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what would you trade the pain for?

Summary:

Before he can stop himself, Diluc says, “Awfully long way back to the city, Sir Kaeya.”

“What are you trying to propose here, Master Diluc?”

Diluc sighs, lets the facade fall for a moment and says, “Adelinde still keeps your bedroom for you. Use it for once.”

-

it really is just their luck that the winery is already occupied. diluc is tired of clones running around, if just because he's now being accused of being one.

Notes:

the summary is not particularly accurate but sit with me. i pitched this fic to my friend and she said "nitya you need to stop with this dimensional travel stuff please" im sorry i cannot. this fic is what i would've written if i was still playing during hidden strife set against the backdrop of paralogism. spoilers for most of diluc & kaeya's appearances and pure headcanons for a lot of other stuff.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Diluc flicks out shards of ice still stuck to his coat. If he was lucky, it’d just be a sign of Rosaria lurking around the city, same as him. But Diluc isn’t anywhere near the main city; instead he’s set his sights on the Abyss mages who camp around Wolvendom. Rosaria doesn’t wander too far from the church ground, but neither should the knights.

A small, insufficient mask appears in his field of vision. Diluc looks up to see Kaeya offering it back to him. Apparently it had slipped off in the scuffle. Kaeya’s voice finally breaks the relative quiet of the night to say, “Y’know, I’m really quite surprised. I’d have thought you’d try a little harder.”

Diluc sighs and snatches the mask back. He elects to put it in his pocket, rather than back to his face. Kaeya had had the same idea as him tonight, and the forest seems to be clear of the abyssal torches that otherwise light up the area like a beacon. 

In the aftermath of the attempted invasion, Diluc's been feeling particularly vindictive towards the Abyss creatures still present in the country. He can guess why Kaeya’s here well enough. This has become more frequent — Diluc and Kaeya fighting side-by-side again, neither forgetting to cover for the other's blind spots and limitations. 

Kaeya stalks away and settles next to the extinguished bonfire, ley line branches and fractured masks the only remnants of the mages left behind. Diluc makes a split-second decision and crouches down next to him. Kaeya’s expression turns pensive as he stares down at what’s left behind, and he picks up a short ley line branch. 

Maybe a few months ago, right after Diluc had returned to Mondstadt, he would’ve left immediately after the assist. Stalked off into the shadows of the forest, leaving Kaeya behind to take care of himself. And, he muses, Kaeya can take care of himself, both with his Vision and his other skills around Abyss creatures, but now he can’t bring himself to leave without making sure his brother makes it home safe. Their fight together on that bridge has made him soft, and he really isn’t looking forward to Kaeya voicing this as soon as he can. But Diluc puts all that aside to ask, “Penny for your thoughts?” 

Kaeya startles, as if he’s forgotten for a second where he is and who he’s with. His grip tightens on the ley line sprout in his hand. When he speaks, it sounds more melancholic than normal, and it lacks the lilt his voice usually holds. “Are you sure you want to take that deal? I’m actually in the mood to be rather candid as of late.” 

Diluc’s eyebrows raise. “Are we really living in unprecedented times?” 

Kaeya starts to play with the sprout with his hands, keeping himself busy. “Well, I’m just feeling a little charitable. Won’t you take it?” 

It takes all of Diluc’s concentration to keep himself from launching at Kaeya in a fervour he hasn’t felt since he was a stupid little kid. “If you keep insisting, then sure. I’ll take your bet.” 

Kaeya falls quiet for a long time after that. Falls quiet for so long that Diluc thinks this will become just another missed step in their relationship, another moment he’ll think back to whenever he feels particularly self-destructive. Neither of them have become very forthright, always speaking in falsities, and relying on intelligence networks to do the legwork they should’ve had the courage to just say aloud. But either way, even if he wants to blame the other, Diluc will always be the one at fault. 

But then Kaeya speaks, and Diluc’s mental spiral stops in its tracks. “My vacation in Sumeru. It was…quite enlightening. Do you remember the blond outlander who was in your bar a few years back, the one looking for our other blonde traveller?”

It's hard to forget someone so ostentatious, someone who'd just waited in his tavern for hours on the chance Lumine would walk back into Mondstadt when she did. He voices as much.

Kaeya huffs out a short breath and continues, “Then surely you noticed some pressing similarity between us two.” It's a statement, not a question. The very first thing Diluc had noticed was the star-shaped pupil. He doesn't even reply.

The silence seems to only encourage Kaeya more, because after lightly tapping the sprout into the soil, he finally continues. All his trademark restlessness dissipates. “I met him in Sumeru. He let me in on something surrounding my birth family name. Alberich. 500 years ago, an Alberich founded the Abyss Order.” He chuckles awkwardly at this admission. “Not only have I been fighting the monsters my own people turned into, but I've been a traitor on two fronts so far.” 

He looks up at Diluc, face twisted in a mirror of Diluc's own confusion. “Though I guess to you, it's three counts.” He suddenly stands up, and Diluc hears him clap his hands together as if he's clear of all this mess now that it's out there. 

The worst part is just that…that isn't the part that Diluc is focused on. Kaeya had said “birth family name.” Not “my last name” or “my family name.” And Diluc notes that he'd called them “his own people,” but that's the same way Kaeya has referred to Mondstadt in the past, and there's no reason for that to have changed. He wants Kaeya to state his side now, abandon a country that used him as a child, and look to the country that took him in immediately, though exclusive of his brother.

This is awfully selfish of him. Instead, he says, “Don't be stupid about this. It’s still just two.”

It's a huge bone to toss to Kaeya, but Diluc thinks he deserves it a little after what he's said. And Kaeya pounces on it like he should. “My, Diluc, that’s a relief to hear. So you blinded me for no reason at all?”

Diluc grumbles out, “For the last time, I know you weren't blinded. Why do you even wear that silly eyepatch?”

Kaeya opens his mouth to retort but too many things begin to happen in rapid succession. The ley line sprout Kaeya had half-heartedly stuck in the ground starts to grow, expanding up into something more reminiscent to a ley line blossom. Neither of them react in time; too busy staring at a damn flower blooming. 

The bud opens and— 

Diluc can’t see for a moment, too busy blinking the flash out of his eyes. He immediately grasps for his claymore, some familiar presence in his hand, no matter how useless a blade is against bright light. Spots still in his vision, he can make out Kaeya doing the same; stepping back to prepare for an attack. 

But no such thing comes. 

Kaeya disarms himself first, and waves a hand in front of his face. “A little anticlimactic, don’t you think?” he muses out loud. 

Maybe on another night, Diluc would immediately fault the ley line branches Kaeya was fiddling around with, especially on the cusp of what he’d said only a few moments before. But, perhaps because of it too, he disperses his claymore too and folds his arms. 

It’s late, but not by much, still a little before midnight. He was expecting to finish things much later, at least before dawn the next morning but Kaeya had exponentially sped up the process. He can still walk through his front door, instead of scaling up the walls of the winery to his own bedroom. 

Before he can stop himself, he says, “Awfully long way back to the city, Sir Kaeya.”

“What are you trying to propose here, Master Diluc?” 

Diluc sighs, lets the facade fall for a moment and says, “Adelinde still keeps your bedroom for you. Use it for once.” 

Diluc immediately turns and starts walking back in the direction of the winery, only hearing Kaeya splutter out behind him. Before too long, though, their footsteps fall into step with each other. They travel in mostly silence, with Kaeya sporadically breaking it to ask inane questions like if Adelinde would make him hot chocolate in the dead of night, and Diluc responds in grunts and telegraphed punches. 

As they reach Dawn Winery, though, something immediately feels off. Diluc's not quite sure why. The only obvious thing is that the hall lights are off—Adelinde never puts them out until she knows Diluc gets back home. He’s asked her to stop before, but she’s always resisted on this point. It's weird to now see the lights off, but he already has Kaeya in tow and the master key. 

He turns back on the hall lights through his Vision and starts to shuck off his coat. He’s sure Kaeya already knows what to do, where to go, and he’s ready to pass out for the night. Suddenly, Elzer bursts out in a ragged hurry from the servant's quarters. He stares at the two in shock, no doubt still half asleep and slowly registering Kaeya's presence.

Maybe I should've scaled the wall, Kaeya be damned. “Ah, sorry to wake you, Elzer. I assumed you or Adelinde would still be awake. I…brought Sir Kaeya. He'll be in his childhood room.” Kaeya offers a cheerful little wave from behind him.

Normally, something like this makes his staff ecstatic. It's only happened thrice, once only after Diluc was out of the country. They want so desperately for Kaeya to return home; even if he’s already found a home in the city such that the winery will only ever at most be his childhood home. Still, he barely returns to it, not as much as the staff would like. 

However, Elzer manages only a short, “Master Diluc, Master Kaeya, I thought you were—What happened to your eye, Master Kaeya?” interrupting himself mid-sentence. Diluc's face scrunches up. He looks back towards Kaeya, who only mirrors his confusion.

“Are you feeling alright, Elzer? I know I'm not around the winery as much anymore but surely—” Kaeya's defence is cut off by a door swinging open upstairs and a pair of footsteps. Diluc hears a “Everything alright, Elzer?” before he sees the person it belongs to, but…

It's his voice.

He feels Kaeya take a step back behind him, prepared to bolt. He tenses much the same way. Something is wrong

He's not wrong in his assessment, because over the parapet on the 2nd floor, he makes eye contact with himself. Diluc's fingers itch for his claymore.

This cannot be another case of doppelgangers. Albedo had ended that business. Though he’s no longer privy to knight business, he knows that much. The way Elzer had reacted; it's as if he and Kaeya are the anomalies, not the other Diluc already in the winery. 

The other Diluc has no qualms about pulling out his claymore, though. Diluc watches his eyes widen in shock and then anger as he shouts out for—“Kaeya!”

The other Diluc talks, addresses both of them, but Diluc cannot hear him through the blood rushing in his ears. In front of them, Elzer wisely rushes back into the servants’ quarters. someone with Kaeya's face joins the other not-doppelganger, only lacking the eyepatch that Diluc’s come to associate with his brother on instinct. He distantly notes that both of them hold Favonius-issued swords. And—

Diluc backs up until his shoulder hits a solid presence. Kaeya stands frozen behind him, but somehow he prevents him from just collapsing in shock

The last time Diluc had seen his father's face, it was twisting in agony, the Delusion seeping his life force away. He'd begged, black veins peppering his face, for it to end. And Diluc had granted that wish.

But now, his father stands in front of him, perfectly healthy, only looking out from the master bedroom in slight confusion. He doesn't even look scared to see two doppelgangers in his house. He looks completely fine and whole.

The only thing Diluc can hear then is Kaeya whispering in his ear, “Trust me?” 

Like with most of Kaeya's inane comments, he doesn't respond. What kind of stupid question is that?

Kaeya doesn't give him any time to answer either. Instead, he says, “Get ready to run,” just as Diluc feels his hand grasp his shoulder.

Just as the two others start moving for them, to fight or capture he wasn't paying attention, the world suddenly goes weightless for a split second.

Diluc blinks on instinct and when he opens his eyes, it's to the windless night outside the winery. He takes too long to register the sudden shift in light, and the sound of Kaeya running headlong back towards Wolvendom. He curses softly and follows.

Diluc hisses, “Since when have you been able to do that?”

“I'm sorry, I thought this was something we weren't talking about.” Kaeya's voice is back to its snippy self, and for the first time in his life, Diluc finds himself extremely grateful for this.

“Yeah, well, I think we've started talking about it,” he grouses out.

They keep booking it in silence, Kaeya's little headstart enough to keep them in the lead long enough that the winery's forces lose them. Eventually, they end up in some corner of Wolvendom. Diluc registers that it'll be okay for a day at most, but they need to relocate if they want to stay hidden any longer. 

Kaeya immediately slumps over on the ground as soon as he finds it safe to. “Shit. I guess that flash wasn’t very anticlimactic after all. You have any idea at all of what happened back there?”

His father. The swords. The look on his other’s face. “You can teleport.”

Kaeya’s face screws up into a mock grimace. “Is that really what you want to focus on right now?” Yes, he really doesn’t have the space of mind for the rest. “Well, only a little, and only if I know the area well. It’s not like what Lumine can do. The most I can do is move to backstab in a fight.”

Diluc files this away in the folder in his brain titled “Kaeya’s weird nonsense.” He grows quiet for a second before saying, “What was that?”

“I…We’re absolutely sure Durin’s clones aren’t a threat anymore. Albedo made sure of that. It has to be some ley line disorder, if that sprout, blossom was any indication. I just—”

It’s a whisper on Diluc’s lips. “Father was…”

“Alive,” Kaeya finishes for him. “He is alive.” A pause. “Ursa must’ve not attacked.”

“We don’t know that. It could’ve still happened,” Diluc immediately fires back. “Maybe your Knights overcame their inefficiency on the day it mattered.”

“Or maybe father didn’t have a damn delusion. Archons know that’s what really killed him.” Kaeya doesn’t even sound angry or bitter despite the words he uses. He sounds inquisitive, like he’s in a captain meeting and Jean needs everything at the table to brainstorm and to do it fast.

It’s only when Diluc notices the steam wafting in front of his face that he realises how much he really cannot have this conversation right now. “This isn’t useful,” he practically seethes out. “If we find more mages to kill, can you magic us back to our world? Our time? This must be because of you.”

Kaeya sits up, grumbling, “I’d argue but I think you’re right on that. But I don’t know how I did that, honest.” He settles his head on his palm, balanced on his knee. “But we’re kind of on a deadline here. The woods won’t hide us for long and I know your paranoia has probably already exposed us to the knights.”

Diluc falls silent. Kaeya takes this as permission to keep going. “We should get to Albedo. At the very least, he can probably exonerate us. Those two looked the exact same as us. Well, excluding one little thing.” Diluc folds his arms and looks away. Kaeya steamrolls on, “I’ll bet anything they went through the same history as us. As long as Albedo can clear that we aren’t actually just clones, we’ll be free to figure this thing out in our own time. And if that includes targeting more Abyss mages, then so be it.”

He’s mostly right. It’s just, “I’m willing to gamble with you, but you better plan out what we do if it doesn’t work.” He falls silent for a second. “You aren't planning anything stupid, are you? Don't even answer that. As long as you don't take me down with you, do whatever you please.”

“Well, that's as much permission as I'll get. You're not planning on joining me then?” Kaeya asks curiously.

Diluc grumbles, “I'm not looking to pretend to be a Knight again.”

Kaeya hums to himself. “Little unfortunate, wouldn't you say? You still look exactly like each other. Not like me and my counterpart. At least I know all those shady passageways you and Rosaria like. I'll be fine.” Despite himself, the short reassurance actually works. Diluc finds himself breathing a little easier, though only if he pretends he doesn't know Kaeya has a secret plan brewing.

Well, he's always been a little bit of a hypocrite when it comes to Kaeya.

Diluc's head suddenly snaps back up. Shit. 

“What is it?” Kaeya leans forward, grin plastered on his face.

“Nothing you need to consider yourself with.”

Kaeya chuckles softly and says, “You should've just said you didn't want to put on an act. You're abysmal at it. Clearly it's something.”

Ugh. “I just thought of Venti.”

“The bard? What about him?” 

“What? I thought you…knew,” he finishes lamely. “Seriously?”

“I know that he can drink Rosaria under the table. Is he supposed to do something else…?” Kaeya looks genuinely confused. Ughhh.

“He's, uh, don't get weird about it. He's Barbatos.” Diluc winces through it. 

No way! Yeah, of course I knew. Jeez, I'm just messing with you.” Diluc is going to strangle his brother.

“Anyway, if Venti wants to be found, he will. That's his whole thing, isn't it? Let's not waste time trying to find an archon before he deems it necessary,” Kaeya reasons out. 

“The longer I can keep away from his inane behaviour, the better.” Only half a joke. If Venti shows up, then it truly is serious. As long as he stays away, there is this brief assurance that Diluc and Kaeya can handle things themselves.

“In the meantime,” Kaeya cuts back in, “let’s get some rest, alright? There’s a decent cave somewhere around here, though I hope we don’t accidentally run into Razor,” he adds as an afterthought. He gets up and takes a second to orient himself before walking off, Diluc lagging behind.

It’s only about an hour later, when they’re both about to doze off, the adrenaline seeping away and the exhaustion setting in, that Kaeya asks, “Were you being serious?”

“About what?” Diluc replies, already half asleep. He's turned away from Kaeya now, so all he hears is his soft voice.

“Adelinde, still keeping up my bedroom.”

Diluc sighs. “Yes, of course she does. Why else is it always ready for you whenever you visit?”

“I don't know, I just thought they're fast workers.” 

“Well, that's true. Why don't you visit more often?” 

“I, uh, not sure. I didn't want to impose.”

“So, you'll only impose if I'm not in the country?”

“Ugh. That was a bad day. I would've come over even if you were there.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I would've brought the vase too.”

“Why that vase in particular?”

“Thought it'd compliment the wood finishes.”

“You're so lucky they love you, otherwise Adelinde would've thrown it out as soon as she could.”

“Doesn't the master of the house hold more authority over decisions like that?”

“You've clearly spent too much time away, that's not how it works. Either way, I wouldn't have thrown it either.”

“Really? That travesty?”

“Yes, well, it's your heartfelt travesty.”

“Wow. Never say that again.”

“I'm surprised you admitted how ugly it was. Seriously. You'll be welcome whenever you deign to come over.”

“So that's your blanket permission, I take it?”

“I seem to be handing a lot of that out today, huh? Do whatever you want, I don't care.”

“No, actually I think you do.”

“Genius deduction. How'd you come up with that?”

“It's too obvious. You could do a little better to hide it.”

“You're the one who said I was shit at acting.”

“Well, you never had to learn. I don't hold it against you.”

“Did you use to?”

“For a while. But I figured my stance out rather quickly. You were the last to figure it out.”

“Yeah, because you haven't dropped that bombshell on anyone else.”

A pause.

“You don't have to. Ignore me.”

Longer silence.

“I'm serious, Kaeya. Everyone knows who you are and who you'll fight for. Even if they don't know where you came from. It won't change their minds. It wouldn't have changed mine.”

Nothing.

“You really do suck at faking sleep.”

 

Either way, when Diluc wakes up, Kaeya is already gone. No doubt to sneak into the Knights’ building and cause mischief. Do whatever it is he's been planning to. At the very least, Albedo should still be in the city dealing with the fallout, so an actual objective of theirs should be crossed out.

Diluc packs up his belongings and heads back towards the Dawn Winery. Time for him to cross something off his mental list as well.

Notes:

if enough people feedback that the ending is hard to follow, i will patch-note descriptions in but for now im leaving as is. for the Drama. i will also say ive always been really confused on the status of the ragnvindr living situation so do NOT talk to me about their childhood home in the city that diluc sold i dont care.

im going to stop stating potential chapter update deadlines bc of my track record, but take into consideration this was written + fic was outlined in a week. use that for your own judgment.