Work Text:
===> Be the Knight
You cannot be the Knight because the Knight refuses to let anyone else be him right now.
===> Be the Seer
The Seer left with the Knight! Probably why he's reluctant to let anyone be him.
===> Be the other Seer
The other Seer has not been seen for three days.
===> Be the Sylph
The Sylph disappeared with the other Seer!
===> Be the shouty Knight
The shouty Knight is sleeping for the first time in four days. Better not disturb him.
===> Be the Bard
No one should ever have to be the Bard, not even the Bard himself.
===> Be the Vagabond.
You are now the Wayward Vagabond.
You don't feel like a Vagabond anymore, not really. More like a Victor. You have successfully built up a town of your own and it has become the most successful town this side of the Scratch that the humans always talk about. Your town has become the model of democracy with each and every citizen voting for you to continue your work as mayor into a second term.
You had graciously accepted the position.
The citizens of Can Town live a prosperous and safe existence. The economy is booming due to the recent power plant expansion and job satisfaction is on the rise. The two rival school districts, the North and the South, are even getting along now that they no longer have to share campus facilities on the border. Crime is down. Crime has always been down but it is lower than ever before and drops every quarter.
You are a very successful mayor. The Knight tells you this often. You have come to regard him as your right hand man and have been contemplating a promotion for the human. He has the time and the dedication to Can Town and this may prove to be a strategic move to ensure that the town continues to make progress. The troll Seer is too flighty. You don't like the ways in which she flits around from project to project, leaving the Knight to clean up the destruction left in her wake. However, she is an artist and your most reliable weather-lady. Perhaps you will keep her. The Knight seems to like having her around and you need the Knight in office.
The other Seer is yet to win your favour.
You are quite fond of the Sylph. She never spends much time in Can Town but she is always polite and offers her assistance should there ever be an unexpected disaster. If Can Town is ever overrun by wolves, or experiences a tsunami, she has assured you that she will be among the first responders in your time of need. The Sylph is good to you.
The shouty Knight is in contention for leader of the army. The Can Town army is small and has never been needed yet, but you fear that without a military headed by a strong leader you are leaving your citizens at risk of invasion. Shouty Knight is the logical choice to head up your military. He doesn't get along too well with your Knight of Time and this is a major issue. The Knights must get along in order for Can Town to remain stable. You would not risk your town because two of your leaders can't control themselves. The shouty Knight is making progress, though. He hasn't shouted at the citizens in weeks now. You will continue to track his progress.
You're behind schedule. By this time, the beginning of the sleep cycle, you should already have posted up tomorrow's weather and any announcements before moving on to overnight construction. The Seer began to draw in a summer-scape before absconding with the Knight so you feel confident in writing up the weather report. Warm. Sun. No rain at all on the horizon. Your green chalk moves across the steel wall to form the now familiar words. It's been warm and sunny in Can Town for weeks. Has the Knight been monitoring the seasons and relaying the appropriate conditions to your weather-lady? You don't know, but you don't care either. The Knight continues to prove himself worthy of promotion.
Construction begins. The children have been fundraising for weeks now and it's time to commence work on the community centre. Keeping the youth interested is vital for future planning and you want them on your side. You have full intention to build them a sports centre, a pool, and an outdoor field. Perhaps shouty Knight can be in charge of Youth Programs. His shouting might deter them from graffitiing the new facilities and help boost community spirit. You have a pile of building supplies that the Knight produced earlier while the Seer painted the sky. There is space between the two schools. Everyone agrees that that is a perfectly good location for a community centre. The foundations are laid.
The next level of construction does not go as smoothly. The machinery - your hand - slips and three children are crushed in the mayhem. The poor children! How does a mayor go about fixing this? The paramedics are called and they respond in record time. A press conference is held. Apologies are made. The children will recover, you decide. They received nasty injuries, broken limbs and concussions, but nothing fatal. You are commended for your quick thinking in a time of crisis. No wonder you were re-elected.
You are not so lucky the second time. It is with great sorrow and regret that you announce a small child, a human of no more than two years, is in the community hospital unconscious. The incident was caused by an unexpected earthquake and you think that you might need to have words with the weather-lady. She should have seen this coming. Although, when you have finished re-stacking the cans and made a public safety announcement that includes a timely reminder about earthquakes, and have started another fundraiser for the injured child, you look up to see one of the trolls standing just beyond the city limits.
It isn't shouty Knight. You wish it was. He needs to be informed of his new duties. It isn't the other Seer, or the Sylph. That's upsetting because you could use the Sylph's aid right now. She is so kind and the citizens appreciate her support. But it's not her.
It's the Bard.
You don't really know the Bard. You hear tales of him from your Knights. Your right hand man doesn't like him and makes it obvious. He is always talking down the Bard, claiming he is vicious and nasty and continually threatens to take him out behind the Northern School's storage shed and shoot him. Shouty Knight suggests the opposite, he says the Bard is gentle and ridiculous and is living alone without anyone else to talk to. You can empathise with the Bard. You know he live in the air vents, hidden from view, and only emerges to cause conflict between the humans and the trolls. But you have never had to deal with him yourself.
The Bard chuckles from the outskirts and starts stepping towards you, walking in a very strange manner.
He's stepping over the landscapes drawn onto the floor, trying to follow the roads that sprawl through the town. He gives a laughing honk, imitating a vehicle. You know the sound is familiar and it reminds you of something that happened a long time ago. It reminds you of the windy boy. Nothing that reminds you of the windy boy can harm you.
You allow the Bard to approach. It is a good thing that he seems to be in an agreeable mood. Your army has not been told about their new leader yet and you think that shouty Knight deserves a few days to settle in to his role before leading a war effort. He is very tall. Taller than your Knight and much taller than shouty Knight, taller than even the Sylph herself. He drops to the floor beside you and even when he's sitting the Bard towers over you, a pile of long tangled limbs trying to work out the best way to organise them all. He settles for cross-legged.
GAMZEE: what's a motherfucker all up and doing on his lonesome?
GAMZEE: IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE MOTHER FUCKING NIGHT, TINY BROTHER?
WV: :)
You frown and indicate the pile of construction materials off to the side. He accepts the cans you hold out but instead of putting them towards the community centre, he starts juggling them, much to your disapproval. Construction supplies are not for playing with.
GAMZEE: throw me another my tiny miracle brother!
He lets loose another honking laugh as you throw a can at him. It was a hard throw, an unkind one - you still have no opinion of the Bard. Instead of it hitting him in the chest though, he rotates it in to the juggling act without a hitch. He laughs at your scowl.
GAMZEE: HONK!
GAMZEE: better lighten the fuck up on the hate.
GAMZEE: NO MAYOR WHAT I'VE EVER HEARD GOT UP AND VOTED IN ON ACCOUNT OF HIS BEING A LITTLE BITCH.
GAMZEE: you understand don't you little black man?
GAMZEE: PASS ME ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKING NUTRITIONAL CYLINDER.
You pass him another can because he sounds angry. He doesn't raise his voice like the shouty Knight does. It's a different kind of loudness. The Bard's voice echoes through Can Town and shakes you to the very core. Perhaps, if you can convince him to be calm - perhaps only have him working in shifts with the shouty Knight - he would make a fantastic newsreader. Not a single citizen would miss the broadcasts if the Bard's voice was the one announcing the headlines. Yes, that sounds like a very good idea.
Construction goes on. The Bard leans back on his arms, legs stretched out in front of him. So much of him is limb that his feet are two suburbs away. The community centre is taking shape, slowly but surely. You consider altering the plans to increase the floorspace of the gymnasium because a multi-purpose room would be more useful. You put the plan to a vote, because decisions like that need to be made democratically, and the result is an outstanding yes. You increase the floorspace. The Bard shifts again, flopping down on his stomach beside you, elbows resting on the steel floor. He grins.
He puts a can down beside a stack that you're working on. It's all wrong. He knows nothing of careful construction. You swat the can out of the way.
GAMZEE: aw shit tiny mayoral man, what's the mother fuckin deal on your wicked hatred of my cylinder placement miracles?
GAMZEE: HONK.
WV: >:(
He turns the can of beans upright again and you watch him repeat the same mistake twice, and twice you swat the tin aside in an attempt to get the point across. The Bard snarls in your direction, teeth gnashing at the air as his claws dig into the steel floor. He's terrifying.
Perhaps he should be moved to the security division.
The claws scrape and scratch threateningly and you are questioning yourself and your decision to allow him within the city limits of Can Town. He is not acting like a model citizen, nor like a leader. He has lost his privileges, you decide. Until he can act in a more civilised manner, he is not allowed to remain on the city payroll.
GAMZEE: honk honk!
GAMZEE: HONK!
He is very displeased when you repossess the three cans in his possession. His long arm stretches out to snatch the tins back but you hurl one at the opposite wall. It collides with a thud and the Bard is glaring daggers in response to your scowl.
GAMZEE: what the mother fucking fuck was that display of mother fucking bullshit?
GAMZEE: WATCH YOUR FUCKING BACK, FUCKER.
WV: >:(
GAMZEE: what did you just up and call me?
GAMZEE: AIN'T YOU ALL KNOWING WHO YOU'RE UP AND TALKING TO?
GAMZEE: this here mother fucker is the descendant of the miracle working grand motherfucking highblood, leader of the motherfucking subjugglators.
GAMZEE: YOU ALL HEARING ME ON THIS ONE?
You throw the second can.
GAMZEE: are you serious right now?
The third can is in your little fist. You rap your claws against the tin for dramatic effect. The Bard is displeased.
GAMZEE: GIVE ME THAT FUCKING CAN.
Your arm pulls back.
GAMZEE: no fucking way.
GAMZEE: GIVE ME THE CAN.
It's a difficult decision because he has proven no less than three times now that he knows nothing about construction. Slowly, you lower the can to the floor and slide it into place where it forms the basis for the gymnasium extension. His hand shoots out to grab the can and reclaim it for himself but you are prepared. A good mayor is always prepared for the worst.
You lob a surprise can at his head.
GAMZEE: mother fucker!
GAMZEE: WHAT KIND OF PIMPIN' MOTHER FUCKER DO YOU ALL UP AND THINK I AM, DERSITE HOE-ASS SCUM?
GAMZEE: gamzee mother fucking makara don't take none of that shit what ain't deserved.
The Bard has shown himself to be highly disagreeable. You decree than he is only allowed within Can Town city limits when accompanied by shouty Knight in the future. You and only you can overturn this decree, because although it was made without the input of your citizens, you, as their mayor, have to consider their safety.
He is causing havoc at the construction site and you cannot allow his actions to continue.
WV: >:(
You begin stacking cans beside the Bard. You move quickly because all the funds have been redistributed in order to complete this new but necessary project as soon as possible. Surprisingly, he is compliant with the law and lays still on the floor. You don't yet know how the citizens will feel about this new construction but most of it is located in the outer suburbs so there should not be too much resistance in the morning.
You continue stacking the cans. The project grows. When the building is as long as the Bard is tall and stacked six cans high, you drape a sheet over the top. He is covered, with walls of cans running along either side of his body, the sheet over his head. His feet stick out of one end and his horns push the sheet up at the other, and he's looking at you more perplexed than anything else. He lifts his chin from where it has been resting on his folded arms throughout the building process and props himself up on his elbows. The sheet lifts far above the top of the walls with his horns.
GAMZEE: WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK IS ALL OF THIS?
WV: >:(
GAMZEE: you up and putting me in mother fucking prison?
WV: >:(
GAMZEE: I AIN'T DESERVING NONE OF WHAT THIS ALL IS.
WV: >:(
GAMZEE: you imagining yourself as one of them subjugglators what are in charge of keeping scum in its place?
GAMZEE: YOU'RE THE ONE WHAT'S FROM DERSE HERE, TINY BROTHER.
GAMZEE: biggest load of mother fucking scum what I ever heard of.
GAMZEE: WON'T BE LONG BEFORE I MANAGE TO UP AND BREAK OUT OF THIS HERE PRISON.
GAMZEE: better prepare your motherfucking army.
WV: :)
It's too bad the Bard doesn't yet know that shouty Knight is the leader of your army.
He flops back down, still on his stomach, and reaches a hand out to snatch a can from the stash. You slap his hand aside.
WV: >:(
GAMZEE: I'M TRYING TO GET MY REHABILITATION THE FUCK ON.
GAMZEE: help out with the construction what needs doing around town.
GAMZEE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MOTHER FUCKING PRISON EARLY.
There is no good behaviour early release, not in Can Town. Criminals must go through the processes laid down by yourself, your Knight, and shouty Knight. As there has not yet been a meeting to agree on the terms of release from prison, the Bard must remain locked up.
Without shouty Knight, it is your duty to keep an eye on him. All decisions will default to you. Perhaps if the Bard behaves he will be granted day release. You can give him privileges if he earns them. You cannot release him without the approval of at least one Knight, but you can reward him.
You slide a can towards him.
He gives another honking laugh and sets it up beside the gymnasium, right where the extension begins. You slide him another, then another. When he tries to move from his prison he gets a can thrown at his head.
He's been hit with six in the first ten minutes of his imprisonment.
The Bard seems to get the message after that. If he does his duty and complies with your mayoral orders, he is rewarded. If he goes against your wishes and attempts to delay construction on the community centre, he gets a tin thrown at his head and in jail, there's nowhere he can hide.
It's progress. You are very much a fan of progress. What had the Bard called it? Rehabilitation. You are overseeing his personal growth and development in the hopes that he will ultimately prove himself capable of working for the city. With his help, possibly due to the recent enactment of the Can Town Rehabilitation Program, the community centre is nearing completion.
You are pleased with all of these changes. Yes, imprisoning the Bard for his actions has proven fruitful. He gives a delighted honk when you place the final cylinder on the top level of the building.
GAMZEE: is a mother fucker all up and rehabilitated now?
GAMZEE: AIN'T PLANNING ON STAYING IN HERE MUCH LONGER.
He receives another can to the side of the head for speaking out of turn. Prisoners don't get to talk to the mayor like that without consequences.
GAMZEE: you tiny little fucker.
GAMZEE: GONNA PUT A CRACK IN MY MOTHER FUCKING THINKPAN IF YOU KEEP ALL THAT SHIT UP.
WV: :)
GAMZEE: you seriously talking to this motherfucker like that, bro?
GAMZEE: I'LL STAGE THE GREATEST MOTHERFUCKING BREAKOUT IN FUCKING HISTORY IF YOU DON'T UP AND LET ME FREE.
Another can. This one hits his nose.
GAMZEE: you are so fucking dead when I get out of this here prison, you little mother fucker.
He shifts between the stacks of cans so he's lying on his back, staring up at the painted ceiling. You straighten out the roof of the prison because his horns have caused it to begin caving in. Not even prisoners of the worst kind deserve to be confined in anything less than a completed building.
GAMZEE: MOTHER FUCKING STORM'S COMING.
GAMZEE: hope you up and got evacuation plans what are in place and shit.
GAMZEE: DON'T WANT THE WIGGLERS TO GO AND DROWN.
GAMZEE: might get my mother fucking nap on while I'm here since there ain't much else to be doing in prison.
At least when he's asleep, the Bard will be compliant. You give his plan full approval and pull the sheet down from the ceiling. He waves his arms around to get the fabric off his face but it's caught on a horn tip and it takes him a while to figure it out. He looks incredibly unhappy when his face emerges once again.
GAMZEE: FUCKER.
WV: :)
Silence reigns over Can Town once again as the Bard's breathing slows. You have paperwork to catch up on, news headlines to finish scribing, and you're halfway through reorganising your construction supplies when you hear footsteps. You turn, prepared to defend your town with whatever it takes, can at the ready to launch at the intruder.
It's shouty Knight.
KARKAT: HEY MAYOR, HAS ANYONE ELSE BEEN IN YET OR IS IT STILL TOO EARLY IN THE WAKE CYCLE?
KARKAT: I KNEW THAT HUMANS WERE FUCKING LAZY SHITS AND WOW, I'M SORRY FOR CREATING THEM, I TRULY AM, BUT THIS TAKES THE CAKE.
KARKAT: AT LEAST LALONDE EMERGES FROM HER BLOCK MORE THAN AN HOUR BEFORE IT'S TIME FOR THE EVENING MEAL. HOW THE FUCK DID THEIR SOCIETY EVEN MAKE IT AS FAR ALONG THE EVOLUTIONARY CHAIN AS THEY DID?
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS GAMZEE DOING HERE?
KARKAT: FUCK, GAMZEE. MAYOR, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? HE DIDN'T TRY TO SLIT YOUR THROAT OR ANYTHING DID HE? I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE WHOLE MURDER URGES THING LATELY.
WV: :)
KARKAT: ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHY IS HE LYING THERE BETWEEN THOSE TOWERS?
WV: :)
KARKAT: JAIL? SERIOUSLY? WHEN'S HE FREE TO GO? I SHOULD PROBABLY HAUL HIS SORRY ASS OUT OF HERE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WAKES UP. I TAKE BACK THE SHIT I SAID ABOUT HUMANS AND THEIR FUCKING AWFUL SLEEP PATTERNS.
KARKAT: HEY ASSWIPE, GET UP. TIME TO DISAPPEAR AGAIN.
GAMZEE: oh hey, karbro.
KARKAT: I PAID YOUR BAIL.
GAMZEE: FUCKING A.
GAMZEE: you gonna come with and mother fucking chill?
KARKAT: YEAH, FINE. JUST HURRY UP BEFORE ANYONE ELSE SEES YOU.
GAMZEE: I think I made a friend, bro.
GAMZEE: BEST MOTHERFUCKING MAYOR THIS SIDE OF ALTERNIA.
You watch as the shouty Knight helps the Bard to his feet and you think that yes, they are good together. The Bard can keep his job in Can Town, even if you haven't decided what the job is yet. He can, however, only work when the shouty Knight is working and you have the strangest feeling that their shifts should not overlap with those of your Knight and the Seer.
After all, Can Town is a civilised and peaceful place. You watch the Bard and the Knight pass through the outer districts until they disappear from view, leaving you alone once again. Perhaps your Knight will be in soon. With him will come the Seer. Your term as re-elected Mayor is off to a strong start and you plan to bring democracy to the citizens of Can Town for as long as they will have you.