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Whatever the fuck happened to The Duffers between seasons 4 and 5 was unknown. Until now.
Matt and Ross stand before their cluttered desk in the damp and dimly lit basement where they still live because they spent all their money on…
The bottles, empty and some unopened, of LSD pills, all illegally acquired through the homophobic Israeli chain that is the foundation of Netflix. Both brothers are high off their asses and are barely able to focus on the script in front of them.
“Okay man…” Ross slurs. “We need to make sure our gay couples ALL fail.”
Matt nods so quickly he gets whiplash, where he cries out and presses his hand against his neck.
“Yes-GAH! IS THIS WHAT CHARLIE FELT LIKE?!" he exclaims, tears welling up in his bloodshot and pus filled eyes.
Ross doesn't acknowledge him and looks back down at the disgusting paper, scribbling down the dreaded line Noah had begged for. That stupid scene that Noah ‘needed’ to conclude their characters. Like who GENUINELY cares???
“‘Friends..? No thanks. Best friends.’ My ASS. We should've just killed off Will earlier.”
That's when both of the Suffer brothers hear a strange noise….
An eerie red glow illuminates the moist basement, and a wet crack appears in the wall, smelling of mold and mildew, where orange lighting fills the room, Matt and Ross cling to each other in fear, whispering no homo because the last thing is for someone to think they are TOGETHER god forbid.
Out from the stringy crack steps out…WILL BYERS AND MICHAEL WHEELER.
The duffers stare in shock at their own characters standing before them, faces filled with rage.
“You.” Mike snarls, pulling out a small pistol hidden on his belt and aiming at Ross’s legs.
Ross lets out a high pitched scream as the bullet pierces his ankle. Matt scrambles back, looking at Mike and Will, who share a glance and smile, leaving in to give each other a small kiss.
"God...I didn't write you to to be like-" Before he can finish, Will raises his hand and Matt begins to levitate. Mike grabs for Will’s other hand and squeezes it, smiling.
“You do not get to say that you homophobic cunt. This is why you had to use IsraelGPT to write this new season and CLONE my boyfriend Mike for the last 3 seasons!” Will exclaims, slowly making Matt’s toes and fingers snap.
Ross lets out a choked gasp at the state his brother is in and tries to scramble up, clutching his ankle before Mike pulls out the gun and shoots his calf this time, and once again in his arm.
Matt lets out a guttural scream, as Will slowly twists his hand, making Matt’s ankles snap. Then, his knees bend backward, blood seeping through the cloth of his dirty jeans.
Ross exclaims once again.
“H-how..?”
“Oh we’ve been knowing about your little Cloning matter, and Mike isn't happy with that.” Will smiles, his nose barely bleeding. Who knew killing bad people would give him so much stamina!
Mike sneers again at the crumpled figure of Ross and reloads the pistol, aiming at his neck this time.
Just before he pulls the trigger, Mike says, “And never write anything about internalized homophobia you fat whore. Who I am is nothing that you wrote. It’s ME.” He pulls the trigger, snuffing the life out of Ross’s dull and red eyes.
One down, one to go.
Will and Mike have another Shared Look ™ before kissing each other again, Matt still floating in the air.
Matt gags.
Will turns his attention back on him and smiles once again, before completely rotating Matt’s hips backward, effectively shutting him up. Will slowly uses his powers to snap Matt’s limbs as he makes his way up to his neck, before slowly clamping both hands together, causing Matt’s eyes to bug out, the wind knocked out of him.
Before he can fully stop breathing, Will and Mike turn and share another passionate kiss, being very audible with their lips, and Will cracks open an eye to stare at Matt’s disfigured body, before squishing his hands together and choking Matt, his eyes finally exploding.
Mike and Will shy away from the gore explosion, before turning back to each other, Mike's arms around Will’s waist and Will’s around Mike’s neck They smile, ignoring the bloody mess next to them and lean in, kissing each other chastely before shifting and properly holding on to each other.
They're gone. The duffers are finally dead. Now their story can truly begin.
Mike breaks away reluctantly, looking at the portal, which is still wide open, before glancing at the deks of the Suffer Bros.
“Were they doing…drugs..?” He murmurs.
Will shrugs, and pecks Mike gently once again.
“Probably-took inspiration from Stephen King I bet. You know, the one who wrote your weird cousin, Richie?”
“Ah. Right.”
“Well, we’ve seen Stranger Things.”
That's when Steve’s head pokes through the gate.
“And when I'm back in Chicago-”
“Steve, get out of this basement, this isn't your episode.”