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Kurapika, Gon, and Killua had snuck off to the market together, intentionally excluding Leorio, who would only hold them up by trying to haggle the price of every purchase down to single digits. The idea was to save time, to get in and get out and buy the basic supplies without making a huge production of it. They'd nurse Leorio's hurt feelings over their decision to go without him later. Breaking the news would be Gon's job; the three of them had already drawn straws to decide it before setting out.
Somehow, the idle chatter between Gon and Killua fell to dating and how masterful Gon was at this art. Kurapika announced to Gon in total seriousness that going on a "date" with his aunt didn't count as dating, not really. Gon and Killua insisted that it did, and vehemently so. With the innocent stubbornness of children who didn't know better, they refused to admit that some "dates" were more "actual dates" than others. A date was a date, or it was just spending time together. They perceived no progression of "real" to "fake" along some dating continuum.
Being vastly intelligent and yet an idiot when it came to arguing with children, Kurapika had permanently lost Gon and Killua at the use of the word "continuum", rendering further argument null and void. Still, Kurapika knew he was right, and wanted the boys to at least take some of that rightness away from this discussion, so, he finally conceded that, while going on a date with your aunt wasn't a real date, it perhaps did help train you for real dating. This was something Gon and Killua grasped much more quickly, as they could relate more with the process of training than anything else. Killua even seemed a bit relieved to hear that dating wasn't something some people were naturally good at, but a skill that one needed to practice to perfect. Gon then immediately volunteered to teach Killua how to date, and Killua got very quiet and just a tiny bit red in the face before turning away.
"So like, who taught you to date, Kurapika?" asked Gon. Killua was hanging back now, muttering to himself about Gon being such an idiot. Kurapika and Gon led the way side-by-side.
"Uh, what?" asked Kurapika in surprise. Now it was his turn to go a bit red in the face. The ability to talk about dating as a concept came easy to Kurapika, but referring to his own personal experience consumed him with shame and embarrassment.
"My Aunt Mito taught me to date, so I know all about it. Where did you learn about dating?"
"Books, Gon. Only through books."
"There are books about how to date? Wow. Do you have any?"
"No. Or well, yes there are books like that. But no, I don't have any. I've never read a book specifically about just dating. It's just a very common topic in lots of books in general. When there's a love interest in fiction, there's often some form of dating. In biographies, the subject sometimes talks about their courtship days with their significant other. Also, if you want to read about human nature and psychology, it's important to know those things when comparing the multifarious ways different cultures go about marriage and families and stuff. Nothing is really universal, you see."
"But you've never been on a date?"
"No."
"Why? Has no-one ever asked you? Have you never met anyone you wanted to ask on a date?"
"I've never asked anyone, and no-one has ever asked me. I don't usually get along with people in that way."
"In what way?"
"The way that separates real dating from dating your Aunt Mito, Gon."
"So you mean you don't like anyone…like that?"
Kurapika sighed and let his shoulders slump in exasperation as he looked over to Gon, who was smiling broadly.
"Uh. Why were you arguing with me about real dating and fake dating when you know exactly what I was talking about, Gon? Real dating is when you date people you like romantically. That's exactly what I was saying."
"But you said one was real and one was fake, but they're both dating. There are just different reasons for them."
"When you get older there is only really one reason, Gon."
Killua finally overcame his embarrassment and returned to walk alongside Kurapika and Gon. Gon told him, much more loudly than Kurapika would've liked, that Kurapika had never been on a date. Killua gave Kurapika an appraising look for a moment, and then said that he could imagine why. Kurapika demanded to know just what Killua imagined. Killua only laughed in his face.
Kurapika became sullen, hugely disappointed that he was going to spend this entire shopping trip being shamed by kids for his lack of a love life. Kurapika wasn't some worldly grown-up who had experience in these things. He was still only a teenager (and damn, it made him feel old like Leorio insisting that). He'd never made time for romance, had never needed to, because the greater priority was always to avenge his clan. He had zero intention of rectifying his deficit of experience, either. It wasn't even something he thought about all that much except for now, when he was being ridiculed for it.
"Don't be embarrassed, Kurapika. I'll invite you on a date."
"You'll WHAT?" asked Killua first, and then Kurapika in a more strangled echo.
"I can be Aunt Mito, and we can go on a date. You can come, too, Killua, though I don't know how to date two people at once. But, I figure you do all the same stuff, just twice."
"Gon, I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline," said Kurapika. "The reason I don't date is because I myself choose not to go on dates."
"But it will be fun. Dates are really fun. You'll like it."
"No, it's fine, really."
"Just for fun. I'll teach you both, okay?"
Gon looked between the both of them imploringly, hoping they would agree. Kurapika looked at Killua.
"I not even sure Killua wants to learn either…."
Killua crossed his arms and turned away while letting out a loud harrumph, clarifying that he was going to be staying out of this.
"Oh, c'mon, Killua. It will be fun! You guys will have fun!"
Now both Killua and Kurapika were avoiding Gon's gaze, desperate not to get tangled up in Gon's urge to give them dating lessons. There was a long market trip ahead of them, made even longer now because Gon was stubborn and not about to give up.
Surprisingly, cold Kurapika was the first to cave and give permission to Gon to take him on a date. Once this bastion of resistance fell, Killua soon followed. He hadn't had much of a choice, really. If he hadn't agreed, he'd have been forced to stand around uselessly while Gon took Kurapika on a date, and that would've been an even worse torture.
The one condition Kurapika put on the date before agreeing to go through with it was that the date was going to be today, while they were shopping, and it would end before they went home. Gon confessed that these limitations were a problem for him, as a really good date required planning and preparation. Kurapika agreed, but also stated that if Gon was such an expert, Gon should be able to work with what little he had. Gon took this a challenge and proceeded to hunt down something to eat, as lots of dates he'd been on involved eating. Those, he assured Killua and Kurapika, were the easiest and most basic. They would start with something light.
The three soon arrived to a small restaurant that Gon deemed as possessing the proper atmosphere. There was a bit of trouble deciding on seating arrangements, however. The table was square, which made it hard for Gon to sit across from either of them, and this was a problem, because you needed direct eye contact on a date. His face lit up with the dawning of a solution.
"Here, Killua, it's better you sit across from Kurapika, and I direct you both."
"What?" asked Killua. "I thought you invited us on this date?"
"Yeah, but it's hard to date two people together at the same time, so I thought maybe you and Kurapika could be dating, and I just tell you what to do."
"Who the hell is dating who, here?" Killua demanded while Kurapika just hid his face in his hand and shook his head.
Without comment, Kurapika obediently took a seat and waited for all of this to be over. After a moment of bickering, Killua sat across from Kurapika, and Gon positioned himself off to the side.
"Look at the menu and decide what to eat. Normally, on a date, you share your food, so you have to communicate to make sure you don't order the same thing."
"I don't think everyone on dates shares food, Gon," said Kurapika as he took up the menu. "Especially not on the first date."
"But sharing food is more fun. It's like you get to eat two things in one meal. It's one of my favorite parts."
Kurapika glanced over the menu to Killua. Killua shrugged.
"It's fine. We'll share, I guess," said Killua. He still refused to look either Gon or Kurapika in the eye for very long.
The waiter came to take the orders and asked the trio if they were having a nice day shopping. Gon told him that Kurapika and Killua were on a date right now, so if there were any flowers to put on the table, it would be nice. The waiter laughed in amusement and made some comment about how children were adorable, and for one of the few times in his life, Kurapika was happy he still looked somewhat young enough to be mistaken for a child at first glance by strangers. A few minutes later, the waiter came back with a glass that had three snowy flowers in it, obviously picked from the trellis leaning along the outside wall of the restaurant. He also brought a small tea light and lit it for them with tremendous aplomb, announcing that their drinks would be out shortly.
"You guys need to have some conversation," said Gon after a lull fell with the departure of the waiter. "Don't be so nervous."
"I'm not nervous," said Killua. "We talk every day. What would we need to talk about now? This is stupid."
"Ask about each other's hobbies, or how his day was."
"I've been with him all day; I know how his day was."
"Then ask about his interests. You have to get to know each other."
"But we already know each other."
Kurapika swiftly interceded for Gon's sake, as he knew the back and forth with Killua would never end otherwise.
"So, Killua, what is your favorite food? Wait, you like desserts, right? Let's get a dessert menu when the waiter comes back and talk about the dessert options."
"Now, that's actually interesting," said Killua, shooting a disappointed look at Gon. "That's actually something I'd like to do. Kurapika's way better at this than you are."
"Wow, good job, Kurapika," said Gon. "You might be good at dating after all."
Kurapika rolled his eyes, not really considering how well he knew Killua to be an accurate indication of his dating skills. Killua, however, had relaxed considerably now that he saw Kurapika was just going to be treating him normally while they ate food and Gon pretended to coach them through it. Dating didn't seem totally impossible now. Clearly, it was just another way of hanging out, except in a real date, you didn't know the other person that well, and so it was kind of awkward.
The food arrived, and the waiter maintained the dignified air of formality, as though presiding over a romantic, candlelit dinner between long-lost lovers, and not the game of three silly children. Almost as soon as his plate was set down, Killua diligently tore off a piece of his burger and, without even asking whether or not Kurapika even wanted it, placed it on Kurapika's own plate. Kurapika, who'd been setting his napkin over his knee, looked up and burst into laughter when he saw the half crushed handful of burger nestled among his plantain chips. He began laughing so hard he couldn't speak and had to turn away, waving his hand permissively to allow Killua to take some of his fish.
The meal ended in relative silence, as all three were too busy eating for Gon to give much direction. Killua joked that now Gon was going to have an even harder time telling Leorio they'd gone to the market without him once he found out that they'd gone to eat without him, too. Leorio was going to be pissed.
The waiter returned when the plates were empty and asked if they wanted a desert. Kurapika ordered, but Gon stopped him, saying that he and Killua needed to share one desert together. Both Killua and Kurapika argued, as both Killua and Kurapika knew that Killua was not one to share a dessert. Gon asked the waiter if it was possible to order a double-sized dessert, and the waiter said it wouldn't be a problem. For cake or tiramisu, they could cut a slice twice as large, and for ice cream or fruit they could fill the bowl twice as much. For a custard pudding or something already portioned, they would have to put two on one plate instead.
Unfortunately, the lemon sorbet Kurapika had chosen and the triple-chocolate brownie parfait Killua wanted were incompatible. Gon ordered the parfait, because chocolate was more something you ate on a date. Kurapika narrowed his eyes at Gon and subtly reminded him that this wasn't a romantic date. Killua didn't notice, as he was overjoyed at the idea of the doubled triple-chocolate brownie parfait that was going to arrive soon.
"You guys really need to work on conversation," said Gon as they waited for the parfait. "You have to say nice things on a date. So, Killua, I want you to give Kurapika a compliment."
"A compliment for what?"
"Anything that impresses you about him."
Killua frowned and look at Kurapika, considering him quietly. Finally, he managed a fairly doubtful, "Uh, you…fight good."
"Thanks. You, too," said Kurapika politely.
"Now you compliment him back, Kurapika."
"I did? I just told him he fights well, too."
"No, think of something original. Tell him how you feel about him."
"How I feel?"
"C'mon. We're friends! You have to feel something."
Now it was Kurapika's turn to consider Killua. As he contemplated what he felt and what he could say, his expression grew firmer, more resolute. Dramatically, he proclaimed the following:
"You are an amazing friend, Killua, and the bond you share with Gon above all is truly incredible. I have tremendous respect for you both as a person and as one of the dearest people to me in my life. Seeing you grow into such a caring and considerate companion to us all, as well as into such a strong person who bravely decides his own way against insurmountable odds, makes me truly proud every day to call you my friend. I can only ever wistfully aspire to match you in your utter loyalty to those you care about, as well as in your love and acceptance of those who extent their friendship to you. Though you may certainly seem cold and aloof at times, they say it is the most aloof who have the biggest hearts, who care the deepest, who have the greatest warmth inside them to share. I believe in your case that this is true, though I understand if you feel embarrassed to admit it."
There was a pause of embarrassed, stunned silence between Kurapika and Killua and Gon.
"…That…that was too much, Kurapika," hissed Killua as he and Gon both blushed deeply. Kurapika's penchant for hyperbole in expressing how he felt always left one flustered and shy, even while not being the object of discussion.
"Oh, sorry, Gon, Killua. I just…feel so much."
"Don't worry, don't worry," said Gon comfortingly. "That is just a lot to hear at once. Now, uh, I wonder where the dessert is?"
At that moment the desert arrived on a shiny [baking] tray festooned with more flowers, giving it an elegant and romantic touch. Gon clapped with glee at the sight of it. Killua actually joined him, overcome as he was with the towering size of the ice cream and its plethora of chocolaty toppings. Kurapika simply gaped, fairly certain that this serving was much more than a mere two persons' worth.
The three were too full from ice cream and brownies later to continue the date on to any natural conclusion. Instead, they continued home with their purchases, nearly missing their stop as they all fell into food comas on the bus. Kurapika, who'd eaten much less ice cream than Gon and Killua, was the only one even remotely capable of functioning, and had shouted and pulled the other two awake by the hair before the bus had closed it doors and continued down the street.
"So, guys, what's our story to Leorio again about why we didn't bring him?" asked Gon as they walked the final block down to the apartment where they were staying together.
"You don't mention lunch, and you tell him we left without him because he was asleep," said Kurapika. "He was up late studying, so we wanted him to rest."
"But like, we snuck out at eleven when he was already awake. He said good morning in the kitchen to Killua."
"You and I left early to get a good start on the deals. Killua slept in and met up with us and forgot to tell Leorio." Kurapika stopped and looked over to Killua who wasn't listening. "Killua, if Leorio asks, you took the 11:45 bus to the town center."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Killua dismissively. "Whatever."
The three reached the vestibule of the apartment building and greeted the porter, who asked how the trip to the market had been. Kurapika politely told him it had all gone well, while Gon effused about a giant crab he'd seen and wanted to buy, but as a pet, not to eat. The porter laughed and said their roommate had been looking for them, since he hadn't seen the three of them go. Kurapika blanched at this. As they climb the stairs to the apartment, he pulled Gon back to whisper in his ear that the situation had changed, but was interrupted by a door opening and a voice booming down to them from up the stairwell.
"You three jerks went shopping without me?"
Kurapika sighed and let Gon go, the chance lost. He hoped Gon might realize Leorio knew the three of them had left together, intentionally excluding Leorio, and thus alter his excuse into something that took this into account. However, Kurapika doubted such a thing would happen. Gon would stick to the original plan, and then Leorio would not only be hurt that he'd been left behind, but also pissed that they'd chosen to lie to him about it.
"You go, Gon," said Killua, pushing Gon forward to walk ahead of them as they continued up the stairs and entered the apartment.
"I guess you drew the short straw, eh?" asked Leorio to Gon as the three guilty parties stood before him in the living room, each one looking down to the floor in shame. "Fine, then. Let me hear what excuse you three assholes have for me. Spill it, Gon."
"Uh…" began Gon, looking over to Killua and Kurapika. Kurapika shook his head sadly, telling Gon it was useless, that there was nothing to do but tell the truth.
"I'm sure Kurapika's come up with something pretty great. Go ahead and tell me. I can't wait to hear it."
"We, uh, we went to practice," said Gon.
"Interesting. And how does practice tie into all the shopping bags? It seems to be a really original and intriguing story. Go on."
"So, we went to eat…"
Kurapika swore under his breath and clenched his fists, while Killua rolled his eyes and buried his hands in his pockets in the feigned apathy of having given up.
"Ah, so you also went out to eat without me, too. Cool. I wouldn't have guessed you hated my company that much if you hadn't told me."
"…so that Kurapika and Killua could practice dating…"
"Wait, WHAT?"
"…and then we swung by the market to pick up a few things because it was near the restaurant."
"WHAT."
Leorio was staring wide-eyed at Kurapika and Killua, as though he'd been deeply betrayed and didn't even know them anymore. On the bright side, he was no longer on the warpath because they'd ditched him to go shopping. But also, it was hard to stay pissed when you were shocked beyond words.
"You…you, you…yo—you!"
Well, well beyond words.
"It's not how it sounds!" exclaimed Kurapika. It was hard to tell who was the more vibrant shade of red, him, Killua, or Leorio himself as he continued to gape and point at them dumbly. When he eventually found words, they could only be delivered at full volume.
"YOU AND KILLUA, KURAPIKA? BUT HE'S LIKE A BABY."
"Hey!" said Killua.
"It's not me and Killua, Leorio, why would you even think that? Why would I ever—"
"BUT YOU'RE DATING?"
"No, no, no…we were practicing dating…."
"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?"
"It means we've both never been on a date before so Gon decided to 'teach' us and wouldn't stop until we agreed."
"…oh."
Leorio lowered his accusatory finger that had been thrust in Kurapika's direction. Kurapika was a bit annoyed to note that Leorio had assumed this all would've been Kurapika's fault, like Leorio could very easily believe that Kurapika would go around sullying youths.
"…You've never been on a date before, Kurapika?" asked Leorio. "Really?" He looked Kurapika over briefly. "Ah, well, I can imagine why."
"What are you guys imagining?" demanded Kurapika, looking at Killua as well.
"You should've asked me to help," said Leorio. His anger had entirely dissipated with the revelation that Kurapika had never once in his life tasted the sweetness of romance. "I know way more than Gon about this stuff. I've gone on way more dates than he has, and not just with my aunt and her friends."
"How did you know about that?" asked Kurapika, shocked Leorio already knew about Gon's dating credentials.
"Gon and I have swapped a few stories, connoisseurs as we are of the art of romance."
"You've been telling him your dirty old man stories, haven't you?" asked Kurapika unimpressed.
"I've been educating him on the way of the world."
"Well, I don't need a likewise education from you, thanks. I just went along with the date because Gon was so persistent. I'm not actually interested in learning how to date."
"Well, if you ever change your mind, feel free to think of me as your safe space. Any questions, concerns, perhaps even some practice runs—I'm here to help."
"Thanks," said Kurapika again with plenty of sarcasm. He collected the shopping bags and began to sort the purchases. Gon (and occasionally Killua) helped, while Leorio just sat in the sofa and judged everything they'd bought.
Later that evening, Leorio and Kurapika were sitting alone in the living room, Kurapika reading a book on the sofa and Leorio studying at the desk. For a long time, the only sound was the turning of pages and the scratch of Leorio's pen. Most evenings passed like this between them until Kurapika finally fell asleep directly on the sofa, often not even putting his book away first. Leorio always stayed up later, because the absolute silence of a weekday night was the best for studying. He also felt calm and focused surrounded by the sound of Kurapika's quiet breathing from the sofa and the soft sleeping sounds of Killua and Gon on the floor in the bedroom. It felt like home this way. It was incredibly peaceful.
Leorio noticed Kurapika's breathing had deepened and evened out. He was fast asleep with the book still opened across his chest. Leorio put down his pen and rose from the desk to go over to where Kurapika slept. Carefully, he pried the book from Kurapika's sleeping flingers, slipping a piece of paper inside so Kurapika wouldn't lose his place, and rested the book on the table. He turned back to the desk to resume studying.
"Leorio?" asked Kurapika in a muffled voice. His hands reached out searchingly over his chest. "Did you just put my book away again? I was reading that. Why do you keep taking my books? I only shut my eyes a moment."
"You were asleep, Kurapika," said Leorio without looking up from his notes. "Don't play that 'I only shut my eyes for two seconds' things with me. You were out. It's been fifteen minutes."
Kurapika nodded with understanding and stared up dully at the ceiling, hands lain one over the other where the book had been ten minutes earlier.
"I've told you a million times you can sleep in the actual bed in the room with Gon and Killua," said Leorio, gesturing with a nod towards the hall. "I don't know how you can sleep in here with the light on all the time. I can sleep on the sofa myself after. It used to be the only furniture I had. I've always slept there."
"But you also get up later, so you need to sleep in a room with a door. The three of us will only be here a week longer. Then you can sleep anywhere."
"I'll miss it when you're all gone, though."
"We can't stay forever."
"I know."
Although it was too quick for Kurapika to have fallen back to sleep, he was suddenly as quiet as if he had. After a few minutes of silence, Leorio leaned over to check. He found Kurapika was watching him—staring at him, really. Leorio furrowed his brown in question.
"What are you staring at?"
"Just watching you study."
"And pulling a lot of weird faces when I'm confused, probably."
"I would be lying if I said no."
Leorio snorted in subdued laughter, not wanting to wake Gon and Killua.
"You're so charming it's a real wonder you've never been on a date before."
"I'm not charming."
"That was my point."
"And not dating is my choice. I'm not actually a loser. I've considered my options and decided that there isn't a place for dating in my life. I tried to explain that to Gon, but I think Gon just really wanted to teach us what he thinks dating is. No-one got hurt. It was fun, actually. But then, it wasn't a real date."
"So if anyone from this point asks you if you've ever been on a date, you're still going to tell them that no, you haven't?"
"I'm going to tell them it's none of their business."
"Ah, yes. Well, that's one way to deal with a question, I suppose."
Kurapika surprised Leorio by sitting up then and moving to the end of the sofa nearest to Leorio. He leaned forward, speaking softly in respect to the late hour.
"How much dating have you actually done, Leorio? I'm curious now how much normal guys like you date."
"Ah, but I'm not a normal guy, Kurapika," said Leorio with a low laugh. "I'm kinda great at getting dates. Keeping people around, though…well, I stay at home studying too much, and so after a while I'm not the most exciting guy. I can't buy a lot, and that gets pretty boring, too. Sitting around my apartment gets old. You'll definitely figure that out after another week here."
"We came here to see you, so something as mundane as boredom isn't going to be a problem."
"Oh, I doubt that," said Leorio, but smiled anyway. "Anyway, I was better at dating when I was younger. I had more time for it, for one. It requires a lot of time to do properly. Gon knows that. He's got some pretty good fundamentals. He'll get far."
"Except he lacks the interest. He just wants to have fun and explore. So I guess he has your ability and my lack of desire."
"Is it really a question of you not wanting to date, or just you choosing not to?"
The expression on Kurapika's face clouded. He looked away, though he knew it would make him appear suspicious and cause Leorio some concern. He couldn't fight the urge to divert his gaze. It was too visceral, subconscious, and strong. Leorio let out a sound like a knowing "hmm" but said nothing.
"I'm not sure. I don't let myself think about it."
"Well, if you ever want to test how you feel, I'm here to help, like a true friend."
"Don't joke around like that, Leorio. It makes me feel worse."
"But I'm not joking. Tell me when, and I will take you on a practice date. With someone closer to your own age. Who can give you real advice. Prepare you for the kind of dating you'll actually experience amongst your peers. And not judge you."
Kurapika laughed nervously and shook his head. He took up the thin blanket at the foot of the sofa and leaned back down into the couch, pushing with his slim legs against the armrest until he was far away from Leorio. The blanket he wrapped around himself as he went.
"Goodnight, Leorio," said Kurapika before turning the other way to face the back of the sofa. "Don't stay up too late."
"Maybe another hour," said Leorio in a quiet voice as he careful prompted up a book with two other books in order to read the miniscule text better. "Goodnight, Kurapika."
This time, Kurapika really did sleep. Leorio resumed studying, surrounded by the sounds of sleeping bodies and the occasional, rarer sounds coming in through the open window from the street. It was peaceful and productive. The small apartment felt like home like this. Leorio knew then, with a pang of sadness, that the week would come to an end all too quickly.