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Kojiro scowled as he buttoned up his uniform shirt. The locker room was noisy and smelled like unwashed socks, but he was mostly annoyed because two lockers down Matayoshi wouldn't stop bragging about his girlfriend. Oh, Hana-chan has the nicest hair. Hana-chan is a great dancer. Hana-chan's older sister swiped rum from their parents' liquor stash and shared it with us. But the most irritating one was, Hana-chan is a great kisser and we make out every day. Matayoshi was an asshole, plus he wasn't even good-looking. Why wasn't Kojiro the one with a cute girlfriend? Why wasn't he the one getting kissed every day? Life was unfair.
"Why do you look like you've swallowed a bug?" Kaoru asked. He was sitting on a bench, waiting for Kojiro to finish getting dressed. Kojiro didn't even know why Kaoru was there. Kojiro was on their school's soccer team, so he had to stay late three times a week, even though the team was awful. Kaoru didn't really do anything aside from pierce different parts of his face and ignore his parents when they tried to get him to join the calligraphy club. Honestly, Kojiro kind of thought it was nice that Kaoru waited for him, but he knew that if he said that out loud, Kaoru would never come to one his practices again.
"No reason," Kojiro said grumpily, glancing in the direction of Matayoshi's clump of friends. He hefted his bag up as Kaoru flicked his long hair over his shoulder and climbed to his feet. "I'm thinking about quitting soccer," he lied.
Kaoru grabbed Kojiro's bicep at that; Kojiro glanced down to the place where Kaoru's fingers were wrapped around his arm. "You should," Kaoru said, his eyes bright. "Soccer is so boring. I've been looking into this skating thing more, and the scene is huge here."
Kojiro thought about the board he impulsively bought from the skate shop last week, propped up against his bedroom wall. It was lime green and had a picture of a muscular demon holding a spiked club painted on the underside of the deck. The laid-back young salesguy at Dope Sketch told him it was good for beginners, but easy to modify for a more experienced skater. It was sick.
"Should we try to skate today?" Kojiro asked.
"Hell yeah!" Kaoru said immediately.
"Cool. I have a lot of pent up energy. I barely got to play during practice today—"
"I noticed," Kaoru said with a mean laugh.
"Shut up," Kojiro spat back. "Just because you traded your braces in for a lip piercing doesn't mean you're not a skinny nerd now. I can still break you in half."
Kaoru let go of Kojiro's arm and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Oh yeah?" Kaoru said, and headbutted him. "I'd like to see you try."
Kojiro dropped his bag and hauled Kaoru up by his uniform jacket. "Any time!" Then they were fighting again, tussling first up against the lockers and then rolling around together on the cold concrete floor. Matayoshi and his friends stepped over their fight on the way out.
"Can you believe Hana-chan's best friend wanted to confess to Nanjo?" Matayoshi called over his shoulder as he headed out the door. "It's good my girlfriend talked some sense into her. Who'd want to have anything to do with that immature meathead or his freak friend?"
In the blink of an eye, Kaoru was on his feet again and ready to go after him, but Kojiro scrambled up and got his arms around Kaoru's chest, holding him back. "Don't worry about it," he said into Kaoru's ear. Kojiro felt the fight drain out of Kaoru as he sagged in Kojiro's arms. "He's not worth it."
After, they walked to Kaoru's house to get his board, darting in and out fast so they didn't have to talk to Kaoru's mom. His skateboard was nearly as cool as Kojiro's, not that he'd give the Kaoru the satisfaction of knowing that. The deck was a deep purple, highlighted all over with hot pink slashes of paint and matching pink wheels. Everything about it screamed Kaoru, same as Kojiro's board seemed meant for him. It was like skateboarding had just been waiting for the two of them to discover it together.
On the way to Kojiro's house, huge grey clouds started to roll in from the ocean. Usually, Kojiro didn't mind the rainy season because it meant summer vacation was around the corner, but today it sucked.
"Maybe it won't rain," Kaoru said hopefully, glancing up at the sky. He clutched his new skateboard to his chest.
"Yeah," Kojiro agreed as a fat drop of rain stained the sidewalk. Then there was a crack of thunder and the skies opened up like someone tore the clouds. They made a break for it, running the rest of the way to Kojiro's house.
Once they got inside, Kojiro's dad tutted over them, making Kojiro dig out his old middle school gym uniform to lend to Kaoru while his clothes were in the dryer. After Kojiro dried himself off and got changed, he left Kaoru alone in his room to get them snacks and hot tea. He arranged everything on a tray, spending way too long making sure they were aesthetically pleasing. Kaoru always liked to tease Kojiro about how fussy he was about food, but he wasn't fussy at all. Kojiro loved all kinds of food. He just thought that everyone first ate with their eyes.
When Kojiro got back to his room, Kaoru had his hand pressed against the window, mournfully looking at the downpour outside. With his piercings and long hair damply curling in a frame around his face, he looked like a sad album cover, the kind Kaoru lent him back in sixth grade while simultaneously complaining that Kojiro didn't get it. The memory made Kojiro smile as he shoved a stack of old homework off his desk to make room for the snack tray.
"Man," Kojiro said, joining Kaoru by the window, "it's like the gods are laughing at us or something."
"Or something," Kaoru echoed. "I guess we're stuck here for now." He went over to the desk and grabbed a bag of honey butter chips, tossing them to Kojiro. His favorites. Then Kaoru took fried seaweed for himself and settled on Kojiro's bed. Kojiro was about to ask if he wanted to watch something on his laptop when Kaoru let out a frustrated noise.
"What?" Kojiro asked.
Kaoru frowned at Kojiro. "I know you were lying before. It's still bothering me."
Kojiro scrunched up his nose and sat next to Kaoru on the bed. "When?"
"Back at school, after practice. I know you weren't thinking about quitting soccer."
"I really am now," Kojiro said, jerking his chin in the direction of his board, still leaning against his wall. His shoulders sagged. "You're right, though. I wasn't thinking about that, but it wasn't because of you. I just didn't want Matayoshi to overhear, the dumb jerk."
Now it was Kaoru's turn to scrunch up his nose. Kojiro swiftly suppressed the urge to reach out and run his finger down its bridge. "Matayoshi?" he said. "But that was before he was an asshole to us."
Kojiro smiled a little. It was very like Kaoru to not even notice Matayoshi bragging about his girl. Actually, it was very like Kaoru to ignore Matayoshi's existence altogether, which made Kojiro feel pretty stupid about devoting so much energy to it.
"He was bragging about his girlfriend," Kojiro admitted. "Like how they get to kiss all the time. I guess I was wondering why a bastard like him gets that and I don't."
Kaoru laughed. "You've never kissed anyone at all, you mean."
"You've never kissed anyone either, weirdo!" Kojiro shoved Kaoru, so Kaoru threw a seaweed crisp at him. Kojiro opened his mouth and neatly ate it, smiling smugly.
"Cool trick," Kaoru admitted grudgingly.
Kojiro threw a honey butter chip into Kaoru's mouth as a thank you, which he then chewed slowly and thoughtfully. Kojiro narrowed his eyes; a thinking Kaoru was always trouble. No, strike that; a thinking Kaoru always got Kojiro into trouble.
"You know," Kaoru began, "maybe you could, like, practice."
Kojiro frowned. "Practice? You mean kissing a pillow or my arm or something? I mean, I don't think it'd be anything like kissing real person, but I guess I could—"
"No, I mean you could practice with me."
Kojiro stared at Kaoru, his mouth hanging open. Kaoru immediately began fidgeting, wringing his hands in lap and darting his eyes in Kojiro's direction and then flitting away again. Okay, yeah, Kaoru was objectively pretty; all the girls in their class said so while also calling him annoying, and sure sometimes Kojiro got a whiff of Kaoru's fancy shampoo and thought about it for days afterward, but they'd known each other since they were five. That wasn't even touching the fact that Kaoru was a guy.
"Never mind!" Kaoru announced loudly. He forced out a laugh. "Ha, stupid Kojiro! It was a joke and you fell for—"
"Yeah, okay," Kojiro said.
Kaoru's eyes went wide. "What?"
"I said, yeah, okay!" Kojiro repeated. Now he was the one announcing things loudly. "I mean, if you weren't joking."
Now that Kojiro agreed, he realized it made an odd kind of sense. Kojiro hated whenever Kaoru did something before him, and the feeling was mutual. If Kojiro made out with a girl before Kaoru got to, Kaoru would be pissed off about it. If Kaoru kissed a girl before Kojiro got his first kiss— ugh. Kojiro's stomach swooped unhappily at the thought of Kaoru kissing someone else. No! No, it was Kaoru getting to go first. That's what bothered him. Anyway, they did everything together; it just made sense to do this together, too.
Slowly, Kojiro put his half-eaten chips back onto the snack tray, and after a moment, Kaoru did the same. They both sat on the edge of the bed and stared straight ahead until Kojiro, nervous, cleared his throat.
Kaoru looked at him then. Kojiro looked back, glancing at Kaoru's lips. Soon, Kojiro's own lips would be on them. His tongue darted out, as though anticipating that.
"Stop looking at me," Kaoru complained.
"What am I supposed to do then?" Kojiro said, but he obeyed, snapping his eyes shut as he gripped his duvet cover.
"Do that," Kaoru said, his voice suddenly much closer. Kojiro shivered and then Kaoru's lips smacked against his, quick and dry and gone before Kojiro even realized what happened.
Kojiro opened his eyes again. "That's it?" he said skeptically. "That's how my grandmother kisses me."
"Don't compare me to a grandma!" Kaoru said. He was all pink in the face now, which was pretty interesting.
"Well, then stop kissing like one!" Kojiro said.
"So you're suddenly the expert?" Kaoru leaned in and grabbed Kojiro by his t-shirt; their faces were very close together again, something that happened all the time, but now it was different.
"No," Kojiro admitted, "I just think we can do better."
Without pulling out of Kaoru's grip, Kojiro put both of his hands on the sides of Kaoru's face. Kaoru blinked at him; Kojiro didn't know if he'd ever noticed how pretty Kaoru's eyes were before, golden like the sun in the sky at midday. Was that a weird thought to have? Kojiro didn't know and didn't feel like figuring it out right then. Instead, he wet his mouth again and leaned in slowly, not stopping until their lips were pressed together again. Kaoru's mouth was warm and soft. Up close, Kojiro could smell his fancy shampoo and the scent of the rain still clinging to him.
This time, Kaoru didn't pull back right away and, this time, when Kojiro's eyes closed, it was because it felt like the right thing to do, not because Kaoru was bossily ordering him around. He shifted closer and ran his fingers through Kaoru's long hair, still a little damp from the downpour, and thought oh. Now he understood why kissing was a big deal.
When they finally parted, Kojiro didn't know which one of them moved first. Maybe they did it together, like so many things. One day, Kaoru would do something where Kojiro couldn't follow, and Kojiro would do the same. He knew that. That was how life worked, after all. But he didn't want to think about it then.
"Was that good?" Kaoru asked in a small voice, so unlike him.
Kojiro couldn't help smiling. "Yeah," he said. "Really good. But you know what?"
"What?"
"I think we could do even better," Kojiro said, dropping his voice low.
Kaoru laughed at that and leaned in again. They traded kisses easily now— this was so easy, why hadn't they ever done this?— until Kojiro went with his gut and parted his lips for Kaoru. That changed everything about it; Kaoru's soft, warm mouth turned hot and wet, and when Kojiro's tongue swiped across his bottom lip, he made a noise that Kojiro had never heard him make before. They broke apart, breathing hard, and stared at each other.
After a pause, Kojiro, still following his instincts, shuffled back on his bed and leaned against the pillows. Kaoru watched him, wide-eyed, and then leaned forward to kiss him again. Kojiro didn't know how many times they kissed; all he knew is that he wanted to put his hands everywhere and each time Kaoru's tongue pressed hesitantly against his, the frayed thread of his resolve threatened to snap.
"Kojiro," Kaoru said breathlessly, pressing their foreheads together, "I think we have to stop now."
Kojiro nodded. Kaoru hadn't said why, but he got it. Kissing was one thing, but there was a whole world of other interesting things that Kojiro didn't think he was quite ready for yet. Sometimes it felt like his body had completely different plans and it was a struggle to put his brain back in charge.
That didn't stop him from wondering how soon they could do this again.
At that thought, Kojiro exhaled hard and sat up, extricating himself from Kaoru. He put space between them, but he couldn't help the way his eyes kept sliding in Kaoru's direction, noticing that his lips were stained red and his ears were still pink. It was funny— sometimes knowing Kaoru his whole life didn't stop him from seeing him in a whole new way.
"It's stopped raining," Kaoru noticed. Kojiro looked outside; the clouds were completely gone, rolled away as if clearing up an angry mood, and the sunset was shining through Kojiro's window. Kaoru made a frustrated noise. "Of course the sun's also setting now."
"We could still go out. Maybe try not to fall off of our boards until it gets dark out." Kojiro shrugged. "If we want to get good at skating, we need to start some time."
"Day of firsts," Kaoru said, almost to himself.
"Day of firsts," Kojiro agreed.
Kaoru shoved his skateboard under his arm and headed for Kojiro's bedroom door. He paused with his hand on the doorknob. "Now if you get a girlfriend, you'll be ready," he said, not looking at Kojiro.
Right that second, getting a girlfriend was the last thing on Kojiro's mind. "You'll be ready, too," he said grudgingly. He breathed out and grabbed his green board from its spot against the wall.
"Kojiro, I don't think I like—" Kaoru, still facing Kojiro's door, stopped himself.
"What?" Kojiro asked, curiosity burning up inside him. What didn't Kaoru like?
"Nothing," Kaoru said. "Never mind. It's not important." He looked over his shoulder and smiled in a way that made Kojiro's heart ache. He didn't regret their kissing at all, but now Kojiro felt like he missed a step somewhere.
"Okay," Kojiro said softly instead of pushing it.
They headed out into the setting sun, new skateboards tucked under their arms. The sunbeam hit Kaoru as he headed off in the direction of the park, illuminating him just right. It made him look like he was glowing. Kojiro committed how Kaoru looked in that moment to memory. Let there be light, he thought.
Kaoru picked up the pace then, breaking into a run and calling, "Race you!" over his shoulder. Kojiro hurried to catch up, the same way he always had. The same way he always would. Kojiro touched his mouth, remembering. No matter how much things between them changed, he was sure that would always stay the same.