Chapter Text
“Hold him gently, Ma Teyam” mother said, slowly placing the little baby in her eldest’s arms “He’s delicate”.
Holding his brother wasn’t an easy task: the little demon kept looking everywhere, up down left right and repeat, moving frantically and making weird baby noises.
“Is he possessed?” Neteyam asked innocently, catching a laugh from his father “No, he’s just pretty active”.
Neteyam, as the big brother he was, decided to assert his dominance by making his baby brother look directly at him, holding him in front of him: the two siblings shared a look, before Lo’ak suddenly smiled and then giggled.
“Oh yes? you dare to challenge me?!” Neteyam said in a dramatic tone “You’ll be severely punished for your insolence, you little skxawng”.
Neteyam proceeded to tickle Lo’ak, making the baby laugh uncontrollably, severe punishment!
“He’ll be immune to tickles with this training Neteyam” Jake commented jokingly “Keep going, he’ll be a fierce tickle resistant warrior”.
“I’ll give him a break for now” Neteyam said, placing a kiss on Lo’ak’s head “He’ll be the most loved skxawng in the whooole world!”.
His baby brother will be loved, he promised that a long time ago, even if he’s no longer with his family, even if he left only deep sorrow and grief.
He’ll be loved.
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He failed: he had to do one thing, and he failed.
He only needed to pull that damn trigger and blow his brain out, he only had to die a quick but agonizing death: looking at the stars, listening to the calm sound of the waves crashing through the rocks while his blood streamed over the sand.
Destroy the source of all the pain
Destroy the one who causes the trouble
Destroy the reason his brother died
Destroy one of the people’s biggest shame
He was made to be ultimately destroyed.
And tonight he wanted to try again, to abrogate the causes of deep sorrow within both his family and the clan.
The beach was rather amazing: the gentle sound of the waves, the stars that lit up the sky, the sea that turned into the dark mesmerizing black color of the night.
Ironic isn’t it? Such a wonderful place for a tragic event.
The plants he holds in his hands are one of the most powerful hallucinogens he knows about: he doesn’t remember the name, it’s not like he cares about it.
He heard of them somewhere: Maybe while listening to Max’s rant about his new discoveries on Pandora, maybe one of the Metkayina’s mentioned it… and still, he didn’t remember, what was happening to him?.
Not only he had to deal with an interminable list of problems, memory loss has gotten onto him too: he easily forgets things, can’t recall what he did two seconds ago, he can’t remember anymore.
He used to be able to, well he used to be able to do a lot of things actually: he was tired, his body crumbling with him.
At least it’ll be a good way to pass: just like Eywa intended, natural plants, no steel… maybe the great mother would approve this way better.
The great mother, oh dear, what would she say if she realized that one of her children took their life, ruining her plans and ultimately disregarding every single rule she had given to her people?.
Lo’ak never seemed to win, he does one thing and it automatically causes another problem… amazing, isn’t it.
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Fuck nature, no actually, fuck whatever plant he ingested.
He expected a quick death: it’s been hours and he vomited his soul away, saw weird shapes and felt his head spinning for what seemed like an eternity.
He swore he took more of them, but his mind resisted against the effects.
Maybe shooting hot steel against his chin wasn’t a shitty idea.Compared to an overdose it was a sadistic luxury.
Suddenly someone takes him by his shoulders and lifts him to lay on their lap, he can’t properly see, though he feels a weird aura against his back: divine, maternal and gentle, he knew only one woman who could feel like that.
“Great mother…” Lo’ak barely pronounced, gasping for air.
Lo’ak can feel Eywa moving his hair away from his eyes and clean off the vomit he had left on the corners of him mouth.She has no form, but she feels like a physical body.
“I’m sorry” Lo’ak gasped, tears starting to form in his eyes “I’m so sorry”.
He felt the great mother’s lips press against his forehead, firmly, almost scared.
And there he was next to him: Neteyam, his big brother.
“Hang on buddy, hang on” he said, getting close to Lo’ak “You can’t die, you hear me? You can’t” Neteyam protests.
“Teyam” Lo’ak manages to say through sobs and his breathing difficulties “I’m tired, please… I, just end it”.
“I know I know” Neteyam says while checking his brother’s temperature.
He was hallucinating not only the great mother, but his brother too: the world started to turn almost whimsical, a hypocritical contrast to what was happening.
His chest was frantically moving in a stupid attempt at breathing, the fact he wasn’t in control of his body only made breathing a huge chore to bear.
Lo’ak hoped that someone could just end him: it’ll be better, he thought, he wouldn’t be the cause of his brother’s death or others, he thought.
And yet there he was: laying in the sand and vomit, his stomach was basically hollow, it wouldn’t be a surprise if he just started to throw up his stomach acids or even the organ itself… which was an exaggeration, but at this point he was at the mercè of his own body.
“Lo’ak” Neteyam said “Stay with me”.
“Teyam… I” Lo’ak said, but before he could pronounce another word the plants effects wore off.
His father was holding him tightly, his mother next to him, silently crying while holding her only son alive.
“Sir…” Lo’ak said “Don’t talk, it’ll be alright” Jake reassured, more himself than Lo’ak.
It’ll be alright
He’ll be loved.