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Aloy flicked through some files on her focus in a perturbed rush. Another one of Londra’s so-called leads turned into a dead end. Files upon files of useless data about long-gone weaponry. Another old doomsday bunker that didn’t live up to its potential. There was nothing here to give them an edge in anything, and this was far from the first place she’d looked. Years had already passed, leading them to nothing but empty hands, all while Nemesis approached. With each passing day, the weight on her shoulders was growing, and she was reaching a point where she felt like it was about to take her under.
“Got anything?”
Aloy shifted her line of sight to Erend, standing just beyond the display of her focus. He was eager and hopeful and everything she wasn’t. That alone perturbed her, too.
“I don’t know, Erend. You could always come look through these files yourself if you’re so interested.”
He looked at her for a moment with his soft eyes. “Aloy.” His voice was soft, too.
She let out a sigh because he didn’t deserve her wrath. It’s not like he even needed to be here. He had more things to do back in Meridian if Avad had his way, but when Erend needed a break, he came back out west specifically to help her. She should be grateful he was here, and she was. It was more that he was in the line of fire, but she already knew it wasn’t fair to him. She turned her focus off and rubbed the stress from her forehead because this wasn’t going anywhere, and she needed a minute.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a huff, and she didn’t even convince herself she was really sorry.
He moved around to the same side of the desk she was on, and she felt a hand on her shoulder. She almost felt compelled to shrug it off in her frustration, but she couldn’t—not to him, and not when he was being so supportive.
“Hey, it’s okay. I get it. This is getting…”
“Stressful?” she asked with a huff, finally turning around.
“I mean, I was going to say frustrating, tiring, nerve-wracking. The list goes on.” He waved his hand around to emphasize that there could be any number of descriptors to fit the bill.
“So, stressful,” she said with a laugh, finally smiling for real. At least he understood.
“Yeah.”
He had a light smile now that she’d cooled off a bit, and she was glad to see he didn’t seem too put off by her behavior because that was the last thing she wanted. She liked his presence. It was so much better than being alone, and his company was a treat she hadn’t gotten very often. Not since her group of friends dispersed while she was on the Burning Shores.
In fact, their eyes caught in a new and strange way, almost like she was looking at him for the first time, which was odd in and of itself after spending an entire week together to get all the way here from the base. That hope and eagerness he had turned into soft comforts and understanding exactly when she needed it. It’s almost like his eyes had the capacity to take a little weight off her shoulders and let her recenter. It was hard not to when he had such a soft expression like that.
She was just about to open her mouth and apologize more sincerely for her outburst when they heard a clang from down the hallway. Normally, it wouldn’t concern her too much, but this room was a dead end. They were pinned back here, making them more vulnerable.
Without a second thought, she took her spear out and ran for the doorway. A scrapper was down at the end of the hallway. Under normal circumstances, that wouldn’t have been anything to worry about, but when they wanted to prevent damaging the premises in case it could destroy evidence, and when they were stuck with the idea of fighting in such a closed space, it left them with very little to work with at their disposal.
Aloy tensed her grip on the spear because that would have to do this time. As it darted towards them, she felt more confident in this choice, anyway. It was better for close combat like this. She waited for the right moment, knowing it would leap as soon as it got closer, and as soon as it did, she rolled under it.
When she turned, she expected to plunge her spear into the scrapper as it recoiled, but it was already focused on Erend now. It had been so long since anyone came with her on one of these excursions, she’d gone straight back to her single-minded combat style. She hadn’t factored him into heading off against the scrapper at all.
Erend had his hammer out, but it was unwieldy for him in the tight hallway. He was far from helpless, but he was used to fighting out in the elements where he could take big swings, and she could see he was being a little more clumsy and fumbling as he was trying to be careful, considering the space they were fighting in. They were in such close proximity with each other, it was clear he didn’t want to hit her by accident, all while the scrapper kept darting towards him. He was swinging his hammer enough to fend him off, but his swings were too short to make any impact of value.
Flashbacks of the bristleback going after him in the daunt flooded her mind, and she didn’t waste another second running up to the scrapper and plunging her spear into its side, but not before it got a good swipe at Erend’s abdomen. Never was she more grateful than now that he wore that silly steel piece there for protection.
One swing wasn’t enough to take down the scrapper, so she made sure she finished the job, waiting for it to fall lifelessly to the ground. When she was done, she took a second to recapture her breath and try to let the adrenaline dissipate, but when she turned to Erend, it did anything but.
His hand was at his side, and when he pulled it away, it was covered in blood and not from a minor scrape. His hand was covered in it, and his shirt started to soak through.
“Erend?!” It came out more urgently than she intended. The last thing she wanted to do was panic him.
He looked at her, a little bewildered, almost as though he didn’t even know how it happened. Everything was so fast, she couldn’t really blame him, but she also wasn’t going to wait for a response. She immediately went to his side, clasping her hand over his wound tightly.
“Let’s find you somewhere to lie down so I can take a better look at it.”
“Uh… yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” he laughed a little, although it was clearly through the pain, but hopefully that was still a good sign.
She quickly brought up her focus, finding a map of this place.
“There. It looks like they had sleeping quarters just around the corner.”
“I’ll follow your lead.”
She didn’t waste a moment taking him down the hallway and around a corner. There was a wide set of doors, one halfway hanging off the hinges. She went for the other one, opening it gently. If one scrapper was in here, there could always be more.
As she made her way inside, she immediately noticed this was a much larger sleeping quarters than she expected. There were rows upon rows of bunk beds. Enough to house hundreds of people. She had a fleeting thought, wondering if it ever held that many, but there were more important matters at hand.
Seeing the number of beds in front of her, she almost felt paralyzed by choice as she considered where to put Erend. She looked behind her at the doors again. They were closed now, except for the gap left by the door off of its hinge, and it made her think about the risk of something else finding them. When she turned back to examine the room, she noted it was another dead end with no other doorways out of here, but it was large, and there was a clear path in a loop around the rows of bunk beds. Going to the back of the room was probably their safest bet. They’d be farther away from the doors, so the noise they would make would have less of a chance of carrying out into the hallway, but if they were discovered, they’d at least have options on how to get out or maybe even use the rows of beds as a distraction.
Having solidified her plan, she escorted Erend all the way to the back, helping him sit on one of the beds delicately. He grunted as he went, clear that the pain and reality of his injury were sinking in. She quickly undid the clasps of his armor, throwing it to the ground and helping him lie down more comfortably.
“Put pressure on it,” she ordered.
She immediately went to her pouch. From the way the blood was seeping through, it was already clear he’d need stitches, so she brought out her needle and thread and Skybrush ointment. When she was ready, he let go, and she peeled up his shirt. She must have staggered at the sight, because she caught Erend with a frightened look in his eye, trying to look between her and the wound, but at this angle, it wasn’t easy for him.
“How bad is it?”
It was deeper than she expected, but then again, she hadn’t expected him to get hurt at all. A simple misfortune that his arm was up, exposing his side, so that steel plate of his was rendered useless. It may have been deep, but not beyond repair. It was producing a good amount of blood, though, so she wanted to be quick.
“Worse than I expected, but you’ll live,” she said confidently despite not feeling that way inside.
He tried to watch her, but the way his body was tensing was only making it worse.
“Relax, will you?”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay.”
He sounded a little out of it, like maybe he was in shock, so she wanted to work quickly. Her hand shook as she brought the needle up to the wound, and she couldn’t explain it. She’d stitched up a wound hundreds of times, mostly to herself, even. If she could do that, surely she could repair Erend. The more blood seeped out, the more she felt encouraged to just do it, and so she did.
As the needle pierced Erend’s skin, he flinched and so did she. It didn’t make sense to her, but it was so much worse doing this to him than herself. She hated to see him like this. She hated to see him in pain. And what was worse was that she felt responsible for it in her recklessness. He came out here for her, and even so, she’d gone back to her old habits of working like she was independent and alone all over again. She was discrediting everything he’d done in her stress, and look where that led them.
She grimaced as she finished stitching him up and tying it shut, because it looked pretty rough, with remnants of blood drying over his flesh. It was the type of wound that would be sore for days, which wouldn’t be pleasant considering they had to travel for a week on their chargers just to get here.
She took out a clean piece of cloth, slathering the Skybrush ointment on it before she placed it over the wound. Erend hissed with the contact, making her flinch again.
“Alright, we should get something to hold this securely.”
“Yeah,” he said, struggling to sit up.
Aloy immediately went to help him. She helped him take his shirt off, too, nice and slow for his sake. She went to tear up an old sheet from one of the other beds to use as a wrap. When she came back, she did just that, wrapping his torso with the cloth, running her hand along it to ensure it was tight. His skin was clammy, probably from the fight and the rush of everything, or so she hoped. It should be too early for any infection to be setting in, or so she told herself.
When she was done, she sat on the bed next to him and examined him closely. His hair was a little tousled, and he looked flushed.
“Are you okay?”
He let out a singular laugh before he realized it hurt to do so and winced again. He smiled despite the pain. “I’ll be fine. I’ve had a lot worse, right?”
As mirthful as he seemed, she couldn’t find it in her to match it. She looked down at the floor, gripping the side of the bed.
“Didn’t take you as the squeamish type,” he continued.
“I’m not.”
“You’re not? Could have fooled me.”
She looked back up at him, surprised. Had she really given off that impression? She fixed herself so often that it was practically second nature, and she was no stranger to blood and festering wounds.
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, because I’m not,” she said, getting her focus back up and looking over the map.
She could still see him watching her through the corner of her eye before he finally turned to her focus display.
“So… what now?”
She let out a sigh, checking the map. Expanding it out, she realized this place was much larger than they initially thought. They’d taken the entire day to sift through this wing of offices, leading to nothing, but there were still more wings to search through. She was about to suggest going off alone when she turned back to him, seeing him in this vulnerable state. Leaving him alone was the last thing she wanted to do, even if she felt this underlying need to get something done.
She looked back at the map, noticing the time display in the little corner of the readout of her focus. Perhaps it was convenient that they made their way here to these sleeping quarters for more reasons than one, because it was already late. That was always an interesting thing about going underground. It was easy for the hours to slip away from you with no sense of day or night, and it always surprised her to see how much time had actually passed. So Aloy looked back at him. The wear was apparent on his face.
“Sleep,” she said abruptly as she stood up.
“You sure? I know there’s still a lot to check out.”
“Yeah, but it’s late, anyway. It’s not like we’re short on beds to choose from. May as well put them to use.” She looked around the room to emphasize as much, and it was almost comical just how many beds there really were.
He let out a careful snicker, nodding. “Well, if you’re sure.”
“I am. Get some rest, Erend,” she said, walking away to leave him there and let him do just that, because if she lingered, she knew they’d just end up talking into the night. It’s what they’d already been doing the whole week they traveled out here, but it’s not what she wanted now.
She walked all the way to the entrance of the room, looking through the gap at the top of the door. From what she could see of the hallway, it was empty and still. Nothing but the quiet, low hum resonated through them. She still felt a pull to go out there and explore and look for answers, but she couldn’t help but feel a stronger pull to stay.
Turning to the back of the room, she could see Erend’s sleeping form off in the distance. Well, maybe he wasn’t sleeping yet, but he was turned to the back wall, his face away from her view, looking so pure and innocent in that state.
What the hell was she doing? One minute, she was grateful for his presence, wanting to apologize, and the next, she was short and abrupt with him all over again, even after he got hurt. Maybe, especially after he got hurt.
Something about it was giving her the urge to run again. Not necessarily in the literal way that she’d done before, but that overbearing urge for distance. She couldn’t explain why, but it was enough to get her out into the hallway and check their surroundings. Or maybe it was just an excuse.
As she walked, the sight of Erend getting swiped at by the scrapper went through her mind again. Him getting rushed by the bristleback, too. She cringed at the simple memory of it and continued walking with more urgency.
When she made her way to the edge of the hallway, there wasn’t so much as a peep. Nothing was here. By all accounts, they were safe, or at least seemed to be. She looked down the hallway, and as much as she may have been tempted, she knew she didn’t want to go further. She brought out a tripcaster, figuring if she was here, she might as well do something. Leaving a trap could serve as an extra warning if something did come down this way.
When she was done, she was quiet as she returned to the sleeping quarters, delicately closing the door behind her. Looking back at Erend, he didn’t stir. Maybe he really was asleep already.
That left her looking around at all the beds. Hundreds of options, paralyzed by choice once again. She still felt like Erend’s bed was the right decision for him, but she could choose anywhere she wanted.
Finally, she turned to the bed right next to the front door. If something set off the trap or bypass it somehow, she’d hear it coming down the hallway. Logically, it felt like the right decision, so she sat in the bed with her back against the wall. Her mind was still racing and not ready for sleep.
Erend was barely still in her view under the dimmed lights. All week, they’d been sleeping back to back in their separate bedrolls for safety out in the elements, and now there was practically an ocean of beds between them. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this far apart, even when he was in Meridian.
In the dim lighting, the bandage over his torso was all that caught her eye, and the memory of his injury flooded her vision. She immediately turned to her own wall now, not wanting the reminder.
Her ears were keen to the hallway, yet still, nothing came, even after hours of tossing and turning and trying to find sleep herself. She was starting to think it was all just a distraction. Running from what hurt her the most. The thought of Erend getting hurt, and at her hand, no less.
Except it wasn’t just that, she thought, turning over to look at him again. When she did, she noticed he hadn’t so much as moved an inch. Maybe it made sense as he was trying to avoid straining his wound too much, but it was almost a little concerning, making her heart race.
She sat up from the bed, listening at the door one last time. There was still nothing there. They were safe now, and it was about time she understood that. She got up, walking over to Erend’s bed quietly to ensure she wasn’t disturbing him.
Seeing the steady rise and fall of his torso that came with a restful sleep was a relief. She couldn’t help but peek at the bandage left exposed. It hadn’t seeped through, even after a few hours, which meant she’d done a good job of closing it up. With her curiosities not satisfied, she moved up to check his forehead. She was thankful to see it wasn’t glistening with sweat. Her fingers lingered there, wanting to ensure he wasn’t burning up with a fever, but she thought better of it, seeing how peaceful he was.
He was fine. There was nothing to worry about. But when she turned back to the beds, she realized she didn’t want to go back to the one all the way over by the doors. She turned around to look at the other ones around Erend, and none of them were right, either. Nothing would feel right other than her back being against his.
There wasn’t much space left on this side of the mattress, but she didn’t want to disturb him even if there had been. Instead, she sat on the floor with her back resting against the edge. They may not have been touching, but their backs were aligned in spirit. They were together, and that’s what mattered. She rested her head on the mattress, and for the first time that night, she managed to get some sleep.
A shifting in the mattress and a slight jostle of her head woke Aloy up with a jolt. It seemed to startle Erend an equal amount as he turned with a grunt.
“Aloy?” he asked groggily.
“Yeah, it’s just me,” she answered quickly, hoping to dissipate his concern. She got up to her feet quickly, looking him over. He looked sore, but okay. There was still no glistening sweat on his forehead, but he held his arm limply around himself. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”
He sat up with great effort and patted the bed beside him. He looked at her carefully. “Kind of feels like I should be asking you that.”
She looked at him, confused.
“I know you’re stressed, but why does it feel like something’s a little off since we’ve been here?”
She was silent as she looked at the door across the ocean of beds. The urge to run was finally dying as she looked back at him, finding it hard to look him in the eye.
“Things haven’t been off since we’ve been here.”
He let out a slight laugh, shaking his head at her like he knew better, but he wasn’t going to push her on the topic. The lengths to which he was willing to put up with her bullshit was sometimes more than she thought she deserved, but she was glad because she wasn’t finished.
“Things have been off since you got hurt,” she clarified, and his funny expression grew more serious.
“Oh. But I’m okay, you know. You did a good job of fixin’ me up,” he said with a lighthearted laugh, clearly trying to lessen the severity this discussion had taken a turn into.
“Yeah.”
Again, she couldn’t find it in herself to meet his mirth, and she was beginning to understand why.
“Actually, I think you’re right. Something has been off ever since we’ve been here.” Her heart was pounding in her chest now, because she realized she’d been holding something in and hiding it away. Hiding it even from herself. “And it’s the same thing that’s been off after seeing you get hurt.”
He looked at her more seriously again. “What do you mean, Aloy?”
She swallowed thickly as she looked at him. It felt like a weakness to admit what she wanted to say. How was she supposed to tell him this and instill confidence they could win this thing?
“You know we don’t have many leads from Londra left to investigate, right?” she said weakly.
Erend’s hand immediately found its way to the small of her back. He’d never really done that before, but it was warm and comforting. Maybe he knew she needed it after the insinuation of what she was saying sunk in.
“Yeah, but we’re not out of options yet.”
She nodded despite her own disbelief. “Maybe not, but the more places I’ve gone, the more my hope has broken little by little. It feels like we’re going to be doomed to face off against Nemesis with nothing.”
He let out a sigh, and his hand was still on her back. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? I would have come and helped you shoulder the burden.”
She did smile at that, albeit weakly. “I know you would have. You’ve always been good for that.”
“Yeah, well, I hate the thought of you dealing with this on your own. This shouldn’t just be on you anymore.”
She nodded silently, looking back at that door, feeling more emboldened that she was on the right side of the room now.
“I know. I guess it’s been hard to give up my solitude. Something about you being here this time has only made that more clear to me.”
“Me?” he asked, confused. Almost hurt, even. His hand left her back, and she hated that the way it came out made him respond that way.
She nodded, feeling on the verge of tears at the thought. “You’re a reminder of what there is to lose if this doesn’t work out. I don’t want to lose you, Erend. I can’t. Not you.”
“Aloy,” he said, finally pulling her in with his free hand into a hug. She was careful not to touch his side, but wrapped her arms loosely around his neck instead. It was only here she finally felt like she could let go. Silent tears slipped through as he held her close. “You know I’m not going to go anywhere if I can help it, right?”
She left the hug, wiping away at the tears. “I think that’s the problem, though, isn’t it? We don’t really know what we can help.” She looked down at his abdomen. Sure, he was okay, but it was a deep wound. It could have been a lot worse. And a lot worse was coming straight for them. “I think the only difference now is I know I don’t want to run from it.”
Their eyes met again, and once again, he calmed her racing heart. He was the reason she felt this pain so intensely, but also the reason that made it all worthwhile.
“It hurts me to see you in pain. It hurts me to think of losing you. And I think seeing you this way finally made it all come to a head. I get it now. I hate seeing you this way, and I hate the pressure facing us, and it’s all because I love you, Erend.”
His mouth was agape, and his eyes were soft in disbelief. “What?”
“I know that probably sounds like it came out of thin air, but it didn’t. You know me. I have to run from things for a while until I start understanding how badly I need them. I’m sorry if that ever felt like I was pushing you away.”
He blinked at her like his heart might have stalled. “I’m sorry, you what?”
She let out the smallest laugh, shaking her head. “I said I love you, Erend.”
“That’s what I thought you said. I guess I just had to hear it twice for it to sink in,” he said, and his smile was so wide it was almost enough to make her forget about the world, if only for a moment.
“Is that all you have to say?” she asked teasingly.
He let out a small laugh, looking at his feet nervously. “Shit. Well, if it wasn’t clear, I think I’ve been in love with you ever since I said I was lucky you’d ever give me a minute of your time.”
She smiled lightly with a nod. “I think it’s safe to say I’ve given you a lot more than that now.”
“You have.”
He leaned in close to her. Their foreheads touched, and she sought his hand with hers, holding it close.
“Hell, I think you might have just given me enough of a burst of energy to go explore the rest of this place if you’re ready,” he said.
She smiled lightly, looking back down at the bed. “I don’t know. I’d kind of like to savor this for a while if you’re okay with it. I’m not ready to go back out there yet. I’m not ready to face all that. Not when I’m so happy right now. Just let me hold on to that for a little while longer. Please.”
“Of course. Always,” he said, moving out of the way to make space for her in the bed.
She didn’t hesitate to join him, resting near the wall. He laid down beside her, and she had never felt more right than in that moment. And to think, all that sleeping back to back for that entire week. They had been so close to the answer she sought all along, but she was glad to have gotten it right now.
She lightly grazed his wound, still not having bled through the bandage. But one thing was left unanswered. The back of her hand finally graced his forehead. It was a healthy cool to the touch.
“What are you doing?” he asked, clearly amused.
“Just checking for a fever. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while, but especially now. I don’t want you to wake up thinking you’re delirious.”
He let out a small laugh. “Well, I feel pretty certain I don’t have an infection, but I don’t know if that would prevent me from feeling like this is all some sort of fever dream.”
She smiled, realizing they had forgotten a vital step to seal the deal. Her hand traced down to his cheek and behind his head to pull him closer. He was more than willing.
“Well, maybe this will help,” she said in a low voice.
She closed the distance between them, and her lips grazed his. They were soft and pliable and eager. If he wasn’t injured, she could see themselves getting a little lost in it, but there would be plenty of time for that now. As much as she didn’t want to, she parted, but with a happy and fulfilled smile.
He let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I’m not sure if that helped. In fact, might have made it worse.”
She shook her head at him. “Something tells me we’ll still be doing that twenty years from now, and you’ll still think it’s a fever dream.”
He smiled so widely again. That same brave and innocent smile that emboldened her in everything.
“What?”
He lightly tucked one of her braids behind her ear. “You just said you could see us doing this in twenty years.”
“You don’t?”
“Of course I do.” He was silent for a moment, looking at the wall behind her before their eyes met again. “It’s just... maybe we didn’t find what we were looking for here, but maybe we found exactly what we needed.”
“What’s that?”
“We found the reason to keep going.”
She smiled weakly. Her hand was back resting on his jaw, her thumb running along his cheek. “Except I think I had that all along, really. It’s just that I finally let myself see it.”
“And I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you did.” His serious expression turned into a cheeky grin. “But if you want to see me shirtless, just ask next time.”
She scoffed at him playfully, but it quickly turned into a smile. She cuddled into him, twining her leg between his, still careful of his injury, and she fell asleep like that, resting in his arms. It might have just been the easiest sleep she’d ever found.
And little did they know, a reason to keep going wouldn’t be the only thing they’d find here. Waiting for them in one of the other wings of the bunker would be their answer to fighting Nemesis. This was the place that changed everything.
But not now. Now, Aloy would learn to take the little moments and appreciate the person right in front of her—the same person who had been by her side ever since the beginning and would stick with her to the end. Who ever would have thought that finding her place in the world would be this one little bed among an ocean of others, right when it had been under her nose the entire time.