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Jay and Tim were taking a day to settle into their new location, deciding it would be best for them to lie low for a bit. They hadn’t had any particularly close encounters recently, but they were always more on edge whenever they switched locations. Both he and Tim agreed that they wouldn’t leave the motel for the rest of the day and while Jay was just as paranoid as Tim was, he felt bad for not using his time to try and learn more about what could’ve happened to Jessica.
They were at a standstill on the front, and Jay knew going out to Rosswood wouldn’t magically make evidence appear or make him know all the answers, but he didn’t feel good about sitting around doing nothing. At the moment, he sat hunched over at his desk editing hours footage where nothing seemed to happen for large chunks of time. He couldn’t even preoccupy himself with trying to solve a Totheark code since whoever ran that channel hadn’t responded to him in several days. He knew things were getting bad if he was actually hoping for more cryptic bullshit that would have him pulling at his hair in the dead of night.
When Totheark did upload, Tim would often try to help Jay solve the codes, but this normally ended in one of two ways: either Tim got frustrated and left for a smoke break, or Jay got frustrated with Tim for being frustrated and they got nothing productive done. Jay appreciated the help, though he supposed he just worked better alone in that case.
Eventually, they worked out a sort of system to the days where Jay would spend hours on analyzation. Tim would go out in the mid-morning and get them both coffee—albeit cheap, watery tasting coffee—and would come back and force Jay to take a break while they talked a bit about whatever. Jay would then get back to work, with Tim reminding him every so often to get a drink or eat something. Tim then would either update the Twitter followers, or edit some footage if Jay didn’t need the laptop.
Sometimes, depending on what motel they stayed at, Tim would also do regular household stuff, like doing laundry or going shopping. It was terribly domestic sometimes, and it reminded Jay of what he could’ve had if he didn’t get involved in all of this. He would then remember that he didn’t have any friends in his life before this, so who would he even be able to act domestic with? The same went for Tim too, he supposed.
Normally, Jay found the monotonous task of editing footage calming in a way. He didn’t need to think about it too hard, he just had to focus and with this focus came an escapism of sorts. Now though, he was too antsy to focus hard enough to thoroughly pay attention to the video he was watching, and he was worried he would miss something. So instead of continuing to make an attempt at focusing for more than five minutes at a time, he spun around in his chair to look at Tim, who was sat on his bed across the room. He was reading a cheap book he picked up from some thrift store for cheap a few days ago, leaning his back against the headboard. Jay wasn’t even sure if he actually enjoyed the book or if he was just reading it for something to do.
Jay stared at Tim for a bit, deciding if he should try and start a conversation or not. They’d been traveling together for a while now, and while Tim had made it clear he doesn’t blame him for involving him in everything, Jay still struggled to believe him. It wasn’t as if Tim had been cold and argumentative to him, far from it actually. Sure they still had general arguments and rough moments—of course they did, cooped up together for so long—but Tim hadn’t displayed outward signs of animosity towards Jay for months now. The first month or two of traveling together were rough, full of awkward silences, tense nights, and arguments Jay couldn’t remember the starter of, but they had been fine for a while now. Jay even considered them to be friends. Maybe Tim didn’t feel the same, maybe he was doing all of this out of necessity or a strange sense of obligation, but Jay thinks even if they weren’t stuck together, he’d want to be friends with Tim.
“You just gonna keep staring at me or…?” Tim said, looking away from his book to look at Jay. Jay felt his cheeks heat up a bit. He hadn’t meant to stare for that long, he just got lost in thought.
“Sorry,” Jay said quickly. “How’s the book?”
Tim looked back down at the book in his hands for a moment, as if he forgot he was holding it. “I mean it’s alright? I’ve read better but it’s something to do. Why? I thought you were editing?” Tim said, closing his book and setting it down next to him.
“Well I was but I can’t actually focus on anything and I don’t want to miss stuff because I wasn’t paying attention. Are you sure we can’t go to Rosswood or something today? I feel like we should be doing something.”
Tim frowned ever so slightly before responding. “I thought we agreed it would be best to lay low for the day?”
Jay got up and started pacing around the room. “Well yeah but… I don’t know it’s been a few hours since we got here so it should be fine to go out right?”
Tim swung his legs off the side of the bed and moved to sit facing Jay, propping his head up on his arm resting on his knee. “We should really stay here, Jay. I can’t stop you if you want to go out… but it’s getting late and I don’t want you to be stuck out there when it gets dark.”
Jay huffed but didn’t respond. Tim was right—it was going to start getting dark in an hour or two and Jay really did not want to be stuck in those woods when the sun went down. He stopped pacing and threw himself onto his bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He heard Tim exhale sharply through his nose and when Jay turned to look at him, he had a small smile on his face. Jay rolled over onto his side as he propped his head up with his arm. Tim stared at him for a bit as Jay stared back, neither of them saying anything.
Despite where Jay thought he stood with Tim socially, he still found it hard to start conversations with him. Normally, their conversations started naturally. One of them said something in passing or something happened in the footage Jay was editing—stuff like that. Jay found it difficult to intentionally start small talk with Tim, even though he found all of their other conversations easy to maintain.
“What do you think you’ll do once we get out of all of this?” Jay said after a moment of contemplation.
Tim pressed his lips into a line, not saying anything for a minute or two. “I’d rather not think about it,” he said, not necessarily harshly, but it was clear he wanted Jay to drop the topic. Unfortunately, this was much more interesting than repetitive camera footage and Jay wanted to explore this topic, even if it ended in an argument. At the very least, it would take his mind off of things.
“Why not? You never thought about how things will be when this is over?” Jay asked.
“No. No I haven’t, and I’d like to keep it that way. Leave it alone, Jay,” Tim said, frowning now. He looked away from Jay now, shifting in his sitting position as if he was trying to put physical distance between them. Now Jay was even more curious.
He himself hadn’t thought about the future much either, but he wasn’t as opposed to musing about it as Tim was. He wanted to know why. Jay briefly remembered what happened last time he went snooping in Tim’s business, and he considered backing off for a minute before Tim spoke again.
“What’s there to think about? And you speak as if we will get out of this… There’s no point in wondering if we might not even come out of this alive. We don’t know how limited out time is, I’d rather not think about what might be in store for me in the future.”
“What isn’t there to think about?” Jay responded, ignoring the last parts of Tim’s statement.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I didn’t have a whole lot going for me before this. Still don’t,” Tim snapped. “There is nothing for me after this is over and that’s if I even make it out of this alive. I have no one, I have nothing. There, that’s my answer. You happy?”
Jay regretting bringing it up now. He didn’t think it would have been this touchy of a subject, though maybe he should’ve. He didn’t have much going for himself either, but he still liked to think about what life might end up like if they both get out of this okay.
“You’ll have me,” Jay said quietly before he realized what he was saying, clamping his mouth shut.
Tim looked at him now, his eyes darting over in Jay’s direction. “…What do you mean?”
“Well, think about it,” Jay said, sitting up now. It was too late to backtrack so he may as well explain himself. “No one else will ever understand what we went through, what we are going through. I don’t know about you but I don’t think I’d just be able to leave and move on without you after all of this. We’ve been essentially living together for months and I assume we will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. I don’t know if I’d be able to handle being on my own after that. Not just from a paranoia standpoint but also from a social standpoint. I didn’t really have anyone before this either…”
Only after he finished speaking did Jay realize what he just implied.
Tim didn’t respond for a while, but he didn’t get up and leave either, so Jay would take that as a sign that he at least didn’t horrendously overstep.
“I… I kind of just thought you’d want to get as far away from me as possible after all of this. I wouldn’t have blamed you of course.”
“What? Why did you think that?” Jay asked, confused. If anything he thought it would’ve been the other way around.
“I dunno maybe because I’m a paranoid schizophrenic who may or may not be the cause of all the shit that’s happening to us and on top of that—let’s see—I punched you in the face, broke into your apartment, chased you around in the woods, and attacked you,” Tim deadpanned, counting on his fingers to make a point.
“As if I’m any less paranoid myself. You aren’t the cause of any of this, and even if you were it still wouldn’t be your fault. It’s not like that’s something you can control. All of that stuff you just listed, aside from punching me—which I deserved by the way—wasn’t even you. None of that counts.”
“You didn’t deserve it, Jay. You fucked up, royally, but that didn’t give me the right to hurt you. And that may not have been… me… but who’s to say that won’t happen again?” Tim said, placing his hands on his knees and gripping the fabric of his pants as he avoided looking at Jay.
“That hasn’t happened in months, unless it has and you just haven’t told me. Even if it does happen again, we’ll figure it out,” Jay reassured. “So let me ask again. What do you want to do when we get out of this, Tim?”
Tim shook his head and relaxed his shoulders, the fight visibly leaving him. “I want to get the hell out of Alabama and I want to focus on getting better. Maybe even pick up music again. I want to stay with you. I don’t want to have to reintegrate into society by myself.”
“Then you won’t. We’ll stay together,” Jay said with a small smile, reaching over to place his hand on Tim’s lightly.
Tim looked up at Jay now, his gaze softening.
“I’m sorry I brought it up by the way,” Jay said after a moment, taking his hand back.
“No it’s okay,” Tim said with a sigh. “I think we needed to have that conversation. Or something like it, anyway. We know where we stand with each other now. And… I’m sorry for snapping.”
“Wow look at us go, talking shit out,” Jay said jokingly.
Tim laughed a bit in response. He didn’t do that often but whenever he did, Jay wished it would last longer.
“Listen…” Jay said after a pause, “we will get out of this. I know neither of us are the most positive people ever—I mean we have no reason to be—but we will. We’ll be okay.”
Tim nodded, but didn’t say anything else. Jay could tell he didn’t really believe him, but he didn’t argue against it, so Jay was willing to accept that small improvement.
They talked for a while longer about nothing important as the sun went down. Jay was thoroughly distracted from his paranoia and restlessness, which he was grateful for. He was glad Tim thought of him the same way he thought of him and that they were on the same page now. Even when this is over, they wouldn’t leave each other, no matter what happened.