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Adam Smallbone waited for a gap in the seemingly unending line of cars. Now that Archdeacon Robert was no longer up for preferment and wishing to court Adam’s secrecy, he had returned to his habit of waylaying Adam at the most inconvenient times.
Dear Lord, he thought, I am going to be late getting into the church again. It is bad enough listening to Nigel grumble when he’s not already upset with me. I suppose he does have a point. I haven’t been particularly helpful to him recently. I still can’t believe he wants to be a vicar; it’s almost as surprising as the Archdeacon taking the decision of the Crown Nominations Committee so well. Their rejecting Robert was for the best though. His personality is completely unsuited for the episcopate.
Adam’s internal dialogue continued until he reached the church. As he walked up the stairs to his office, he started to call out, “Nigel, I’m so sorry, I was running a bit late again...” but realized that he was alone.
He set his things down and started looking through paperwork at his desk. It was odd for Nigel to be the late one, but Adam hardly felt justified in complaining, even in his own head, since he did ask him into the church in order to apologize.
A few minutes later, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Soon, Nigel’s head emerged at the top.
“Where were you?” asked Adam.
“I was having lunch with Father Andrew” responded Nigel in the lofty tone that indicated that he was still somewhat miffed.
Adam was bewildered for a moment before finally recalling the name of his predecessor. “What is he in London for?” he asked.
Nigel looked at him with a scornful expression. “He has a parish in Wandsworth.” Nigel paused, and then added, “When I said your predecessor swam the Tiber, I didn’t mean it literally.”
Adam squashed the uncharitable impulse that said that Nigel had scheduled the lunch late out of spite and instead said, “Nigel, I want to apologize. I realize that I was not being the most supportive of you, and I am sorry. I want to make it clear that I did not sabotage your recommendation, but I ought to have talked to you more about your aspirations before you went before the Bishops’ Advisory Panel.”
Even though Adam was being sincere, Nigel still appeared skeptical. Although he had been avoiding it, Adam did need to share his reservations about Nigel with him. Nigel deserved having it explained gently, so Adam continued, “Did I ever tell you why I decided to become a priest?”
Nigel blinked in confusion, annoyance momentarily deflated by the deflection. “No, I don’t recall so,” he replied.
Adam started in on his story. “I was twelve and I was attending confirmation class. I had never paid much attention in church before, but my parents signed me up as a matter of course.”
Nigel let out a “hmph”, as if to convey his lack of surprise that Adam had come from a more nominal background.
Ignoring him, Adam continued, “One day, the vicar giving the classes was talking about the parables of Jesus, including Parable of the Lost Sheep. The image of a shepherd searching for an insignificant lamb stuck with me throughout the class. I’d been feeling a little lost myself at school you see, so after the other children left, I asked him if it was really true that God would be there for me and if so, why I still felt lonely. What would you have told me?”
“I would have told you that God promised to always be there. ‘And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world,’” quoted Nigel promptly.
“He didn’t say anything of the sort,” said Adam. “Instead, the vicar spent quite a while listening to my childish problems about school and home. For the next couple of weeks, I talked to him after the classes, and he always made me feel like I mattered. In the end, I realized that God was all around, and I could feel him through the church and through my vicar.”
“I don’t see how any of this is relevant,” commented Nigel.
Adam replied, “At that time, my vicar was the shepherd I needed. I felt the beginning of the call, even then, to see if I could help others find God too. I didn’t fully understand what ordination meant - I baptized my pet and gave homilies to my toys - but it was an understanding that grew with me as I got older. This is why I asked to transfer to an inner city parish instead of staying in the country, and why I told you I have no interest in advancement. I want to reach out to the lost and lonely, and that place for me right now is here.”
“I’m glad you found your calling,” said Nigel, with a somewhat sour expression.
“I gave you a poor recommendation because I didn’t understand why you wanted to become a priest and it showed. Much of my job is listening to people and connecting with them, and if you don’t want to listen to my admittedly dreary story, it’s going to be very difficult for you. I know you love the word, theology, God, and the Church, but I think you’d be much happier as a theologian of some sort than a priest,” said Adam honestly.
“This is all I’ve ever wanted. How can you say for certain this isn’t what God intends of me? It’s not like you’re perfect,” countered Nigel.
“Do you want to be a parish priest though? I can tell you want to be a Canon or a Dean or some other member of senior clergy, and you might do a good job as one, but ordination isn’t about finding a place in a hierarchy. It's fundamentally about the care of souls,” replied Adam.
Nigel’s face fell when he heard Adam’s words, so against his better judgement, Adam continued “However, you’re right. I haven’t given you enough of a chance. Come on more house visits with me and spend more time talking with the congregation. Show me that you do indeed want to be a vicar, and if you still want to try again next year, I’ll write you a better recommendation. But think about the other options you have. I hope you are okay with this. Now, I need to go over to the school to talk to Ellie.”
After a moment of silence, Nigel said, “Thank you,” and those words echoed through Adam’s head as he left the church. One more fire was put out, for the moment at least.