Hoeness
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“…Bad at sex. God, really?”
Kyle pops another Hershey’s kiss into his mouth and clicks out of his Netflix account’s Recently Watched, resorting to a scroll through what’s apparently trending right now. All of it looks pretty lame. “Well,” he starts, skimming the summary for Grey’s Anatomy, “are you?”
“Am I what?” Asks Stan. His long, black-polished fingernails pick at a thread loose from his sock.
“Bad at sex.”
Bookmarked by Hoeness
24 Feb 2026
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“Hello?” Stan said hesitantly as he answered the call.
“About time, dude,” the voice on the other end said. It was like a punch in the gut, so hard it sent Stan tumbling back in time. Suddenly, he was fourteen again.
“…Kyle?”
“Who else would it be?” Kyle scoffed. “I’ve been calling for five minutes. Why didn’t you pick up?”
Stan pulled the phone away, blinking as he registered the time. “It’s three AM,” he murmured.
Also, they weren’t friends… Hadn’t been for years.
Or, after a head injury, Kyle temporarily forgets about his and Stan's fallout. It's the perfect opportunity for Stan to reenter his life.
Bookmarked by Hoeness
11 Feb 2026
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When Kyle shows up unannounced at the farm one day, Stan is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about the state of their friendship.
Bookmarked by Hoeness
26 Jan 2026
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The bottom line is, Stan doesn’t like him like that. This is purely transactional. It’s a win-win, like he’d said in the closet. The more Kyle thinks about it, the simpler it is.
Stan isn’t at any risk of catching feelings; he’s viewing this entire endeavour as a way to get where he needs to be, and being the decent guy he always has been, wants to ensure Kyle gets something out of it too. He’s overthinking this. Making it harder than it has to be. He always does that.
Having fallen out of friendship through one circumstance or another, Stan and Kyle are forced into a closet together, before they can come stumbling out. Literally, then metaphorically.
Bookmarked by Hoeness
18 Jan 2026
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Kyle and Cartman make a bet, one Kyle is positive he can’t lose.
But when Cartman does the unthinkable and comes out victorious, Kyle’s got to do something he never thought he’d ever do, and bring an unsuspecting Stan down with him.
Bookmarked by Hoeness
17 Jan 2026