Chapter Text
The next month passed by in a whirlwind of colors, sights, and new experiences. Zayne was more focused than ever, more productive at work, and more comfortable in his skin as he worked with Xavier to create a safe, personalized space for himself to return to when he needed to recoup.
And… Sylus always remembered to ask Zayne how his day was when he had a scene. Zayne was reading heavily into it, convinced he was going to be back in Sylus’ arms again soon, and while that was ultimately what he wanted, being with Xavier was a very nice learning environment.
Zayne felt comfortable with him.
Which is why, a month into their arrangement, Zayne requests a private, thorough tour of Xavier’s playhouse, including the rooms he’d been a little afraid to see.
Xavier is a puddle of yawns and relaxed sleepiness as he guides a nervous and excited Zayne through the most advanced BDSM tools and furniture he has at his disposal.
Zayne has been gradually updating his list of soft limits over the weeks, deciding that he is actually more interested in certain things than he realized. He also feels ready for more with Xavier, which he was shy to ask him about, but looking forward to nonetheless.
“D/s scenes don’t have to be sexual,” Xavier reminded him gently. “It all depends on the comfort level of the individuals and the goal of the scene… physical pleasure often accompanies and heightens the sensations of this type of play, so it is more common than a non-intimate dynamic. We can start as slow as you want, and discuss everything prior to engaging in a scene.”
If he’s being honest, and he is with Xavier, Zayne has been dying to feel his hands on him. He anticipates and enjoys his experiences with the man, but he hasn’t yet been overcome with pleasure in a scene with Xavier, to the point of reaching his climax…
With Sylus it had been so intense. Zayne craves that release more than anything, and he makes sure Xavier knows it’s what he wants.
After going through a detailed explanation of their options, Xavier and Zayne sit down over tea and cookies and go over the specifics of what Zayne is looking to try. For once, on his own…
“Rafayel is enjoying himself on vacation, trust me.” Xavier chuckled, waving a hand.
Zayne hummed, already somewhat aware of Xavier’s long-term assignment for the bratty sub, and the red bruises on his thighs and ass that were always around, a claim of ownership even when Rafayel was without his collar.
“So!” Xavier clapped, looking more awake than earlier after having a snack. “A little foray into rope bondage, experimenting with either a fabric gag or one of my favorite ball gags, and bringing you over after a few rounds of edging. It seems we’re on the same page?”
Zayne’s ears were red. He nodded, choosing to remind Xavier about what he’d mentioned earlier…
“Oh! Right, well… we can explore temperature play if you want to, but being fully restrained can be very overwhelming. Be sure to tell me if you need a break, a change, anything. Yellow doesn’t end a scene, so don’t be afraid to use it.”
Zayne nodded, letting out a breath.
He appreciated Xavier’s reminders, but he was ready for this. He’d done his research, both alone and with him and Rafayel. This was what he wanted, he was sure of it.
They retreated into one of Xavier’s darker, more moody playrooms, complete with a very unique bed…
Instead of being pushed up against the wall, the four poster, dark wooden frame was placed in the center of the room, bare mattress covered in only a tight fitted sheet and nothing else. There were an array of hooks on each of the wooden corners, at various heights, and as they entered and Xavier instructed him to remove his clothing, he also saw the low table nearby, where soft black ropes were coiled in wait.
Zayne folded his clothes easily, getting fully naked and then waiting with a lowered gaze for Xavier’s next command.
His Dom tugged off his own shirt, leaving his pants on, and Zayne inhaled sharply at the sight of the gorgeous, criss-crossing leather straps around Xavier’s hips, some sort of harness dipping below his tight pants and emphasizing his narrow waist and perfectly toned muscles.
The man was gathering a length of rope in his hand, eyeing Zayne appreciatively before gesturing to the bed.
“Lay down, centered on your back, feet and hands outstretched.”
Zayne shuddered, doing so, feeling jumpy and nervous as he was fully exposed, and as the island-like bed made him feel even more so.
After he got in the correct position, feeling the subtle give of the mattress beneath him as he laid down and spread out, Zayne swallowed, Xavier approaching from the side and leaning over him, still holding the rope.
“I’m going to bind your arms and legs to each corner of the bed. You will be able to move slightly, and this knot allows me to untie you very quickly if you need to be released, but you will not be able to do it yourself…”
Zayne drew in a breath, heart slamming in his chest.
“After every tie, I will ask for your color.” Xavier says, still gazing down at him without moving. “A full-limb restraint like this can be emotionally intense. It is okay, and normal, to need a moment.”
Zayne nodded. He looked forward to being restrained, but also knew it would be somewhat uncomfortable. He trusted Xavier to guide him through it safely and he trusted himself to know the edges of his own boundaries.
After confirming, Xavier began moving around the bed, starting with Zayne’s wrists, which he tied in the smooth black rope enough to hold him but not enough to hurt, and then tied the other end around the metal hooks in each post.
After the first one, Zayne was still green, feeling good and excited about the familiar grip of the rope around his skin. He’d enjoyed it when Sylus did it, although Sylus’ tie had gone all the way down his forearms and lashed them together tightly. Xavier was starting him out slow.
As his second wrist became immobile, Zayne was still green. His chest was rising and falling hard, the mental sensation of being restrained and on display making him embarrassed, aroused, and needy.
Xavier moved to his ankles next, and after the first one, Zayne said green but he should have said yellow…
When Xavier grasped his second ankle, his last free limb, Zayne instinctively resisted, kicking once before gasping and forcing himself still. Xavier released him, not asking for a color yet, but giving Zayne a second to breathe.
“It’s okay,” Xavier’s gentle, coaxing voice floated to him from somewhere beyond Zayne’s slightly buzzing ears.
“There’s no rush. We will move at your pace, Zayne. Check in with yourself, breathe…”
Zayne closed his eyes, doing so, bringing his attention inward, to his racing thoughts that all screamed that he was being cornered, trapped, seized-
His cock was bright red and leaking. His mouth was full of saliva. His skin was flushed and sweating, and nothing had ever felt so good as the weak falling sensation of allowing his whole body to relax. To fall into Xavier’s cupped hands, to be cornered, trapped, and seized and know that he was vulnerable, but safe.
Zayne gathered himself, that instinctual fear being transformed into a hungry, yawning ache in his sternum. He wanted more, to be crushed, to be taken-
He whined, hips arching slightly as he begged Xavier to continue.
When Xavier grasped his ankle again and began tying his foot to the bed, Zayne turned his head to the side with a huff of overwhelming desire, pressing his face into the mattress as a surge of pleasure shot up his spine. He felt as though he’d been caught in the jaws of some enormous creature, held fast in their sharp teeth…
Through the heavy sound of Zayne’s panting, he heard Xavier asking for his color again.
“Green!” He panted, already desperate for more, for anything-
Xavier came around to the table by the bed again and this time reached for a couple of things. He brought them to Zayne and proceeded to re-explain each one, giving him a choice.
“A fabric gag,” he showed Zayne the black strip. “It will soak up your saliva, rest heavy behind your teeth and on your tongue, and keep you from speaking but not from making sounds.”
Xavier held up the other two options…
“I know you were interested in trying out this silicone phallus-shaped one, but it requires a bit of training and I’d like to experiment with that when you’re not fully restrained, as the sensation can mimic choking.”
Zayne’s eyes glazed over at the sight of the small cock-shaped gag. He had never seen anything like it before, and had immediately been intrigued. But he agreed it would be a lot…
Xavier held up the last option.
“A simple, smaller ball-gag. Great for beginners. It will keep you from making most noises, and feel similar to having something in your mouth without going back into your throat.”
Zayne nodded, eager to try.
“That one, please.” He swallowed, hungry for it.
Xavier hummed, moving toward Zayne and, though he’d already shown Zayne how it was used, he showed him again, and then helped Zayne slip it in his mouth and fasten the strap around his head.
“You remember how to give me your status when you can’t speak?” Xavier checked.
Zayne blinked twice for yes.
Xavier seemed impressed, eyes sparkling at the sight of Zayne with the gag in his mouth, keeping his lips open and making his expression unbearably sensual.
“Green?” He asked.
Zayne blinked twice.
“Good. I will keep checking in more frequently now, and if you need anything off or changed in the meantime, yank twice on the ropes. Shall we continue?”
Zayne blinked twice.
“Very well,”
Xavier began, nearly giving Zayne a heart attack as he reached down and touched him. The smallest, lightest brush of his fingertips over Zayne’s clavicle, down between his pecs and lingering somewhere near his stomach…
Zayne trembled and his limbs twisted in the restraints, every caress feeling like a tight fist around his cock.
It felt heavenly.
He gazed up, nearly unseeing as Xavier pressed the pads of his fingers first around, and then down onto Zayne’s hard nipples. Zayne whined, hips twitching on the bed, but he could barely move and his mouth was occupied by the ball gag, making any noise softer, silenced.
Xavier didn’t stop thumbing his nipples as he glanced up at Zayne.
“Green?”
Zayne quickly blinked twice. Xavier’s lips twitched softly, fully aware of his sub’s desperation in this moment.
“Since you asked, I’m going to do a bit of temperature play,” Xavier said, removing his hands from Zayne and reaching for something on the table again.
Zayne couldn’t see what it was, so he listened hard to his Dom’s words as Xavier came close once more and leaned over him.
“Your nervous system will be extremely heightened, and physical sensations such as hot and cold can either be extremely pleasurable, or feel like a gentle, radiating pain. Either is normal, and whether we use it depends on if you enjoy it.”
Xavier raised a small jar. In it was melted wax, which had been warming on a hotplate until it was comfortably warm but not hot.
“This is that special wax we talked about. It’s made for this sort of play, and cannot cause any burning or damage to the skin. It will cool quickly, and brush off later, but it will feel hot at first, and can be very intense. I have heated it at its lowest point and will begin by slowly dripping it over your chest, okay?”
Zayne was practically vibrating. He blinked twice, vision hazy and ears thumping in time with his rapid heartbeat as he felt Xavier move the jar over him and then begin to tip it.
Zayne didn’t see the wax leave the jar, but god, did he feel it…
“Aughh!”
A muffled groan escaped past the gag in his mouth, and Xavier paused, righting the jar after having dripped three or four small drops of the slightly pinkish wax onto Zayne’s skin.
It was like little burning kisses on his chest. Pinpricks of heat, and then the wax instantaneously cooled to his body temperature and the burn was replaced by a radiating warmth, and then a bone-deep satisfaction that made his head foggy, like the moments just after an intense release.
Zayne needed more.
He did his best to nod at Xavier, and when his Dom met his gaze and said; green? Zayne moaned again and blinked twice.
Xavier proceeded to slowly and carefully drip the wax, about five or six drops at a time, over Zayne’s chest, and then down his sternum. He checked in often. Zayne always wanted more.
At one point, the wax pooled in the divot of Zayne’s throat and his eyes rolled back in his head, choking moans leaving his mouth as he felt the ghostly sensation of stinging warmth on his sensitive flesh, the comforting weight of the ball gag in his mouth, holding him open and pliant.
Then finally, Xavier purposefully poured a little extra over Zayne’s nipple.
Pleasure, warmth, and stinging pain, all shot up his spine in a torrent as the wax cooled and Zayne was left with a leaking cock pressing hard into his belly and a throbbing nipple, still zinging with sensation and heat.
He groaned, trying to respond to Xavier’s color check-ins fast enough so that he’d keep going…
Xavier poured wax on his other nipple and Zayne shrieked behind the ball gag, having almost come. The sensation snuck up on him so quickly, suddenly he was aware of just how much he was leaking and how close he was to the edge.
Xavier patiently waited for him to come back from the intensity, before getting Zayne’s attention again by taking something more familiar from the table. Panting hard, flushed and sweating from head to toe, Zayne peeled his eyes open to see Xavier standing over him with a small glass of ice.
“If you’re still interested in delaying your orgasm, I believe this will help.” He says, eyes sparkling with interest and devastating allure for Zayne and his every reaction.
Zayne nods as much as he can, then blinks twice.
The ice is a much more familiar sensation, but after the wax it throws everything into stark contrast that leaves Zayne shaking and his body feeling dialed up to eleven.
Xavier runs the ice cubes in a similar pattern to the wax; over Zayne’s chest, his collar, his sides, around his nipples and belly button, and then down the sharp divots of his iliac crest.
The sensation of the slight burn and then melting of the ice, as Xavier moves it just slow enough over his skin, somewhat shrinks Zayne’s straining erection as his body reacts to the cold very differently from the heat. He doesn’t want it any less…
When the ice has melted, the wax has cooled, and Zayne is lying there tied up in ropes and trails of his own drool, Xavier comes close again and gives him a soft, encouraging smile.
“You’re doing magnificent, Zayne.” He says, all softness.
Zayne falls blissfully into it.
Xavier continues.
“If you want to stop here, we can. That was a lot. I will do what we have discussed to allow you to orgasm quickly and efficiently. But, since I know you enjoy being edged, I could continue to draw it out. Your choice. I’m going to take the gag out of your mouth so that you can verbally tell me, alright?”
Zayne blinks twice.
Xavier helps him take it off and he gasps deeply, feeling somewhat more conscious as the gag is removed. He still feels wired though, cock so hard he’s been aching for several very uncomfortable minutes.
“So?” Xavier asks, “Do you want to keep going?”
Normally, Zayne would. He loves edging himself, even alone. Even outside of a BDSM scenario. But, the truth is, he’s almost at his limit. He can feel it. The tears that are waiting just behind his waterline, the heavy weight in his chest of overwhelmed nerves and intense emotions…
Zayne is, strangely, proud of himself for realizing this, and so when he opens his mouth to tell Xavier that, crudely put, he just really needs to come, Zayne actually lets out a breathy, relieved laugh.
“N-No, hah… I need to stop soon. But I-I want to come-“
Xavier smiles.
“Yes,” he coos, reaching out to stroke his fingers through Zayne’s hair. Zayne leans into it. “Good, you’ve been so good, Zayne. You deserve to feel good, to come… let me help you.”
Zayne luxuriates in being pampered, in being fully restrained, in listening to Xavier’s honest praise and immense gratitude of him as his sub as Xavier’s oil-slick hand wraps fully around Zayne’s cock and squeezes and strokes him until the doctor paints his own stomach white.
Zayne is a blob of something not-quite human when he comes back, and as Xavier calmly, gently, moves around him and unties his ankles and wrists from the bed hooks, Zayne’s blobby-ness begins to feel less syrupy sweet and more lonely. He feels odd. Adrift.
As overwhelmed tears begin to slowly track down his cheeks, Xavier once again smothers him with the gray weighted blanket and then, this time, spreads his own body down on top, like they are a sandwich and the blanket is the filling…
Zayne gradually reorients himself as the weight of both pushes his body and mind back into the correct mould. Xavier gazes at his warmly, not looking this least bit concerned. Zayne feels a small stone in his throat as he realizes he was, or is, dropping.
The scene had been so good, though… he had been experiencing things- pleasure, on a level he never had. Zayne understood the science. The adrenaline let down, the endorphins-
That didn’t make experiencing it any more pleasant, and actually, now that he knew why he felt so strange and floaty, he actually felt a little bit silly and impatient with himself.
Why did he have to drop so hard? Could that not be trained out of him??
Xavier squishes him pancake flat for long enough that Zayne realizes he isn’t going to feel better keeping these thoughts to himself, not when his Dom is right there, willing and able to provide answers and relief.
Maybe if Zayne admits he feels broken, Xavier can help him get fixed…
“M’ s-sorry,” Zayne’s voice is throaty and hoarse. He swallows and tries again.
“Sorry, I think I’m experiencing sub-drop again.”
Xavier hums, nodding. “Okay. We can go take a bath if you want. Water is grounding, and it will feel good to get the wax off you.”
Zayne likes it when someone other than him has a plan, especially right now. He follows Xavier like a little posable doll into the attached bathroom and only marvels a little at the impressive lengths the man has gone to to ensure accessibility.
They don’t make use of the large shower, nor the bench within. Zayne leans himself against the countertop and watches Xavier fill the tub, a tub that was more like a hot-tub, with four different pipes to fill quickly.
Xavier eases Zayne down into the water and seats him on one of the ledges, then goes to retrieve their cold water bottles and the leftover cookies from earlier.
Xavier returns, planting himself on the edge of the tub and making sure Zayne knows he is allowed privacy if he wants it, but that Xavier wants to be here for him, to look after and care for him, and that if he’d like, Xavier will help him clean up.
Zayne flashes back to being in the tub with Sylus after their scene, if you could even call it that, for Zayne hadn’t known at all what he was doing…
He wishes he could go back and do it all over again. He isn’t sure he would change anything, but he would at least tell himself that what he’s feeling isn’t the end of the world, nor does it make him a disappointment.
“I’m very proud of you.” Xavier says, conversationally, as he helps Zayne scrub off the dried wax from his chest.
“Me too,” Zayne nods, feeling floaty but better since being enveloped in the water.
He still feels emotionally raw, and like he needs to cry or eat an entire bucket of ice cream, but it’s okay that he feels that way. He draws in a deep breath, reminding himself… he’s not broken.
“It feels much easier to know where my boundaries are now, and to test them, but not break them.” He says, “It feels like I am being rewarded for my honesty during a scene. That my vulnerability is appreciated. It feels good to know that my submission makes you happy, too.”
Xavier’s bright laughter and fond grin makes the doctor blush, but Xavier only smiles.
“Yes, that’s that pleasure center of the brain lighting up as you begin to associate pleasing your Dom with a reward. I am glad to hear you’re enjoying your experience.”
Zayne hummed, the sound of the bath easing his mind and the warmth soothing his muscles.
“I was worried at first. My initial experience with Sylus, while impressive and pleasurable, left me feeling somewhat strange-“
When Xavier makes an inquisitive sound, Zayne pauses. Should he even be telling his current Dom about this? He frowns.
“It’s okay,” Xavier answers. “You can talk about whatever you want, I’m here to listen.”
Shoulders slouching a little, Zayne sighs.
“I thought that context would help me, that I would be able to re-contextualize that experience and therefore stop these anxieties, these… insecurities, of not being good enough. I hoped it would keep me from experiencing a drop again, but now it seems foolish to wish that. I know it’s normal. I know it… can’t be fixed.”
Zayne isn’t used to talking so much, and definitely not about himself. When he looks up at Xavier and realizes he’s fully dialed in and listening to him, Zayne’s cheeks heat and his mouth just… utterly runs away with him.
“It’s not Sylus’ fault. I wasn’t the kind of submissive he was looking for, which is on me. But, I don’t know. Maybe I’m stubborn. I didn’t want to accept it. I thought I could become what he wanted. Our one and only scene feels so far away now, I feel like a different person. I’m not even sure what to do, now that this world has been opened up before my eyes. It feels so safe here, with you… but, I don’t think I’m happy just being safe anymore.”
When Zayne looks up again, Xavier’s expression is somewhat wistful, and for a moment, Zayne panics. He is swiftly captured by a soft but steadying hand on his cheek and his flighty gaze is brought back into focus.
Xavier smiles at him, oh-so-kindly, and Zayne hates himself a little, for still wanting something else…
“It’s perfectly okay. It can be difficult to process those early memories of submission. Your mind and nervous system clings to them, and even more so if those feelings don’t have closure. As for sub-drop, insecurity… these are things you can work on, though it can be an uncomfortable experience.”
Then Xavier chuckles lightly, pinching Zayne’s cheek with a playful grin.
“I’ll always be here for you as a friend and mentor, Zayne. But, I didn’t expect you to stay as my submissive for very long. That’s alright, and I support you no matter what you decide. Take some time for yourself, recover… I’m certainly not going anywhere.”
Relieved, Zayne agrees.
He has a lot to think about…
***
Later that night, a very sleep-deprived man gets a call. He groans, head in his hands as he sits over a computer screen that has remained blank for over an hour.
Grumpy, he answers the phone, not checking who it is…
If they have his number, it must be important.
“What?”
Sylus’ voice is laced with impatience as he growls into the receiver. On the other end, a soft huffing laugh can be heard, and then Xavier sighs-
“Nice to hear you haven’t changed since we last spoke. How are you doing, Sylus?”
The silver-haired man scowls, rubbing his forehead.
“I hope this isn’t a social call. I am not in the mood-“
Xavier only scoffs.
“Oh, stop complaining. I’m calling about Zayne.”
Sylus freezes.
“Is he okay?”
“Yes, perfectly alright. He dropped today during our scene, maybe check-in with him tonight or tomorrow if he seems receptive.”
Sylus’ jaw twitched. He tightened his fist.
“…Zayne-” it took considerable effort to speak his name.
“Is not my submissive.”
Xavier hummed “No. But, for now he is mine, and today during his drop, all he could talk about was you.”
Sylus froze again, then cursed, standing up and beginning to stalk his own corridors, looming like a shadow in the hallway as he raked his fingers through his messy hair and his eyes shot daggers at his own reflection in the mirror.
He could hardly stand the sight of himself these days…
“Why are you telling me this?”
Xavier’s responding laughter was harsh. Mean. Sylus frowned.
“You are really becoming a masochist, Sylus. This is beyond even my wildest dreams-“
“Cut to the fucking chase, Xavier. I mean it.”
“…he can’t move on. From your first scene, from you. Zayne is convinced he can become the submissive he thinks you need, and a lot of personal baggage seems to be coming along with him on this journey.”
Xavier pauses, sounding softer, more contemplative.
“I just want you to consider helping him move past this, by assisting me with a scene and managing his recovery during a drop. His newness aside, don’t you feel a little bit responsible? Some of his insecurities revolve around you… around not being exactly what you wanted.”
Where Sylus has paused in the entryway, a tiny sliver of moonlight is shining through the trees. He glares at it, miserable.
And it’s all his own damn fault.
“I didn’t intend for that.” He says, “Zayne is perfect. He should know that…”
Xavier huffs, annoyed.
“Then tell him.”
Sylus makes his way back to his office and sits down at his desk.
He glances at his computer, where a blinking cursor has been sitting for an hour, but where an empty document has been sitting for far longer… weeks, at this point.
“You know I’m not suitable for someone like him, Xavier. Why the fuck do you think I sent him to you?!”
On the phone he thinks he hears the man mumbling something, probably some kind of curse. Sylus is prepared to just hang up already when he hears Xavier scoff loudly.
“Sylus, sometimes I’m not sure you’d know who you’re suitable for if they came up and smacked you right in the face…”
“Sounds like you’re offering.”
“Aha. No, never again. Just… please, try to have an honest conversation with Zayne. He needs to hear from you, and I think you could stand to lighten up your rules a little bit. Just this once.”
Staring down at the document on his computer, Sylus sighs…
D/s Contract
Names of participants
Sylus (D)
Zayne (s)
“Maybe I could,” Sylus says. “Maybe then I could finally call myself a proper sadist too, wouldn’t that be fun?”
“…you are impossible-“
Sylus hangs up, finally closing the document he just can’t bring himself to write.