Chapter Text
The last warm shades of the sunset are just fading over the edge of the map as Pomni exits the tent. Though, she doesn't see this for herself, eyes fixed on the ground in front of her as she walks, brow furrowed in thought as she instinctively heads out to the field.
It's been a bit over two weeks since her and Jax's fight, and two days after Pomni's one-month anniversary. That day's adventure was personalised just for her. She'd had some fun, especially since she'd been given permission to veto any horrors that Caine wanted to put in there for spice, but... honestly, the whole experience was kinda dampened, since Jax didn't participate.
After the fight, Jax had reined himself in, it seems. He's obviously tried his best to avoid Pomni, barely making eye contact. He also makes less jokes and annoyed everyone less, but then occasionally would do something extra mean, more than his usual... to make up for it?
Everyone had noticed the change, and while they somewhat appreciated the relative calm at first, they'd all grown concerned pretty quickly.
They'd all at different points come up to Pomni to ask what was up with him, and she had to deflect. As both pissed off and worried she was about Jax, she felt it wasn't really a good idea to reveal exactly what went down, not publically at least.
Pomni had talked to Ragatha after the awards show, and confided that she and Jax had fought and she was worried, but she didn't feel that it was fair to just talk about her Jax problems too much, not when Ragatha was making an effort to try and open up about herself. Especially knowing that there's some kind of troubled history between the two. Instead, they both got to know eachother as people for real, apologised to eachother, and solidified their friendship. It was really nice, and honestly lifted such a burden from both of their shoulders.
It felt good to know she had a real friend. But, it still didn't fill the hole left behind.
Finding herself back on the field used for the stargazing adventure, just a little ways down from the tent, Pomni sits down on the grass, and flops back, staring up into the sky that was beginning to twinkle with stars both realistic and hand-drawn. The texture and rendering update was nice - Caine had decided to keep the changes made to the Grounds, the skybox, and the day-night cycle - and she spends some time trying to make up new constellations.
But, as is not unusual these days, her mind is attacking her. Every time she blinks, it's one image after another, all of Jax's face. Blink - the emptiness behind his eyes as he forced the barrel of the gun between them. Blink - the increasing madness on his face as he ranted and raved complete nonsense. Blink - the pained resignation as he pleaded with her to stop looking.
Pomni frowns as she flips through the memories of the fight that were burned into her brain. She tries to make sense of them, but they kept getting infiltrated by other events of the day. The chatting, working together, the high five, the duet... they all jumbled together with the bad, bleeding into one another. It didn't make sense.
Her breathing quickens, and her vision begins to darken...
"Hello, little jester."
Pomni jumps, and her vision clears, revealing the Moon replacing the stars above her. She gulps down a breath, forcing her nerves to settle after the jumpscare and crisis combo, and gives a wavering grin that she's almost certain looks more like a grimace.
"Oh, uh... hi? I don't think we've, met?"
The Moon blinks with a gentle smile, and Pomni continues, frantic and awkward, "I mean- we've met! Sorta. On my tour. I know you're um, you're the Moon. I-I just mean we haven't talked! So, uh. Hi." She finishes lamely.
The Moon chuckles lightly at her awkwardness, "Hi."
Pomni rubs the side of her neck, embarrassed, before glancing off to the side.
"You seem troubled recently, Pomni."
A little surprised at the prompting, she sighs, "... I am. But, uh, I don't wanna like, dump all that on you when we haven't talked or anything..."
"I don't mind." The Moon does a little spin, "I'm curious about the workings of the minds of you humans, and it is within my interests to see you happy with your lives here. So please, humour me."
Pomni is unsure, but relents. She really does need to talk, and she's come across a willing, and seemingly nonjudgmental ear.
"Well... it's about, um, Jax."
The Moon hums, "The jackrabbit. I've always been quite fond of that one, even after the change."
"Change?"
"I don't mean to derail. Please, continue with your own story."
"Right..." Pomni fiddles with a pompom button. Geez, even the word 'pompom' makes her feel things, now. Screw it, she really needs to talk.
"Me and Jax were getting along really well after the lightning round adventures. Before that we didn't really talk. I didn't dislike him or anything, I just thought he was a bit of a jerk, but after that day we started... bonding? He showed me cool stuff around the circus, and we told eachother stuff about ourselves, and just, hung out a lot. I had a lot of fun with him."
She was starting to smile, thinking back to the really fun days she'd spent with the resident bunny.
"He was the only one who thought to ask me about myself. My job, my hobbies, the things I like or don't, if I had pets... and I think he was starting to like me! He actually chose to hang out, like, he would choose to come up to me and whisk me away somewhere, I didn't have to prompt him. And this was over a few days. We went from never interacting to always being around eachother over just a few days!"
Pomni's smile starts to drop, "Then, we had the guns adventure. At first it was... really nice, you know? He opened up to me, we had so much fun, and we absolutely rocked at the competition. We were an amazing team, you should've seen it. It was the most fun I've had since I got here... no, f##k that, it was the most fun I've had in years. I never thought I'd actually be so happy about an adventure, but Jax taught me how to let loose and enjoy myself."
She finds herself smiling again, just a little.
"But not just that. I was... comfortable. With Jax. I-I usually don't like touch, right? I don't like it when people brush against me, or handshakes, or hugs, or any kind of touch, even when it's totally innocent. I barely tolerate friends and family doing anything. When it happens, it feels like lightning shoots through my spine. But with Jax... I liked it. I- f##k I held his hand and we danced together. I just felt so... safe! Around him!"
"I've never been good at connecting with people. I mean, sure I could make friends fine, but I barely ever had any sorta... spark? Like, the kind where you just feel so totally normal around someone, and like you don't need to pretend, or perform, or shy away. I had my mom, and my roommate, but they're not here. I also once had my best friend when I was younger, but... I once- I once told himself something about myself that I thought he'd be cool with. But he wasn't, so..."
She clears her throat from that uncomfortable topic. That was an issue for another time.
"Anyway, um. What I'm saying is, I felt that with Jax. Even though I was playing around for the game, I didn't feel like I was hiding anything. I didn't feel like I needed to. If I'm being honest, I think he... was my best friend in the circus. And I thought that... maybe we were on the same page, you know?"
Her face darkens. "Then I hugged him. We won, and I was just, so happy. For once. And I hugged him. And he pushed me away."
Pomni gives a humourless laugh, and grips her arms. It's probably a good thing she's wearing gloves, as she's sure her nails would've ended up digging under her rubber flesh, otherwise.
"He made a joke after, so I just thought, 'hey, maybe he's like you, and he's not cool with touch out of the blue like that' and moved on. But then he... changed. Insisted that we weren't a team, tried to get me to shoot him, that we- we weren't friends. I didn't understand."
Her speaking gets more frantic.
"I got pissed, and he got mad, and weird. His face... it kept getting so blank. With that stupid, creepy smile he does. It scared the s##t out of me. He scared the s##t out of me. It just kept going, and then I-!"
A small sob gasps out of her. She closes her eyes, and shakes her head to clear it.
"I asked him- I asked him what he'd do if I abstracted. And he just said he'd forget me."
Pomni stops for a while. She doesn't remember when she sat up, arms wrapped around knees drawn to her chest. She stares down at them while she takes a breather, the Moon waiting patiently.
When she starts talking again, her voice is low and hollow.
"On my very first night here, I had a nightmare. I remember the whole thing. I abstracted, and got thrown into the cellar. As I fell, I saw Jax above me. And he said that he didn't even remember my name."
Pomni's breath shudders, and she squeezes her legs.
"I just got brought back to that nightmare in that moment. He pretty much nailed my worst fear, heh. I was... I was holding the gun. I turned around, and all I could think was... how much I wanted to leave. I didn't wanna die, exactly, not really. But I just- just couldn't stand it. Being in that room with him anymore. I would've done it if he didn't backtrack. The a##hole tried to take it back, pretend it was just a joke. And I realised then that Jax was just a f##king coward."
Fury refills her, much like it'd done that same moment that day. She seethes.
"He was pushing me away, because he was scared. I didn't know why, but he was so scared of making a human connection that he thought that his dumba## idea of being a d##k to everyone was a good idea. He did like me, but he's an idiot. So I just f##kin'... threw the gun at his dumbf##k face. I wish it felt good! I f##king wish! I started fighting him and he refused to hurt me back. It would've been so easy for him to do! He could've grabbed the gun and shot me, he could've thrown a punch, or bit me, or anything. But he didn't. And even still, when we stopped, he still refused to just admit it. The f##king edgelord did a cringe-ass villain speech about how much he doesn't care, and how we're all just his playthings or whatever."
That part of the rant over, Pomni stops seething, and just frowns, exhausted.
"Then, right at the end, he just looked so... tired. And he begged me to stop trying to see any depth in him. He begged. His face, I... I'd never seen him like that."
She looks back up. The Moon is still hanging there, with a look of utmost patience and understanding on her face.
"I'm worried about him. In the fight, he mentioned what people are like before they abstract. That they become awful to be around. And what he said, sounded a lot like himself in that moment. And it looked like he knew that. I don't want him to-..."
Her face crumbles.
"I don't want him to die."
The Moon floats down closer, engulfing Pomni in a soft light. The light feels like a gentle embrace, but is intangible enough that Pomni feels grateful for it as she weeps.
"But I don't th-think he's ever gonna let a-anyone in to help him. I don't- I don't know what to do!"
The Moon stays silent; Pomni's eyes are squeezed shut, she doesnt know what face the being is making. She stays like this for a while, until her tears leave her empty. Could've been a minute, could've been an hour.
Once the last of her tears escapes, Pomni stares off into the distance, and speaks in a monotone.
"I know he was lying the whole time. He had to be. And I don't want to be upset with him when he's clearly hurting. I'm scared for him. But, I still feel..."
She swallows.
"What does it mean for me, that the one person in my life that I felt a real connection to, told me he wouldn't care if I died?"
Finally, the Moon speaks up, carefully, "You know... I've always had a soft spot for that rabbit."
Pomni looks up at her. The Moon has a nostalgic smile on her face.
"I've known him for many years now, and seen both his growth and his decline. When he arrived, he was such a nervous child, and kind to the core. While he enjoyed a practical joke or a tease now and then, he was always so afraid of actually hurting another person. It wasn't until he experienced a tragic loss that he began pushing others away, determined not to feel that loss again."
The Moon looks over into the distance behind Pomni.
"I believe that the kindness within him never left, but was repressed. And, Pomni, I believe his actions towards you that day are a version of that kindness, just twisted into something sharp, nearly unrecognisable. It is your choice to forgive him, or even to believe my reading of him, but please keep it in mind. I may not be human, but one thing I do know of your kind is your need for connection, which Jax is sorely lacking, though by his own actions."
Pomni nods, wiping her cheeks, "... Kinger told me, that the worst thing you can do here is make someone feel that they're unwanted. That they're unloved. I don't want Jax to feel like that."
She starts to stand up, wobbling a little but looking more determined. The Moon backs up a little to give her space.
"I'm not going to give up on him. 'Cause... s##t, I do love him. He's my best friend, even if I'm not his, and even if I'm rightfully pissed. I'll- I'll figure something out. He won't look at me right now, but..."
She trails off, unsure what exactly she's planning to do. The Moon nods with a coy smile.
"Maybe he'll surprise you. It's hard to resist your charms, tiny jester; perhaps he'll be the one making the next step."
Pomni blushes, her cheek spots glowing pink in the dark. She giggles in surprise, "Um! Thank, you?"
The Moon chuckles, and does a slow spin, "You're quite welcome. But, it's getting late, and I would know. You should get some rest. You have an adventure tomorrow, after all."
"Right! Yeah, I'm... wow, I'm tired." Pomni stretches her arms above her head, and then slumps over, the sheer exhaustion of her emotional release hitting her all at once. She gives one last, thankful smile up to the heavenly body, "Thanks, Moon, for all this. You're really sweet."
"As are you. Sleep tight, dear."
Pomni finally turns and begins hobbling off back towards the tent, feeling far better - far more hopeful - than she had in weeks.
Of course, given the shroud of darkness, she fails to notice the blur of purple rabbit ears ducking back behind a tree.