1 - 20 of 63 Works by TheOnlyHuman

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    As the elderly woman pressed through the carnage, legs wobbling over the ridges of spines and teetering upon fallen shields, her cane found the shattered bone shining from a man’s arm and snapped through it with a crack. The noise echoed loudly, lingering like stagnant water in the familiar, cloying quiet that soaked into once-fertile soils after bountiful battles.

    A blind woman lost in a battlefield.

    Ares approached her. “Allow my sons to escort you home. Both are brave and strong, and they will see that no harm befalls you.”

    She grabbed ahold of the ribbons wrapped around his arm before he could think to move back. “Oh, no, young god, I need you."
     

    or,

    An Ares still used to true war wakes in the twenty-first century with an ache in his wings and his own ichor warm on his skin.
    His only advice: “Save the future, Ares Laossous.”

    also known as, troy-era ares wakes up and blinks dumbly at his chilled-out siblings.

    the time-travel fix it au with good dad ares! winged ares! (sort of feral ares). aphrodite x ares ft the olympians actually caring about each other <3

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,866
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    580
  2. Tags
    Summary

    When fairytale-like stories were woven for things happening on real soil, the desired endings were rarely met. Eret was proof of that; weary, haggard, molded by war-death-fear. They seldom lingered in one place, always on the move. Always leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

    The night they stumbled upon a hamlet in a small country, they forgot why they always moved on. They settled down, prepared to join L'Manberg's fight for freedom.

    It took them very little time to remember why they did not stay in the towns they passed by. The white eyes of death did not bring peace with them.

    or,
    once a child soldier; always a soldier, never a child. eret is broken but at least they break everything they play with.

    Chapters 1-19 = L'Manberg/SMP [Arc 1]
    Chapters 20-26 = Interlude
    Chapters 27-current = The Antarctic Empire [Arc 2]

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    127,843
    Chapters:
    31/?
    Comments:
    245
    Kudos:
    773
    Bookmarks:
    82
    Hits:
    16,778
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Ultra Magnus landed on Earth with the intention of dragging his Prime back to Cybertron. He did not plan to meet a human and fall in love along the way.

    or, au for human rodimus/bot ultra magnus. set pre-tf4 with many tweaks and g1 characters!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,427
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    627
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Eret is the Lord Consort. When the Emperor is indisposed, they lead the Empire. This is common knowledge.

    Their enemies know this, as well, and one of them aims to take out the Lord Consort whilst the Emperor is not in sight. It does not end well for anyone.

    aka, eret gets poisoned and philza is pissed off ft. ot6 poly and the unfortunate long-lasting effects of managing to poison a god-blessed being

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,963
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    28
    Kudos:
    41
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    633
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Low-class noble, Foolish of Cail, attends the Autumn Ball in hopes of quietening his Mother's raving for him to find a wife. Unexpectedly, the Crown Prince of the Empire is there. Things take an unexpected turn.

    --

    Sitting on the gold throne, they rose their hand and bent their finger.
    Foolish’s heart thundered in his chest. Unsure, he rose his hand and pointed to himself.
    The Crown Prince nodded.

     

    or, Foolish is called upon by the Crown Prince. He has no choice but to obey.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    136,012
    Chapters:
    26/?
    Comments:
    612
    Kudos:
    1,288
    Bookmarks:
    162
    Hits:
    41,475
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Peter was the second boy of a once happy family of four. Though, they hadn’t been a four in a long while. Now, it was just Peter, his dad and his twin. Him and his twin, Harley, used to be closer than anything. They were twins but sometimes, Peter felt like he knew Ned better than his own brother. His dad was another story entirely.

    -
    harley and peter are tony's biological kids. there's family miscommunication and angst, because isn't there always? it gets solved, thanks to everyone's combined efforts.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,010
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    314
    Bookmarks:
    49
    Hits:
    4,677
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Broke and sleeping on park benches, Eret is desperate for a job. So desperate, in fact, that she'll risk having to deal with someone else's kids if it means she has a roof over her head.

    Puffy is a wealthy businesswoman who needs a maid, a cook and someone to make sure her kids don't fall off the face of the earth. She gets Eret, who's five wrong minutes away from actually falling off the face of the earth.

    -
    or, the maid/nanny/house manager au which is actually found family <3 the work-life balance does not exist and her boss's family are trying to adopt her
    Eret finds people who care for her.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,702
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    17
    Kudos:
    61
    Bookmarks:
    12
    Hits:
    776
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Grand Duke of the Ulik Empire, Foolish Älskade, sits on the border of his territory day in, day out for three whole years. He worries of a war, not allowing his army to move from their posts until he is sure the threat is gone.

    Turns out, the threat he should be worrying about isn't the one along the grassy border, but instead in his own home. In the form of a wife he barely knows.

    Or, Eret and Foolish are in an Arranged, Loveless Marriage. A death and a tad of irreversible time travel (due to unknown means) later, and the two of them aren't so sure if the marriage is as loveless as it once seemed.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,128
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    48
    Kudos:
    113
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,398
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Rachel is Batgirl. She's Batgirl and no one knows. But that's fine, because if nobody knows, she can't pull anyone down with her. So what if she's lonely and feels like there's a wire that she's fallen off of and can't climb back onto? So what if she closes her eyes and sees her real parents falling to their deaths and opens them to see her adoptive parents scowling at her?
    It's fine. She's fine. She's Batgirl; she doesn't need anyone.

    Or, fem Dick finds out that family is the best thing that can happen to someone. ft, batkids reversed ages with older brother damian and agere with little rachel (fem!dick) and big bro dami.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    80,768
    Chapters:
    15/?
    Comments:
    37
    Kudos:
    445
    Bookmarks:
    88
    Hits:
    15,948
  10. Tags
    Summary

    the executioner comes a-knockin'.

    Or,
    Eret finds a family. Then, she finds herself. There's a moderate amount of chaos in between.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,752
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    41
    Kudos:
    518
    Bookmarks:
    52
    Hits:
    6,841
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “You’re alright, I’ve got you,” Spiderman was saying. His voice seemed oddly familiar. “We’ll get you back onto the bridge, and you can run the other way. Okay, Gwen?”

    “How’d you know my name?” She spluttered.

    “Oh, I— um, well, you see…” He gave a nervous, high laugh. The very same laugh that slipped from Peter when he was cornered with something he didn’t want to talk about.

     

    or, alternatively;

    Gwen Stacy finds out her boyfriend of four years, Peter Parker, is Spiderman.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,017
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    1,440
  12. Tags
    Summary

    “Thank you so much for doing this,” Foolish said, handing off a small backpack of stuff. Technoblade took it without question, setting it on the floor quickly to clear his arms for the tyke the other god was bouncing on his hip.

    "No worries."

    - Technoblade agrees to babysit Eret ft. surprise visitors.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,208
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    5
    Kudos:
    107
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,167
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Pirates are dangerous. They roam the high seas and steal from the King and Empire. They are heartless and cruel monsters who are better suited to a swaying noose than a jail cell.

    Ranboo never expected to become a pirate. Nor did he expect them to treat him better than anyone else had.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,074
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    215
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Eret is the lone tailor of a lone town perched in a mountainside. Wilbur is the mysterious musician who sits in the town square and scares everyone away with his droll tune.

    They meet. They talk. A friendship blossoms but like life, nothing is eternal.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,230
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    191
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Technoblade had intended to visit the desert to recruit another god to their Syndicate, not to end up looking after a regressed, toddler-aged Eret

    - little ! eret ft cg ! foolish and sudden baby sitter techno and phil

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,074
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    109
    Bookmarks:
    8
    Hits:
    1,295
  16. Tags
    Summary

    According to the Academy's textbooks, there are no living Rangers who have the mental ferocity to Solo Pilot. The neural load was made to be split; everyone says it can't be done, that any Ranger who does is an anomaly. The Ranger who actively solo pilots on a regular occurrence - Eret, lone Jaeger pilot of Mark III Jaeger 'Eternal' - should be dead.

    That doesn't change the fact that someone can solo pilot without frying their brain. Ranboo clings onto this whenever a kaiju kills his partner. He can avenge Tubbo - if only his Marshal would let him pilot his Jaeger alone.

    Ranboo's normal, the other pilots spit in his face, the neural load would fry his brain - but Ranboo can't take no for an answer unless he wants to shatter apart into a million tiny pieces.

    In response, they ship him off to Anchorage Shatterdome to meet his new mentor: Eret.

    OR, Pacific Rim solo piloting au: Eret mentors Ranboo on how to do the impossible. Neither are okay, but they don't need to be to beat the shit out of the monsters that threaten humanity. Momret and kidboo.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    50,581
    Chapters:
    8/?
    Comments:
    63
    Kudos:
    153
    Bookmarks:
    25
    Hits:
    2,858
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Eret age regresses when visiting the summer home. Foolish looks after her:

    A shadow fell over her closed eyes, and she opened them to find her baba standing over her, looking really reeaallllly tall.
    “Heya, little one,” he chuckled, voice big and boomy and heavy in that nice way she super-dooper liked.

    - tldr; agere, nonverbal eret with big softie caregiver foolish

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,476
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    65
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    888
  18. Tags
    Summary

    With winter, comes its chill. Sitting in a cold hall all day, it's no wonder Eret gets sick.
    It's fine, she says to herself. Just a cold.
    Just a cold, agrees Foolish.
    She's bedridden within the day.
    It's not just a cold.

    or, the eret sickfic that i've been desperately wanting for years

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,837
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    50
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    1,077
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Eret's an old vampire who's been living by herself for years. She's all alone, until suddenly, she isn't. Then, she seems to attract people in a horde.

    These people, she holds dear.
    __

    “State your reason for bothering me,” Eret demanded.
    The human swallowed. “I ask that you bite me.”
    “Do you know the consequence of such?”

    tldr; vampire eret keeps biting people who stick around and ends up with a family <3

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,527
    Chapters:
    2/5
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    105
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    1,473
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Eret, Child of Brine, Eyesight of Eras, Eater of Chaos, sets her eyes on General Totem. Foolish.

    Her life crescendos because of this.

    [see eret's life from infatuation to SMP Earth to, finally, the Dream SMP]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    33,557
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    108
    Bookmarks:
    22
    Hits:
    1,139

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