Work Text:
dramatis personae (in order of appearance):
chorus: the bad kids (good, despite their name)
kristen applebees: the faithless the saint
cassandra (formerly Κασάνδρα, formerly formerly ???): the devoted the god
kalina: the cat
the palace of the saint, also known as mordred manor. the chorus is piled around a sofa, eating shrimp.
Chorus (in unison, disjointedly): it’s not-
Chorus: we don’t-
Chorus: it’s just that-
Chorus (in unison, truly): we’re worried about you, kristen.
kristen sits in the middle, arms folded like she is trying to protect herself from their concern.
Kristen: are you worried about me? or are you worried about her?
Chorus: that’s, well-
Chorus: it’s actually-
Chorus: -the problem, really
Chorus: you don’t-
Chorus: you seem awfully resistant to-
Chorus: it’s both, kristen. why can’t it be both?
kristen stands up, sheds them like snakeskin. they melt away. she is in a field, and above her are so many stars you can barely call it a sky. cassandra is there too, but kristen won’t look at her.
Cassandra: i’ve been praying
Kristen: praying?
Cassandra: yes. to you.
Kristen: you’re the god
Cassandra: but you’re the one who doesn’t answer
Kristen: i’m here now. what do you want?
Cassandra: i-
she pauses-- not because she doesn’t know, but because she is so ashamed at having to say it.
Cassandra: i’m so fucking lonely, kristen.
Kristen: oh
Cassandra: you’re all i have and you won’t even talk to me
Kristen: that’s not true. you have the cat.
Kalina: meow.
kalina has been here this whole time, probably.
cassandra: you’re avoiding the question
kristen: you haven’t asked a question
cassandra: why don’t you love me?
kristen: it’s not-
cassandra: please just tell me. please. i’ll do anything.
kristen: stop talking to me like i’m a god
Cassandra: then stop acting like one
Cassandra: you made me, kristen. as in, I was something and then you turned me into something else. as in, if you can’t even love me, how can you possibly get anyone else to?
Kristen: i have problems.
Cassandra: clearly.
Kristen: problems with gods, specifically
Kalina: even more clearly
Kristen: no one asked you, kalina
Cassandra: can you please be nice to my familiar? if you’re not nice to me, can you at least be nice to her?
Kristen: fine. here, kitty. c’mere.
kristen reaches out to kalina, who does not move. she lets her hand drop.
Kristen: i’ve lived so much of my life dependant on a god. i don’t know if i want to do that again. i don’t know if I can.
Cassandra: but i’m still dependant on you.
Kristen: yeah.
Cassandra: οιμοι
Kristen: what?
cassandra snaps back, herself once again
Cassandra: hm?
Kristen: you said something, just now. i didn’t catch it.
Cassandra: sorry
Cassandra: humans can exist without gods, but gods can’t exist without humans. it’s not fair. it’s not fair that you get to walk away from this.
Kristen: i’m not walking away.
Cassandra: aren’t you?
Cassandra: troy is burning, kristen. the people are screaming and the buildings are falling and- and-
Kristen: what are you talking about?
Cassandra: nothing. just ignore me.
Kalina: she always does, anyway
Kristen: oh for god’s sake, kalina-
Cassandra: which god?
Kristen: what?
Cassandra: for god’s sake. which god?
Kristen: it was an expression. god in the general sense, not actually any god-
Cassandra: i’m a god, you know. not in the general sense. an actual one
Kristen: i know. i think it would be easier if you weren’t. it's easier to believe in concepts than people.
Cassandra: well where does that leave me?
Kristen: i’m trying-
Cassandra: and i’m dying. have you ever seen a god die? a real one, not a weird concept you make up to avoid having to think about your inability to commit to anything bigger than yourself.
Cassandra: because if you can’t find me other followers soon, you might get your chance.
Kristen: i don’t want that.
Cassandra: then do something
Cassandra: i didn’t think it would be like this. i didn’t think i’d have to beg you to believe in me. what did i do wrong?
Kristen: you didn’t. it’s not-
Cassandra: kristen, if you say “it’s not you, it’s me,” i swear to your abstract nonspecific god that i will kill myself in front of you and we will be done with this whole thing.
Kristen: duly noted.
cassandra puts her head in her hands. the stars grow brighter with each tear she sheds.
Cassandra: tell me what to do here, kristen. tell me how i can stop you from giving up on me.
Kristen: i don’t know. i’m scared. i’m scared of just being a follower again. i’m scared of losing myself to you.
Cassandra: you’re scared of losing yourself to me.
Cassandra: i reshaped my physical form to look like you, and you’re scared of losing yourself to me?
Kristen: i know.
Cassandra: i tried to warn them. why didn’t they believe me?
Kristen: warn who? about what?
Cassandra: oh, it’s all burning now. my city, my people. where did you go? where did you go?
She turns to kristen, grabbing her hands suddenly.
Cassandra: kristen. kristen. i was so excited. you should’ve seen me, i was so excited. i wish you wanted this
Kristen: i don’t know what i want
Cassandra: right.
Kristen: i need time. time to think.
Cassandra: i don’t know how much time i have, but it’s yours. everything I have is yours. is that what being a god is?
Kristen: i’ll think of something. i swear i will. i can fix this.
Cassandra: just please come back
kristen disappears, leaving behind a god, a cat, and stars that can’t save anyone.
Kalina: meow.