... I can't stop it." Lu Guang's face scrunches up as he buries deeper into Cheng Xiaoshi's chest. As though holding him tighter would make the truth any more bearable. "I keep seeing you die."
"I can't do it anymore." Lu Guang's tears break into a full-on sob, gasping for breath as he clings to Cheng Xiaoshi. His fingers grab tighter against the back of his shirt, nails dragging the fabric down his back. "I try, and I try, and I try. I just — I just miss you, so much."
"I'm right here, Lu Guang." Cheng Xiaoshi's voice lowers, as he gently strokes his hair back. He carefully picks up the wet strands, combing them away from his eyes. "Lu Guang. I'm here now."
"…For as long as I'm alive? I'll be with you, I promise." He swallows, wishing away the lump in his throat. "I won't leave you."
Cheng Xiaoshi's other hand trails down Lu Guang's heaving back. He pauses a second before deciding on rubbing small, gentle circles with his thumb. His voice gets firmer. "Lu Guang. Listen to me. I won't leave you."
"You can't promise that."
Cheng Xiaoshi extricates his hand from his hair, and tugs up a dry spot on his shirt to wipe at Lu Guang's eyes.
"I promise."
"Cheng Xiaoshi."
"What, you don't trust me?"
"...I do." Lu Guang holds in a sniffle.
"Then, I promise." Cheng Xiaoshi beams. Lu Guang hears it in his voice.
Cheng Xiaoshi shifts, placing warm hands around Lu Guang's face, running his thumbs along his cheekbones, and lifting him up to look at him. He looks so vulnerable. Delicate. Cheng Xiaoshi has never been sure why he’d wanted to stay here, of all places — but if it's what he says...
"Lu Guang, I promise to stay with you, forever." Cheng Xiaoshi declares. "If you wanna get rid of me, you'll have to drag my dead body away from you."
Lu Guang chokes back a laugh, a soft smile breaking through the tears still pooling in his eyes.
"Lu Guang?" Cheng Xiaoshi's eyes search his face in his hands. "Did I do it? Did I make you laugh?"
Lu Guang breathes in, biting his lip. He nods once.
Cheng Xiaoshi lights up. "If death is an inconvenience, then I'll reincarnate as a cat. I'll be the brown dog you see on the street."
He leans in, close to Lu Guang's ear. "Make sure you take me in, alright? I'll bark until you do. If you ignore me, I'll nip your ankles."
Lu Guang lets a huff escape, squirming a little, pushing Cheng Xiaoshi away from his ear. " –Ticklish."
Cheng Xiaoshi smiles, pulling Lu Guang back down onto his chest as he takes a deep breath. He doesn’t struggle, and lets the stronger boy pull him close.
Pretense off the table, Cheng Xiaoshi strokes a hand through his hair. "I won't leave. I promise. For as long as I can."
Lu Guang shifts, laying his ear against the left side of his chest. He lays still for a bit, moving along with Cheng Xiaoshi's breaths as they rise and fall. Cheng Xiaoshi watches him, as he does.
"...Does that make you feel better?"
Lu Guang nods, silently.
Cheng Xiaoshi then hums, lifting Lu Guang's hand in the air. He spreads his palm out, separating his pinky and thumb. Then he curls around just his index finger, closing the rest of Lu Guang's hand into a fist.
Gently, he places his finger along his exposed forearm, slowly moving up until they reach the inner skin of his own wrist.
"Do you feel it?"
Lu Guang shakes his head.
Cheng Xiaoshi hums again, shifting his finger around slowly, tracing the surface of his skin.
"Oh," Lu Guang starts, blinking harder. "…It's strong."
"Good."
Cheng Xiaoshi rests his hand back on Lu Guang's forehead, starting to rub circles across his head with his thumb again. "We can stay like this. …If you need."
"Don't you want to go back to bed?"
"It's fine, I can't sleep well if it's raining anyway. Stay."
Lu Guang nods, shifting closer. He’s leaning his full weight against Cheng Xiaoshi now.
"...Can you breathe?"
"Of course." Cheng Xiaoshi smiles at the ceiling. Lu Guang hadn't let go of his wrist yet, instead curling around to grip it tighter, index finger still wrapped firmly against his pulse.
Time passes, and droplets of rain patter softly against the glass. The moonlight falls gently on Lu Guang's face, glistening against the remaining tear-stains. His breathing is steady. Cheng Xiaoshi uses his sleeve on his free arm to wipe away what he can — quietly. He doesn't want to risk waking him.
"Hey, Lu Guang?" Cheng Xiaoshi's whisper is as soft as he can manage. His hand grazes Lu Guang’s face, softer, this time.
"…I like it when you tell me things. Don't leave me alone, alright?"