Maasaimara



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  1. Public Bookmark 68

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    Married, out, and still drowning, Ilya plays reckless hockey, carries old grief, and tells everyone he’s fine while getting dangerously close to proving he isn’t. But after a loss to Boston, alone in the middle of the night, he comes closer than ever to making a choice he can’t undo.

    Shane loves him. But love, terrifyingly, might not be enough.

    This fic takes place after 'The Long Game' so spoiler warning in case you haven't read that.

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    Chapters:
    5/10
    Comments:
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    235
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    03 Mar 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    It wasn’t like he had to throw up, Ilya reasoned. It was just a bad habit, and he quit those all the time. But he was leaving the cottage in two days, and the thought of packing up this life with Shane into his carry-on and flying back to Boston alone was tying him in knots. He was just stressed, and vomiting made him feel lighter. He didn’t need to, though.

    Or, a study of Ilya's recklessness and unhealthy coping as a foil to Shane's ED-coded behaviors, where he has his own disordered habits. He has it under control, until he doesn't. This work is fully finished, just updating as I edit :)

    Language:
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    28,828
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    127
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    629
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    180
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    03 Mar 2026

  3. Public Bookmark 48

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    The call came in at 2:30am.

    “Mama-“ Ilyas voice broke into a sob, “can I please come over?”
    ———

    Ilya is having a rough night and goes to Momma Hollander for comfort. Takes place somewhere between books/beginning of TLG, after Ilya moves to Ottawa

    Language:
    English
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    1,693
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    10
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    03 Mar 2026

  4. Public Bookmark 59

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    Shane rests his head on Ilya’s shoulder. “Is it the medication, you think?”

    Ilya hates the question, but he nods anyway. “Probably, yes. I was not like this before.”

    -

    Or: Ilya Rozanov used to know exactly what he wanted and how to get it. Now, after months of being on antidepressants, desire feels like a stranger to him, and not even Shane Hollander is able to bring it back.

    Language:
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    22
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    598
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    5,318

    03 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    “Ilya,” Shane whispers. “Ilya, baby, can you open your eyes?”

    He’s met with silence, and the frantic tremor of his heart turns into an earthquake. The ice beneath him seeps into his veins and freezes his blood. Panic claws at his chest, scaling his ribcage like a ladder and lodging in his throat. He can barely breathe around the terror.

    “Ilya, you need to open your eyes. You need to look at me.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,417
    Chapters:
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    Comments:
    453
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    03 Mar 2026