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Buck enters the locker room silently, finding a shivering Eddie sitting on the bench. It’s quiet, save for the rough chatter of Eddie’s teeth. Wordlessly, he sits beside Eddie, close enough where their thighs press against one another. Eddie immediately leans into Buck’s side, chasing the warmth that Buck seems to endlessly radiate. Though Buck is practically a human furnace, it isn’t enough to ease the chill that permeated deep into Eddie’s bones. He continues to tremble, head on Buck’s shoulder, and sighs.
Buck cranes his neck, looking down at Eddie. He gives him the look— a questioning glint in his eyes. Eddie looks up and meets his eyes, and nods. Eddie knew it was freaky. That he and Buck could have almost entire conversations with no words spoken. But it made life a hell of a lot easier at times like this, when he just felt like words would fail him. He felt frozen to his core, like the cold had burrowed into his very being and destroyed the very idea of warmth within him. He just didn’t have the energy to speak.
Buck nods back once, and reluctantly stands up and pulls away from Eddie. Eddie almost instantly misses the heat, and has to fight the urge to chase after him. If it were up to him, he’d cut Buck open and live inside of his ribcage, sharing the space with his heart. It’d feel nice, probably, being so close to the embodiment of Buck’s love. He knows Buck would let him. But he resists, letting Buck head out the locker room.
Eddie knows that he should get cleaned up. B-shift already started rolling in, so he realistically can take all the time he needs. He should definitely hop in the shower and just rest under the hot water, letting it scald his skin until he felt some semblance of relief.
It was a rough call. Nothing they haven’t seen before, but it was just unbearable that night. It’s the dead of December, and living in Los Angeles, it usually isn’t that bad. But, the past week has been unreasonably cold, even for Eddie. He was no stranger to chilly El Paso nights, and LA was almost always more bearable weather-wise. But tonight, something in the air was just getting to him.
Eddie tried to convince himself he’d come down with some cold or flu. That someone he knew had given him the bug, and he was just feeling a bit chilly because of it. He’d be better when he got some rest and something warm to eat, he told himself. It’s nothing.
But, Eddie knows now that’s not what it was. It’s December 17th, and Christopher is still sitting contently 800 miles away from him, wanting nothing to do with him. His son is still avoiding him, despite everything he’s doing. They’ve been talking more frequently the past few weeks, and Chris seems to be opening up more. But, he hasn’t brought up moving back once. Christmas Eve was a week away, and his son wouldn't be here. His son didn’t want to be near him.
Eddie didn’t cry, he spent the whole night making sure he wouldn’t. But, holding it back, bottling it all in, seems to have just let it manifest into a deep, resentful cold. A cold that penetrated every one of Eddie’s cells.
Eddie gets up despite himself, ditching the idea of a shower to head out into the parking lot. He finds Buck’s Jeep is already gone, and waltzes over to his truck. He sits in the driver’s seat for maybe 10 minutes, knowing he’d worry someone if he stayed for longer. The truck comes to life, and Eddie begins his ride home in silence.
Unlocking the door, Eddie pushes inside, fighting against the dead weight that was himself. His body sags as he kicks his shoes off. He hears bustling in the kitchen, soft boiling noises filling the emptiness of the house. Strong, confident footsteps are there too, making Eddie smile with what energy he has. Buck noises, he thinks.
Buck rushes over when he hears the door, smiling softly when he sees Eddie.
“Uh, hey. I- I’ve got some soup on the stove if you think you can eat. But, uhm, I knew you probably weren’t gonna shower at the station. So, can you go to the restroom and I’ll meet you there in a sec?” Buck rambles quietly.
Normally, Eddie would protest. Why do you need to come with me to the restroom? But tonight, he just doesn’t want to argue— with himself or anyone else. He ignores his instinct to refuse help, and shuffles for the restroom as Buck hurries back into the kitchen.
He opens the restroom door, and almost cries at the sight. It’s definitely been tidied up, considering Eddie left it a mess before he bolted off to work the day before. The bathtub is full, sudsy water reaching the brim. It’s steaming, and Eddie wants to jump in now. He practically rips his clothes off with shaky hands, sinking deep into the hot water of the bath. He groans, immediately feeling the vile cold within him retreat just the tiniest bit. He lays there for what he thinks must be less than a minute before the door is opening again.
“Hey,” Buck mumbles. “I know you don’t do baths often but… I know it’s been a tough day. So, lemme take care of you, yeah? Y- You can say no if you want, of course.”
Eddie looks at him. Buck’s eyes are as blue as ever, shining with what looks to be a silent plea. Even if Eddie wasn’t too tired to argue, he doesn’t think he’d be able to say no to that look. He sighs and hums in agreement.
Buck grins, before moseying over and kneeling beside Eddie’s head on the bathroom tile. He reaches for the shampoo that sits on the edge of the tub, squirting a generous amount onto his palm.
“Just relax, I’ll do the work,” Buck whispers, rubbing his hands together to spread the shampoo.
Eddie loosens his muscles, his eyes fluttering shut when Buck’s big hands start massaging the shampoo into his hair. He lets out a sigh of content as Buck’s fingers skillfully lather the shampoo on his scalp. The pressure has Eddie’s in complete bliss, and he feels a losing battle of trying to hold back a full-blown moan. He knows Buck won’t judge, but it’s still a bit embarrassing. He lets himself forget his woes as Buck shampoos him.
He doesn’t even register the fact that Buck had washed the shampoo out until Buck whispers, “I’m gonna use the conditioner now.”
That’s when Eddie realizes that Buck brought his own expensive stuff instead of the 1 in 3 garbage Eddie buys on clearance. The thought makes his eyes water, which Buck doesn’t notice because of the water on Eddie’s face. As Buck fingers return to spread the conditioner throughout, Eddie melts. He just feels… completely cared for.
Before Buck, Eddie doesn’t think he’d been looked after so intimately. His whole life, it was act like a real fucking man, and he internalized far too deeply. It was practically glued onto his very soul, the instinct to disregard his own wants and needs. But Buck, Evan fucking Buckley, seemed to make it his life goal to rip that ugly thought out of Eddie’s head, to tear it from his heart. He dismantled Eddie’s walls, with the force of a goddamn wrecking ball. He was just entirely too kind, too selfless, and Eddie felt so greedy. Buck was just so easy to love, and Eddie felt like he was taking too much. Buck never relented, though, and just continued to mold himself to Eddie. Eddie doesn’t know anyone better than Buck, and vice versa. Buck just knows when it’s one of those days, where Eddie just didn’t have it in him. That’s when he did things like this— just being attentive to Eddie at low points. Buck didn’t even judge him for Kim, possibly his worst mistake ever. Buck just reassured him it’d be fine, and that Chris would be back with time. And dammit Eddie is back to thinking about the one thing he was trying to ignore.
As if… not even as if, actually. Sensing Eddie’s brooding thoughts, Buck speaks up, his voice still low and soft. “He’s gonna come back, Eddie. You’re not a bad father.”
Eddie wants to scream, cry, yell to prove Buck wrong. He’s the worst father, the one that drove his son halfway across the country. The one that failed his son, time and time and time and fucking time again. But, he’s too tired, so he lets Buck speak.
“You beat yourself up too much,” he murmurs while scrubbing the conditioner into Eddie’s hair. “You made a mistake. A bad one, yeah, but it’s not like you tried to hurt him. You were grieving, and she didn’t give you any time to prepare. You’re not an awful parent, Eddie. I know awful parents, trust me.”
Buck says it with such an intense honesty and confidence that Eddie can feel tears forming. A choked sob forces its way out of his throat as he thinks. Buck doesn’t flinch. He continues to wash Eddie as another sob escapes. Eddie lets himself believe. Believe that maybe he was worthy of redemption. Because Buck said so. Buck, the best and sweetest person on the planet. The one he doesn’t deserve. If Buck believes, maybe he can, too.
Eddie continues to cry silently as Buck finishes washing the conditioner out of his dark locks, rubbing soothing circles into his scalp. “He loves you, Eddie.”
Eddie, with all his might, manages to speak up. His voice is hoarse and small. “I- I know. I believe you.”
After Buck dries him off and gets him a change of clothes, they both end up on the couch. Eddie lets himself lean on Buck, soaking up his infectious warmth. He lets himself have Buck, because Buck said he’s not a bad person. And he believes him. They sit in comfortable silence, Eddie sighing as he fights sleep. He doesn’t want to sleep. He wants to enjoy Buck’s company.
“Do you really think he’ll come back?” Eddie asks quietly after a moment.
Before Buck can respond, Eddie’s phone dings. He scrambles for it, since only Buck and Chris make a sound whenever they text.
Tears fill Eddie’s eyes as he reads the message from his son.
im on winter break now. you think you can sign me back up for school in la for the second semester? and maybe come get me in time for christmas? im ready. thank you dad, i love you
He shows Buck with a trembling hand, whose eyes also begin to water when he finishes reading.
They collapse into a tight hug, Eddie sobbing into Buck’s chest loudly. He clings to Buck like a lifeline. Buck buries his face into Eddie’s soft hair crying a bit more quietly.
Their son was coming home.