Work Text:
Summers heavy clouds drifted aimlessly, hung low but never low enough to touch. The wind whispered a melodyless tune, taunting Mike as he sat, feet shuffling slowly with the small swing of a rusted swing set. He was hunched over himself, shoulders drawn close and head dropped down. His eyes looked to have found complete interest in the brown bark scuffed beneath his shoes, but up close his eyes were glazed over and glassy like he wasn't really looking. His teeth grazed over his bottom lip, mindlessly chewing at the loose skin that cracked apart from the surface. He felt the chained metal in his hands, rubbing the puckered rust against the palm of his hand. Mike looked to be deep in thought.
Internally it was a battle. The previous week, hell his entire life now a loud cacophony of sound in his ears, in his mind. Time had passed so quickly, yet it never felt slower than this moment. All the terror, worry and stress that had sat heavy in his chest now relieved itself through moments of his youth, tattooing the worst memories on the back of his eyelids. Everything he had struggled to push back, to forget, now opened like a floodgate. Old terrors met new memories, filling in the blanks with thoughts of what could have happened, what didn't, snapshotted images jumped out at him. Will’s body in the quarry, the laboratory’s crimson splattered walls, eldritch horrors. Oh the horrors. He saw his mother asleep in the hospital, iv’s and other tubes hooked to her body like she was a sick experiment, the fear in his sister's eyes and her blood stained sweater. All the emotions snowballed into one, a crushing weight sitting on his chest.
But the worst memory of all?
Losing Will, god losing Will had terrified him. Being only 12 it had felt like the world was crashing down, crumbling around him. The thought alone was enough to make Mike's body feel it was shutting down from how disgustingly heavy the weight in his chest felt. His limbs felt heavy with dread, and his mind screamed at him to reach for Will to make sure he was okay. Will was his everything, his best friend, his companion, his soulmate, his cleric. Losing him, even if Mike didn't realise his feelings, his body did, and losing Will left a physical ache in Mike's bones.
The wind cooled into a soft breeze, sending a shiver straight down Mike's spine. The feeling of the air is almost nostalgic, childish memories of when he was younger joining the already chaotic fray of the thoughts that already were begging to consume Mike. Flickers of boyish laughter overlapped with the terrified panic of his friends, days spent in his basement with dnd dice in his hand joined to memories of the monsters that once were bound to book. Day spent exploring thick forest and enjoying running after each other tainted with memories of the quarry, sounds of the forest drowned by Dustin's begging. His stomach flips.
Thoughts clashed against each other, agonizing and aching. Words he’d never spoken, experiences he never shared clawing their way out of their contained box begging to be spoken, or just acknowledged. Emotions bubbling up overflowing and all consuming, Mike's face now scrunched and eyes closed tight. His grip tighter now and the steady swing now completely stopped, his breathing was frantic and erratic too many built up emotions cracking through the iron-clad dam of his mind. Panic seeped into his bones, pricking his skin, his chest felt as if his heart was a jackhammer breaking free. Everything was too loud, the blood thumping in his ear and his racing heart now joining a crescendo along with every memory overlapped at once.
The swings groaned with new weight, a touch on Mike's shoulder. The outside world sounded muffled, like he was under the quarries surface, water invading his senses.
“Mike..?
..
Mike?
.
Mike!”
Mike gasped, his eyes shooting open at the unexpected force. He had been shaken out of his trance.
“Mike, are you okay? What happened?”
The voice was incredibly familiar, blinking a couple times Mike's world came back into focus. The shapeless blob close to his face became more defined, more human.
Brown hair and a pair of concerned hazel eyes met his own, Will’s lips were pulled into a worried frown, and his hand, now rather tense, was still resting on Mike's shoulder. His eyebrows were drawn together, worry etched into the thick lines on his forehead. Will looked at him like he was something fragile, or on the verge of tears.
He opened his mouth, wordless and dumbly having it open and close like a gasping fish. For a few seconds nothing came until a strangled sob clawed its way out, and his vision started to blur again. Mike's hand quickly shot to his mouth, as if to muffle his quiet what sounded like sobs but definitely weren’t.
Huh. Wait. Those were sobs.
He was sobbing. In front of Will.
Mike crumpled into himself ashamed, dipping his head down as if to shield himself from Will’s inevitable judgment. Boys don’t cry, and certainly not Michael Wheeler. Mike was strong and independent, he was the heart of their group, a paladin and a warrior. He didn’t cry, he didn’t need to.
But the throbbing ache in his throat and pounding in his head, the relief of finally being able to cry felt too good. He couldn't stop himself, his muffled sobs quickly developed into body wracking cries. Cries for his youth, his friends both alive and dead, the atrocities they had been through, how little his parents had cared for him. He cried for said parents, he cried for himself, indulging in the pity he could gather from how unfairly he had such pressure and responsibility thrusted upon him at an early age.
He cried for the fear instilled into him so early on, for the what ifs and the could haves. The overwhelming feeling that had built up from the repeated events that could be classed as ‘traumatic’, the pressure in his chest finally cracking under the heavy relief of the now dripping tears. He cried for every time he wasn’t allowed to, hadn’t allowed himself to. His wet and heavy sobs almost reminded him of the sound of the click of unlocked handcuffs.
He knows he must’ve looked pathetic, chin tucked to his chest and his gangly limbs pulled close as a supposed barrier. Thick tears rolled down his greyish slimmed cheeks, different to how rosey and chubby they were when he was younger. His teeth were clenched, hard, the pressure a pressing addition to the already pounding ache in his skull.
Something warm and careful looped itself around Mike. Hesitant and slow, and Mike couldn’t help but lean in. He couldn’t remember the last time his mum hugged him like his as he cried, maybe the week of Will's disappearance? But no matter, he leaned in as if he was trying to soak up the physical touch, like it would retreat as quickly as it came. But it didn’t. It held him until the back of his neck ached from the unnatural angle, until his sobs became a dry heaving in his chest and a shaky breath.
When Mike finally uncurled his neck from the godawful position he left it in, he found that Will hadn’t left, in fact Will was standing in front of him, his arms looped around Mike. He didn’t look at Mike with disgusted pity, or disguised judgment. Will looked at Mike with the softest worry, like Mike was precious. He looked at Mike with genuine love and care, and Mike felt a lump form in his throat once again.
Moments passed, the only sound shared between them is their exchange of breaths. The slight shake of the trees leaves and the odd whistle of birds momentarily butting into their exchange but slowly going out of focus as soon as it came.
Mike looked up at Will, as if he was studying his face. He noticed how the sun was positioned just right to make it look like Will had a halo, and how the tips of his brown hair looked honeyed and golden in the golden light. His face, while painted with a faint shadow, is still beautiful and angelic even without the sun's help. His hazel eyes were watching Mike back, never making direct eye contact but constantly flicking over his face.
Slowly Will unfurled his arms, resting them on Mike's shoulders before letting them drop to his sides. If Mike whined at the loss of contact, that's nobody's business.
Moving from in front of him, Will sat back in the vacant swing. His side profile now painted in golden watercolour of sunlight. He’s looking out in front of him, barely sparing a glance at Mike until…
“Are you okay, Mike?” Will's eyebrows were furrowed, and Mike could tell he still had more to say but was being quiet for Mike's sake. But he doesn’t know if he wants the silence to linger or for Will to keep talking.
Usually it was the other way around, Mike usually comforted Will. He’d keep an arm around Will back and let himself fall into mindless chatter, usually Will would join in at some point. Usually Mike would wait for Will to bring up the issue on his own, well rather Mike didn’t need Will to say it he already knew, but still let Will speak if he chose too.
Will comforting Mike was a new territory. Mike never had needed to be comforted, all his problems would be fixed and or forgotten before he had fully processed them so it never clicked that maybe he should say something.
Mike pursed his lips, humming into the warm summer air.
“I think… I think I’m going to be alright.” and it was the most honest thing he had said in a long while.
A heavy blanket of silence settled over them. Something awkward and clunky settled in Mike's gut, he could feel everything spoken and unspoken prodding at him, churning like making Mike uncomfortable would set it free. And it does. Mike opens his mouth, but Will beats him to it.
“Is this about what I said? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Will shift uncertainly in his seat, hands absentmindedly fiddling with the loose cuffs of his jacket sleeves.
“What? No, of course not, why would i care if you’re gay?” Mike shook his head, blinking owlishly at Will as if to communicate his disbelief.
“I don’t know man, you looked like a ghost when i said that.” Will laughed to dispel the building tension.
“No, hah. I don’t care, you’re still Will right? And nothing will change that…” Mike paused. “You know, I’m sorry for never calling while you were in Lenora, everyone else always put in the effort. I just don't know why I didn't.”
Will hummed, his shoe scuffing against the ground as he began to push himself.
“It did hurt but I was never mad at you, I don’t know if I truly could be mad at you, you know?” Will turned to look at him, “I mean you’re Mike, you’re my Mike and i don’t think anything would get me to stay angry at you for that long. I mean i did let it slide when you were always running off with el the summer she came back didn’t i, hah?” Wills cheeks visibly pinked at ‘my Mike’ but he didn’t retract his statement.
Mike almost choked on his spit at the mention of how childish he acted in his first relationship, quickly ducking and looking away in embarrassment. Though he could still feel the mirth of Will's gaze burning into him.
“Yeah no, I’m really sorry about that, I was so stupid.” Mike rubbed his face, leaving a crack between his fingers to glance at Will.
“Don’t worry, you were young and in love I guess, it's bound to happen. You know with the excitement of it all?”
Looking away from his hands Mike shook his head, “Not that there was much excitement, just felt like i was hanging out with a friend most of the time haha. Love isn’t really all that special, not like how they talk about it in the books anyways.”
Will’s face did this weird thing, he squinted at Mike as if he said something funny but his mouth was open as if he was going to retort.
“You’re kidding right?” Will asked deadpan, like Mike had just said the stupidest thing in the world.
“No, not at all? Why would I joke about that? I mean all we did was like, kiss. We didn’t even really talk, there was nothing to talk about.”
“You are so dense, dude.” Will rolled his eyes.
Mike squawked almost offendedly, swatting at Will's shoulder. He didn’t really hit him, it almost felt like a tickle but Will wasn’t going to say anything. He was too busy laughing at Mike's lame attempt.
Time passed between the two almost as if it was wind being pushed through the trees. For once Mike felt normal, for once he felt like he was where he belonged. Will had this strange way of always making Mike feel as if he was at home, but also it felt like the time spent with the other was nothing other than sand shifting in the tide’s pull, quick paced and tumbling together. They could spend days wrapped up in each other's company and not have a clue what time it was or even what day it was, they’d get so lost in their banter and overall company they didn’t need anything else.
In the quieter moment Mike would take the time to admire Will. He admired Will's features and how well he had grown into them, he admired his new hair, a big improvement from the infamous Byers bowl cut. He especially liked how the sun looked against Will's pale skin, or how it looked reflecting from his hazel eyes. Sometimes Mike couldn’t believe that Will was the same kid that used to shield behind him, too nervous to even speak to Mike's mum, but he was proud nonetheless.
Mike hadn’t felt this content in a while. Around the others everything was so chaotic and fast paced, they hadn’t had the time to just sit down and discuss normal things like their next campaign, or how annoying their parades at school are, or even just themselves and what cool things they’ve done. Every conversation now was about Vecna and the upside down, the constant threat they’re put under from the crawls.
It was weird to have it be just them again. As it goes, things are bound to change. That spans their daily lives to even their relationships.
The natural ebb and flow of time slowly changing, growing, cracking apart the relationships that were once held so dear. Embers of what had been will never fade, a comfort still warm and bathed in the golden light of childhood. Youth a steadfast drip, until all is puddled beneath their feet being left in their wake, time slipping between their fingers faster than they could gather it.
Things shifted and pulled, but it had always been them no matter what.
Mike and Will, Will and Mike, cleric and paladin, two best friends so entangled in each other no one knew where one ended and the other began, they knew each other so well it was almost like they were once one whole but now only two halves forever left reaching out for the other. Though now it was different. They had started to grow apart in each other's absence, while still two halves of a whole they were no longer entirely dependent on one another. Another change that had come about in the lapping of times waves.
Admittedly they had been growing apart for some time now. Not just them, the entire party in fact, sick of each other's company and craving change, craving the unknown of normality and the fleeting fact that it was their only chance of being blissfully ignorant of the fear that creeped quietly from their once getaway of the real world. They still cared for each other deeply, never to fully abandon the strings that bound them together so tightly, but as most teenagers do they wished for freedom. For the steady sense of normalcy, something so different from the arching shadow of their adolescents.
But Mike's distance from Will was not wholly an act of deep struck fear of the horror they had faced, no. It was… uncertainty? Fear? For being seen as alien, for being labeled different for feelings that bubble in his chest. Disgust even. Not for Will, but for himself. For how sweaty his hands got, or how his voice seemed entirely uncertain when Will so happened to have looked at him while he spoke. How his cheeks would flush and feel warm like a fever, or how he wished to reach out and touch his lips to Will's cheek. For how he selfishly wanted to be lavished in Will undivided attention, to never have Will look at another person beside Mike for as long as they lived. He knew it was wrong, and to have anyone find out would be the worst punishment he could be bestowed.
For the longest time Mike had felt guilty. He knew what he felt for Will was how he was supposed to feel for El, and for the longest time he pushed it down and tried to ignore it. But ignoring it ended in the biggest fight Mike and Will had ever had. Still even after they had resolved it Mike continued to feel guilty, he never wanted to hurt Will in the way he had then. But he did, and he doesn’t know how to forgive himself for it even now. The topic feels too raw to bring up so they ignore it, but it feels too heavy to continue dancing around forever. He knows that sooner or later he should bring it up, because every time he and El hug, hurt flashes briefly in Will's eye.
Will interrupts Mike's train of thought, which in Mike's opinion was a great move on Wills end.
“You’ve been quiet for a while, whatcha thinking about?” Sometimes they could read each other so well they knew what the other was thinking, sometimes they’d ask out of courtesy more than anything else.
“I’m sorry, about that fight we had. Man I know you said it’s okay and that you don’t care anymore but I do. I can’t believe I hurt you like that, and still got to have you afterwards.” Mike frowned, “I should never have said that, especially knowing now that you’re gay.”
Will inhaled sharply at the mention of… that.
“No it's oka-..” Will started weakly but was quickly cut off by Mike.
“No, it’s not okay. It’s not okay at all, we had just been through such shit and I couldn’t stop my obsession with having a girlfriend to be there with you. For you. Don’t get me wrong but I don’t even like El like that, and I don’t think I ever have.” Mike looked away from Will, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I could have lost you, again. I don’t think I could've handled losing you again, it was so hard without you the first time I thought I was going to die, but ignoring you and saying what I did? Man, I wouldn't even blame you if you did leave.” Mike's laugh sounded too watery, too wrong.
“And I am so so sorry, El was never more important than you, but I just didn’t realise it at the time. I mean I did, but not in the way I do now. I had pushed it down for so long, and it just ended up hurting you and I am so sorry. You mean everything to me, I mean you’re Will?”
“Mike…” Will said softly, shifting to rest a hand on Mike's shoulder.
“No, you’re my Will. I don’t know how I could have ever treated you so horrible, I just… I just.” I love you.
Mike sniffed, bringing his hand to wipe his face. Will smiled softly beside him, he knew what Mike meant. Will always knew what Mike meant and Mike always knew what Will wanted to say, that was just the way the world worked.
“Do you remember the first day of kindergarten?”
Will's voice startled Mike, but he nodded nonetheless.
“I was so nervous, I didn’t know anyone, I was so alone. But then you came up to me on the swing set. You asked to be my friend and you were so sure of yourself. Of course I said yes, and I don’t regret it. Mike you are one of the best things to ever happen to me, not a day goes by where I’m not grateful to have said yes.”
Mike glances over at Will, but Wills is not looking at him. Wills looking ahead of him, his cheeks flushed a sort of pink, and a smile plastered on his face.
“Even when we have our fights, I still don’t regret it. And yeah, Lenora sucked, my absolute best friend wasn’t even calling me but he was still sending letters to my sister? He had our address. Why didn’t he write to me…?” Will frowned to himself, his eyes not with the horizon but elsewhere. If Mike had to guess, probably back in Lenora watching as El received her next letter from Him.
“Yeah I was jealous for a while, but then you visited and we talked, and everything was good again. And even if that did hurt I still don’t regret being your friend. Mike you might not realise it but you mean so much to me, that even when you did hurt me i still forgave you. In time though, not straight away, obviously.”
Will hummed thoughtfully as he searched for his next words.
.
..
“I did write.”
Will turned to face him, his face pulled into a look of confusion.
“Sorry, I mean I did write to you. I just couldn’t send them.” Mike looked away bashfully, pushing himself so the swing would hopefully distract Will from his unspoken confession.
“I know you did.”
Mike sputtered a weak “what!?” As he brought his swing to a complete halt.
“Yeah I mean you didn’t exactly hide them when i was living at your house, your mum gave them to me anyways. Said she had found them while she was cleaning up and they were addressed to me so….”
Will laughed at the absolute agony on Mike's face.
“You’re joking right!? Please tell me you didn’t read them.” Mike buried his head in his hands, looking anywhere but Will. Will thought this was absolutely hilarious.
“Fortunately i am not joking. But I only read one so don’t worry.”
Mike's deadpan face looked up to find Will with a smidge of too much joy on his face.
“Gosh you’re so annoying.”
“But I’m your real life sorcerer?”
.
..
“Yeah. My annoying, real life sorcerer.”