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They can't even torture correctly

Summary:

Joke reforgotten, no actual torture, but they really smart either.

It's light hearted, and the writing is stupid.
I was gonna make it crackier, but eh.

Notes:

It's a joke, I just wanted a light hearted Re:forgotten.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

After the events of Pristella, Subaru’s name was eaten and the Gluttony sibling who had done it decided to make things worse by calling him Pride as he left the city.

His friends looked at him with disdain in their eyes, which worsened when he tried explaining his place in the camp and how he loved Emilia, which combined with the smell of Miasma coming from him, just affirmed that he was a part of the Witchcult, since she looked like the witch, and so far the only people who openly expressed love towards her, aside from Puck, were a part of the cult.

Now sometime after being falsely accused of being the Archbishop of Pride, and having his camp and friends turn their back on him, Subaru was chained up in a small cell.

 

“Subanya.”

A voice called out to him, leading him to slowly open his eyes and look at the Furry Femboy- ahem, the Healer Blue, his Torturer right in front of him.

“Subanya, are you ready for today’s punishment?”

Suddenly a small, round item was thrust into his face, causing him to instinctively lean back before he finally could get a look at it. The item was a small compact mirror, and when he saw himself in the reflection, his eyes widened.

“What is this….”

“Nyahaha! This is your punishment for today nya!”

In the reflection of the mirror, Subaru could see that his face was covered in drawings made in black ink. The drawings were akin to ones a immature middle or high schooler would draw on their sleeping classmate’s face, a typical wiener or two included.

“Emilianya-sama came up with this punishment for nya! She and a good portion of her camp came over and did a doodle each while you were asleep! It’s the ultimate humiliation for the Archbishop of Pride!”

Ferris’ tail was swaying proudly as he said this. Although Subaru didn’t know why, since this was one of the lamest punishments or methods of torture hes ever heard of, so he couldn’t help but blurt out his thoughts.

“What are you, a grade schooler?”

The moment Subaru said this, Ferris’ tail stopped swaying, and his expression darkened.

“Ah, don’t worry, nya. This isnt the entirety of your punishment.”

 

Subaru froze at his words, his eyes filling with worry as Ferris turned to beyond the cell door and waved a hand to invite someone in.

“This pu-nya-ishment wouldn’t be complete without this!”

Suddenly two random knights, too unimportant to name, came in carrying a giant thing with a massive cloth covering it, making it hard to tell its shape. The two knights set it down against the wall of his cell directly across from him, before taking their leave

“Just a small mirror wouldn’t be enough for nya to experience humiliation, so I had them bring THIS!”

Ferris dramatically pulled the cloth off the object, revealing a giant full body length mirror.

“Now nya will be forced to look at these crude drawings on nya’s face until they fade away! What a fitting punishment for Pride! Nyahahaha!”

Ferris kept laughing like a stereotypical cartoon villain for a good amount of time, while Subaru’s expression was a weird mix of disbelief and bewilderment.

Eventually Ferris’ laughing died down, and he was about to leave the cell before he paused in his tracks.

“Oh I almost forgot!” Ferris took a plate and cup from the cart outside his cell and set them on the ground in front of Subaru. “Heres nya’s breakfast for today!”

Subaru eyed it warily, because instead of the usual prison food, which actually wasn't that bad, it was actually probably better than the typical American school lunch, at least from what he’s heard about it from over the internet; it was a plate of pancakes with a cup of tea.

“This isnt what I usually get…?” Subaru hesitantly picked up the tea cup and sniffed it, it didn't seem to have anything wrong, so he took a sip before immediately spitting it back out.

“Blerughghshs! What the hell…?!” He wiped the lemonade from his mouth as he turned his eyes to Ferris.

“Nyahaha! Instead of putting in sugar, we made sure to specifically put in salt instead!” Ferris’ tail swayed proudly once again as he said this before he turned to walk away.

“I’ll come back later, so enjoy your reflection and food till then! Nyahaha!” Ferris shut the cell door with this.

Subaru just stared at the door for a bit before finally turning his gaze to his reflection. In all honestly, his experience here so far hasn't been that bad. Sure hes locked up in a cell, by the same people who he used to call friends, but he truly expected his experience to be much worse.

The knights didn’t want to attempt to physically hurt him because they weren’t sure what his authority could be, and when he couldn't give them the knowledge about the Witchcult or cures for the dragon's blood they wanted, because of their lack of knowledge on the limits of gluttony’s authority, they couldn’t tell if he just wasn't telling them things, or if he legitimately didn't know due to a plan involving having some of his memories being eaten.

 

As a result, they didn’t treat him like complete garbage. Sure they did try using methods to lower his pride, since they thought he was the Archbishop of pride, which maybe could be considered psychological torture, but it really wasn't much aside from being petty pranks.

"Like I'm pretty sure it was Garfield was the one who drew this..." He quietly spoke to himself as he traced the doodled wiener on his face.

One time, while Emilia was visiting his cell alongside Ferris and a few others, one of them had the bright idea to lower his pride by drenching him to humiliate him in front of the one who looked like the witch.

It didn’t really have the intended effect though, as when his hair was wet and was styled down instead of his usual of having his full forehead exposed, Emilia had to look away because apparently the sight was “causing her stomach to twist”, and her face flushed slightly. Her face wasn’t the only one that became slightly red, so they gave up on that idea.

After a while of being in the cell he wondered why Julius never showed up, thinking maybe it was just too against his knightly ideals, he had to ask one of the guards, only to be met with confusion on why a mercenary who only recently made his debut would be involved.

Subaru was obviously shocked at this, before coming to the conclusion his name was eaten as well. He was envious at first, because he thought it unfair that one of them was free while the other was locked up despite both having their names eaten, but when he remembered that Julius lost his whole life’s work, he instead just felt bad for the guy.

So Subaru decided just to ride out his imprisonment till Gluttony was defeated, his treatment wasn't all that bad, and he wasn't getting brutally murdered or dying in horrific ways, so it was a win in his book.

Though, he did wonder how long it’d take, sure he was able to handle a lot of mental strain before, but he couldn't help but wonder if maybe he’d go insane from boredom or from just staring at the same cell walls for a long time, he hoped he’d be able to leave sooner than later.

 

As Subaru was lost in his thoughts, he absent mindedly took a bite out of the pancakes, before immediately spitting them out,

“Blerghughg! Damn it! The pancakes are salty too!”