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Guilt is relatively foreign to Skipper. He takes the belief that he’s always in the right, and usually – if he isn’t really – he just tells himself he is until he’s convinced. Fake it until you make it, right?
But almost losing Private? Two months later, he still feels guilty about that.
Skipper has lost two men before, but he’s told the story of Mandfredi and Johnson so many times, changing it to fit the lesson he needed his new team to learn, that they feel more like fables than fallen soldiers.
Besides, they were hardened and weary. Nothing like Private.
And now… Private is different. He’s still Private, thank God, but Skipper has noticed how he’s more nervous, and more reluctant to leave the zoo. Even for snowcones, which is completely unheard of.
The weirdest thing, though, is that Private hasn’t said anything. Private absolutely loves to talk about his emotions, which can usually drive Skipper and the rest of his brothers-in-arms a little crazy. Now, though, Skipper wishes he would share. He knows he could start the conversation, but emotions aren’t his strongest suit. Oh, he’s better off than Kowalski, that’s for sure, and usually not being the worst at emotions in the team was good enough for him.
Not these days.
Maybe he's over-reacting. Private still manages to leave the zoo, and does well once he's in Central Park. Private still seems happy, almost all of the time.
But it had been his fault, and Skipper is very aware of that. If he’d just been more careful; come up with a better plan… But hey, Private was fine in the end, right? He’d even save himself, and the most militant part of Skipper wonders if it had all been good for the younger penguin. Maybe he’d needed to save himself to gain some confidence and control. Mostly, though, Skipper just felt… Awful.
How could he have let this happen?