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Ripper has never been this anxious in his life.
Writing a love poem for Axel had seemed like a great idea after he’d discovered her interest in poetry. Using the intercom system (which MK had gleefully hacked after Ripper explained his idea) to recite it to her had seemed like an even greater idea. And crashing her team’s elimination ceremony was his greatest idea yet—campfires can be romantic, right?
But now he’s just finished his poem, and everyone is looking at him like they’re waiting for Axel to kick him in the groin so hard he splits in two. Or decapitate him, as Chris is muttering about.
Axel, for her part is flashing through a dozen different expressions. Flustered. Baffled. Embarrassed. Angry. Apologetic. Resigned. Angry again—no, wait, that’s just her resting face.
Several people flinch away as finally, she stands. “Ripper?”
“Yeah,” Ripper says, nearly choking on the words.
“That was… actually really sweet. And your poem was pretty good. But you’re still not my type.”
“What? But—but the poem! You said you liked poetry!”
“I do, but Ripper…” Axel sighs. “I’m a lesbian.”
Ripper blinks. “I thought you were Canadian?”
“No, I am Canadian—”
“And what does that have to do with you double rejecting me?”
“Being a lesbian means I like girls, and not guys!” Axel snaps. “I’m like the opposite of Bowie.”
“Ohhh.”
“So my answer is still no. You’re really not my type.”
“Aw, man,” Ripper slumps forward.
“Tough luck.”
“Yeah. Why couldn’t you tell me that earlier, though?”
Axel gestures at herself. “Uh, hello, I’m like a walking butch stereotype. I thought you’d get the hint when I told you that you weren’t my type the first time.”
“I didn’t even know what lesbian meant until like two minutes ago!”
“Mm, true. It’s 2023 though, how do you not know about lesbians?”
“There’s plenty I don’t know,” Ripper grumbles. “Why couldn’t I have learned about lesbians before I asked out a girl for the first time?”
“Well, seeing as I get lots of girls back home—”
“Wait, really?”
“I’m butch, I got a cool voice, and I can kick so much ass,” Axel says. “Girls are totally into that. Anyway. Seeing as I’ve asked out plenty of girls before, I guess I could teach you how to. If you want.”
Ripper perks up. “Really?”
“Yeah. I thought you were an insufferable misogynist, but you’re funny sometimes. And you just learned about one of my interests and did something with it for me, even though it made you vulnerable. You’re not as hopeless as I thought you were. So yeah. I’ll teach you how to get girls and be a good partner.”
“Awesome! You’re the best, I lo—”
“As long as you don’t hit on me ever again.”
“Done.”
“That’s a ‘W’ to me,” Chris says.
“Really?” Axel says. “But he struck out.”
“I never said it stood for win. I meant ‘W’ for weird and wholesome.”
Ripper grins. “I’m cool with that.”