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Yoshiki has been having strange dreams lately.
In the dreams… he’s riding his bike near Hikaru’s place.
Except he always goes past it. Keeps going till he reaches the old footpath that leads into the forbidden area, where it’s too dangerous to go anymore.
He and Hikaru used to mess around up here sometimes, before Hikaru’s dad died somewhere up there. They haven’t been back since.
And yet, in his dreams, he stops, at the entrance of the footpath. Gets off his bike.
He can’t see very far in from where the trees start. From there it’s only darkness. Deep and inviting.
Yoshiki’s never gone very far in. Only a few steps, still within the threshold of safety, on a dare from Hikaru, who didn’t seem to expect him to follow through.
The old trail is dangerous though, climbing the mountain is dangerous, and ever since Hikaru’s dad died up there his best friend has wanted nothing to do with it.
In the dream though, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Yoshiki feels a strange sense of curiosity. He feels almost drawn to it, even.
Is it peaceful, in there? Being so far from anyone else? No one spying, no one shouting, or trying to pry into his personal life. Just him, the trees, and whatever other creatures might be up there with him.
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He tells Hikaru about the dreams, one day while at Hikaru’s house. He can see the road from here, he can picture himself biking down it, clear as day.
He’s not really thinking, as he says it. Not until Hikaru tenses up, his breath catching.
“Sorry,” Yoshiki says, realizing his mistake, “I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I know you don’t like talking about that place.”
Hikaru breathes in deeply, then lets out a really loud and drawn out sigh, tilting his head back.
“Nah,” he says, “I’m glad you told me. It’s just a dream. So long as you aren’t planning to go there for real on your own. Then I’d be mad.”
“I’ve got more common sense than that,” Yoshiki says, because he knows that it’s dangerous, he knows how Hikaru feels about it, “I don’t even know why I’m dreaming about it.”
“Yeah,” Hikaru says, flopping down onto the ground, “Maybe you’re just looking for some escape,” he says, “I know that teach Hara’s been getting on your case about like… the future and stuff.”
“Oh” Yoshiki says, a twinge of anxiety sparking in his chest, “Yeah… I guess so.”
“You know what you’re gonna do yet?”
Whenever Yoshiki thinks about… that, many many feelings come up in his chest.
He wants to get out of here, get away from his parents, and go someplace where nobody knows him, and nobody cares to pry.
And if he stays… he’s gonna have to find a job, a nice girl to settle down with, get married, have kids. And it will be everybody’s business.
Yoshiki… he doesn’t… the thought of that brings him nothing but dread, let alone the idea that he might not be able to follow through.
Better to leave then.
But that also means leaving behind the things he does love about this place, like his sister.
Like Hikaru.
“Ahhhh,” Hikaru cuts in, “I shouldn’t have brought that up either. I know you’re stressed about it. Come on, let’s go play smash or something and forget I said anything.”
“Wait,” Yoshiki says, grabbing the hem of Hikaru’s shirt before he can get up, still trying to sort through his emotions, “Can I ask you something first?”
“Yeah?” Hikaru says, a questioning tone, “Sure, what is it?”
“Do you… do you want me to stay?”
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“Do you want me to stay?”
The question echoes in Hikaru’s ears.
There is an answer Hikaru wants to give, and then there’s an answer that Hikaru should give.
He wants to tell Yoshiki to stay with him forever. That he doesn’t have to run off to the city to be free and safe and happy, that he could just… stay in the quiet sanctuary of Hikaru’s home.
He knows that that isn’t possible.
Especially if Yoshiki is having dreams about the mountain, it makes him wonder…
“I…” Hikaru starts, “Of course I want you to stay, I’d miss you so much if you moved away. But that’s what you want, isn’t it? There isn’t much you like in this town except me. You shouldn’t stay just for my sake, if you’d be miserable.”
Yoshiki shifts, a little nervously, then mumbles.
“I wish… it could just be like this all the time. Your place is never bad, and your mom is always nice. I’m… I’m gonna miss it.”
Yoshiki starts rubbing at his eyes.
Hikaru comes in, invading his personal space a bit, trying to cheer him up.
“Hey,” Hikaru says, pinching his cheeks till Yoshiki looks up at him, “You could always come stay with me for a while, if you’re not ready to go yet.”
Yoshiki gives a small smile.
“Thanks,” he says, “But… I mean we aren’t kids, we gotta grow up, and I can’t really just move in with you.”
Yoshiki is right. He’s often right. He hates being the target of village nosiness and people would be nosy about it. It would make the gossip about Yoshiki’s parents worse, it would probably spark rumours about the two of them.
And then there’s Unuki-sama.
Yoshiki isn’t his girlfriend by any stretch, but Hikaru doesn’t know where the line is, whether they are getting too close.
Hikaru sighs.
“You’re right,” he says, then admits “I kinda wish you could though.”
Yoshiki’s expression does something weird.
“Yeah?” he asks, something slightly hopeful in his tone, but it turns sour, “And what happens when you decide you wanna bring a girl home? There’s no spare rooms, you gonna kick me out so you can sleep with her?”
“Eh…” Hikaru says, trying to think it through, “I dunno. If you’re hanging around I probably wouldn’t have much time for girls.”
“Mhm,” Yoshiki says, sounding like he doesn’t quite believe it, “Well if you need someone to suck your dick it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me.”
“Hey!” Hikaru exclaims, taking offense, “What’s wrong with my dick-sucking skills, eh? I’d be great!”
Yoshiki stares at him, dumbfounded. His face has gone slightly red.
“That’s not…” he blinks, “You know what? Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
Hikaru laughs, Yoshiki’s sour face is gone, the mood lighter, even if a tension still lingers in the air.
“You’re right though,” Hikaru says, “It’s probably a bad idea…” he sighs, “But you know, my place is always here for you.”
“Even if it gets you into shit with my parents and the rest of the village?”
And possibly Unuki-sama, but Yoshiki doesn’t know that, and Hikaru really isn’t sure how that would work either.
He’s toeing close to the line, he’s pretty sure.
Does it matter, what kind of love he feels for Yoshiki? If that love is strong enough, will the lonely creature on that mountain take him away?
(Does Hikaru know, what kind of love he feels for Yoshiki? If he looks into himself, will he like what he finds?)
“Eh,” Hikaru shrugs, thinking of the rest of the village and the mountain and Yoshiki’s strange dreams, “I don’t know.”
He thinks of Yoshiki, of how nice it feels to be by his side, of how lonely it would be without him.
“But we’d figure it out,” Hikaru says, “We’d figure it out if we had to. I’m sure we can.”
“I sure hope so,” Yoshiki mutters.
Hikaru hopes so too.