Chapter Text
A plant witch, a moon witch and a dead witch walk into a bar.
…It's not exactly the most bustling place, disappointingly for them, hoping that this would be the best venue to attract the type of person they're after, but other than the bartender there seems to be not another soul in the building.
Gem's heels click against the roughly paved tiles, her gaze sweeping over the room taking in each and every detail, and she can feel her companions behind her doing the same. Perhaps they ought to take a lesson in subtlety, though, as the bartender chuckles at their behaviour.
"Checking for cobwebs, are we?" He says, "You won't find any."
Her eyes turn to him, study him, and pick up on a few things she had missed on her first scanning glance. The slight magical aura radiating off him, for one, seems obvious now he's taken her full attention, not to mention the unnaturally yellowish blonde hair and how his eyes are more of a red colour than they are brown. From behind her, Pearl stalks forwards like a wolf to its prey.
"How strange," The moon witch offers a gentle tone and smile, though her blue eyes stare at him intensely, "I would've thought with the seeming lack of people, the spiders might've taken this place to be their home instead."
Cleo walks forwards and sits on a bar stool, despite Pearl still standing. Gem decides then is the moment to make her approach, creeping forwards slowly.
"Hilarious, although, do you really expect a bar to be brimming with souls…at noon?" He questions, leaning against his palm.
Her ears prick up at the word souls, rather than people, almost wondering whether that was an intentional choice of words, at the very least it's an interesting one. While his attention remains on Pearl, she begins to run the tip of her thumb on her left hand up and down her forefinger, drawing out the magic that flows beneath, while just about managing to suppress her thorns from pricking through the skin of her arms like goosebumps.
"I must admit, this isn't really the sort of place we frequent," Pearl adds a small chuckle.
The bartender tilts his head, smiling with ever so slightly too much teeth, "Then what brings the three of you here today?"
"Shouldn't you be glad for the business?" Cleo grumbles, the small talk clearly grating on them already.
Gem steps forwards once more to hide the green glow coming from her thumb underneath the lip of the bar as she continues to evoke the magic from her fingers.
"Look, by about half six this place will be packed with people, and at that point— Will you stop that?!" He snaps at Gem, glancing downwards to where her arm disappears beneath the bar.
Having clearly been rumbled, she channels the magic she's brewed back into her, running through her bloodstream into her voice box, before she leans forward against the bar, placing her hands where they're visible to him, and in a last ditch effort to convince him otherwise, says, "Stop what? I'm just a girl who right now only wants…a green tea. Could you take care of that for me, please?"
For good measure, she grabs a loose handful of coins from her satchel and slides them towards him.
All he does is cock an eyebrow, "I find your attempt to charm me insulting, Miss Green Thumbs."
Her breath hitches as she goes to speak but realises nothing she can say will convince him now.
He rambles on, "And as for your companions, well, that moon pendant necklace is rather on the nose, and the attempt to conceal it beneath a shirt rather dire," Gem glances at Pearl, and indeed, her necklace is extremely visible, "Speaking of poor concealment, glamour doesn't exactly do much to cover the smell of rotting corpses, which I really, really resent you having brought into my business, by the way."
"What are you?" Pearl narrows her eyes.
"I'm Tango," He sticks out a hand, and even has the audacity to smile, "And you are…?"
"She asked what you are, not who you are," Cleo points out.
Meanwhile, Gem is decently confident she's figured it out, "You're a seeker, aren't you?"
"You got it," A smirk graces Tango's lips, "Hm, sounds like one of those old jokes - a plant witch, a moon witch and a dead witch walk into a bar—"
"—Witch of the dead, although I suppose I am also dead…"
"—There's more to me than just plants, y'know!"
"—Well, the moon is more of my patron than anything else, but I guess I'll take it."
He splutters out a few squeaky noises, before saying with a strained voice, "Do you not want to hear the punchline?!"
They look at each other before Pearl blurts out, "Nah, I think we're good."
"Well in that case, why don't the three of you go ahead and vacate my bar," His annoyance is thinly veiled.
Gem leans forward, "I asked for a green tea, paid you for it, and I'd very much like to receive it too."
"Oh yeah?" Tango slides the coins back towards her, and matches her by leaning forward to glare at her, "Well as the owner of this bar, I have the right to deny service and ask for you to leave my property at. my. will."
Right at that moment, someone bursts through the door to what must be the staff room, exclaiming, "Hey Top, just thought I'd let you know I checked the stocks and we're all outta— Woah, what's happening here?!"
The man lets out a nervous chuckle as his big blue eyes flicker between Tango and Gem. He's wearing a quite intriguing outfit: a loose fit red tie and black waistcoat over a white shirt that's had it's sleeves torn off, and a tall white chef's hat perched haphazardly on top of jet black hair.
"Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, skippy," Tango pats him on the back, "Now, since you've decided to make an appearance, could you pour our customer a green tea?"
"Hey! On it," Is all the other man responds, a goofy grin plastering his face. As he walks away, he begins to hum briefly before tripping over seemingly nothing and falling headfirst into a drinks fridge. His scream is loud enough that it can probably be heard half a mile away. Tango lets out a sigh.
The three witches exchange a glance, and a nod.
He's exactly what they're looking for…
Five hours earlier…
Pearl leans her body weight against the windowsill, the window itself slightly ajar allowing the cool morning breeze to animate her hair as she gazes outward. In her sight line, the moon retreats beneath the horizon following a night of near full brightness channelling power into Pearl's veins. She holds out her palm to the window, and lets that magic ooze from her, no longer it's vessel as it returns to its maker.
"Farewell, for now," She speaks, her words barely more than a whisper, yet she knows her lady will hear.
It's the sort of ritualistic habit that Cleo has seen often when dealing with the dead, but never fully understood. What she understands very clearly right now, is how that last slither of moonlight illuminates Pearl's face like an enchantment that Cleo can't bring themself to look away from.
And Pearl must catch her staring, because her face heats up suddenly and her icy blue eyes settle on Cleo, and for a brief second the devotion with which she stares at the moon hasn't faded, and in that brief second Cleo feels almost like they're alive again.
"What're ya looking at?" Pearl grins at them.
"You, duh," They snort, trying to play it cool, "The moon really is your muse, isn't she?"
There's that look in her eyes again, voice light at she murmurs, "She is."
I wish I could mean that much to you…
Cleo breaks eye contact, "Uh, anyway, do you have any idea what this is all about?"
"Not a clue," She shrugs, "Just that it's supposedly urgent."
The door slams into the wall as it opens, and Gem storms in, a look of terror on her face.
"What's happened now?" They pinch her own forehead.
"Harmless prank turned not so harmless," She shakes her head frantically, "Doc's on the warpath, maybe even more so than when G and Scar pulled their infamous stunt."
Cleo shudders, remembering the carnage that had occurred after those two had accidentally blown up Doc's machine, "That's…less than ideal. What did you do?"
"It's a really long story," Gem insists, "What matters is that we need backup, and everyone I know is unavailable right now other than you two."
"I mean, Doc's our friend, sure he can have drastic responses sometimes, but in the end it's all harmless fun, right?" Pearl questions her, "I don't see the need to panic."
"I think what Gem is getting at, is that we're respected witches who have a reputation to maintain, and allowing ourselves to be tormented by Doc opens the doors for others to attempt to mess with us," Cleo suggests, to which Gem nods.
"Gotcha," She says, "Well, if that's the case, I'm afraid I can't really help you, Gem, I don't know anyone who you wouldn't already think to call upon."
Gem curses under her breath, then turns to face Cleo, "You must know people from your time in the nether, right?
Indeed, before being resurrected as a witch of the dead, they had spent countless years condemned to wander the plains of the nether, where all dead souls eventually settle.
"Other than those I can already summon, which otherwise won't be helpful against Doc, and monsters that would try to drag us back down there screaming… Hm, I suppose I do know a demon who may be of some assistance."
Pearl chuckles, "You spent that much time down there and only met one demon?"
"Impulse is the only one that I'd trust enough to help with this," Cleo says firmly.
There's a slight hesitance in Gem's voice, "Alright then, do you know how to contact him?"
"I mean, summoning is the classic way, but it requires a deal to be made and that's dangerous," She explains.
"Dangerous?" Pearl's eyes widen, "Hold on, I thought you trusted this guy?"
They wince, "Look, I only met him a couple of times, and that was years ago. I'm surprised I even remember his name!"
While Pearl may be somewhat skeptical, Gem shuts down the idea entirely, "We are not making a deal with a demon, no matter what, they're creatures of trickery."
"Do you have any alternative solutions?" Pearl raises an eyebrow at her.
"I mean…" Cleo hesitates, "Human sacrifice?"
Both of their heads immediately swivel towards her, blinking rapidly in equal parts confusion and concern.
"It's not as…horrid as it sounds, I promise," They put their hands up, "Who knows, we could even find a willing volunteer!"
"A willing volunteer…" Gem repeats back to her slowly, "To be sacrificed to a demon?"
Pearl ponders this for a second, "I mean, humans can be confusing sometimes, I wouldn't write the idea off entirely…"
She gives her a wide-eyed stare, "You're joking, right?"
Cleo thinks through their plan for a moment, "Okay, I really think that if we send a human to Impulse as a 'sacrifice', he'd probably just let the poor soul go, and so it can just be a way for us to send a message."
"Stop putting it in reasonable terms, you're starting to convince me this is a good idea!" Gem insists, unable to hide her smile.
"I am convinced already," Pearl adds, "We've just gotta find someone with no self-preservation instincts."
"Exactly!" They grin, the strain an unnatural feeling on their dead lips, "And then enact the plan before they can second guess themselves."
"So…we're looking for an idiot?"
She nods, "Essentially, yeah."
"Well where do we find one of those?" Gem ponders.
"I know," Pearl pipes up after a second of thought, "The bar. Idiots flock there in swarms, and if all else fails, we could just abduct whoever seems to be the drunkest."
Cleo makes their best attempt at a whistle, "Damn, Pearl, I didn't know you had so much cunning in you."
Her face reddens, "I— Thanks, Cleo."
Gem clears her throat, shooting each of them a look which Cleo struggles to interpret but causes Pearl to flush an even deeper red. She then says, "I want you both to know that I really, really dislike this plan."
"Oh..."
She finishes her thought, "…But I have to admit, it's the best one we've got."
Pearl pumps her fist, at which Cleo smiles, as always finding themself almost enthralled by her joy. Being technically dead, emotions come to her slower and weaker than when they were alive, but being around Pearl seems to heighten them tenfold.
Cleo shakes herself out of their own mind, "Alright then, we've got the plan, are we ready to head out?"
"Ready as I'll ever be!" Pearl's enthusiasm hasn't wavered.
"Still though," Gem adds, "I really doubt we'll be able to find anybody foolish enough to follow us blindly…"
Gem saunters over toward Tango's friend, their ideal candidate, who hums loudly as he makes her tea, occasionally giving a hard rub to the sore spot on his forehead. He must be a particularly clumsy person, judging by the sheer volume of scars littering his skin.
He smiles at her when he notices her lingering over his shoulder, assuring, "It'll be done in just a minute."
"Can I ask what your name is?" Gem can feel Tango's eyes on her, can almost smell his distrust from here.
This man, however, is oblivious to all that, "The name's Skizz, it's a pleasure to meet you!"
"I'm Gem," She offers in response, then gestures towards her companions, "Pearl and Cleo."
He gives them each a nod, before handing over the finished drink, "Here, one green tea for you."
As she takes it from him, she ensures that their fingers brush together, and attempts to use her magic to prick him just enough to draw blood, but she finds herself unable to summon a thorn. Strange, they usually love to emerge, especially when she doesn't want them too, but now they just…don't.
Gem realises after a second of pondering that she's frozen in place with the cup in her hand, her actions so blatant that even Skizz seems to have noticed something is up with her, from the way he's tilting him head.
She tries to pass it off with a cough, "Sorry, I just, happen to keep catching a glimpse of your head, it looks really sore. I…was just wondering if you'd like, Cleo might be able to sort it for you, she used to work in part of a hospital."
Specifically, the part that deals with the dead bodies, but she chooses to omit that detail.
His breath catches in a brief moment of hesitation before shaking his head, "Thank you, but I'm sure I'll be alright."
Having exhausted that plan, she's rather grateful when Cleo appears at her side, offering, "I'm not sure, it looks pretty swollen…for my own peace of mind, I'd rather help you out than leave you like that."
She expects Tango to interject then, being surprised that he hasn't already, but when she turns back around the man has vanished. She raises an eyebrow at Pearl, who smirks at her, before Gem walks back over.
"Did you poof him?" She whispers, deadpan.
"Course not," Pearl whispers back, "Far too obvious. I just sent him out back looking for a fancy brand of wine I had once a few years ago. I really doubt they'll have any in stock, despite his insistence, so we've probably got at least five minutes. I've told Cleo to get him on side as quick as possible."
"That's genius," Gem nods, before heading back over and tuning in to Cleo's conversation with Skizz, Pearl following behind her.
"—I, no, really it's fine, I'm already starting to feel better actually…"
"Are you sure that's not just the concussion talking? You really shouldn't be working in this state," Gem can sense how much Cleo's enjoying this, which is perhaps the only reason he's even slightly convinced. His head is barely even red still, much less swollen, and he didn't even hit it that hard in the first place.
But his skin has gone dreadfully pale, highlighting the scars even more, and he keeps bringing his hand to his forehead and pressing it.
"Don't worry," Pearl contributes to the conversation, chuckling, "We're not gonna bite ya."
Nope, instead we're going to sacrifice you to a demon.
Her words are both kind and she cracks a joke, and that seems to be what brings his mind over the edge. He sighs, "Alright… But I gotta be back quick, man, the evening rush is no joke."
"Don't worry," Cleo says, "It'll barely be any time at all."
With that, he nods, sets his hat aside, and clambers rather ungracefully over the bar to avoid the ten second walk to where there's a gap, a move that ultimately probably takes more time and involves a plethora of strange noises leaving his mouth throughout the process.
As they head out, Gem braces for Tango to leave the stockroom and catch them at the last moment, but he doesn't, and the four of them manage to leave the bar without detection. Which is a surprising feat considering how Skizz seems to be the most unsubtle man in the world.
She breathes a sigh of relief, exchanging a glance with Pearl behind his back, both of them bewildered at how they managed to pull that off. Cleo stands beside Skizz, intentionally on his right side which would otherwise be easier for him to escape towards.
Meanwhile, Skizz seems generally gleeful, walking along with his arms behind his head, still humming the same tune he had been earlier, saying 'hup' every time he has to jump over a loose cobble.
The poor soul. He has no idea what's coming for him…
The stockroom door slams open, and Tango emerges with a bottle in hand.
"Alright, took a bit of searching but I managed to find your…"
He blinks as he looks around the now empty bar, and the totally untouched green tea sat upon it, "OH COME ON—"