Chapter Text
The sky is bright yellow. Even through the soot-stained classroom window, Sakura Haruno sees it. If she squints, she can almost pretend to see rippling heat, sizzling cobblestone paths and withered grass. A forest fire here and there; summers in The Land of Fire are fierce.
But then Mizuki-sensei taps on the chalkboard for attention and the illusion fades. The sky still glows, not from above, but an echo from the horizon. She remembers stories of shinobi that breathe fire, like the dragons in mama’s stories.
There’s a battle, she deduces. There’s never been a battle so close to the Konoha gates before.
Sakura tears her eyes away and finds her lap instead. Her hands are resting there, folded neatly. Her hands are pale. They are smooth, but Sakura can see a hint of callus on her palms.
Mizuki-sensei says a shinobi’s best weapon is his own hands. On her first day in the Academy, he spun weapons of all sorts between his fingers and threw them towards the training post. He hits his target dead-centre every time. Sakura learns quickly that this is a lot harder than it looks. Even the training kunai and shuriken are heavier than she can comfortably manage. Sakura can only really handle hurling a few before her arm feels the strain.
She never comes close to hitting her target; in fact, it falls just a few feet in front of her.
A few of the other academy students snicker at her expense. Mizuki-sensei doesn’t step in. He thinks of it as character building. Sakura’s only consolation is that while they fumble a little less, the other students don’t tend to fare much better with hitting their targets either.
Sakura wishes the academy is as fun as Ino-chan promised. Ino-chan said they would get to arrange flowers and learn history and mathematics and ciphers and code. There’s none of that. Sakura has been here nearly a month now and all she’s learned is— well. Sakura now knows how to swipe at ankles so people can’t run anymore. She knows how to slash across eyes so no one can fix them anymore. She doesn’t want to imagine why it’s been ingrained into them all that this is very important.
It’s eleven o’clock, and it’s another chakra lesson. Sakura likes to think of chakra as the warm feeling of her mind in her belly, but that just sounds silly to say out loud. So she keeps her hands in her lap when Mizuki-sensei calls upon students to raise their hands to answer questions. Mizuki-sensei tries his best to explain, but beyond the older clan children dotted about in the class, Sakura has a suspicion that no one else really knows what he’s asking for. There’s a body diagram, a taijitu symbol, a lot of talk about coils. A pool of energy deep within. An energy to channel into your hands, your feet, anywhere. Physical energy and spiritual energy… Mizuki-sensei says ‘energy’ so often that Sakura notices a few rows below that Fuki is keeping a tally. Beside him, Ami starts to chortle.
Sakura keeps her head down and hopes they quiet. Mizuki-sensei likes to punish the whole class for one person’s misdemeanour.
“Is there something you want to share with the class, Ami?” Mizuki-sensei intones.
Ami’s ears turn pink and her words are so quiet Sakura can’t hear. Sensei hears her fine however, and says, “If you have nothing useful to contribute, I suggest you stop dragging the class down and be quiet. This is no time or place for such antics. I suggest you think about this when you run five laps around the field during lunch break. The class will join you, of course. For your insolence.”
The class groans.
Someone throws a book at Ami and it clips the back of her head. Ami yelps. There are tears in her eyes.
Mizuki-sensei praises their aim. And then he scolds Ami even more for poor reflexes.
Then, he carries on the lecture like nothing happened.
Sakura looks at the window again. The sky isn’t so yellow anymore, gobbled up by billowing smoke. She wonders who won that fight. She wonders— naively— if everyone is okay.
--
Just as Sakura opens her front door to exit, she’s greeted by a streak of yellow and orange inviting themselves in. It is all Sakura can do to step back and greet her, a little dazed.
Ino bears gifts, a bento box and a new red ribbon. She bestows them onto Sakura with the start of a flourish but stops when she notices Sakura is distracted.
“Sakura-chan?”
Sakura hangs her head low. “I know I meant to come by yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t. Mama and papa finally came home for a little while. I know they were home earlier than they said but— I missed them.”
Ino falters, but offers a warm smile. “Don’t stress about it so much, Sakura-chan. That’s great news that you got to see them. Do you know when they’re due home next?”
Instead of answering the question, Sakura’s eyes flicker to the nearby clock. Ino’s eyes follow. Sakura feels herself sink a bit. “I need to head off now, Ino-chan, or I’ll be late.”
“I’ll walk you!” Ino volunteers easily.
Sakura brightens. “Really?”
She straightens the bag over her shoulders and off they go. Sakura suspects that Ino senses her quiet mood, because she’s chattier than usual, supplying most of the conversation. Sakura doesn’t mind; she does her best to listen. She likes hearing what Ino gets up to. Being at the Academy six days a week from eight in the morning to dusk these days means they don’t see each other nearly as often as they used to.
Ino says all these new changes with the Academy that Sakura tells her about sound so bizarre to her. Ino says her mama is insistent that these changes surely won’t stay in place for very long; Ino-chan will get to go to kunoichi classes and learn code and create secret messages in flowers like she really wants. Ino is hopeful that since Sakura hasn’t started these classes yet, maybe they would get to do it together!
Sakura is less optimistic; Mizuki-sensei recently taught them the best places in the body to aim for to neutralise— or kill.
Ino says she’s started helping her own mama in the Yamanaka greenhouse. She’s planted daisies. Ino says they’re really easy to grow, but she’s very proud and she can’t wait until her first flowers bloom. Sakura is happy for her. Ino starts mentioning new names too. A Shikamaru-kun and a Choji-kun. Sakura is not surprised to hear that Ino has made more friends so quickly— a large number of them had gone on to start at the Academy after all.
Mr Ino’s Dad isn’t due home from his mission for another two weeks at the least. Ino doesn’t seem too worried for him. She says her dad is the strongest and bravest man she knows and Sakura believes her. Sakura only wishes she has that same level of confidence for her parents. Mama and papa used to say that they’re only just genin and that means they’re safe from the worst most of the time— but knowing that’s not all of the time, makes Sakura worry. She knows it's been a while now, since they said they're safe.
Yesterday they were really only home for a few hours. It’s the longest they’ve been home in a while. She is so happy she was home when they came or she might have missed them.
Coming home to an empty house most days just feels a little bit lonely.
Their visit yesterday didn’t bring smiles throughout though. Between the kisses on her cheeks, ruffling her hair to mess up her ribbon, warm dinner and even warmer hugs, they ask how she’s been, they say how much she’s grown (even if it is only a little), but how thin she’s getting, and where is Suzume-san, because wasn’t she supposed to be looking after Sakura until they got back?
But Sakura said she’s not seen Suzume-san since the first and only time she came, just as her mum and dad left for their last mission.
“But— it’s been nearly two months! Who’s been looking after you, if not Suzume-san?” mama floundered. Her voice was too high, her cheeks starting to flush with anger. Sakura thinks she might have said something wrong to upset her mama so.
“Suzume-san says it’s all sorted,” Sakura said. “I get a food box every week from Hokage-sama. Suzume-san said he’ll take care of me. Hokage-sama invited me to start at the Academy. Suzume-san said I better go or it’ll be rude so I went and I’ve been going.” She scrambles a bit, her words rushing quicker the more she sees her mama’s shoulder shake. “I— I have a letter. Suzume-san says it’s an official letter, so I just waited until you and papa came home so you can read.”
Mama and papa never let her near official documents. It makes sense. Sakura’s too young for grown up stuff like official stuff. The letter is addressed in her own name but she passed it to her mama. There are too many things Sakura doesn’t understand right now, and maybe mama can help.
Mama tore the letter open with such ferocity it almost ripped completely in the middle. The wax seal clattered soundlessly onto the floor and there’s a smaller card that flitted in the air, falling even slower. It’s Sakura’s identification photo. Mama’s hands shook too much so she flattened the letter against the table, pushing both halves into a pretence of a whole. Her own dinner was long forgotten. Mama’s eyes flitted quickly as she read. And then she read again. And then read again. And then she shouted for papa to come quick and then he read the letter too. And then he read again. And then they both read.
Sakura wondered what it was that was so beyond their understanding. She found herself craning her neck to try and see, but can only make out a few words:
Duty. War-time policy. Accelerated program. Conscription.
And then mama had tears in her eyes. Mama bent down and hugged her too tightly for too long and then kissed her forehead and said not to worry. And Sakura didn’t understand. She still doesn’t understand.
Mama said she would be right back, but she didn't come home that night.
Papa tucked Sakura in bed, but he’s gone too when morning came.
Sakura misses her parents already.
“Sakura-chan, are you in there?” Ino asks, blue eyes boring into her own. She’s standing so close Sakura notices that Ino’s eyes have no pupil.
“I’m sorry, Ino-chan. What were you saying?”
Ino frowns and attempts for them to stop. Sakura keeps walking, because she can’t be late. Ino chases after her not long after. “Sakura, are you okay?”
Sakura sees the academy roof in the distance and says aloud, if only to distract them both: “It really is no fun in the Academy without you.”
“Mum says maybe I can join next year!” Ino says with a bright grin and then continues with a scowl, “But only if Choji-kun and Shika-kun are ready too. Mum says it’s clan politics. All our families go way back, so I have to be patient. But I don’t want to be patient! If Shika and Choji aren’t ready then I’ll just make them be ready!”
Ino flicks her short hair and pumps a fist in the air. Ino is so cool. Sakura smiles.
The blonde turns to Sakura then, “I’ll catch up to you, Sakura-chan! A year’s not so long! Maybe we can even graduate together! Don’t you worry.”
Sakura remembers her mama saying the same last words and suddenly, in spite of herself, she has doubts.
Ino asks, “So what are they teaching you? I need a heads up with these changes.”
This Sakura finds a bit strange; Ino is always there to help Sakura with anything she doesn’t understand when it comes to becoming a shinobi-in-training and that certainly hasn’t changed. Sakura doesn’t know what the academy could be teaching her that Ino wouldn’t already have an idea about.
Sakura tries anyway, “There’s a lot of learning how to use scrolls. Like storage scrolls. There’s taijutsu forms. Some shurikenjutsu, but I’m not very good at that.” Actually, beyond traps and reading maps, there isn’t a lot that Sakura is very good at. It’s very disheartening.
She deflates even more when she admits her worst failing: “Mizuki-sensei has been trying to teach us about chakra. Not a lot of us— not even the big kids— seem to know what’s happening. I’m a bit lost. Mizuki-sensei says to meditate and connect physical and spiritual energies but… Um. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know what I’m trying to feel.”
Ino hums thoughtfully. “It might just be a little harder for you to access because you’re not a clan-born shinobi, Sakura-chan.”
“Well—“ Sakura starts, and she doesn’t understand why she’s getting a bit upset. “That’s just silly.”
Ino shakes her head. “Mum says it’s like this: some ninja clans have hidden techniques or blood limits. And we need to practice doing these techniques lots and lots and the more we do— well, it becomes like second nature. And because we’re clan shinobi, all this practice has been happening for generations. So it’s more than second nature. It just feels more natural to connect with our own chakra.”
Sakura nods, encouraging her to continue.
“So in that way— we’re just… better with chakra,” she finishes lamely. Ino grimaces as soon as she hears herself.
Sakura frowns. “You— you think you’re better than me?”
“N-No of course not!” Ino says immediately, holding her hands up in a placating way, eyes wide.
“But you are better than me,” Sakura says, mostly to herself now.
“Sakura-chan, that’s not what I’m saying at all!” Ino says desperately. She looks very sorry. “Clan techniques take lots of practice with chakra and lots of study and it’s not always something we’re just born with! And— I’m just saying we got more practice in. That’s all it is! Practice! And the more you practice, the more you’re used to it!”
Sakura feels defeated. “But how will I know what to practice if I don’t have a clan to help me?”
Ino’s starts to ramble nonsensically until she latches on to a train of thought. “Well— you don’t need a clan to coddle you and hold your hand! You’re amazing! And if you end up making a name for yourself, by yourself, then won’t that mean so much more? You’ll basically be a genius like Minato Namikaze!” but Sakura doesn’t know who that is yet, so the meaning of the words are lost on her.
Ino sobers up and says earnestly, “I can’t help you with jutsu, Sakura-chan. But I think I can help you access your chakra.”
Sakura says pathetically, “But what if I don’t even have chakra?”
“Don’t be silly,” Ino says, scoffing. “All living things have chakra. You just need to tap into it.”
Sakura is going to be late for being early to the Academy— which means if she stays a little bit longer with Ino, she’ll be just on time. Ino’s newfound confidence in her means the world and more. Sakura decides to stay a little longer while Ino brainstorms. It doesn’t take long:
It must be one brilliant idea, because she’s shed any trace of that awkward conversation and she’s grinning openly. She runs ahead to stand under the tree by the Academy Entrance. There’s a swing hanging on a branch; Sakura has never seen anyone sit on it.
“Ino-chan, what are you looking at?” She joins Ino, squatting on the ground to inspect a weed tilted towards the edge of the tree’s shadow into sunlight.
“It’s like this,” Ino whispers conspiratorially. The way she speaks, it's like someone has told her this before. “You are the weed. Your roots are the physical energy that grounds you. You can nurture your roots with better soil, with water, with anything that makes your body stronger.”
The clouds shift overhead and the sun just touches the weed. Sakura starts to understand. Ino continues anyway:
“The sun is your spiritual energy. You can work on that by meditating or studying—" Ino falters a bit, her eyebrows knitting together in concentration. "It's anything that gives you that big lightbulb moment and you work out what grounds you, and work with it instead, so it all works for you. Like how the weed is stuck in these roots but it bends just enough to reach the sunlight.
A plant can’t survive on sun alone or water alone. They need both to work together. The plant knows this. It’s that feeling when you connect your body and your mind.”
Sakura thinks she understands now.
--
It’ll be a long while before she sees Ino again, but she doesn’t know this yet.
Another week— two days, thirteen hours and fifteen seconds— passes when Mizuki-sensei says they’ve graduated from chakra theory without any tests, and it’s time to apply what they’ve learned. He puts a single leaf onto every student’s desk, reminding them one more time about focus and chakra and energies some more. And then he places his own little leaf onto his forehead protector and moves his hand away with a motion that says, now you. The leaf sticks to him like it’s glued.
It’s a lacklustre display with no flourish, but the younger students are entertained. Sakura too finds herself laughing softly, delighted at the trick. She and the other students pick up their own leaves to try it out for themselves. Sakura thinks of her mind in her belly, and a warm sort of energy and wills it to her forehead and thinks for it to please, please stick.
Only Sakura’s would stick on the first try.
--
Two days later and Sakura finds herself assigned to a new classroom with new classmates. Though really, to call it a classroom would be generous: gone are the desks and chairs and the wooden training weapons box. This room is styled much like a dojo, far too large for the twelve of them in the room, Sakura included.
One of the students cheers for their now-even numbers. Others give her the quickest look and look away with a shake of their head. Half of them look as old as their early teens. Some of them, just younger. In fact, there are two others who look to share the same age as herself.
There is a boy with red paint on his cheeks. He’s shaggy haired and wild eyed.
There is another— boy, she thinks— with long hair secured in a low knot. His eyes are strange and pearlescent. Important-looking. Sakura thinks he would slash his eyes himself if he had to.
She stands by them both so she doesn’t feel as small.
The door opens and shuts and there’s no footfall. Sakura knows this means nothing in the world of shinobi. The class quickly stands with their arms to their side, body rigid, eyes forward. Sakura gasps and tries to follow suit. She doesn’t do very well. Her eyes find their new sensei and it’s Suzume-san, who raises her eyebrows at her.
“Introduction,” Suzume-san – sensei says, detached. She sounds nothing like the reassuring friendly woman mama trusted to babysit.
“M-me?” Sakura squeaks. Suzume-sensei raises her eyebrow, impossibly, even higher. Sakura’s cheeks colour. “My name is Sakura Haruno. I like playing with Ino-chan—“
Suzume-sensei clears her throat, but she looks uncomfortable suddenly. “I can only afford enough time between each of you to work on only one of your faults and hone just one of your strengths. What would you like to work on, Haruno.”
Haruno. Suzume-san called her Sakura-chan before. Sakura wonders what has changed so suddenly, because surely being a sensei doesn’t mean you have to be mean! Tears prickle at the back of Sakura’s eyes but she tries very hard not to let them fall. She says instead, “I’m bad at shurikenjutsu. I want to work on chakra control.”
Suzume-san clears her throat again, and looks away quickly. When she starts her next speech, the wild-eyed boy with red paint sighs quietly beside her. Sakura thinks he may have heard this a few times already:
“By the end of this month, the goal is to ensure you’ve made some improvement on your selected fields. The final exam involves performing a passable Substitution Technique. I will expect you to do any other remedial studies you’ve taken upon yourself to do in your own time. Not here. I will teach you what we have agreed upon. I will teach you professional conduct. Any misconduct will be dealt with swiftly. This is your only warning.
“Now let’s make shinobi out of you.”