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Dazai has spent most of his life trying to avoid having a future.
Walking the thin line between life and death is all he’s ever known, and the Armed Detective Agency is not a workplace much safer than the Port Mafia. Even when he isn’t actively trying to leave this world, he isn’t doing much to ensure he stays on it as long as possible, either. A proper sleep schedule? Healthy eating habits? These are foreign concepts to him, yet here he is, still alive at twenty-six years old, soon to be twenty-seven.
At least he has something resembling a routine by now. He strolls into the agency late because some things never change, and even under the best circumstances, he will never be an early bird. The office is filled with the hum of conversations and the clatter of keyboards since the rest of the team has already begun their workday hours before. Dazai waves to everyone and heads straight to his desk, flopping into his chair and spinning around, letting out a contented sigh.
“Morning, partner,” he calls to Atsushi sitting at the adjacent desk. It’s neatly organized, a stark contrast to Dazai’s chaotic array of papers and random objects.
Ever since Kunikida was promoted and took on some of the Director’s duties, Dazai has mostly been working together with Atsushi. It’s been a long time since Atsushi last got flustered by Dazai calling him partner, but Dazai still hopes that Atsushi’s immunity to his teasing he has developed over the years might falter just once.
Atsushi turns away from his computer screen.
Time treated him well. His face has lost its childish roundness. His cheeks are sharper now, his Adam’s apple more prominent. There’s a hint of stubble on his cheeks, although not very visible since its color is light. His hair, now longer, is tied messily into a bun at the back of his head. It’s not surprising he makes girls on the streets turn their heads just to catch a glimpse of him.
But one thing about him hasn’t changed.
“Morning, Dazai-san,” Atsushi replies, and this might be Dazai’s favorite part of the routine—the smile Atsushi gifts him with every morning. No matter how busy he is with work, he always stops whatever he’s doing to greet Dazai, which is a small but incredibly endearing gesture. It makes coming to the office every day worth it.
Then Atsushi’s eyes twinkle like sunlight dancing over the waves of the sea. “I got a lead,” he says, voice infused with excitement and determination.
He’s changed so much since Dazai found him at the riverbank—or rather, since he found Dazai.
Dazai returns his smile, leaning forward with genuine interest. “Let’s hear it.”
*
With the two of them at work, no case seems unsolvable. Dazai doesn’t need any help in deciphering motives and identifying culprits on his own, but having Atsushi with him brings a fresh perspective that often illuminates paths Dazai might overlook.
He stands back, observing as Atsushi kneels beside a young woman, their new key witness. “Can you tell me what happened?” Atsushi asks gently, eyes brimming with genuine concern.
The woman trembles, tears streaking her face. “I-I was just walking home,” she stammers, her voice barely above a whisper. “Then this man... he came out of nowhere...”
Atsushi nods, encouraging her to continue. “Take your time,” he says softly. “You’re safe now.”
His ability to empathize with victims is endlessly fascinating to Dazai. He could also play a good cop to pry out the needed details from even the most reluctant witness if he wanted, but it would be a calculated strategy. For Atsushi, it’s just a natural reaction.
That’s how their strengths complement each other perfectly—Atsushi excels in gaining trust of the suspects and victims, while Dazai watches for the hidden meanings in their testimonies, and where Atsushi uses brute force when necessary, Dazai comes up with strategies to solve the case as quickly as possible. It makes them a formidable team in a completely different way than how Dazai works with Chuuya, or Atsushi with Akutagawa.
Atsushi still cooperates with Akutagawa sometimes when a particularly dangerous threat to Yokohama arises, although the last three years have been relatively peaceful. Their abilities work well together, even if their personalities clash.
Dazai’s own partnership with Chuuya has always been bumpy, although Dazai knows well that most of the blame for that could be put on him. He was always meddling, always putting up a wall. They never got the chance to truly understand each other and become friends. Now the chasm between them has grown too vast to bridge, even if they still have each other’s backs in times of crisis.
Oda has been long gone, and Dazai could never find it in himself to forgive Ango enough to call him a friend again. Ranpo sees through him too easily for his comfort, even if they’re unstoppable when they put their minds together. Kunikida, surprisingly, really gets him, even though their daily interactions wouldn’t suggest that to an outsider. Still, it’s not enough for Dazai to be truly honest with him outside of work.
They have all shaped the person Dazai is now in countless ways, but Dazai wouldn’t be where he is now if not for Atsushi and his endless faith that Dazai deserves his place on the side of light.
Dazai muses about it as he pulls Atsushi into a small, dimly lit izakaya after they’re done with the case. “Same place?” Dazai asks, already knowing the answer.
Atsushi nods, smiling. “You ask as if I could say no.”
This routine is so ingrained in their life that Dazai can hardly recall when it began, but he can’t imagine living his days any differently now. Or even more than that, it’s difficult for him to imagine a life without Atsushi always by his side.
If things could stay like this forever, Dazai could be content with such a life. But isn’t that an impossible wish?
Everything that’s worth wanting will be lost the moment it’s obtained—Dazai used to live by those words. The last few years don’t prove them right—he’s still here, the Agency is together, the peace in Yokohama lasts, and Atsushi is still by his side, healthy, laughing, putting his life in Dazai’s hands time and time again, and trusting he’ll stay and not let go—but there’s still a quiet voice at the back of his head saying it can all disappear at any moment.
The air inside is the izakaya is thick with the smell of grilled meat and soy sauce. Dazai takes a sip of his drink, trying to focus on Atsushi’s voice and some funny story he’s telling, but his thoughts are running a mile a minute. Someone laughs and Dazai instinctively turns towards the voice, spotting a couple huddled close in the corner, engaged in a hushed conversation. The man’s hair is a striking shade of blonde, almost silver under the artificial light, and for a moment, Dazai sees Atsushi in him. Then the woman leans over the table to kiss the man on the lips.
Suddenly, a thought comes to him and freezes the blood in his veins.
This life is enough for Dazai, but is it the same for Atsushi?
Everything would change if Atsushi got a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. The thought tightens the knot in Dazai’s chest. Does he even know Atsushi’s preference? Now that he thinks about it, Atsushi has never really shown any romantic interest in anyone. There was that redhead girl—the one who helped them during the agency’s darkest days. She’d clearly liked Atsushi, but nothing had come of it, as far as Dazai knew.
His mouth opens before his mind has a chance to catch up, and a question spills out.
“Why didn’t you ever get a girlfriend?”
Atsushi stops talking mid-sentence. He blinks at Dazai, visibly surprised.
“…Or a boyfriend, of course,” Dazai adds, uncertainly. “I’m not one to judge.”
But Atsushi isn’t offended. Instead, he laughs and mirrors Dazai’s question back at him. “Why didn’t you?”
Dazai bristles. “Hey! Who taught you to evade questions like that?”
Atsushi hums thoughtfully. There’s a playful glint in his eyes that Dazai loves to see. “Probably this one guy at work who sits next to me. He always whispers into my ear like a devil on my shoulder.”
Dazai huffs, feigning indignation. “I taught you all that you know, and this is how you repay me?”
Atsushi laughs. The banter is safe and familiar, but when it fades, Atsushi’s expression sobers. He runs his finger around the rim of his glass, his gaze distant, as if lost in a memory. His usual energy is subdued, and Dazai is reminded of the Atsushi he first met—cautious, hesitant, burdened by the weight of his past. He regrets he didn’t keep his mouth shut.
“I don’t know,” Atsushi says softly, almost to himself. “I was just never interested in that sort of thing.”
Dazai hums in acknowledgment. “That’s fair.”
He doesn’t press further, unsure of what to say. It’s not like he’s dying to know, but the thought lingers. Atsushi deserves to be happy, to find whatever it is that brings him joy. Even if it would disrupt the life Dazai deems as close to happiness as he can probably get, he’d support Atsushi in whatever he chose. Dazai is far from an expert on happiness, but isn’t a relationship what people strive for?
Then Atsushi speaks again.
“I went on a date with Lucy-chan once, years ago.”
Oh. Dazai didn’t know that. He doesn’t keep track of every single thing Atsushi does, but something about the fact that this revelation is news to him tugs at his heart.
“We went to a movie and for a walk,” Atsushi continues. “It sounds so stupid now, but it didn’t even cross my mind that it was a date. I thought we were just hanging out. Then she confessed she liked me, and I told her I liked her too—because I thought we were talking about liking each other as friends.” Atsushi groans and covers his face with his hands. “God, it was so embarrassing.”
Dazai chuckles softly, reaching out to pat Atsushi on the back in a gesture of support.
Atsushi lets out a small sigh, his shoulders sagging. “She’s fun to be around, so it was nice. But she tried to hold my hand, and I was confused. And then, at the end of the date, she tried to kiss me. I freaked out a little. She was kind about it, though. We’re still good friends.”
He falls silent after that, and there’s so much sadness in the way he keeps his shoulders hunched as if weighed down by something unspoken. Dazai opens his mouth to say something—anything to lighten the mood—but Atsushi speaks first.
“Do you think I’m like this because the orphanage messed me up so much?”
Dazai’s heart clenches. He regrets bringing up the topic even more now, seeing the pain it stirs in Atsushi.
“Atsushi-kun...”
But Atsushi shakes his head, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “I know, I know. Pity yourself and life becomes an endless nightmare. You were the one who taught me that, but I just… Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with me since I can’t feel what literally everybody else seems to feel. I thought maybe Lucy-chan just wasn’t the right person, and I needed to wait until I met someone else, but nothing ever changed. I don’t know what people talk about when they say they’re attracted to someone. I’ve never felt anything I could describe like that.”
Ah, that would explain why Atsushi never showed any interest in anybody. It must be because of Dazai’s own disinterest in romantic relationships that he’s never noticed it before.
It’s not something Dazai has ever shared with anyone before, but he responds without hesitation.
“Me neither.”
“What?!” Atsushi almost knocks his glass off in surprise. “But… But you always flirt with women… And the double suicide proposals… And…”
Dazai raises an eyebrow. “Atsushi-kun, you’ve known me long enough not to believe everything I say.”
“I know.” Atsushi huffs, sounding slightly indignant. “But I thought there was at least some truth behind it.”
Dazai chuckles softly. “Nope, never was.”
Atsushi’s voice drops to a whisper. “Oh.”
Dazai expected this reaction. He’s never hidden this part of himself on purpose; it’s just been easier to wear the mask of a flirt. It makes people lower their defenses, after all.
He grins, leaning in slightly. “So, do you think I’m like this because I’m messed up too?”
“No! Of course not,” Atsushi says quickly.
Dazai grins wider, and Atsushi scowls, crossing his arms in mock irritation.
“I hate it when you do this reverse psychology on me,” he mutters, though his tone is more affectionate than annoyed. Then, his expression softens, and his eyes search Dazai’s. “Are you really okay with it? Don’t you ever wish you were like everyone else?”
Ah, if this isn’t the question of Dazai’s lifetime. Though he’s always felt like an outcast for more reasons that just this.
He lets his smile turn into something more genuine. “Maybe.”
“Yeah,” Atsushi murmurs, nodding slowly, his gaze distant as if searching for the right words. “I wish I could share my life with someone, just without all the… complications.” He waves his hand vaguely in the air, but Dazai understands. “Have you ever tried, though?”
“Tried what?” Dazai tilts his head, his eyes narrowing slightly in curiosity.
“The... you know, the romantic stuff.”
“The romantic stuff?” Dazai’s lips twitch with amusement as he suppresses a grin. “Do I need to give you 'the talk' about the birds and the bees, Atsushi-kun?”
Atsushi’s cheeks flush a deep crimson. “Stop it! Oh my god, don’t make it weird.” He lightly shoves Dazai’s shoulder.
Dazai laughs. It’s always been easy to laugh around Atsushi. “No, I’ve never been in any kind of romantic relationship,” he admits, his tone softening. “But I’ve had my share of... experiences. It never really made me feel anything, though. It’s pleasurable, sure, but it’s not enough to make me want to seek it out.” He shrugs.
Atsushi stares at him, his expression a mixture of surprise and something else—relief, perhaps. “I didn’t expect that. I thought I was alone in this.”
“You’re not,” Dazai reassures him. “And there are more people like us in the world, too. I’m sure of it.”
Their conversation trails off after that as both of them fall into a comfortable silence. Atsushi seems lost in thought and Dazai doesn’t push him, respecting his need for space. Even just sitting together in silence feels like the perfect way to spend the evening.
After finishing their drinks, they decide to head home.
It’s not a long walk, but they take their time, enjoying the warm embrace of the summer evening against their skin. The streets are quieter now as the bustling energy of the city is slowing down, and the air carries a hint of salt from the ocean.
“Look, the sun is setting,” Atsushi suddenly says. His eyes light up with a childlike excitement as he tugs Dazai’s hand, pulling him towards the shore. “Let’s have a look.”
They find a bench with a perfect view of the horizon, where the sun dips low, casting the sky in hues of gold, pink, and violet. The water reflects the colors, shimmering like fireworks. Over the years, they’ve watched countless sunsets together, each one a little different. This one, too, feels unique, and Dazai tucks the memory away, a precious keepsake among the many moments they’ve shared.
As they sit in the fading light, Atsushi breaks the silence, his voice soft. “You know, there was a time when I thought I might’ve had a crush on someone.”
Ah, so this topic is still on Atsushi’s mind.
“Oh? On who?” Dazai asks, but he doesn’t expect Atsushi’s reply at all.
Atsushi hesitates for a moment before meeting Dazai’s gaze. A small smile plays on his lips as he says, “On you.”
Dazai almost chokes on his tongue.
“You didn’t know? I can’t believe it. I thought I was terrible at hiding it.”
“Seriously?” Dazai asks. This is by far be the most shocking revelation of the day for him.
Atsushi softly chuckles, his laughter carrying a hint of nostalgia. “Yeah, seriously. Meeting you changed my life in so many ways. I think it was only natural to feel something like that. For a moment, I thought maybe I wanted all that relationship stuff with you, but then... I got to know you better, and I realized this—what we have now—is enough for me. You, me. Partners. It’s more than enough.”
Dazai feels a warmth spread through his chest that has nothing to do with the lingering warmth of the day. Without thinking, he wraps an arm around Atsushi’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Atsushi leans into the embrace, tilting his head against Dazai’s shoulder, and Dazai is reminded again of how warm Atsushi always is—a steady, comforting presence that’s become as essential to him as breathing.
“Yeah, it’s plenty,” Dazai murmurs, his voice tinged with affection as he gazes at the now darkening horizon.
But after a moment, Atsushi pulls away. A flicker of hesitation appears in his eyes, and he wrings his hands together, clearly still holding something back. Dazai waits patiently, giving him the space to find the words.
“That’s why,” Atsushi begins, his voice trembling slightly, “if it’s enough for you, too... to have someone to share a life with, I thought that maybe you’d be willing to...”
Dazai’s heart skips a beat as he realizes what Atsushi is leading to. He gasps theatrically, clutching dramatically at his chest, his eyes wide with exaggerated surprise. “Atsushi-kun, are you proposing to me?”
Atsushi’s face turns a deep shade of crimson, and he quickly looks away, mortified. “Oh my god, shut up. I knew it was a bad idea—”
Before he can finish, Dazai pulls him into a tight hug, cutting off his words. The tension melts from Atsushi’s body as he relaxes into Dazai’s embrace.
“I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else,” Dazai whispers softly into Atsushi’s ear. “It would be an honor.”
Atsushi buries his face in Dazai’s chest, and Dazai feels the dampness of his tears soaking through his shirt. He tightens his hold as his own heart swells with an overwhelming emotion.
“Likewise,” Atsushi whispers, his voice muffled but full of warmth.
The sun has already set, but they will share many more sunsets in the future.