Chapter Text
Feeling the kind of headache that only the cook can inspire beginning to take up residence behind his temples, Zoro manfully resists the urge to draw his swords and start cutting things. Instead, he glowers down at Nami. “What do you mean he’s not here?” He asks through gritted teeth. “Where else would he be?”
Nami doesn’t match his glare with one of her own like she normally would, and instead bites her suddenly trembling bottom lip. The motion is unexpected and sets alarm bells off in his head. Wordlessly, she holds up a folded piece of paper.
Zoro takes it, instantly recognizing Sanji’s loopy handwriting when he opens it up. He scans the words briefly, but although they each make sense individually, they mean nothing to him in their current combination. Confused and irritated by turns, he hands the page off to Luffy.
The captain skims the page as well, his own face screwing up in a look of confusion. “Who’s the girl?” He asks. “And why does Sanji have to go see her?”
Nami shrugs listlessly. “We don’t know,” she says, her voice hushed. “Capone Bege, one of the pirates from Sabaody showed up here and caught us. He said he’s working for Emperor Big Mom now, and that Sanji’s expected at a party she’s throwing.”
“Not a party,” Chopper pipes up, his eyes cutting nervously in Zoro’s direction. “He had an invitation for a wedding. Sanji’s wedding to Big Mom’s daughter.”
Zoro feels his breath catch, while beside him, Luffy laughs, the same loud guffaw he lets out whenever he finds something especially funny. “Well that can’t be right,” he says, elbowing Zoro in the ribs. “Sanji’s already married!”
A pained expression crosses Nami’s already tired face. “We know, Luffy.” She says, and now she’s also glancing at Zoro like she thinks he’s about to have some kind of meltdown. “We were there too.”
“I don’t think whoever sent the invitation knew, though,” she adds. “They - they called him the third son of the Vinsmoke family. Zoro, does that mean anything to you?”
All eyes turn to Zoro, who’s all of a sudden having trouble breathing. “It’s -,” He wets unusually dry lips and tries again. “It’s nothing good.”
The crew all stare at him with varying levels of consternation, and beneath his shirt, tucked up close against his heart where it always is, the chain that holds his wedding band abruptly feels cold to the touch.
*****
There’s a brief debate on whether or not it’d be a good idea to split up the crew again like they had in Dressrosa. Trafalgar Law thinks it would make more sense to send a small team after Sanji and have the rest of them head to Wano on his ship to start the preparations against Kaido. Zoro thinks it would make more sense to put one of his swords through Law’s eye.
“It’s not happening,” he snaps, finally having had enough of going in circles over the topic. “If some of the others want to stay behind then fine, whatever, but I’m going to get my idiot husband back and then I’m going to kick his ass for putting us all through this shit!”
The words are the most he’s said at one time since arriving on Zou, and even he can hear the agitation in his tone. Crossing his arms over his chest, he glares over at Law while internally telling himself to calm down.
The now-likely-former Warlord matches his glare with one of his own, his sharp eyes not showing a lick of pity as he holds Zoro’s gaze. “The more of you who go after Blackleg, the more likely your group is to be noticed. We do not need to be picking a fight with a second Emperor when we’re already shoulders deep in this mess with Kaido.”
Silence descends over the group, which consists of the Strawhats, Law, a handful of Minks, and the three warriors from Wano. It’s eventually broken by Usopp, of all people, pointedly clearing his throat.
“Technically,” he says in the tones of a man who really doesn’t want to have to say what he’s about to, but is going for it anyway “we already have picked a fight with Big Mom. It was kind of oneofthefirstthingsLuffydidintheNewWorld !”
It takes Law a moment to parse out the jumbled word vomit, but when he does, his eyes narrow even further. “ What ?” He barks, both hands tightening their grip over the sword he has curled up against his side. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Zoro has a sudden vision of standing in a busy square on Fishman Island with Sanji, the pair of them trading wary glances as they’d listened to Luffy antagonize a new enemy over a transponder snail. At the time, Big Mom had seemed like a distant threat at best, but now she’s something far more real.
He shifts his attention to Luffy, only to find his captain staring back at him with an unusually shrewd look gracing his features. The younger man holds Zoro’s gaze for a couple beats, and then nods, shifting his attention to Law. “She had it coming, Torao.”
“Would you stop calling me - no, never mind. Forget it. Arguing with you simply isn’t worth the effort.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Law lets out the deep sigh of a man praying for patience. “You’re telling me that your crew is already on Big Mom’s radar and you didn’t think I should be aware of this before we formed our alliance against Kaido?”
Luffy shrugs, offering him a bright, sunny grin. “Honestly, I forgot about it until Usopp mentioned it just now.”
Law makes a sound like a dying animal, and for the first time since this conversation had started, Zoro feels a small pang of sympathy for the man. Only a small one, though. They had warned him that Luffy’s idea of an alliance was different from most people’s.
“Fine,” Law huffs, and if he were anyone else Zoro suspects he’d be throwing his arms up in defeat. “I will take them,” and here he gestures to Kin’emon and his friends, “to Wano. You go retrieve Blackleg and follow us as soon as you can. It’s going to take all of us combined to bring down Kaido.”
Luffy’s grin somehow gets impossibly bigger. “Then that means we need Sanji back even more, doesn’t it?”
Zoro suspects the sound of Law grinding his teeth is audible miles away.
*****
Roughly twenty four hours later, Zoro suspects the sound of his own teeth grinding is audible miles away, or at least it would be if there were anyone around to hear.
Next to him, Nami huffs out a sigh. “I blame myself for this,” she says as they watch Chopper fuss over Luffy where he’s looking increasingly worse for wear. “First, I should have known better than to ever let that idiot try his hand at cooking, and second, I definitely shouldn’t have left him unattended around meat we weren’t familiar with.”
Since he has nothing relevant to add, Zoro grunts an acknowledgement.
He feels it as Nami peeks at him out of the corner of her eye. “Setting Luffy’s stupidity aside for a moment, how are you doing?”
Not having much to say, Zoro shrugs. “I’m fine.”
Nami snorts, the sound heavy enough to carry over Chopper’s stressing and Usopp and Brook’s agitated flailing. “You know, you’re not as good as you think you are when it comes to pretending to not have feelings.”
Zoro shoots her a dirty look. “We’re not having this discussion, witch.”
Her mouth open to form what’s sure to be a no doubt scathing reply, Nami freezes and instead turns her attention to the sea. Following her gaze, Zoro spots an unusual shape approaching in the distance, one that eventually resolves itself into a castle turret perched on the back of a giant snail.
“What the fuck is that?” He wonders as the contraption closes in. His hands drop automatically to the swords riding on his hip, every single one of his senses screaming at him that whoever has spotted them, they’re dangerous.
“It’s obviously some kind of ship,” Nami says, her own hand fiddling with her recently upgraded climate baton. “In fact - Zoro, look at the flag!”
His eye tracking Nami’s pointing finger, Zoro looks up until his gaze settles on the flag flying from the top of the turret. A growl sounds low in his throat when he notes the stylized ‘66’, realizing that these people are affiliated with Germa.
“You guys think Sanji-bro’s over there?” Franky asks, his massive body moving with surprising stealth as he and Robin arrive on the scene.
Zoro snorts, not taking his eye off the strange ship. “Our luck is never that good,” he points out. “Besides, they’re coming at us from behind. Wherever the cook is, he’s somewhere up ahead.”
“They could have doubled back,” Robin points out. “Or gotten delayed for some unknown reason.”
“Please don’t suggest something creepy as a reason why,” Usopp whimpers as he moves to join them. He peers out at the ship, his sharp eyes raking over it as his posture radiates concern. “Guys, I don’t like this. Nothing good ever comes from situations like - hey! I see someone!”
He leans over the railing for a better look, the rest of them mirroring his posture as they do the same. Sure enough, there’s a figure silhouetted in the fog, watching them from on top of the castle ramparts, a cape billowing behind them in the wind.
“Pretentious,” Robin murmurs, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.
“Stupid,” Zoro counters, unimpressed.
She gives him a tiny smile, but any reply she might make is lost in the sound of Chopper gasping as the figure solidifies enough for them to start seeing physical features. The man’s wrapped in a heavy dark cloak, but enough of his face is visible to reveal a curled eyebrow.
“Sanji! It’s Sanji!” Chopper shouts, barging across the lawn as he waved both arms in the air to get the man’s attention. “Sanji! Luffy got poisoned, is there an antidote on that ship?” Behind him, Brook, Carrot, and even Nami take up the cry, all of them waving excitedly at the prospect of finding their missing crew member as quickly as they have.
Zoro, however, isn’t fooled. He knows Sanji better than anyone, and he doesn’t need to see the man’s face to know his posture is all wrong.
“Knock it off!” He barks, the building tension making his words come out sharper than is probably warranted. “It’s not him. It’s not the cook.”
A booming laugh echoes out from the other ship, its tone laced with mockery, stepping closer to the railing, the figure pulls back its cloak, revealing a shock of green hair even brighter than Zoro’s own, along with a set of admittedly familiar features.
“Of course I’m not that failure,” the man scoffs. “I’m offended that you’d even suggest it. You can call me Yonji.”
A ripple flows through most of the crew, and Nami shoots Zoro a look. “What do you think?” She asks. “Younger brother?”
Having always let Sanji keep his secrets, Zoro can’t say for certain, but between the name and the physical resemblance, he figures it’s a good guess. “It tracks.”
Meanwhile, his attention still focused squarely on his ailing patient, Chopper is once again pleading with the man for medical assistance. From his spot on the lawn, Luffy’s breathing gets more laboured and his skin takes on an alarming purplish hue.
“That’s not good,” Usopp yelps, and he and several others take up the cry for assistance.
Their pleas fall on deaf ears, however. Not only is Yonji unwilling to freely offer assistance, but he goes so far as to try to taunt them into attacking him and taking the aid by force.
Then suddenly a new voice is added to the mix and Yonji is plummeting into the ocean while a figure clad in multiple shades of pink lands in the middle of their group on the Sunny .
“I’m sorry,” the new woman says, hair fluttering in the breeze. She stands there, completely unconcerned in the face of the weapons being trained on her, Zoro’s swords among them. “My little brother is rather cold blooded, I’m afraid. Will you allow me to help?”
Just like with Yonji, Zoro’s instincts are screaming at him not to trust her, but it’s not like they have much of a choice. He watches as Nami and Chopper share a look and then nod to the rest of the group, a decision having been made. With a growl, he slips Kitetsu back into its sheath, stepping back to let the woman pass.
What happens next he’s not entirely sure, but one minute Luffy’s on his back, looking mere steps away from death, and the next colour is returning to his skin while the woman climbs gracefully to her feet, licking her lips.
“Thank you,” she says. “That’s one of my favourite poisons.”
Now that her face isn’t hidden as she takes care of Luffy, it’s easy to see the resemblance between her and Yonji, and Sanji for that matter. The cook really is going to have some explaining to do once they’ve gotten him back.
That’s a sentiment that becomes even more clear as the woman - Reiju - takes the time to expand on the background of Germa and the Vinsmoke family in particular. Once her comments are added to the details already possessed by Brook and Robin, it’s obvious they’re heading into a fight unlike any other they’ve faced before.
His strength apparently coming back with a vengeance, Luffy sits up abruptly, offering the woman his thanks before issuing more demands regarding Sanji’s whereabouts and confirmation that she is, in fact, his sister.
Reiju gives the latter easily enough, confirming the relationship, but it’s her next comment that sets Zoro’s teeth clenching. “Our father parted from Sanji when he was little, and has been looking for him.”
“Bullshit,” he snaps, hand instinctively curling around Shusui’s hilt. “ ‘Parted’ , my ass. The son of a bitch disowned him. When he was eight .”
He feels a brief flare of satisfaction when she startles, but her expression shifts back to impassive in record time, her features smoothing out like they’d never shifted at all. “Regardless,” she says, carrying on as if he hadn’t spoken, “the important thing now is that he makes it to the Tea Party. Out of respect for all you’ve done for him, I’ll pretend for now we didn’t see you. What you do next is out of my control.”
She’s gone before any of them can speak, launching herself into the air and then swooping back over to her own ship where she lands next to a still dripping Yonji. As soon as she’s onboard, the Germa ship starts pulling back, sailing away at an impressive speed.
The ensuing silence is broken when Franky lets out a low whistle. “So Sanji’s not an only child, huh?” He says, raising his sunglasses so he can shoot Zoro a piercing look. “You know about that, bro?”
No longer seeing any point in hiding it, Zoro nods. “There’s five of them altogether,” he says when everyone continues to stare at him expectantly. “Four boys, one girl. She’s the oldest. Cook’s second youngest.”
“Huh,” Franky says, letting his glasses fall back down. “I’m guessing he ain’t exactly tight with the fam.”
Figuring that much is obvious, Zoro shrugs. “What I just told you is literally all I know. I didn’t even know those two’s names until now. He hates talking about them.”
“And of course you didn’t see any reason to push,” Nami sighs. She holds up a hand when Zoro starts to growl. “That wasn’t a criticism. You and Sanji have every right to handle things like this however works for you.”
“It’s just,” she shifts then, gazing almost wistfully in the direction the Germa ship had gone. “I think that, at least this once, it would have been better if Sanji hadn’t been so tight-lipped about his past.”
Unable to argue with her point, Zoro crosses his arms over his chest and scowls instead.
*****
Of all the places Sanji neither wanted nor expected to be again, Germa is at the very top of the list. Yet here he is, following an armoured guard down a hallway he still occasionally sees in his nightmares, the ever present rumble as the castle moves humming beneath his feet.
The cuffs on his hands chafe against the skin of his wrists as he walks, Reiju having fastened them just a little too tight. He doesn’t think she did it on purpose, but after all this time it’s not like he can say he knows her well enough to claim otherwise.
He still knows Judge, however, recognizes the man’s posture as he’s led into his ornate study like a lamb going to the slaughter. Every inch of his bearing screams ‘You will listen to me and do as I say’, the same way it had every day of Sanji’s life until he’d finally escaped this godforsaken hellhole.
On the other hand, Judge no longer knows him. His former father may not have changed, but Sanji is far and away from the terrified child who’d once been locked out of sight in a dungeon. That’s why he holds his head up high and refuses to look down when the king of Germa tries to glare him into submission.
“You wanted to see me?” He drawls, shoving his hands in his pockets for an effect of maximum indifference.
A muscle tics at the corner of Judge’s eye, just close enough to be visible even though he’s still wearing his ridiculous war helmet. One massive gloved hand comes up, a familiar embossed invitation clenched between two fingers.
“Ah,” Sanji says, barely resisting the urge to grind his teeth when he recognizes it. “This shit again. I already told you, I’m not going along with your dumbass plan. Find somebody else.”
“There is nobody else,” Judge replies. He’s keeping a lid on his temper for now, sounding almost civil, but Sanji sees that for the facade it is. It won’t be long before the image crumbles. “I already told you, I want this alliance, but I’m not about to sacrifice one of my valuable children to get it.”
A decade and change ago those words would have cut deep. Today, they’re barely a glancing blow. Rolling his eyes, Sanji contemplates whether or not he feels like lighting a cigarette and decides against it for now.
“Was there anything else?” He asks after he feels the silence has stretched on long enough. “Because if not, I think I’d rather go back to my room. The decor is at least slightly less offensive to my tastes.”
Judge isn’t good enough to stop the growl that builds low in his throat. He gets it under control fairly quickly, but not fast enough that Sanji misses the sound altogether. It fills him with an inordinate amount of satisfaction as it reaches his ears.
“Is that it?”
The hand still holding the now crumpled wedding invitation slams down on the desk that dominates the center of the room, sending various items scattering across its surface. “Third son of the Vinsmoke family.” Judge barks, his eyes bright. “That’s you!”
“Like hell it is,” Sanji snarls, his posture straightening as he squares up for a possible fight. “You took that name from me years ago, and I’ll be damned if I let you force it back on me now. These days I’ve got one of my own choosing, thanks.”
“So I’ve heard,” Judge sneers. “ Blackleg . The way the Navy talks you’d think you were actually someone to be feared. How ridiculous.”
Sanji barely resists the urge to reach up to tug at the chain curved around his neck, or at the ring nestled safely against his breastbone. He’d suspected Judge’s spies hadn’t stumbled over this particular detail, but his words have now confirmed it. The bastard really doesn’t know .
His fingers curling, he stuffs them back in his pockets to stop himself from doing something he’ll regret. Aloud, he says, “I’m not going along with this, so you may as well just let me go.”
This time, Judge scoffs. “I have you at my mercy,” he says, confidence oozing from every pore. “You’re alone, separated from your crew and without any allies. Even your precious hands are at risk if you don’t do as I ask.”
“Ask?” Sanji echoes, honestly impressed by the man’s nerve. “You’re not asking me to do jack shit, asshole. You’re demanding that I follow where you lead because that’s how this entire kingdom rolls. Well I’ve got news for you. Germa is not my home, I am not a Vinsmoke, and I am not going to marry Big Mom’s daughter. You can fucking forget it.”
Judge straightens to his full height, no doubt expecting his looming presence to cow Sanji into submission as it had when he was a kid. “This isn’t up for debate,” he says. “You will do as you’re told.”
And Sanji hadn’t thought he’d had any more patience left to lose, but hearing Judge continue to spout on about his supposed upcoming nuptials proves this to be wrong. As he listens to the man who was once his father’s ongoing tirade, he finds he can’t handle anymore.
“Enough!” He finally barks, feeling a brief flash of pleasure when the word actually makes Judge pause. “You’re not listening to me,” he snarls into the ensuing silence. “Even if I was willing to go along with this shit, which I will repeat I’m fucking not , it wouldn’t matter. I can’t marry her.”
“No?” Judge raises a condescending eyebrow. “Would you care to enlighten me as to why?”
Beneath his shirt, Sanji’s ring suddenly feels like it’s burning a brand onto his skin, and it’s that which finally makes him snap, “Because I’m already fucking married!”
For the first time in his life, Sanji has the privilege of seeing Judge rear back in surprise. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get much time to enjoy it, thanks to the way the old bastard’s eyes narrow, his entire face going red as he barks a disbelieving “ What ?!” into the air.
“You heard me!” Sanji barks back, embracing the concept of in for a penny in for a pound. “ I am already married, quite happily so as it happens, and I have no intention of messing with that. If you want this damn alliance so bad, use one of your actual sons. I am, as per usual, no good to you.”
Judge stares at him for a long moment, after which he stalks forward until he’s unpleasantly far into Sanji’s personal space. His eyes rake up and down Sanji’s body before eventually landing on his now exposed hands. “I don’t see a ring.”
Sanji rolls his eyes. “I cook for a living and I’m a fucking pirate. Wearing it on my hand would just be asking for trouble.”
Dark eyes bore into him, once again shifting to flit over his body, and this time when they stop it’s on the chain that’s just barely peeking out from under the collar of Sanji’s shirt. Without warning, a large hand lashes out to grab it, twisting the fine links around thick fingers until the ring itself becomes visible.
His nostril’s flaring, Judge stares at the plain gold band like it’s something disgusting he’s found on the sole of his boot. “Who?” He asks darkly.
“You’ve never met,” Sanji shoots back, nowhere near ready to unpack that particular can of worms. “And I plan on keeping it that way.”
Judge holds his gaze for several more seconds, slowly twisting the chain until he can wrap his hand securely around the ring. “Whoever it is,” he growls, apparently having reached some kind of decision, “is irrelevant. What Big Mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her, or this alliance.”
Sanji realizes what he’s intending to do too late. He feels the chain bite into the back of his neck as Judge gives it a sharp tug. Then the fine metal snaps and it, along with Sanji’s ring , is gone.
“ No !” He yells, surging forward with his arm outstretched. “No, that’s mine. Give it back!”
“I don’t answer to you,” Judge sneers, avoiding Sanji’s grasping hands as he holds the ring up for a better look. He makes a disgusted noise. “Cheap metal,” he scoffs. “Befitting a pirate, perhaps, but not anyone better.”
“Why you -!” Sanji snarls, moving to bring a leg up, flames already starting to lick around his skin.
“Stop or I destroy it,” Judge says, and Sanji, not hearing any trace of a bluff in his voice, freezes, horrified at the very thought. “Hmm. I see you’re still as sentimental as ever. I think I’ll hold onto this for the time being.”
“Like hell!” Sanji retorts.
“I fail to see how you’ll be able to stop me,” is the reply. “This,” he says, shaking the chain for emphasis, “is staying with me. Consider it another method of keeping you in line until after the wedding. Keep your mouth shut about this or it’s going to find itself in the nearest smelting pot.”
“Bastard!”
Judge’s lips thin in a pale imitation of a smile, and one arm raises to press a button that will summon a guard back into the room. “I think you’ll find worse things to call me in the coming days. Now, get out of my sight.”
Unable to do anything else, Sanji goes.
*****
“How much longer are you going to keep up this film of denial?”
Perched in his new favourite sulking spot, Sanji ignores his approaching sister in favour of continuing to watch the soldiers sparring in the courtyard below. He takes a drag from his current cigarette, watching the smoke as it curls away over the stone battlement after he exhales.
“Ah, I see.” Coming to a stop only a few feet away, Reiju rests her hands on a stone pillar of her own. “You’re ignoring me, I take it. How very mature.”
The comment is so similar to something he’d say to Zoro when he’s in a snit that it almost surprises a laugh out of him. Unconsciously, he brings his free hand up to rub at the spot where his ring should be resting. “I’m not ignoring you,” he says then. “I just have nothing to add.”
Reiju makes a noise he can’t parse out, tilting her head to the side as she watches one of the matches unfolding down below them. “I remember a time where you wouldn’t have stood a chance against anyone over there,” she says out of the blue. “And look at you now.”
She shifts to look at him head on. “You’ve gotten much stronger.”
Shrugging, Sanji takes another drag from his cigarette. “It’s not like I had much choice. I didn’t plan on getting away from Germa only to let the free world do me in.”
“That’s not all it is,” she replies, completely confident in her answer. “You’re more driven now.”
“Of course I am,” Sanji retorts, biting down an inexplicable urge to laugh. “It’s way easier to do that when you have something you actually care about fighting for.”
“Ah yes. Your crew.” Reiju raises an eyebrow and plucks almost idly at the sleeve of her dress. “I met them, you know. Only briefly,” she adds, when he jerks around to gape at her. “Yonji and I ran into them on our way to joining up with the rest of the fleet.”
Sanji can’t believe he’s just hearing about this now. “If you hurt them …” he starts, soon trailing off as he realizes he has no idea what to say. It’s not like he’s in a position of power as he is now. Between the bracelets on his wrists, and Judge’s possession of his wedding band, he might as well be eight years old and locked in a dungeon again.
The cage might be more gilded this time, but it’s still a cage nevertheless.
Reiju watches him with something akin to amusement flickering in her eyes, holding back her response long enough that he starts to squirm. “Oh you can relax,” she says finally. “We didn’t hurt them. Quite the opposite, in fact. Your captain was in very poor condition when we stumbled over them, and I helped him out.”
“What do you mean?” Sanji asks, thoughts of Dressrosa and all the possible outcomes from that fight racing through his brain. His own battle with Doflamingo had left him aching in places he didn’t know he’d had, and the Warlord had only been toying with him. God knows what he’d done to Luffy. “He was hurt?”
“Poisoned,” Rejiu clarifies. “He’d eaten the skin of an extremely toxic fish, and was on the verge of succumbing to its effects before I provided an antidote.”
Sanji blinks, finding himself having to push down a sudden burst of hysterical laughter. Of all the things she could have said, he might not have expected that one, but it’s still terribly fitting. It’s just so Luffy .
Following closely on the laughter’s heels, though, is a wave of guilt and longing so visceral it nearly sends him to his knees. His hands clenching, Sanji whirls away to stare over the battlements again. “That wouldn’t have happened if I was where I’m supposed to be,” he says. “If I was doing my job and making sure my people are properly fed.”
“If your captain is so idiotic that he needs someone present to stop him from eating poisonous food, I’m frankly shocked he’s survived as long as he has.”
“People always underestimate him,” Sanji says dismissively, used to this kind of insult and letting it roll off his shoulders easily. “Historically, it hasn’t worked out well for any of them.”
“Is that a threat?” She asks, sounding more curious than concerned. “They’re coming after you, you know. They’d already entered Big Mom’s territory when we came across them. A couple of them even mistook Yonji for you for a second, although that swordsman set them straight almost immediately.”
Sanji’s back tenses at the mention of Zoro. Willing himself to remain impassive, he feigns a nonchalant shrug. “The marimo and I have fought together for years and we’re regular sparring partners. He probably noticed how differently Yonji and I carry ourselves.”
“Perhaps,” she replies. “Either way. He reiterated your captain’s intention to come and bring you back. He seemed rather … annoyed by the whole endeavour.”
“Probably mad you disrupted his napping schedule,” Sanji deflects. “The man would sleep his life away if he could.”
“Interesting,” Reiju says, but doesn’t follow it up with anything further.
With no intention of giving her another opening, Sanji takes a cigarette from the pack in his pocket, having finished his previous one while they were talking. A quick flick of his lighter gets it going, and he takes a heavy drag as they stand there in silence. “Was there anything else?”
“Yes, Ichiji and Niji will be here soon. Father wants us all to join him for a meal.”
Sanji’s hard pressed to think of anything he’d rather do less. Of all his brothers, Niji had always been especially cruel, and the thought of sitting down with all of them again sounds like the equivalent of facing a firing squad.
On the other hand, it’s not like he expects to be given a choice in the matter. His best course of action is to play along with Judge’s charade for now, while waiting for the proper moment to strike. Or for his crew to arrive, whichever comes first.
He shrugs at Reiju, taking another drag from his cigarette. “Lead the way,” he says around the filter.
*****
Ichiji and Niji haven’t changed any more than the rest of his relatives. Oh, they’re fully grown now, which he supposes is different, but their personalities are still exactly the same. For Niji in particular, this is not even remotely a complement.
“Bastard! How much of an asshole can you be?” It’s only Sanji’s quick reflexes that save the poor chef from getting her face bashed in when Niji flings his plate at her in a fit of pique. “What is wrong with you?”
Niji blinks at him from behind his stupid glasses, apparently perplexed by the idea that someone might have the nerve to defend the poor woman. Behind him, Ichiji looks impassive, Yonji annoyed, and Reiju bemused. It’s abundantly clear he won’t be able to expect help from any of them.
Scowling, he notices that Niji’s meal has fallen to the floor thanks to the angle he’d thrown the plate at. Crouching down, he dips his finger into the mess, unsurprised when he licks it clean to find that it’s as delicious as his own had been.
He says as much without bothering to stand, and Niji comes at him with a leg extended, no doubt to try and kick his face in like the old days. Before he can connect, however, Judge calls him to heel with a pithy comment about how they need Sanji’s face intact for the wedding.
That’s enough to stop Niji in his tracks, but not enough to wipe the furious expression from his face. “You’re a disgrace,” he hisses, glaring harder when Sanji keeps himself between his brother and the fleeing chef. “You bring shame on the Vinsmoke family name.”
Telling himself not to rise to the bait, Sanji allows a grin to curl the corners of his mouth instead. Flashing it at Judge, he feels his lips stretch wider as he says, “I am not a Vinsmoke. I’ll be happy to tell you my actual name if you’d care to hear it though.”
“Enough!” Judge barks, slamming a heavy hand down on the arm of his chair as he gets to his feet. Ignoring the confused frowns of his children, he turns a furious glare on Sanji. “Shut your mouth!”
Sanji raises his hands in a mocking show of surrender, the gold cuffs on his wrists glinting in the sunlight as he moves. “I said only if you want me to. I’m just as happy to keep it to myself.”
He wonders how Judge would react to learning exactly where Sanji has opted to lay his affections. There’s no doubt in Sanji’s mind that his ex-father has assumed it’s one of the women on the crew, or maybe someone outside of the Strawhats entirely. The odds of him guessing that Sanji’s instead chosen a one-eyed behemoth with a sword fetish and a surliness problem are extremely unlikely.
Idly, he considers telling him anyway on the off chance it’d sufficiently surprise the son of a bitch into a heart attack.
If Zoro were here, he’d no doubt tell him to go for it. Their marriage hasn’t been kept from the public by any deliberate means, after all. Rather, it’s simply that no one who’d care enough to tell all and sundry has put it together yet. Sanji’s quite comfortable with the name Roronoa these days, and uses it as he sees fit.
On the other hand, he’s made his point, and Judge is currently holding some very important things over his head, things he doesn’t want to put at a genuine risk. Letting his hands fall to his sides, he inclines his head in a silent acknowledgement of the demand that he behave.
For a moment, he thinks Judge is going to let the issue lie. They hold each other’s gaze, and the old man says nothing further for the better part of a minute. Then he snarls.
“Niji’s right, you’re a disgrace. You know nothing of how the real world works, and shun the royal blood that runs through your veins in favor of those who are beneath you. It’s disgusting, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s due to this man’s influence.” He holds up a photo then, pulling it out of the depths of his pockets with an irritated flourish.
Even at this distance, Sanji can tell it’s a picture of Zeff. The man’s familiar stern expression stares out at him, and Sanji feels all the bravado drain out of him in response to Judge’s knowing smirk.
“Big Mom’s spy network,” he says slowly, “is extremely thorough. I understand we have this old chef to thank for seeing to it that you didn’t die on your own in the East Blue. You were living on his ship the Baratie until you became a pirate.”
“I wonder,” he continues on, his voice flat, while Sanji’s hands clench and unclench at his sides. “I wonder how extensive the defenses on a ship like that would be? My guess is that it would take us only minutes to wipe it out, maybe not even that long.”
He sets the photo down, his jaw tight. “Would you like to find out?”
Sanji chokes on a wordless noise of protest, feeling like the very idea of what Judge is suggesting has torn the breath from his lungs. “You can’t,” he says weakly. “You just can’t .”
“ I can do as I please,” Judge scoffs. “Consider this an additional insurance policy. If you behave yourself and do as I say, then you get to keep your hands and Redleg gets to keep his life. If you become uncontrollable, then at least one of you will lose something precious.”
He leans back in his seat, his expression smug. “Do I make myself clear?”
It’s too much. First his hands, then his ring, and now his father, his real father. Given all that’s at stake, Sanji realizes with a sudden, breathless clarity that he’s well and truly caught. There’s no escaping this time, and once again, Vinsmoke Judge is going to win.
Sending a silent prayer that Zoro and the others will forgive him, he nods.
*****
Zoro hates Whole Cake Island. Never mind the fact that it’s ruler has essentially kidnapped his dumbass husband and is trying to press gang him into a second marriage, the entire place is obnoxious. There are sweets as far as the eye can see, literally forming the landscape, and every plant he stumbles across keeps singing at him. If he doesn’t get out of here soon, he’s going to scream.
“Uh Zoro?” Usopp asks nervously. The sniper is standing a few yards away, watching as Zoro uses Shusui to carve a path through the stupid gumdrop forest. Or whatever the fuck it’s called. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Are you sure poking at him right now is a good idea?” Nami counters from her perch atop Kingbaum, and Zoro hears Usopp swallow heavily.
“Right. Yeah. Carry on!”
“Wasn’t planning on stopping,” Zoro mutters.
They’ve lost half the crew. Brook’s off on his own mission to try and acquire the ponygliphs that Big Mom supposedly possesses, while Chopper, Carrot, Franky and Robin are trapped in some kind of mirror world controlled by one of Big Mom’s daughters. The speed at which this entire operation has spectacularly gone to shit is impressive even by their standards.
“Anyone have eyes on Luffy?” He asks.
“He’s running up ahead,” Nami replies. “I can see him from here. Although, now that I think about it, someone should probably go catch up to him before he gets too far away.” She gestures at the rest of Kingbaum’s head. “Anybody else want a ride? There’s plenty of space.”
Zoro declines with a sharp jerk of his chin, feeling the need to stay on the ground where he can at least cut down the minor dangers that get in his way. Beside him, Usopp shrugs in a manner that makes it clear he’s sticking it out too.
“Fine,” Nami sighs, prodding Kingbaum with her heel to spur him into moving faster. “Do not get lost,” she calls as she and the giant tree move further into the distance.
“How the hell would we do that?” Zoro demands. “She’s leaving a huge trail for us to follow.”
“No comment,” Usopp says dryly, only to shriek when a bunch more of the weird plants come darting at them. “Zoro! Fix this!”
Normally Zoro’s definition of fixing something is vastly different from Usopp’s, but today they’re on the same page. Zoro’s been finding it increasingly difficult to keep his agitation under wraps the longer they go without tracking down the cook, and it feels good to work off some of the energy.
“I can’t believe we haven’t found Sanji yet,” Usopp yelps from where he’s hiding behind a conveniently located (and not sentient) tree. “Wasn’t the whole idea that Pudding would bring him to the rendezvous and we’d get the hell out of here?”
Right. Pudding. You can chalk her up as another topic Zoro’s doing his best not to think about. They’d encountered Sanji’s so-called fiancé on the first island they’d docked at. Between her gushing over how wonderful she thought the cook was and the fact that she’s basically Sanji’s ideal woman in every way (beautiful, sophisticated, she bakes ), Zoro’s hackles have been permanently up since they’d run into her.
“Obviously she didn’t hold up her end of the bargain,” Zoro growls, slashing through a trio of flowers that are taking a run at him. “Maybe it’s not her fault or maybe she betrayed us, I don’t really care since, either way, curlybrows isn’t here.”
Another flower has the nerve to sing at him while it attacks. Zoro snarls at it in return, and promptly cleaves it in two.
“Ah, I see you’re working off some pent up aggression,” Usopp says from his tree. “You get those flowers, big guy.”
“I’m gonna get you in a minute,” Zoro informs him. He glances around the surrounding area, but either he’s cut down all the plants there were, or the rest of them have more self-preservation skills than their predecessors. Either way, it looks like he’s run out of things to fight for now.
Or at least it does until the sounds of a battle going on up ahead reaches their ears. He and Usopp share a quick look before taking off in the direction of the noise, Zoro with a sword in each hand and Usopp demanding that he pay attention to where he’s going as they run.
They burst out of the trees into a clearing just in time to see a veritable army advancing on Luffy and Nami. Kingbaum is down, possibly dead, and Luffy himself has taken on a ton more damage since they’d seen him last. In the distance, a carriage flying the Germa flag can be seen heading for what must be Big Mom’s castle.
“What the hell happened?” Zoro demands, glancing back and forth between Luffy and Nami. Their captain looks absolutely wild, practically foaming at the mouth he’s so worked up, while their navigator has tears running down her cheeks.
“It was Sanji!” She snaps, her hands tugging fruitlessly at Luffy’s shoulders, trying to physically drag him away from the spot he appears to have rooted himself to. “He’s in that carriage with - with the rest of his family . He attacked Luffy when we tried to reach him.”
“That’s impossible,” Zoro says, but even as the words leave his mouth, he knows they’re a lie. He and Sanji have been sparring partners for years, to say nothing of how many times they’ve fought side by side in battle. He knows what kind of marks the other man’s kicks leave behind, and Luffy’s covered in them. “Why would he do that?”
“I don’t know!” Nami yells. “Why would he say he’s staying with the Vinsmokes? Or that he’s going to marry Pudding?”
Zoro feels the bottom drop out of his stomach, but before he can say anything a rubbery arm is stretching out and a warm hand is wrapping around his arm.
“He didn’t mean it,” Luffy insists, spitting the words out through bloodied lips. “Not the way you’re thinking. It’s not what he wants.”
“Luffy, he kicked the crap out of you!” Nami shouts, shaking him by the shoulders. “He didn’t even try and hold back.”
“He didn’t mean it,” Luffy repeats. “And I’m not going to listen to any of what he said. He’s our cook, and I won’t eat anyone else’s food but his. I’m going to do exactly like I promised and wait right here until he comes back.”
“I hate to break it to you, Luffy,” Usopp says, swallowing heavily. “But that might be a problem.”
As one, the four of them share a grim look before turning to watch the steadily advancing army.
“This,” Usopp says then. “Is not good.”
*****
Zoro wakes slowly and with a deeply uncomfortable crick in his neck. It takes him a moment to realize this is because his arms have been pinned back behind his head and secured with some kind of … wax? He’s not sure. Whatever it is, it’s white and is somehow going through his wrists, yet leaving no wounds.
“What the fuck?” He mutters, and a tired groan to his right catches his attention. Twisting his neck as best as he’s able, he finds a disheveled looking Usopp pinned in a similar predicament as himself.
“Hey,” he says, stretching out a leg to try and get the other man’s attention. “Usopp. Usopp, wake up!”
“M’awake,” Usopp moans, his head lolling to the side as he blinks. “I just really wish I wasn’t. Ugh, what happened? I hurt everywhere.”
“What happened is we got swarmed by a bunch of Big Mom’s children,” says Nami’s voice to the left of them.
Because she’s on his blindside, it’s hard for Zoro to get a good look at her. Eventually, however, he’s able to angle himself enough that he can see her sitting in a separate cell with Luffy, who’s tied up next to her, but doing his best to snap the bindings on his wrists.
Zoro watches their captain wind his arms in multiple loops, clearly trying to put enough pressure on the bindings to make them snap. For his own part, only a few tugs are enough to convince him that getting free that way is a futile endeavour. They’re going to have to find something else.
For a while the only sounds in their weird prison are that of Luffy trying to get free and Nami pleading with him to stop before he hurts himself. Then the sound of laughter rings out and a light flicks on beyond the prison bars, revealing no less than four of Big Mom’s children that he can see.
Luffy begins arguing with the son who’s outfit makes Zoro think of a skeleton, demanding to be let out so he can get back to the clearing and wait for Sanji. Zoro feels an ache bloom in his chest at the mention of Sanji, and he does his best to tune out the conversation.
He starts paying attention again when someone places a large transponder snail in front of their cells and he recognizes Big Mom’s voice on the line. She offers to let them go if they promise not to interfere with the wedding, and a wordless snarl rips its way out of his throat before he can stop it.
Thankfully, his protest gets lost under Luffy’s increasingly agitated confrontations with the Emperor. The two of them go back and forth, slinging challenges at each other until eventually Big Mom has enough and ends the conversation, while her present children snicker at Luffy’s supposed audacity.
Most of them start singing a different tune, however, when yet another sibling (seriously, this is getting ridiculous) storms in and announces that there’s an intruder in the treasure room. Chaos descends as the Big Mom pirates panic about their mother finding out the news, and soon it’s just the four Strawhats and one guard left behind.
“This place is fuckin’ ridiculous,” Zoro grunts, relieved in spite of himself for the brief respite to try to catch his breath and take stock of their surroundings. “I am going to be so pissed if we die here.”
“We’d better not,” Usopp yelps. “I’m too young to die.”
Zoro rolls his eye. Knowing Usopp he could live to be ninety and still be making that excuse. “I’m not planning on actually dying, idiot,” he growls, flexing his bound arms for emphasis. “But we need to figure out a way to get rid of whatever the hell these things are.”
“Right, yeah.” Looking up at his own wrists, Usopp frowns. “It’s got to be from some kind of devil fruit power,” he surmises. “The spike’s going right through me, but there’s no blood and I don’t feel a thing. Which is good because I really don’t think I’d enjoy it if I could.”
“No shit,” Zoro grunts. He’s technically been impaled a time or two in his life, and the experience had never been pleasant. “You got any ideas?”
Usopp snorts, an edge of hysteria to the sound, albeit one that’s under control for now. “Not unless you count inventing a time machine and going back to stop Sanji from ever leaving in the first place. Speaking of, how are you holding up?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Zoro growls.
“Cool,” Usopp replies. “Unfortunately, I need something to distract me from our impending doom, and that’s the only thing I can think of at the moment. So, you wanna talk about the whole Sanji-agreeing-to-go-through-with-this-wedding thing? Or maybe the whole Sanji-kicking-Luffy’s-ass-and-leaving-the-crew-thing?”
“What do you think?” Zoro demands, turning to glare at him.
“I think you’re probably coming up with a way to strangle me with your feet since you can’t use your hands.” Usopp admits. “But I also think we’re going to have to fight our way out of here if we manage to escape this cell, and we kind of need you to not be distracted if that happens.”
“Who says I’d be distracted?”
“Me.” Usopp replies. “Mainly because I saw you when we were attacked in the clearing. That was not your best effort, my friend.”
“Usopp,” Zoro’s voice is stern when he speaks, tense enough that he knows it’ll make the other man back off. “I’m going to say this once and only once. Shut up before I kill you.”
“You’ll have to figure out a way to free yourself first,” Usopp says moodily, but at least when he lets his head fall back against the stone wall of their prison cell, he doesn’t say anything further.
*****
Time passes. Zoro’s not sure how long, but it’s at least a couple of hours if the cramping in his neck and shoulders is anything to go by. The awkward angle created by the restraints is putting a strain on his muscles, though thankfully it’s still more annoying than anything else.
Nami and Usopp have fallen quiet, and even Luffy’s squirming has gotten slightly less frantic. He’s still spitting periodic insults at the lone guard in the room, but nothing like he’d been doing earlier.
Over the sound of Luffy now attempting to chew his way through the bars, he thinks he hears footsteps nearby. Cocking his head to the side, he decides that, yes, he’s right and someone’s coming their way.
Straightening, he kicks out at Usopp and motions for him to sit up as well. “We’ve got company,” he says, answering the other man’s unspoken question just as there’s a knock at the heavy wooden door across from the cells.
The guard sits up, closing the book he’s been trying to read even in the face of Luffy’s non-stop chatter, and turning to look at the new arrival. “What are you doing here?”
That’s something Zoro’s wondering as well. He watches Pudding as she makes her way into the room, taking careful steps like she’s afraid of getting her hands dirty or something of that ilk.
She comes to a stop in front of the guard - her brother, Zoro supposes - and clasps her hands in front of her chest, staring up at the much larger man with pleading eyes. “I was hoping I could talk to the Strawhats,” she says. “If only for a moment.”
The man makes a surprised face, but shrugs easily enough. “If you like,” he says, motioning one of the strange pawns forward with a key. “But I’m only opening up one of the cells, not both. You’ll have to pick which pair you want to see.”
“I’ll take Luffy and Nami, please.” Pudding replies, and warning bells go off in Zoro’s head when her brother gives no indication he’s bothered by the familiarity with which she’s referring to their crew. Instead, he nods at the pawn, who in turn steps over to the bars of Luffy and Nami’s cell.
The awkward angle continues to be a problem for Zoro, but it looks like the bars are bowing outwards, creating enough space for Pudding to step inside. They snap back into place once she does so, and then she proceeds to have a low voiced conversation with his crew mates that he can’t make out, no matter how much he strains to hear.
Luffy’s reaction he can understand just fine, however. His captain explodes over whatever Pudding’s just told him, tugging at his bonds with renewed vigour and spitting mindless epitaphs of rage that he only uses when he’s truly incensed.
Above it all, he can faintly make out the sound of a dainty laugh as Pudding exits the cell.
Zoro waits with barely contained curiosity until she’s gone and her brother has once again taken up residence on his couch. Then he kicks out at the bars of his own cell, trying to get his captain’s attention.
“Luffy!” He barks, raising his voice in the hope the younger man will hear him and actually pay attention. “Luffy, what the hell did she say?”
Beside him, Usopp seconds the question, albeit more quietly. There’s no getting through to Luffy, though. He’s too worked up. Luckily, Nami has a cooler head on her shoulders like usual.
“It’s a trap,” she says, aghast. “It’s been a trap from the very beginning. The Big Mom Pirates don’t want an alliance with Germa, they just want their technology. They’re planning on killing the entire Vinsmoke family during the Tea Party, starting with Sanji.”
Zoro feels his blood run cold. “No,” he breathes, his muscles tensing as he too starts straining against the bonds pinning him to the cell wall. “No. No. Fuck no . We can’t let that happen. We have to get him out of there!”
Nami makes a helpless noise, the sound barely audible over that of Luffy twisting his arms into knots to try and snap himself free. Feeling desperate himself, Zoro glances around his own cell for a way out.
He still has his swords, he thinks, their presence at his hip a comforting weight even with the way his seated position is making them dig awkwardly into his back. He still has his swords, and the stuff holding him down ends at his wrists.
“Usopp,” he says flatly. “I need you to use your feet to get one of my swords free.”
“You need - what? Why?” Usopp demands, his brow furrowing as he cranes his neck around to look at the three hilts. “What good would that do?”
“I’m only pinned at the wrists. If you cut below that, I’ll be free.”
“If I cut - absolutely not!” Usopp shrieks, skidding away as far as his bonds will allow, like he’s afraid Zoro will somehow find a way to force him into going along with his plan. “I am not cutting your arms off, you lunatic! How exactly are you going to become the world’s greatest swordsman with no hands?”
“I’ll find a way,” Zoro snaps, past the point of caring. “I already hold one in my mouth. I’ll make it work.”
“As insane as it is that I actually believe you, tough shit,” Usopp spits, still scrambling to get out of reach. “I’m not doing it! Sanji will kill me!”
“Not if Big Mom kills him first,” Zoro retorts, yanking his arms as hard as he can. “Quit fucking around, we need to get to him!”
“Not like this, we don’t!”
“Everyone knock it off!” Nami yells, her voice carrying above even Usopp’s piercing howls. “No one is tearing off or cutting off any body parts! We are all going to calm down, think about this rationally, and come up with a plan to escape that doesn’t involve maiming ourselves.”
Opening his mouth to tell her exactly what he thinks of that idea, Zoro’s cut off by the heavy door exploding inwards and a powerful blast catching Big Mom’s son off guard. It flings him to the other side of the room, where he lands in a crumpled heap and a new figure steps inside.
“Luffy!” Jimbei says, grinning wide as the four of them gape at him. “I heard you got caught.”
*****
Jimbei makes quick work of their prison cells, freeing not just them but also the other people trapped in the weird book. He explains how he’d come to be in Big Mom’s territory, not seeming at all concerned that he’s mutinied against one of the most dangerous pirates in the New World.
“This is crazy,” Usopp says while Zoro checks on the status of his swords and Nami makes a futile attempt to fix her now destroyed outfit. A little ways away, Luffy and Jimbei are deep in conversation. “This is absolute insanity and we are going to die.”
Zoro would be much more concerned about this prediction if Usopp hadn’t been making the exact same one on the regular for all the years he’s known him. If they died as often as Usopp decided they were going to, they’d all be nothing but dust by now.
Satisfied that his swords are unharmed, Zoro crosses his arms over his chest and looks over at Luffy, willing the younger man to pay attention to him. “Oi,” he says when this doesn’t work. “We need to get moving.”
“Yep, I know,” Luffy replies, flashing a bright grin his way. “Don’t worry, Zoro. We’ve got it covered.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Zoro demands, and Usopp, in a fit of unusual bravery, jabs an annoyed finger into his shoulder.
“Hopefully,” the sniper says irritably, prodding him again for good measure, “not anything about asking our crew mates to hack our limbs off.”
“You need to get over that,” Zoro replies, swatting his hand away. “It was the right course of action under the circumstances.”
Usopp and Nami share a beleaguered look, the two of them apparently seeking solace in each other, and Zoro promptly tunes out whatever scolding they’re about to give him. Sanji’s in danger, and no matter what else might be going on with the cook, Zoro’s not about to let the idiot get killed.
“Luffy,” he says then. “What’s the plan?”
“You’re not going to like it,” is the immediate reply, and Zoro bites down a sudden urge to yell as Luffy continues on. “I’m going back to the clearing. I’ll meet Sanji there when he comes, while Jimbei gets Nami and Usopp somewhere safe. I need you to help him do that.”
“Like hell -!” Zoro starts, but Luffy cuts him off with a raised hand, his eyes dark and his face unusually serious in the way it only gets when that weird intuition of his has gone into overdrive.
“Sanji will meet me where I told him to,” he says, not a lick of doubt contained in his voice. “I’ll get him and bring him back, but until then I need you to do what you do best and protect the crew. Jimbei knows the castle and thinks he can track down the others. Help him do that.”
“You want Zoro to help us find people?” Usopp says skeptically, flinching at the glare Zoro sends his way. “Please don’t hurt me.”
“Jimbei will do the finding,” Luffy says, ignoring Usopp’s whimpering. “Zoro will do whatever else needs doing. Right?”
He poses this last question directly to Zoro, but his voice holds no room for argument. Luffy’s already determined how this is going to play out, and he’s trusting Zoro to go along with it like usual.
It’s a tall order, one Zoro is honestly tempted to refuse, but just like they had all those years ago when he was tied to a stake in a Navy base yard and a crazy kid in a straw hat was standing over him, his instincts tell him this is the way to go. Letting out a heavy breath, he pins Luffy with a look.
“As you like, Captain,” he says, offering up the rare use of the title to show he’s serious. “But you’d better damn well bring him back.”
He and Sanji can sort out their personal shit once time allows. All he needs is for the cook to be alive to do it.