Chapter Text
By the time Alex had finally arrived at work, the entire goddamn Friday had already gone to shit and there was no point in pretending otherwise. His water - despite being fully paid for and well maintained - decided to shut off any heat and give him the startle of a lifetime mid-shower. Not only that, but roughly an hour later he was barely able to refrain from beating the living shit out of his coffee machine, which finally decided that it would persue and succeed the life-long dream of becoming a major disappointment.
There was also the issue that he was nursing a minor burn against his right hand, since his phone charger had overheated three days before and Alex found this out the hard way. John had laughed at him for two minutes straight when he recoiled in horror, and Alex didn't even have the mild joy of making John suffer with him through coffee deprivation, because the damn heathen drinked tea.
All in all, he was running on spite and a vicious hatred of the way life enjoyed making him suffer. There were probably better ways in dealing with his anger, but currently he was far too tired to give a damn. His only sufferance was that people were able to read his expression and know him well enough to give Alex some space. There were probably better ways to occupy himself during the day, but since he had already finished and proof-read the work due in three days, he gloomily browsed new coffee machines online.
Seriously, who the fuck had enough money to just buy a kitchen utensil the moment it broke? He wasn't particularly looking forward to returning to instant coffee, either. Alex was quite content to sit still and bitterly stew in his frustration.
After being personally offended by a particularly extortionate cost, he shut his laptop with probably more force than intended. Barely three hours had passed since the start of the day and he was already done. With some attempt to assuage the exasperated boredom, he huffed, opening his laptop again and retrieving his final draft.
He didn't jump when his door sharply opened, with no warning whatsoever, but he did quickly glance up, forgetting how agitated he was for a second before noting that his visitor was, unfortunately, not welcomed.
"Nobody said you could come in here." Alex intoned, leaning back so he could cross his arms and fix Jefferson a sharp glare, because of course the one person in the entire goddamn office to blatantly ignore social cues decided it was appropriate to bother him. "In fact, nobody said you could even look at me, so I guess you'll take your leave."
"No." Jefferson replied simply, flashing a smile that Alex did not buy for one second. After five years of suffering with Jefferson's unbearable bullshit, Alex liked to think he was adapt at reading his expressions, and he had seen that particular smile more than once.
"What are you after?" Alex asked, sounding vaguely resigned. Jefferson, sensing that Alex wasn't buying his attempt at companionship, let the smile drop. Then, completely uninvited, he pulled out the chair facing Alex's desk, not remotely uncomfortable at the fact that Alex was obviously adverse to his company.
"I have a proposition." Jefferson stated, paused, regarded Alex carefully. Alex remained quiet, watching him in turn, until Jefferson tersely elaborated, "It involves bets and how everyone around me is an asshole except James."
Alex was only mildly impressed that Jefferson was able to abstain from insulting him and all of his friends for over a minute. He thinned his lips, adopting an exasperated tone, "I expected nothing from you, and yet I am still disappointed."
"They put bets on us, Hamilton." Jefferson eventually stated, leaning forwards slightly and glancing around Alex's office as though he was sharing confidential details. "They're convinced we're going to start dating, and I want to win."
Alex had no idea who 'they' were, but knowing his friends and the majority of the workplace - he wasn't exactly optimistic. Regardless, the fact that they were co-ordinated enough to start wagers on when (not if, even though it would obviously never happen) he would start dating his sworn enemy. Rather flatly, "You're kidding."
"By James's account, there's just under a thousand dollars." Jefferson informed him, a grimace finally settling across his features, showing his first actual emotion of the entire conversation. "I don't want our terrible colleagues to get their money back when they find out we aren't going to date - ever."
Alex opted to step past the righteous indignation at being dismissed so openly because he would be a great boyfriend. Regardless, he could acknowledge that this wasn't the point, and filed away a more unsavoury insult for later use. "So...?"
Jefferson seemed rather smug at this. He tapped his fingers against Alex's desk - which pissed Alex off, they both knew that irritated Alex - and flashed a trademark smirk. "I make James put down a bet. We make that bet come true, divide the money in thirds, and then we 'break up'."
"Nobody will buy it." Alex pointed out.
"They will." Jefferson contridicted, frowning. Then, as an obvious bait, Jefferson sighed and gingerly added, "Unless your acting skills are shit."
Alex was an adult, he could tell when someone was trying to provoke a reaction out of him. Though, being able to notice something and responding in a mature, levelled way, he scowled. "Don't be a dick, I'm an exceptional actor."
"Then prove it." Jefferson immediately retorted, quickly enough that it was evident he had planned this part of the conversation out. "Will you?"
Alex scoffed, an immediate rejection resting on the forefront his mind but something stopped him from allowing it to spill. It was a stupid idea, and nobody would believe it. It would be difficult enough trying to trick people who had so much as heard of their rivalry, let alone his close friends.
Then, Alex thought of his depressingly broken coffee machine, the fact that his phone charger seemed likely to combust at any second, and how insulting it was for people to make unfounded assumptions about him. It would be entertaining, if a little morally ambiguous. "Won't they suspect that we're using James's bet?"
"The fact that the vast amount of our supposed friends are placing bets means that it is likely one of them will win." Jefferson reasoned dryly. Then, as though Alex needed further prompting, he added, "Laurens is part of this, too."
"What?" Alex asked sharply.
"So, no. They won't suspect anything." Jefferson replied, rolling his eyes, acting like Alex was acting purposely ignorant. Alex paused, wondering how the hell he was supposed to respond to that. Jefferson seemed to feel patient enough to step back and allow Alex to give some thought behind his answer.
Alex's brows furrowed, and, almost suspiciously, he said, "You said it's under a thousand dollars."
"Hamilton, do you want to know how long this bet has been going on?" Suddenly, Jefferson's tone of voice was harsh and clipped, seemingly physically pained by the entire situation. "Three years. Three goddamn years, and legitimately everyone knew about it except us."
"Even Burr?" Alex questioned.
Grimly. "Especially Burr."
"Damn it, I'm in." Alex glared at the ceiling. Jefferson smirked, pleased with himself, and Alex fixed him a fierce glower. "Not because I want to help you. They don't deserve to be rewarded for acting like traitors, that's all."
"Good, because I already told James to place his bets." Jefferson replied, briskly standing up.
Alex stood up with him, placing his palms flat against the desk and frowning. "You do realise that I could've refused your offer - and that I could still refuse to play along."
"You might dislike me, but you have a point to prove." Jefferson replied, shrugging his shoulders. Alex paused, then briefly conceded that Jefferson had accurately summed up one of the reasons he agreed. "We'll need to sort out details. By James's bet, we need to convince the rest of the office in two months."
"Two months." Alex repeated lightly. "That's... a lot of time."
"It's enough time to get our stories straight." Jefferson explained slowly, as though he was talking to a small child. Alex thinned his lips. Jefferson, because he didn't know how the hell to leave things be. "Besides, I'm not the type to immediately dive into relationships. It takes time."
"I don't 'immediately dive into' relationships." Alex snapped, before belatedly remembering that his current best friends had known him for under a day before they briskly decided it was them against the world.
Jefferson looked at him. "We both know that's a lie."
Alex huffed, struggling for an articulate retort but failing painfully. Jefferson, sensing his victory, raised an eyebrow. It seemed that he had decided the conversation was over, and opted to leave Alex's office. Though, Alex was certainly not allowing Jefferson to have the last word.
He hurried to the door, opening it sharply, and called after Jefferson's retreating back, "Yeah, well, you're stupid."
Alex was too far away to hear Jefferson sigh, but he could see the slow rise and fall of his shoulders, and Alex took this as a win. Burr pushed open the door to his office and fixed Alex a concerned expression. "Alexander, be the bigger person."
Alex blinked, offended and slightly bewlidered as to how Burr was able to overhear conflict several meters down. He gestured defensively to Jefferson. "I'm five foot four and bitter, he can be the bigger person!"
"I already am." Jefferson called from over his shoulder. Alex merely flipped him off in response, turning back and returning to his office.
As soon as Jefferson brought the fact that the entire goddamn office was placing bets on his and Alex's love life (or distinct lack thereof), Alex was beginning to pick up on signals and signs indicating that people were watching his interactions with Jefferson.
For one, all of Lafayette's insinuations were starting to gain a triple meaning, and worse yet - Alex still needed a second to realise exactly what was implied. He couldn't even act offended, since he wasn't supposed to know about the bet.
By midday, Alex was becoming slightly impatient, and the reminder that the most important item in his life had broken down was now his key thought. Maybe this made him boring, but by imagining various funeral songs for his coffee machine was enough entertainment to get himself through yet another suggestive eyebrow wiggle.
"How did I not notice this before?" Alex demanded. He had thrown the door to Jefferson's office open with an admittedly exaggerated display of theatrics, and was now pacing up and down his office. "Tell me, Jefferson, why couldn't I pick up on the fact that Lafayette is insisting we're an old married couple?"
"You have the emotional capacity of a brick wall." Jefferson helpfully supplied. This, granted, was the response Alex expected but not one he was particularly after. "Look, I'm as happy about this as you are. If we want our friends to suffer, we need to make it convincing."
"I'm not directly lying to my friends." Alex said.
"That makes one of us." Jefferson shrugged, uncaring, leaning back on his desk and flicking his pen nimbly across his fingers before catching it with his other hand and repeating. Alex wanted to slap the stupid thing out of his hands. "Dishonesty is part of the fun."
"You're a sociopath." Alex decided. Jefferson rolled his eyes, continuing to do the dumb pen flick thing that Alex couldn't fucking work out, despite watching his movements with a close precision. "I'm going to end up fake dating a sociopath. Hercules raised me better."
"I wouldn't lie to James, but since he's with our plan..." Jefferson trailed off, sounding like he was in thought, but Alex knew better. As usual, Jefferson was able to provoke Alex without focusing the slightest bit of effort.
"What about Lafayette? Don't you want to be a decent human for once in your life?" Alex pressed, trying to get back at him even if this was a particularly weak comment. To some degree, it worked, and Jefferson's jaw twitched.
"Keep arguing with me, Hamilton." Jefferson replied, sounding vaguely bored but his tone contridicted the sharpness of Jefferson's stare. "I'm not going to suddenly have a moral crisis. Besides, if we return to the subject at hand..."
"Right." Alex agreed, grudging, crossing his arms with far more petulance than intended. Jefferson appeared to be seconds away from calling him out, but stopped himself, glancing away with a sharp twitch of his jaw. "How do we start? Oh, and why isn't Madison here?"
"James isn't here because he wants to - and I quote - 'stay out of this weird ass fake courting ritual.'" Jefferson stated dryly, lips giving a wry twitch when he began to repeat Madison's words. "As for where we start, I have no idea. The fact that our co-workers have believed this for three years is a distraction."
"Lafayette spreads rumors, and fast." Alex offered. "If I say something-"
"No, we'd have to pretend to try and keep this a secret." Jefferson sighed, and returned to his stupid, grudgingly elegant pen trick. "Why the hell is this so complicated?"
"Stop it." Alex snapped.
Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "Stop what?"
"You know what." Alex muttered. He glared pointedly at Jefferson's hand, but when Jefferson's flat expression continued, he gestured, still scowling. "That stupid pen thing."
"What, this?" Jefferson asked innocently, and repeated the exact thing that was blatantly pissing Alex off. "I'm sorry, Alexander, but I enjoy occupying myself as much as possible."
Alex flipped him off in response, but remained silent. He had agreed to this plan and was going to stick with it, regardless of what would probably go wrong. All that he had to do now was work out how to get Lafayette to notice that their dynamics had shifted and sit back whilst an alarmingly gossip orientated group of office workers whispered back and forth.
"We need to get this right." Jefferson mused. "One slip-up, and we reveal our hand."
"You're overestimating their critical thinking." Alex argued.
"You're underestimating Lafayette's horrifyingly accurate intuition." Jefferson retorted, placing his pen down and staring at something to the left in obvious concentration. "The moment he suspects something, he will be horrifyingly relentless. He will hunt down you or James, and one of you will end up confessing."
"We have two months." Alex stated firmly. "That'll be long enough to form, execute, and proceed to pretend that this entire plan never happened."
"Agreed. We will never speak of this again." Jefferson said. "I mean it. Never."
"Right." Alex confirmed. He gave the ridiculous pen one last glare before heading to the door, turning once to state, "I'm going to think of a genius plan that will earn one thousand dollars and you can just sit there, muttering about whatever evil schemes you have."
"Whatever." Jefferson replied, sonding uncaring. "Don't let my door hit you on the way out."
**
There were probably better ways to spend his time. Alex could be developing his social life, or trying to learn a different language, but instead, he was at home, doing this. There was the slight sliver of fortune at having the weekends immediately after he agreed to this insipid plot. At least he was able to have an existential crisis in the relative privacy of his own home.
John didn't react to Alex dramatically flopping onto the floor, trying not to wince against how uncomfortable the carpet was, and grumbling under his breath about things that didn't even make sense.
"It's finally Saturday, and you know what that means." John announced to the world at large, cutting across Alex's complaining. Alex huffed, rolling onto his back just in time to see the cushion hit him. At some point, Alex vowed there would be physical repercussions for the betrayal that had just transpired. "What movie should we watch?"
Alex turned the cushion over in his hands in a contemplative motion. "I don't know, Lord of The Rings?"
John frowned. "No."
Alex exhaled loudly, because John was like this every goddamn week, and Lafayette was worse. It seemed that he and Hercules were the only two people capable of making a decision. "What do you want to watch?"
Predictably, John said, "I don't mind."
"Harry Potter?" Alex offered. Surprisingly, there was a pause as John actually thought through his answer instead of an immediate rejection. Alex added, "We watched the fourth one four weeks ago, so we're up to The Order of the Phoenix."
"Too much death, I'll pass."
"The Hobbit." Alex said.
"No."
"Fight Club."
"No."
"Some stupid ass romcom."
"Dude, you know we can only watch those on a Sunday." John sounded incredulous and mildly indignant. Alex snorted at the offence, blindly throwing the cushion and willing it to hit John. "That was just uncalled for. I'm not going to break tradition."
"You sure have a lot of opinions for someone who doesn't mind." Alex quipped. In response, the cushion was thrown back at Alex, hitting him firmly in the chest. Alex rolled his eyes, deciding to be the mature person. "What's Lafayette thinking?"
"Herc says they'll be a while, since they're arguing over what popcorn to get." John lamented, and Alex groaned. Last time Hercules and Lafayette were allowed to pick up snacks together, they had taken a full two hours to arrive, primarily due to Lafayette's weird ass conviction against mixing flavors. "I told them to just get both."
"Oh, good idea." Alex hummed in approval. "Let me guess, Hercules acted as though you asked him to take the entire store home with him?"
"'Jonathan Laurens, I did not raise you to be wastefully frivolous'." John mimicked Hercules's voice, promptly missing the mark by many miles. Alex glanced up at John expectantly, who shrugged. "They said they'll be about ten minutes."
Alex made a dubious noise; if there was just Hercules, then he would trust his estimation. However, Lafayette was a world renowned procrastinator and there was no way in hell they would arrive at a normal time. Instead of being proven correct, the door to their apartment knocked after three minutes of Alex detailing how much agony he was in.
Alex narrowed his eyes at John, sitting up and glowering. "You said they'd be ten minutes. You're a goddamn liar."
"Fuck off." John cheerfully instructed him. Then, in a louder voice, he called, "The door's open, and we're both too lazy to greet you."
"You didn't even check, they could be serial killers." Alex said.
Alex could hear Hercules mumbling in response, then the sound of several bags being placed down. He settled back down, resting against the carpet again as Hercules and Lafayette entered. Lafayette announced, "We come bearing gifts, and Alexander, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm dying." Alex decided pragmatically. Hercules snorted, obviously sceptical at the authenticity of Alex's solemnity. He added, "This is my deathbed. Do you want know how I'm going to die?"
"At the hands of your roommate?" John helpfully offered. Alex glared at the ceiling.
"No, through an accident." Alex corrected dryly, throwing up his cushion and catching it. He watched Lafayette and Hercules shuffle awkwardly to the kitchenette, balancing three bags - two more than actually needed. Judging by the tightness in Hercules's shoulders, he made good on his threat to buy half the shop.
"That's what I'll make it look like." John agreed, helping Lafayette unpack and freezing with a bemused expression when he picked up a single egg. "How the hell did this not crack?"
"No idea." Hercules shrugged. "Alex, you going to help?"
Alex ignored the question but used the sudden attention drawn on him to muse, "I wonder, what will my final words be?"
"We can find out, if you want." John offered.
Hercules huffed. He stopped sorting out the bags by walking over to where Alex was slumped and nudged him with his foot. Alex scowled, swatting at Hercules's leg and missing. "You're acting like an idiot and you'll hurt your back."
"Don't speak ill of the dead, mon cher." Lafayette interrupted wryly. "It's rude."
"I want a Shakespeare quote on my gravestone." Alex added seriously. He rolled onto his stomach to defend Hercules from nudging him there even more, keeping his eyes on the floor. "I was a good man."
"Oh my god." Hercules scoffed at the use of past tense. "Up. We bought chocolate spread and tortillas. I don't want to look at you whilst you eat."
Alex stood up, grimacing at how his knees protested. He collected the stated items, hugging them protectively to his chest. "This is the best combination that has ever been discovered."
"Why are you encouraging him?" John asked sharply, scrunching his face up in distaste. He gestured empathetically at Alex. "Herc, it's a crime against humanity. You shouldn't of bought this."
"He's right." Lafayette was quick to agree, tapping Hercules's arm importantly. "Alexander, mon ami, I love you, but sometimes you disgust me."
"You're just jealous." Alex snipped, placing his stash on the loveseat and opting to rummage around the box of movies. "What do you want to watch?"
"Oh, amour, we talked about this on the way here!" Lafayette grinned, nudging Hercules, who glanced up from where he was frowning at the entire bag of food. "Have you got Mulan?"
"Have I got Mulan?" Alex repeated. "Have I got Mulan? You're kidding. Of course I do, I'm not a barbarian."
"Tell me you're not stealing my place again." John narrowed his eyes, staring at the exact place where his food was deposited. There was a pause, in which Alex merely looked at him. "It is my place. I bought that, I have a right."
"I was faster." Alex retorted. "I won."
"Laf, our children are arguing again." Hercules observed, exchanging significant looks with his boyfriend. Lafayette shook his head in disapproval, but when Alex refused to budge, Hercules sighed. "Sit with us, John. We'll keep the snacks here and if the chair hog wants some, he'll have to get up and ask politely."
"Hey!" Alex objected at the same time John said, "Sucks to be you, chair hog!"
"We raised some idiots." Lafayette groused. "Idiots, Herc."
After some shuffling and choice words, Alex was able to set up the movie with minimal shouting. Unfortunately, he had to accept the help from Hercules and two tutorials before the movie was up and running. Alex gave a mock bow. "You're welcome."
There was a wave of sarcastic clapping and cheers. With a decent amount of drama, Alex pressed play. John flicked his hand, attempting to gain Alex's attention from where he was pushed against the corner. "Pass?I want to adjust the settings."
"Oh my God, no." Alex slipped the controls under the cushions. "You're never touching the settings again."
John proceeded to sulk for the first ten minutes, periodically pausing his efforts in pretending that Alex didn't exist to give baleful glares. Though, by the first main song, he was able to overcome the sudden animosity and shriek-sing and probably alarm all of his neighbours.
By the halfway mark, Lafayette winced, glancing down at his watch before standing. "I need my coffee. It is when I reach my full potential, non?"
"What?" Alex asked, sitting up, glancing between Hercules and Lafayette with a frown. "Why can't you go later?"
"That's not how it works, Alexander." Lafayette insisted. He pointed at his watch, then looked at Alex expectantly. "It is one in the afternoon and the croissants will have just come out of the oven. Tell him, amour!"
Hercules shrugged. "He reaches his full potential, man. I don't know how to make it any clearer."
Alex exchanged confused looks with John, who gave a hapless shrug. "Have fun with your deranged coffee ritual, then." Alex said, still frowning. "Oh, and pass me the skittles."
The packet was thrown at him, but bounced back against the arm of the seat and landed just out of arm's reach. Alex sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperated vexation. Lafayette gave a mock salute, leaving the apartment.
"Seriously, for someone so 'go with the flow', he has an extremely weird schedule." John pointed out. "I'd be alarmed if it wasn't so impressive, to be that predictable."
Alex hummed in noncommittal agreement, returning his attention to the screen. He couldn't particularly criticize Lafayette and his life habits, since he had an equally linear life style.
Then, something clicked.
Alex tried to lace some faux disinterest into his voice as he asked, "Herc, does Lafayette do this every day?"
"Yep." Hercules confirmed. "They have a special named after him."
"Which he always talks about." John agreed, making a face. "The Gilbert Experience. It sounds like a shitty steam train."
Alex made a noise of vague agreement, pulling out his phone and trying to locate where the fuck sells products with Lafayette's namesake. As it turns out, quite a lot. He was able to narrow the results down by adding that it was a coffee shop of some sorts, and reduced the search to a five mile radius.
After twenty minutes of consistent searching and reaching to the fourth page in online results, Alex was finally able to locate The Blue Coats. Granted, he had missed most of the movie, but it meant that his plan had advanced and Jefferson better be fucking grateful.
**
It took Jefferson less than an hour to reply, and his response was a jumble of swear words and the insistence that Alex was the antichrist, but overall, it seemed like a reluctant agreement. So, at quater to one - fifteen minutes before Lafayette was due to appear - Alex hastened to arrive, surprisingly after Jefferson.
"I know, I know, I'm a genius." Alex threw his hands up in faux modesty as he approached the table Jefferson had chosen (directly in front of the door, Lafayette would have to be blind not to notice). "You can thank me later, since we have a plan to make."
"Calm down, Hamilton. Lafayette hasn't even arrived yet." Jefferson replied, seeming slightly disgruntled at having to meet a colleague that wasn't James Madison outside of work.
"He will." Alex stated confidently.
"Until then, we wait in silence." Jefferson said, voice not warranting any room for argument. Alex paused, leaning back and crossing his arms. It seemed melodramatic, to refuse to even attempt to engage in civil conversation.
Alex tapped his feet against the floor. There was something unnerving about not being able to say anything, and he wasn't breaking the awkward silence since Jefferson initiated it. The issue was that he didn't seem bothered at how tense and uncomfortable Alex was.
He glanced around the area, admiring the decoration and contrasting color scheme before tiring and returning his attention to the table. As expected, Jefferson still seemed uninterested, frowning down at his phone.
"So." Alex began, testing the word. Jefferson merely raised an eyebrow, not glancing up from his phone. "It's a Sunday."
"I really don't care." Jefferson said.
Alex sighed. "Great."
Alex was sure that he was dying from boredom. All he could do to occupy himself was try and provoke a reaction from Jefferson by being as annoying as possible. For a split second, Alex wondered if he had finally succeeded when Jefferson placed his phone down.
Instead, however, Jefferson muttered, "Lafayette's here."
"So, he's seen us and is trying to spy." Alex said. At Jefferson's terse nod, Alex leant back, acutely aware of Lafayette staring at his back, but wasn't able to turn around and do something about the attention. "What now?"
"We pretend to talk." Jefferson shrugged.
Alex frowned. "We... are talking?"
"Shut up, you know what I meant." Jefferson snapped, appearing rather vexed at having the obvious pointed out to him. Alex grinned, pleased at finally causing an adverse response. Jefferson sighed, eyes briefly flicking to Lafayette before immediately glancing down
Alex recognized the action and grimaced. "He's taking a picture, isn't he?"
"Of course he is." Jefferson muttered, looking as though the whole affair was rather distasteful, and he'd rather be anywhere else. Alex supposed that this wasn't the expression Jefferson would wear on an actual date.
"Scared the camera will steal part of your soul?" Alex asked, feigning blithe curiosity.
Jefferson gave him a deadpan look. "What are you talking about? I have no soul."
This startled a small laugh out of Alex, primarily due to the remark being from an unexpected source. He quickly caught himself, biting the inside of his cheek, but Jefferson suddenly seemed to have a genuine interest in the conversation now, looking very bewildered.
Alex scowled, crossing his arms ovee his chest and averting eye contact to glare at a part of their table. Jefferson, who had recently discovered Alex's dislike of sitting in complete silence, didn't bring it up, continuing to watch Alex with a calculating look.
Eventually, Alex decided he would risk discovery by turning around to see if Lafayette was still there. His shoulders slumped in relief. "Thank fuck, he's gone. We should leave together in about fifteen minutes, since he has a very slow walking pace and it would be suspicious if we left immediately after him."
"I agree." Jefferson said.
Then, the awkward silence fell from beforehand and Alex felt his will to live shrivel up into a tiny ball and waste away. He resumed his attempt at providing a distraction for himself, looking around the cafe and trying to observe new things, but eventually tired of that and glanced at Jefferson.
"You know, if you keep glaring at me, I'm not actually going to combust." Alex offered. Then, for good measure, he added, "Trust me, I know from experience."
"Hamilton, shut up." Jefferson replied, sounding deeply pained, and Alex took this as a partial victory.
"Nope." Alex said. "How are things?"
Jefferson grimaced. "I would rather attack a bee hive with a golf club than make small talk with you."
"You're too sweet." Alex replied in an overly saccharine voice, grinning at the deeply unimpressed raise of an eyebrow. "I don't do silence."
"Well, I do."
Alex paused. "How do I respond to that?"
"You don't."
Alex sighed. He tapped a fast paced rhythm against the table, wondering how the hell Jefferson could just sit there and do nothing. Knowing Jefferson, he would see hothing wrong with it. Alex sighed again. "I know literally nothing about you."
Jefferson still seemed unbothered. "Good."
"I don't even know what you look like." Alex lamented, shaking his head with world weary disappointment.
There was a slight twitch to Jefferson's jaw, one likely due to anger or frustration at Alex's melodrama. "Now you're being dramatic."
"What is your name?" Alex asked, putting as much earnestness in his voice as possible.
Jefferson's resolve finally broke and he tried and failed to bite back a - smile? Alex blinked, trying to put one and one together because none of it made sense until Alex realized that Jefferson thought Alex's display of theatrics was vaguely amusing.
"I don't have a name." Jefferson responded neutrally. "Nobody knows who I am, even myself."
"They call you the Wanderer." Alex added, quickly warming to the subject and the fact that Jefferson finally seemed engaged enough to reply. "You weren't hired, you just walked in one day and started working."
"I thought that was how you got your job." Jefferson frowned. "By the time people realised you weren't supposed to be here, it was too late."
"Yes." Alex confirmed. "That's exactly what happened. Though, I don't have a kick-ass nickname."
"Unfortunately, most people can't be as cool as I am." Jefferson allowed, giving a one shouldered shrug in a false display of modesty. Then, Alex was given a condescending smile. "I'm sure you try your best. Though, I think Lafayette is gone."
Alex nodded in agreement. "What do we do after this?"
"I'll have to find out where Lafayette thinks we are, and build on it." Jefferson answered despite the fact that they both knew that Lafayette could be incredibly subtle when he wanted. "Madison's going to help, of course. We'll discuss this in the office. The more people that see, the better."
This was an obvious dismissal. Alex gave a fake salute and a surprisingly kind, "Don't get hit by a car, but if you do, make sure you remember the licence plate.
By the time Monday rolled by, Alex was feeling strangely optimistic. Lafayette hadn't messaged him, which was unexpected, but Alex supposed that Lafayette would believe that if he said something wrong or implied a bit too heavily, Alex could be deterred.
This slightly wounded his pride - if Alex knew that there was something he wanted, he wouldn't be scared off of something so easily - but the anticipation of watching Lafayette desperately try and get details whilst simultaneously try to hide the fact that he thought he knew what was going on.
Lafayette was waiting inside his office despite the fact that Alex was sure he had left it locked, sitting on his desk and watching the door, apparently searching for Alex. Hercules and John were with him, though John stood and Hercules had brought the swivel chair from his office with him, obviously intending on staying for over an hour.
Overall, it looked like a surprise intervention.
"If this is about my caffeine addiction..." Alex trailed off, glancing between the three. Hercules and Lafayette exchanged looks, causing John to roll his eyes and sigh.
"No, we just went in for a visit." Hercules stated, surprisingly genuine. At Lafayette's sharp, fleeting look - one that Alex was certain he would miss unless he was looking for it - Hercules amended, "At least, I did."
Alex knew he had to strike the balance between vaguely guilty and innocent. Lafayette was intently watching Alex's expression, but he evidently saw something that made the corners of his lips quirk up into a tiny, knowing smile. Alex cleared his throat, not even having to fake being uncomfortable. "Why? Are you two after stationary?"
"No." John frowned, at the same time Lafayette decided, "Yes."
In response, Alex threw a cheap pen at Lafayette, who caught it with one hand. John glanced imploringly at Lafayette - one that Alex would have to be blind to miss - and Lafayette inclined his head once, disguising the action as attempting to get a better look at his newly procured pen.
"I wish Herc and I would be able to go on a double date." Lafayette mused, giving such a convincing act of making the topic sound casual. "It would be fun, non?"
"You could go with Burr and his wife." Alex offered, ducking the bait on purpose just to see the flash of irritation flick across Lafayette's face. "Or Maria and Eliza. Oh, I think Angelica is seeing a new man-"
"John Church." Hercules cut in.
Alex gestured at Hercules, allowing the addition to strengthen his point. "-so you could go with them."
This time, Lafayette hummed, tilting his head just barely to the left, towards John. This caused John to widen his eyes in understanding. There was a moment in which Alex realised he would not have caught what Lafayette's gesture had meant unless John gave it away with his reaction.
"Have you done anything interesting over the weekends?" John asked, trying to sound casual. Then, he gave Lafayette a rather blatant thumbs up that caused Lafayette to wince.
"No, nothing I can think of." Alex frowned. "Why?"
"Um." John began articulately.
Before he had the chance to fumble with an explanation, the office door was sharply opened, causing John to startle and grimace. Hercules frowned, spinning slightly in his chair before his eyes went wide and he tried to hide his bright grin.
"Thomas." Lafayette greeted evenly, as though he wasn't currently making a million assumptions. "Good morning."
"Lafayette." Jefferson offered a slight smile before glancing at Alex and smirking. There was a certain lilt to his accent, one that implied he was enjoying making everyone (Lafayette in particular) suffer greatly. "Hamilton, a word?"
Alex sighed loudly. Judging by Lafayette's resolute expression, Alex would decisively not be allowed to stay in the office. He exchanged exasperated looks with John - who seemed entirely too delighted to be remotely convincing, before sighing again. "I suppose I can grace you with my presence."
"Oh, how magnanimous." Jefferson mocked. "Have you thought about charity work?"
"Never." Alex replied. He made sure all of his movements were exaggerated and overly dramatic, though it appeared nobody was believing it. Jefferson flashed a quick smile before closing the door, blocking them from view.
"That was good timing." Alex muttered, keeping his voice lowered. Jefferson seemed rather pleased with himself, smirking at the praise, as grudgingly as it was given. "They have the subtlety of a brick wall. Let's listen."
"Well then." Hercules said loudly.
Someone clapped their hands, and judging by the person who spoke immediately after it, Lafayette was the aspiring percussionist. "They were seconds away from making out that time, I swear!"
Alex exchanged doubtful looks with Jefferson.
"No, I'm seven months out. They can't be this emotionally apt." John protested, likely to be scowling. Then, because talking behind Alex's back wasn't enough, he added, "Well, I think Jefferson can, but Alex...?"
Alex gasped, offended, but was unfortunately not distracted enough to hear Hercules's agreement of, "I have my doubts."
"They are such dicks." Alex hissed, gesturing at the door, turning to face Jefferson as though he was about to show some kind of support to Alex. "I have let them into my home and they scorn me."
Jefferson seemed to think the entire fucking situation was hysterical. "They're not wrong."
"They weren't that close." Lafayette mournfully said. There was a loud, probably dramatized sigh, and Lafayette continued, "I mean, it was obviously a date, but no hand holding..."
Hercules was quick to comfort them. "I know, I saw the pictures. It was a nice catch, Laf, but let them get to know eachother."
"They've known eachother for years!" Lafayette quite petuantly protested. "Mon dieu, I just want my gay sons to be happy!"
"Insufferable." Alex muttered, shaking his head. "We should let them suffer for a while longer."
Jefferson shrugged, probably resigning himself to several awkward minutes of silence. Though, unexpectedly, Jefferson asked, "What will you do with your share?"
"New coffee machine." Alex immediately answered. "You?"
"I'm planning on buying a shit tonne of food. It seems like a good idea." Jefferson shrugged.
Alex glanced sharply at him. "Oh shit, that is a good idea."
"Of course it is, I came up with it." Jefferson easily agreed, leaning back against the wall. He paused, brows furrowing slightly. It seemed ad though he wasn't particularly interested in elaborating, but he did add, "James is way too fucking excited to buy a new wheelbarrow."
Alex raised an eyebrow. "Did you tell him it was a stupid idea?"
Jefferson scoffed. "Of course not, he's my best friend."
There was a few seconds of pause. Alex looked at him blankly, before crossing his arms. "So?"
"How do you have any friends?" Jefferson asked, though he sounded at least mildly amused, so Alex supposed it wasn't a personal attack.
Alex grinned. "Bribery and devilish good looks."
"You're poor and have no fashion sense whatsoever." Jefferson contridicted, giving him a sharp once-over with a frown. Alex blinked, taken aback, before he was able to find his recovery.
"Bribery is the reason I'm poor."
Jefferson shrugged, unbothered by how defensive Alex sounded. Then, he glanced at Alex's door. "Speaking of your friends..."
"I know, I'll go back before they have heart attacks." As it was, both John and Hercules were trying to persuade Lafayette to leave them alone, despite Lafayette insisting that he wanted further proof. Alex couldn't stop the smile from forming, albeit reluctantly. "My friends are fucking weird."
"You'll find no argument here." Jefferson took a half-step back from the door, raising his palms as though warding off an attack. "Go, be free, join your people."
"Try not to miss me too much." Alex replied, not even bothering to act offended when Jefferson's expression quite clearly stated he wouldn't. Then, with a forced neutral expression, Alex opened the door to his office, and tried not to grin at how abruptly the lull of conversion between Lafayette, Hercules and John was cut off. "Talk about much when I was gone?"
"No." Lafayette and John said in rapid unison.
Hercules just sighed.
**
By the one week mark, Alex was being given speculative looks by anyone who crossed his path. After the first attempted confrontation Lafayette had failed to initiate, his friends seemed rather grudgingly content to leave things be and trust that Alex would tell them later.
Some people (Burr, Eliza) took Hercules's approach and completely avoided mentioning Alex's supposed relationship with Jefferson. Alex valued this far more than the other attempts to find out what was going on.
There was a certain joy to be had when being able to control what was being spoken about across the entirity of the office, but by what must have been the nineteenth eyebrow wiggle from Peggy and awkward grimace-nod from Samuel Seabury, Alex was so fucking done.
Madison raised his coffee mug in semi acknowledgement, mildly sympathetic, but made no move to strike a conversation between them, and consequently, Alex decided against perusing a temporary companionship with him.
Though, not being able to talk about The Plan - and not being able to maintain a normal conversation with someone else without interruption from other co-workers - was beginning to agitate him. His only other option for company was Jefferson, and he wasn't particularly fond of the idea to willingly go and hold a friendly conversation with him if it didn't directly help what was going on.
Eventually, though, he caved.
At least Jefferson wouldn't see this as 'caving,' since he didn't voice his reluctance to approach. Since they had teamed up (to make everyone else suffer), Alex was able to work out that Jefferson didn't always act like a dick, but he chose to do so most of the time.
Additionally, Jefferson had a sense of humor that was unfortunately similar to Alex's, and this put him in the uncomfortable position of either deciding to dislike what he thought was entertaining, or actually agree Jefferson on something substantial.
Alex decided to forego knocking, since that would imply that he had some respect for Jefferson as a human, and he didn't. "Hey, asshole."
"Hamilton." Jefferson acknowledged, glancing up once before looking back down. "It's nice to see you've grown some maturity and learnt how to politely enter a room since the last time we saw eachother."
"I've been working on it." Alex shrugged.
"It shows, truly." Jefferson deadpanned. He paused, frowning, before making eye contact with Alex. "Why are you bothering me?"
"I'm bored." Alex expressed. Jefferson, with an affronted air of trepidation, exhaled forcefully, thinning his lips slightly as Alex paced up and down the room, impatient. "I'm beginning to realise how much I hate people."
"You've joined the club a little late." Jefferson replied. "Let me ask again; why are you bothering me?"
"Do you want to know how many times Lee has told me he supports gay people?" Alex asked flatly. Jefferson grimaced, likely recalling the similar experiences he had with Lee. "It's nice to know he's just your regular bastard, not a homophobic one. I don't like how people are suddenly convinced I'm their best friend, and you're the only person who isn't trying to be invasively supportive."
"That's because I don't like you." Jefferson added. "Though, I know what you mean. Laurens is suddenly stating - very loudly - what would happen if someone were to hurt his friends. James thinks this entire thing is funny and won't talk to me without addressing me as 'Hamilton's boyfriend.'"
"Ouch." Alex winced, before realising he sounded empathetic. He quickly amended, "Did James really call me 'Hamilton?'"
Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "That's the detail you focus on?"
"Of course it is." Alex replied. "Besides, as I've said before, I know literally nothing about you, apart from the fact that you like to think you have no name."
"You brought that idea up, not me." Jefferson argued.
"Not important." Alex halted what would have probably been one of the quickest, pettiest arguments to engage in. "I don't actually care about what your favorite color is, but since I'm pretending to date you, I might as well know."
"Take a wild fucking guess." Jefferson said, gesturing to himself - or, more specifically, the hideous shade of magenta that he opted for. Alex grimaced, both at the color and the fact that he probably asked an obvious question. "Though, I know your favorite color is blue."
Jefferson was right, of course, but Alex wasn't entirely sure how the hell he knew. "How'd you work that out?"
"Burr was wearing a navy blazer and you lost your shit." Jefferson answered. Alex grimaced - now that Jefferson brought it up, he could recall the cheerful conversation he insisted on initiating that revolved solely around color schemes. "I suppose this stupid question-asking could have benefits. Anything else you want to know?"
Jefferson didn't mean for that question to sound like a challenge. Though, this was exactly how Alex took it, and he wasn't going to relinquish his hold on a chance to embarrass Jefferson, or learn anything he could use later. So, over the next few days, he was able to discover the answers to things that were trivial and wouldn't serve a later purpose (and Alex wasn't completely sure why he wanted to know these things), to incredibly strange, to consequential and almost philosophical.
He was able to learn that Jefferson was more of a cat person (and that he was very defensive of his position, as the resulting debate unearthed), that he wasn't a morning person (less of a question asked, and more of an accidental discovery), and that he enjoyed terrible romantic movies.
"The Notebook is a timeless classic." Jefferson snapped, causing Alex to scoff.
"The Notebook is cliche, boring-"
"Watch yourself." Jefferson warned.
"-and predictable." Alex finished, unfazed by Jefferson's interjection. Jefferson narrowed his eyes, evidently disagreeing, but before he could fit a decent argument into the coversation, Alex asked, "Greatest fear?"
This, at least, caught Jefferson off-guard. He frowned at Alex, though instead of immediately answering, he remained quiet, deep in thought. "What's yours?"
Alex answered truthfully. "Being forgotten."
Jefferson looked at him sharply, surprised at the honest answer. Alex, suddenly feeling awkward, crossed his arms and glanced at his feet before deciding that he was a grown man and could make eye contact. Jefferson was still regarding him, though there was a certain change to his expression.
Several seconds of deeply uncomfortable silence passed.
"I was going to say spiders, but now that seems superficial." Jefferson offered, which surprisingly caused Alex to laugh. The response was somehow so specifically Jefferson that it warranted amusement. Jefferson seemed pleased that he was able to coax that response.
"Hey, I was very honest with you then." Alex said, though he was smiling.
"As much as I hate people, I don't really like the thought of dying alone." Jefferson shrugged, though his voice carried a covertly forced apathy. It was obvious that being open and truthful with Alex was out of his comfort zone, and Alex was left feeling rather indebted.
"I've never told anyone this, but I have the fear that a duck is always watching me." Alex whispered, trying to keep his expression as serious as possible.
"Thank you for sharing this with me." Jefferson replied, equally solemn.
And, just like that, the awkwardness had subsided into an unexpectedly familiar companionship. As loathe as Alex was to admit it, having to deal with Jefferson's existence wasn't as soul-draining and aggravating as it was before.
When Jefferson wasn't being difficult and needlessly secretive (and, admittedly, when Alex wasn't hostile, abrasive and looking for a fight), his company was tolerable. On occasion, the conversations they had could be fun.
They would be able to debate instead of viciously argue and bring up personal issues or stylistic features. This, in itself, was something Alex marked as both a milestone in his own life and in the recently civil not-quite-friendship-but-alarmingly-close.
The newfound coexistence brought another flurry of rumors and whispers. Most people were convinced that they were dating or on the way to securing a romantic relationship. Others, according to Madison, were insistant that before the betting money could be passed on to the respective winner, there had to be an actual announcement.
Despite the fact that Eliza was this close to winning, she didn't push the matter with Alex or Jefferson, content to allow things to play out instead of showing too much encouragement.
Her calm standpoint completely contridicted just how curious Lafayette was. As much as Lafayette tried to push it down and allow Alex to continue without a catalyst, he was too damn impatient to wait and allow things to play out.
This became painfully evident when Lafayette visited Jefferson's office, only to find both of them arguing about whether Birdemic was a national treasure or a disappointment that must be neglected.
"Just the men I wanted to see!" He greeted loudly.
Already, this did not bode well.
"Oh no." Alex said.
Lafayette ignored him. He opened the door slightly wider so that he could see the interior of Jefferson's office more, but he primarily focused on Alex and glancing between him and Jefferson. "So, dearest Alexander, I'm very glad you're getting along well with Thomas."
"Oh no." Alex repeated.
Lafayette was not perturbed. He grinned brightly, gesturing animatedly as he continued. "So, I thought to myself, 'Gilbert, wouldn't it be fun to invite our mutual friend to movie night?'"
"Movie night?" Jefferson echoed.
"Not one word." Alex cautioned.
"I'm so glad you agree." Lafayette clapped his hands, ignoring how bemused Jefferson looked and how Alex could physically feel his patience curl into a small ball and wither. "I'll see you then! Alex, share the details, d'accord?"
Then, before Alex could voice how he actually felt about the whole ordeal - and how much of a bad idea it was - Lafayette gave an unreasonably merry goodbye, turned and left almost impressively fast.
"Jesus Christ." Jefferson said. He glanced at Alex, reading his expression, then sighed. "I don't know how Lafayette thinks he's being subtle."
"He's a little shit." Alex agreed dryly. "By this point, I think he's given up trying to be covert."
"James told me Lafayette's bet is one week after his." Jefferson added, only solidifying the notion that Lafayette was trying to find something he could use to his advantage.
"He's trying to see if he should push things forwards." Alex sighed. Jefferson gave a grave agreement, moving to push his office door. "Are you up for visiting them? I mean, John is going to be harsh since he doesn't trust you. And neither of us expected Lafayette to be so damn involved."
Jefferson frowned. "You didn't, I did. Besides, I've dealt with you, Laurens can't be that worse."
Alex knew better, but Jefferson seemed set on going despite Alex's better judgement, so he allowed Jefferson to think what he wanted. With a sense of impending doom, he relayed the usual time and place.
One thing was sure is that Alex did not sign up for this. Though, it would be very entertaining to see John and Jefferson interact, and Alex knew that he and Lafayette were friends; chances were, sooner or later, Jefferson would be encroaching on a group outing, disregarding the general consensus that Jefferson acted like a dick.
At the same time, inviting someone he barely knew into his (and John's) personal space was wildly out of his comfort zone. Lafayette had already invited him, and Jefferson agreed, so it would be too much hassle for Alex to interrupt whatever scheme Lafayette was forming.
He had under a day to prepare for this mess, so if the worst was to happen, he could always get roaring drunk and blackout so hard he couldn't remember what happened the night before. There were worse ways to spend a Saturday.
During the drive home, John was as talkative as he usually tended to be, only pausing to point out the various dogs that they passed on the streets. Then, unexpectedly and after John had talked about the pair of heavily-built Labradors, "Speaking of dogs, how's Jefferson?"
Alex promptly choked on air. The topic had come out of literally nowhere, and though Alex wasn't surprised at the presence of an insult - Alex normally bitched about the colleagues he found annoying, so Jefferson was mentioned often - but it was subtle. Whilst John certainly made sure what he thought of Jefferson was known by all, he was rarely so levelled about it. The lack of cursing was all the more surprising.
"Why'd you ask?" was a better response than asking how many drugs John had recently taken.
"He's going to be glooming up our apartment with his existence." John shrugged. "I might as well check if he drinks tea or coffee, so I know what to poison."
"He drinks coffee, though poisoning it won't make a difference since our stupid machine fucked off." Alex replied, voice slipping into something more irritated when he remembered the reason why coffee tasted particularly awful that morning.
"Nice to know he's also a coffee gremlin." John said. "More tea for myself."
"Disgusting." Alex grimaced. John pressed down on the car horn loudly, causing Alex to jump. If John's resulting cackle was anything to go by, this was what he intended to happen. Alex responded by turning up the volume on the car radio.
By the time the following morning dragged by, Alex was equal parts curious and anxious to see this through. They had acquaintances over before and it hadn't ended in disaster. Though, Alex wasn't exactly known for dealing with Jefferson very well, so it could go either way.
No matter what, Alex was still going to snag the loveseat and keep it to himself. John narrowed his eyes at Alex. "Seriously? Again?"
"It's my seat now." Alex snapped. To prove his point, he retrieved the blanket strewn over the backs and placed it on him, abruptly cementing his position. John glared, about to say something, but The Imperial March began to shriek from Alex's phone.
"Your phone's ringing." He said, turning on his heel smartly and walking to the kitchenette.
"Not any more." Alex replied, and promptly pressed 'ignore call' without checking who had called him. At John's unfairly judgemental frown, Alex rolled his eyes. "If it's important, they'd call back."
Unfortunately, Alex was given all of three seconds before his phone rang again. John pointedly looked at him, so Alex huffed, reluctantly pressing answer. "What?"
"Hamilton." Jefferson replied, somehow sounding deeply unimpressed and finished with the entirety of mankind through one word. "Nice of you to be bothered to pick up."
"Who is it?" John asked, loud enough so Jefferson would probably be able to hear.
"An asshole who should know better than to call me." Alex answered, glaring at his phone. His friends mostly knew not to call him, since he seldom answered and Alex maintained the idea talking to people was overrated.
"Oh." John said, surprised, before recovering. "Tell your boyfriend to bring vodka!"
Alex sent a sharp glower over at John, who was wearing a rather delighted grin, as though he was proud of his weak insinuation. "Fuck off, he's not my boyfriend!"
"Ouch." Jefferson drawled. "And I thought things were going so well."
Alex decided that Jefferson and John would be able to bond over their shared love of making Alex suffer. Instead of calling Jefferson out on his obvious bullshit, Alex decided to find out why he was being bothered. "Lost?"
"Hardly." Jefferson said, and Alex could hear the expression Jefferson would adopt whenever Alex did something small that irritated him. "I'm wondering if I should purchase wine to get me through the afternoon."
It was nice to see that someone shared Alex's amount optimism at how well things would go. "That's the spirit, but don't get anything. Lafayette brings too much stuff, so we'll be good."
"Fine. I'm still bringing some wine." Jefferson decided. Alex was a moment away from objecting but somehow Jefferson picked up on this and elaborated, "If I spend too long in your presence it causes me to lose brain cells."
"You're so funny." Alex deadpanned. "You know, I was going to tell you to have a good day, but now I'm not going to."
"Don't bullshit, Hamilton, you would rather die than tell me to have a good day." Jefferson retorted, unconvinced, and Alex conceded that he had been correct in this regard. "I'm hanging up first."
"Wait-!" Alex quickly fumbled with his phone, trying to hang up before Jefferson did but to no avail; the bastard was faster. He spent a second or so staring blankly at his phone before shaking his head. "Son of a bitch."
"You're so kind to everyone." John said, holding a cup of what would probably contain repulsive leaf water. "Though, seriously, I don't want to sit next to Lafayette again if we're watching a romance. He always cries. Always."
"If you think I'm moving for you then you are sorely mistaken." Alex said. John thinned his lips, about to argue, so Alex raised his hand in faux defense. "Look, if it helps, I'm not moving for anyone, I promise."
"You better not." John grumbled, though he seemed minorly placated, so Alex was willing to ignore the final remark. Unsurprisingly, Lafayette and Hercules were the first ones to arrive, and as usual, they brought an alarming amount of food that couldn't possibly be consumed by the numbers they had.
When the door was knocked again, all eyes went to Alex. Alex stared back for several seconds, unwilling to move, but when Hercules threatened to confiscate his selection of snacks, Alex grudgingly complied.
"I had to move for you." Alex complained the moment he opened the door. True to his word, Jefferson had brought wine, which he automatically pushed towards Alex, and Alex caught it.
"Poor you." Jefferson's voice wasn't particularly empathetic. "Truly, a travesty of justice."
"Okay, you've made your point." Alex rolled his eyes. He lead the way inside, vaguely comforted at how awkward Jefferson was acting. After placing the wine brought in the fridge, he reclaimed his place and collected his blanket. Jefferson automatically followed, but soon sighed heavily.
"Alexander." Jefferson said evenly, but there was an undercurrent of exasperation that clipped his words. "Move your damn legs."
In the same tone of voice, "Thomas. Sit on the damn floor."
"I will break your kneecaps. Don't test me." Jefferson smiled blandly with his threat. Alex smiled back, intending on not moving at all because he was comfortable and Jefferson wasn't ruining that. "Has anyone got a hammer?"
"Fine." Alex said through a heavy exhale. He moved his legs back so that Jefferson could selfishly steal the rest of his seat. Then, as soon as Jefferson had finished dramatically shuffling, Alex decided that just because Jefferson was there didn't mean he couldn't stretch out. Jefferson, predictably, tensed up more than he already was. "I'm not giving up the blanket, though."
"What the goddamn hell is this?" John exclaimed, jolting upright and gesturing wildly between Alex and Jefferson. "You literally just promised that you wouldn't move for anyone!"
"For shame, Alexander." Hercules shook his head in disappointment. "For shame."
"He was going to break my kneecaps!" Alex snapped, giving Jefferson an accusing look. Jefferson was busy smirking to be bothered by Alex, relaxing minutely.
"Do it, he doesn't deserve them." John grouched petulantly. Alex scoffed, throwing his hands up in defeat. John ignored his response in favor of asking, "What's on today, Laf?"
"You'll see." Lafayette ominously replied, blocking John's view with his arm. "Since we aren't all prehistoric like Alex, I will be using a laptop to stream movies."
"You're so mean to me." Alex said. He nudged Jefferson. "See how mean he is?"
"Stop moving, it's annoying." Jefferson completely ignored the question. In response, Alex decided to reposition himself until Jefferson finally got tired of it and halted his movements placing a warm palm against Alex's ankle. Alex immediately froze. Jefferson seemed not to notice. "Are you ticklish?"
"Um - no." Alex blatantly lied, voice sounding distant, startled at the contact. John snorted derisively because he was a traitor, which immediately underlined his blatant lie. Jefferson gave a thoughtful hum, tapping his fingers importantly against Alex's skin.
"Keep that in mind, I will use it against you." He said. John looked slightly approving, but as soon as he noticed Alex looking it him, he gave a light shrug. At least Alex wouldn't have to worry about impromptu fist fighting.
Despite the fact that Alex had long since stilled, Jefferson still kept his hand resting against Alex's ankle in an uncomfortably domestic action. To make matters worse, Alex wasn't particularly motivated to dislodge the contact. There was something oddly soothing about this, yet Alex still felt rather ridiculous thinking about it.
"A horror movie?" John's voice broke through his thoughts. "Really?"
Alex made a noise of agreement, trying to remain as still as possible whilst shifting to reach the home brand chocolate spread and tortillas. Thankfully, Jefferson didn't react, focusing on Lafayette and John's interactions.
"Oui, really." Lafayette said. He glanced at Alex and Jefferson, giving a slight smile as he noticed something that probanly wasn't there before it completely dropped and he scrunched his nose in distaste. "The true horror here is this, though."
"Still the best combination." Alex argued.
"Alexander, what the fuck?" Jefferson asked, looking at Alex for some sort of explanation but when Alex pointedly offered none, he turned to Lafayette. "What the actual fuck? Who made him like this?"
"Stop kink shaming him." John said.
"It's not a kink, it's a lifestyle." Alex contradicted. He met Jefferson's frown with one of his own, challenging him to do something about it. Then, in an inexplicable attempt to see if he could make Jefferson smile, Alex asked, "Did I discover it, or did it discover me?"
Jefferson tried to bite back a smile but inevitably failed. "I am deeply worried about you, Alexander Hamilton.
"It's starting." John said, excitedly sitting up and staring intently at the glaring screen. He had already eaten half the snacks he coveted that were meant for later. John, for once contrasting to Alex, wasn't particularly bothered by horror movies.
**
There are many things that Alex is not proud of. He had lived his life to the full, avoiding the possibility of missing chances or having regrets later on in life. It was a rather prudent thing to do, albiet risky, opening the likelihoods possibilities like this.
Lafayette knew Alex hated horror movies, and solely because he did not respond well to them. By the first jump scare, Alex was tense and trying to even his heartbeat. "Jesus fuck."
"Shut up." John threw some popcorn at Alex but completely failed.
Things got worse from there. The protagonist had a fucking death wish, Alex was certain, because no idiot with over two brain cells to rub together would even fucking dare approach the obviously haunted house. The adrenalin in Alex's blood made his temperament sharper than usual.
Without warning, Alex moved, placing his hand over Jefferson's and causing Jefferson to startle. Alex was busy glaring at the film and trying to ignore the fact that he was literally holding hands with his sworn enemy, but at that moment, a particularly bad scene caused Alex to apply what had to be a crushing pressure.
As soon as the tension was resolved - becuase horror movies had a stupid fucking habit of terrifying the shit out of an audience before saying 'wait, nevermind', Alex's mind caught up with his quick reaction and he flushed. Before he could pull away, Jefferson laced their fingers together, and Alex faltered, glancing quickly at the point of contact. Jefferson was smirking.
"Not one word." Alex seethed, embarrassed and feeling caught out. With one hand, Jefferson mimed a zipping motion, radiating smug amusement but Alex was far too on edge to snap back at him.
At least he didn't actually hide behind Jefferson. He was able to retain that much dignity, but lost a sizeable amount by yelping when the protagonist had a cheerful time being literally thrown to the ceiling and her bone was suddenly where it should not be.
Alex guiltily took comfort in Jefferson's warmth, subconsciously leaning into him until his mind caught up with what he was doing. Jefferson didn't seem to notice or particularly care, though, when Alex gave a quick glance around the room, Lafayette was watching them with a delighted grin.
Suddenly, Alex realised that the choice of a horror movie wasn't a happy coincidence. He supposed that whatever Lafayette was planning had worked and Alex was going to have to live down Jefferson bringing this up. Currently, though, he was focusing on how the contact was far too intimate, as though he and Jefferson would actually date, and it wasn't that Alex was scared shitless of the demon monster thing.
When the end credits finally slugged by, Alex was officially scarred for life. It helped that both Hercules and John also seemed stunned, not moving to pause the film or turn the lights on again. Lafayette appeared to have delegated his time between hoarding all of the food and watching how Alex and Jefferson interacted, so he was therefore unaffected by the fact that everyone died.
"I take it you don't like horror movies." Jefferson drawled.
"I fucking hate them." Alex replied, sighing heavily. "Laf, why'd you pick that? We could've watched The Princess Bride but no, you wanted something scary."
"It was... unsettling." John eventually allowed, shaking his head and grimacing. Hercules nodded in serious agreement, still not voicing his own opinions. "I think I'm traumatized, and you know how difficult that is to do."
"I'll start to clean up." Hercules muttered, shaking his head. He tapped Lafayette in a silent implication that he should stop leaning on him. Lafayette sat up with a huff. John stood up, helping Hercules collect and bin various items.
Alex decided he would rather not move; Jefferson was a surprisingly comfortable person and he was incredibly unmotivated. After all, physical contact didn't mean anything - but it did mean that maybe he didn't hate Jefferson as much as he initially thought. Alex wouldn't be content in sitting besides and leaning against Aaron Burr, which meant that Jefferson was - god forbid - beginning to be slowly placed in the 'friendly' category.
How dreadful.
Alex would normally go and talk to Hercules about this sort of thing, but due to the plan he and Jefferson had going on, he couldn't be completely honest. His only other option was Madison, and they barely knew eachother.
"Thomas, cher, do you want coffee?" Lafayette asked. "Tea?"
Alex could feel the harsh rise and fall of Jefferson's chest when he sighed. "I'm technically going to be late for the meeting with Charles Lee."
Jefferson made no move to get up, his arm still half curled around Alex. Nobody mentioned their position, though Lafayette was smiling so broadly that it probably hurt, Hercules seemed pleased, and John would occasionally pause, glance over to them, and then shake his head with a small smile.
Alex might have lost all dignity from how badly he responded to horror movies, but the plan had advanced significantly. His friends were convinced and whilst Alex did feel guilty about manipulating the situation, he didn't need to lie to them; they had drawn their own conclusions with the barest bit of influence.
After roughly half an hour, it seemed that Jefferson was very, very reluctant to meet with Lee. He had messaged Madison - who insisted that they could still be on time if he drove them both to the meeting area. Alex was highly sceptical of this and let his opinions be known.
"I don't give a fuck." Jefferson replied calmly, replying to Madison in a rather passive-aggressive way that Madison surprisingly replied with 'shove a cactus up your ass'. "See how mean James is to me? He acted nice when we first met but the moment he decided we were friends, this is how he talks to me."
"In his defense, you were a bit of a dick." Alex replied, completely unsupportive. "As usual."
"I'm not taking this any longer." Jefferson merely stated, moving abruptly and Alex was promptly left feeling rather cold. "I have a lovely meeting with people I don't like ahead of me."
"That's tragic." Alex sighed. "I might as well walk you to Madison's car. It's better than dealing with Herc and Laf being disgustingly romantic."
"Take me with you." John said in response, grimancing at the pair in question.
"No." Alex replied.
Jefferson was beginning to get impatient with how slow Alex was moving, and he promptly propped open the front door, giving Alex an expectant look. Just to gain more agitation, Alex slowed his movements down, talking time to refold the blanket he had huddled up in.
In response, Jefferson merely left.
"Jefferson's used a power move, Alex, I wouldn't let that slide." John observed, eyes wide. Alex inclined his head in nonverbal agreement, casting a quick glance at the window and found rather angry looking clouds. As a result, when he was making his way out the front door, he grapped Lafayette's umbrella, and maintained a light jog to catch up with Jefferson.
"We have a little over a month left." Alex mused. "So far, we're doing quite well."
Jefferson smirked. "James said that the overall total has gone up by three hundred dollars. Apparently, we're so good at acting that our office is convinced that 'the anouncement' will happen from a timescale of one day to four years."
"Four years." Alex repeated blankly.
"John Adams is not an optimist." Jefferson explained with a small, one-shouldered shrug. Alex almost rolled his eyes, because of course it would be Adams, but as he had predicted, the moment he and Jefferson stepped out of the apartment and into the street, small droplets of rain began to appear. Jefferson glared at the sky. "Well fuck."
"Aw, going to mess up your hair?" Alex asked with mocking sympathy.
Jefferson gave him a deadpan look. "Do you know how long it takes for me to look this good?"
Alex huffed a laugh, not disagreeing, which caused a sharp twist of curiosity across Jefferson's expression. Instead of allowing the conversation to run on Alex's lack of denials, Alex proudly proclaimed, "Don't worry, I came prepared!"
"That's Lafayette's hideous rainbow umbrella." Jefferson said. "You stole Lafayette's things."
"And?" Alex inquired, raising an eyebrow. "I see no problem."
"Just pass it to me." Jefferson sighed, shaking his head.
Alex frowned, moving the umbrella out of Jefferson's reach should he try to move for it. "No way."
"I'm taller, it's easier for us to both stay dry if I have it." Jefferson said measuredly, his voice clear and calm and logical. Alex, however, was now dead set on holding the umbrella, and he continued to keep it behind his back, even as the rain began to increase in frequency. "I am over six foot, and you're just below four-"
"I am five foot four and you're an asshole." Alex interrupted.
"-so it is impractical." Jefferson finished. Alex remained unswayed by Jefferson's voice of reason, so Jefferson said with a rather strong tone of exasperated defeat, "Fine."
This, for some reason, made Alex ridiculously happy. He smiled to himself, finally revealing from where the umbrella was hidden behind his back. With more flourish than strictly needed, he was able to arrange his position so that they were both shielded. Granted, Alex did have to stretch a bit and Jefferson thought Alex's stubbornness was somewhat amusing.
For the most part, they stood in companionable silence, Jefferson occasionally offering to take the umbrella and shelter them both, but allowing Alex to determinedly refuse. There was something surprisingly comfortable about the scene, even if Alex was beginning to earn a slight ache in his arm.
Madison continued to message Jefferson, rather grumpily insisting that the rain was somehow Jefferson's fault, and when Alex rather conspicuously leaned over to see what Jefferson's reply was, Jefferson allowed Alex to read his oddly religious response ('rain is actually from the baby Jesus crying') with minimal grumbling.
By the time Madison pulled up in his mutedly red car, Alex had lost all feeling in his right arm but surprised himself by not actually caring about the numbness and discomfort. Jefferson glanced at him, then up at the umbrella, and there was a slight quirk to his lips that didn't feel remotely insulting. In lieu of a 'goodbye', Jefferson said, "You know what, Hamilton? You're not so bad."
Jefferson decided to enter Madison's car before he could think of a response. Rather dimly, he offered a wave, before heading back.
If his friends noticed his stupid grin, then they didn't bring it up with him.