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1. Bad Romance by Fluffy_Underneath, Jungatheart, lettersbyelise, Lexi_Leckstar, poppyhills

   Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

   • Explicit
   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • M/M
   • Complete Work

   17 Jan 2026

   Tags

   • Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
   • Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
   • Draco Malfoy
   • Harry Potter
   • Top Draco Malfoy
   • Bottom Harry Potter
   • #porn with too many metaphors
   • authors has clearly lost it
   • aggressive use of dick metaphors
   • 37 euphemisms for dick
   • lets take a ride on that disco stick
   • sex induced speaking in tongues
   • Draco Speaks French
   • and somehow also Norwegian
   • Vikings seems to be involved
   • 11 euphemisms for arse
   • evergiven/suez canal metaphors
   • physics left the chat
   • This is just crack
   • authors might have taken crack
   • mistakes are intentional
   • that escalated quickly
   • Read at Your Own Risk
   • we can not be held responsible for the breeding kink
   • Crack
   • Crack Fic
   • Humor
   • Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
   • bad euphemisms
   • Purple Prose
   • please don't unsubscribe we wrote this for the lolz
   • Anal Sex
   • Blow Jobs
   • Parody

   Summary

   When a scar-bearing, emerald-orbed brunet and a tall, wheat-coloured-haired blonde from the House of Salazar collide, the result is a sexy, purple-prosed Love Story for the ages.

   Or: the 37 times we used a euphemism for 'dick', and the 2 times we didn't.

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   3,000

   Chapters:

   1/1

   Comments:

   30

   Kudos:

   51

   Bookmarks:

   9

   Hits:

   1,370