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“I can’t believe you did this to me! I HATE YOU!”
“WELL I HATE YOU MORE!!”
“NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN, TENMA!! I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!”
“FINE!!!!”
Tsukasa listened in, concerned, pressing his ear against the door to Saki’s bedroom.
About an hour ago, she went in with Ichika to play some board games. He wanted to leave them alone and let them have fun, but then he heard shouting, and he just had to go check in on them.
And now, hearing this, he had… two main concerns.
First of all… what happened? Did they get into an argument? Oh no, they didn’t hurt each other, did they? He could feel the worry overwhelm him. His heart was pounding. Ichika was Saki’s best friend-- and, at this point, he was even suspecting she might be her girlfriend. If this was the end for them… well, let’s just say, nobody would take that very well.
It would be the end of… everything, really. Their playdates, their… possibly real dates, the time they spent together, all the care and compassion they have for each other… if they were breaking off, it would all be for nothing.
But secondly-- and this was what baffled him the most-- SINCE WHEN WERE THEY MARRIED?!?!!!??!?!
Seriously, they weren’t even old enough to drive yet, much less get GAY MARRIED. LEGALLY GAY MARRIED.
Tsukasa was just about to scream about that when the door opened, nearly causing him to topple over.
“Tsukasa! Set up a courtroom,” Saki demanded, seemingly unfazed by his presence. “Hoshino and I are getting divorced!”
“...wait, wait-- did you just call her…?”
“She doesn’t deserve to be called Ichi anymore,” Saki spat, glaring back at Ichika. In response, Ichika rolled her eyes and looked away.
…
Oh no.
Oh, this really was bad.
They… they really were mad at each other.
…
For a second, he didn’t know what to do. If he messed this up, it could seriously end everything. It could ruin the delicate relationship that they had worked so hard to build up over the years.
Okay. He took a deep breath. He had to quell the situation somehow, and being panicked would get him nowhere. He had to get them to talk this out peacefully like the responsible, civil, almost-adults that they are.
“W- wait, Saki,” he chuckled, “why don’t you first tell me what happened…?”
“We can talk that out later, set up a courtroom first!” Saki huffed.
…
Okay… looks like he’ll have to give in to their demands if he wanted to sort this out.
But how the hell was he supposed to set up a divorce courtroom????
…
…
Approximately ten minutes later, Tsukasa kneeled on a cushion behind a table, while the two soon-to-be divorced girls kneeled on cushions across from him.
“So this is my judge… lawyer… table… thing,” he established, motioning to the table. “This is my seat, and those are your seats. Does that work?”
“Uhh… yeah, I think that’s fine,” Ichika nodded.
“Yeahhh… good enough,” Saki agreed. “Now, back to business!” She dramatically slammed the table, making everyone flinch. “Hoshino and I are filing for divorce!”
Right… the divorce, despite never having actually been married.
“Ah… why don’t you tell me what happened first?” Tsukasa asked. “You can’t really come to a proper divorce agreement without explaining the cause… I think.”
“Hmph… fine,” Saki grumbled. “You see, the thing is--”
“Little miss Tenma here cheated!” Ichika blurted out. “Years ago, she cheated on me with Honami, and I didn’t find out until now. We’re ten whole years into our marriage!”
…
…
Saki… did… WHAT?!
N- no… no, this had to be a misunderstanding, right? Saki wouldn’t do something like that! Saki loved Ichika, whether as a friend or as a… a wife, apparently. Saki cared about her, Saki was kind, Saki was honest, Saki wouldn’t…
She… she wouldn’t…
…
On the outside, he remained composed. As composed as he could, at least-- in this situation, freaking out and shouting at the top of his lungs was a pretty bad idea. But internally, everything was screaming and lights were flashing and he must’ve died of shock at least 28434957345 billion times.
No.
No, this had to be a misunderstanding.
This wasn’t something that Saki would--
“Need I remind you,” Saki interrupted, “that YOU cheated too?! With Shiho?!?!”
…
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!
They…
No, no, Ichika wouldn’t do that either! Both of them were better than that! And Honami and Shiho would know better, too!
This was… no, this couldn’t be true.
This was a misunderstanding.
This was definitely a misunderstanding.
Tsukasa cleared his throat, trying to keep his breaths from starting to falter.
“O… okay… I’m sure we can sort this out, just… tell me what happened.”
“Allow me,” Saki scoffed. “It all started when we were playing Uno…”
The two were playing Uno. Stakes were high, with both girls down to their last card-- neither of which were playable.
Ichika drew a card. Then Saki, then Ichika again, then Saki again.
“Ugh… I’d give up my firstborn daughter Mochizuki Saki Jr. for a green,” Saki groaned. Then, realizing what she just said, she gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth.
Ichika lowered her cards. “You… have a child?”
“I- Ichi, I swear, it was just one time…! I’m so sorry, I’ll never do it again, I promise…!”
But Ichika wasn’t having it.
“You… had a child with Honami…?! W- when was this?! Why didn’t I know about this?!”
Saki sniffled. She couldn’t believe she had just let out her secret. A secret so big that this would ruin their relationship forever. It would ruin their ten happy years of marriage. All because of one little mistake.
“M- my little Junior is turning six this year,” she sobbed. “I- I’m sorry for never telling you, I--” Her own cries cut her off. “We were young and foolish, I’m sorry…! Please, forgive me, I promise it only happened once…!”
“I… I can’t believe you would do this to me!” Ichika shouted. “I… I can’t believe it, I just-- I really can’t, I… I need to call Honami, I’m asking her if this is true…!”
“F- fine,” Saki muttered, wiping her tears. “But just know that you’re the only one I love…!”
By the time Saki finished saying that, Honami had already picked up the phone.
“Honami,” Ichika started, wasting no time. “Did you have a child with Saki?!”
She put Honami on speakerphone so that Saki could hear.
“Ah… you mean Saki Jr.?” Honami asked. When Ichika heard that, her expression turned to pure shock. “Yes, Saki’s been paying me child support--”
“SAKI! IS THAT WHY YOU BORROW SO MUCH MONEY FROM ME?!”
“I’m sorry, Ichi! It’s my duty as a mother,” Saki huffed. “Honami needs that money to take care of our child!”
“Seriously?! I could’ve been using that money to provide for MY child instea--”
Ichika cut herself off with a fearful screech. Saki gasped.
“You… you cheated too…?!”
All of a sudden, her regret, her sadness, and her fear all turned to anger. Fury.
Ichika had made it out to be such a big deal. As if Ichika were a total saint who could never do anything wrong. But she was guilty of the exact same crime, and she knew it. She was such a hypocrite.
Saki couldn’t believe it. Her own wife was treating her like this. The person she had vowed to spend the rest of her life with. She scowled.
“Well then… if you don’t mind me asking, who was it with?”
Saki noticed the way Ichika was trembling. Still, she just barely managed to squeak out, “Shiho…”
“SHIHO?!?!?!?!”
Shiho must’ve been with Honami at the moment, because right on cue, Shiho’s voice came from the phone. “Did someone call for me?”
“Oh! They were just asking about the kids,” Honami cheerfully said.
“The kids…? Ah, you mean Shichika? They’re--”
Ichika hung up in a panic before Shiho could say any more.
Meanwhile, Saki’s jaw was practically on the floor. “SHICHIKA???? YOU NAMED YOUR CHILD SHICHIKA??????”
“Says the one who named her daughter Saki Jr.!”
“Does that really matter right now?!” Saki shouted. “You cheated on me and then acted like it was the biggest deal ever when I did the same!”
“It IS a big deal! Cheating is a big deal, Tenma!”
Saki froze. Whether out of shock or anger, she wasn’t sure.
“What… did you just call me…?”
“You don’t deserve to be called by your first name anymore,” Ichika declared. “I can’t believe you did this to me! I HATE YOU!”
…
Ichika… hated her, huh?
…
No. Not Ichika.
If Saki lost first name privileges, then so did she.
HOSHINO hated her.
…
You know what?
“WELL I HATE YOU MORE,” she shouted back, channeling all her fury.
“NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN, TENMA!! I WANT A DIVORCE!!!!”
“FINE!!!!”
And that was the end of that.
“So, there. That’s my part of the story.” Saki crossed her arms. “Although I’m sure Hoshino here would tell it differently.”
…
Tsukasa had the Akito face.
What. The fuck.
Saki-- Saki had a child?!
BOTH OF THEM HAD A CHILD?!
AND THEY WERE GETTING DIVORCED OVER IT????!?!!!?!?!!?
This was-- what the hell was--
Before he could even have a chance to process any of that information, Ichika said, “That wasn’t too bad of a recount… if it weren’t for Tenma’s biased viewpoints. Here, let me tell you my perspective.”
Internally, Tsukasa sobbed, having absolutely no idea what was happening.
He prayed with all of his heart that they were messing with him right now.
Ichika wasn’t perfect. Far from it. And she had already come to terms with that fact long ago.
She’s made her fair share of mistakes. She’s told a couple lies before, she’s stolen a few little knicknacks, and… unfortunately… she’s cheated on her wife.
But at least she understood that this was inexcusable. Every day, she regrets her choice. She loved Hoshimori Shichika with all her heart, she really did. But at the same time… she understood that her beloved child was not born out of true love.
She could barely even look her own child in the eyes without being overwhelmed by the guilt of what she’s done. And she knew that if she ever told Saki, everything would be over. She already knew that Saki would be devastated at best, and she didn’t even want to think about what the worst case scenario would be.
It was better to keep this to herself and face this alone. For both her own sake… and for Saki.
…
The day their secrets were spilled, Ichika felt a fury like no other.
She was enraged. Of course she was. There was no excuse for cheating.
And even though she knew she was guilty of the same, she just… god, she couldn’t help herself. She was pissed.
Saki didn’t tell her earlier; she was fine with that. She understood. She had done the same, and she understood why.
Saki felt remorse. Ichika understood. She had done the same, and she understood why.
But then, Saki acted like it was completely excusable, and that Ichika shouldn’t be so angry about it, just because she had done the same.
No.
That’s not how it works.
She was simply treating Saki the same way she had treated herself when she did the same.
With anger.
With contempt.
With disgust.
It’s only fair, isn’t it? It’s only logical, isn’t it?
She had the right to be angry, didn’t she?
And yet, at her hatred, Saki only got angrier.
…
She felt conflicted.
This wasn’t the same girl she had married all those years ago.
Saki loved her. Saki cared about her. Saki would never treat her that way.
But she’s changed.
Tenma’s changed.
Perhaps it was because of the situation. Or simply because of a natural growth over time.
Either way… they couldn’t go on like this.
They couldn’t come to an agreement.
Both girls hated each other now. And after all this, their relationship wasn’t worth saving.
With a deep inhale, she said…
“Never talk to me again, Tenma. I want a divorce.”
Tsukasa could do nothing more than stare, mouth agape.
Okay. He-- he had to put his thoughts together real quick.
So, Ichika and Saki were filing for divorce. Because both of them cheated on each other. With their childhood friends.
And they have children, one of which is turning 6 this year.
And they pay child support. Saki does, at least.
And they seem to be biological children, so--
Wait.
Wait a goddamn moment.
Tsukasa froze as a sudden thought popped into his head.
How the hell would a group of preteen girls have biological children?!?!?!?!
…
Tsukasa let out a deep, deep sigh.
Mostly of astonishment as his stupidity, but also of overwhelming relief.
Okay. They were absolutely messing with him.
Thank god. Thank fucking god.
So he’ll just play along, and everything will be fine… hopefully.
“That’s… very tragic to hear,” he informed them. “Uhm… I know nothing about the divorce process, so let’s just-- let’s sign the divorce papers, or… whatever happens now! …gimme a moment.”
He quickly grabbed a sheet of lined paper and a pen, scrawled down some words, and handed the paper and pen to them. Both of them signed it without a word.
Then, he signed it as well.
Divorce papers
Sign here:
x Hoshino Ichika
x Tenma Saki
Congrats!!!! You’re divorced!!!!
Signed:
x Judge-lawyer-whatever Tenma Tsukasa
“Congrats on your divorce, you two!”
“Finally,” Ichika said with a scowl. “I couldn’t stand being with Tenma for one second longer.”
“Me neither,” Saki agreed. Then, she pulled something out of her pocket. “So, uhm, now that that’s all over… wanna get married again, Ichi?”
She presented the item.
It was a ring pop.
Ichika gasped dramatically, covering her mouth with her hands.
“Yes, absolutely! You’re the love of my life, Saki!”
“Yayyy!! Tsukasa, get rid of this divorce courtroom and set up a church! We’re getting married!!!!!”
…
...
Tsukasa sighed.
His sister sure was an interesting person.
“Ugh… I’d give up my firstborn daughter Mochizuki Saki Jr. for a green,” Saki groaned. This game of Uno had been going on for far too long, and she just wanted to win already. But the mention of her beloved daughter caused a laugh to sneak out, no matter how hard she tried to keep it down.
Ichika suddenly set down her cards. “Wait-- Saki Jr.?! Isn’t she--”
“Yeah, wait,” she giggled, “I think I have a picture in my phone…”
After a bit of searching, she presented Ichika with a screenshot of her gacha life character that she made with Honami.
“Oh my god… oh my god, I forgot all about her,” Ichika said with a snort. “Wait, wait-- do you still have Shichika?”
“I FORGOT YOU NAMED THEM THAT,” Saki said, her laughter becoming uncontrollable. By now, her cheeks were hurting, and she could hardly keep herself from doubling over. “That’s such a stupid name-- here, scroll until you find them!”
After swiping through a few images, Ichika burst out into laughter and showed Saki a screenshot of the character she made with Shiho. “Aah, the memories,” she groaned with a giggle.
Saki took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down. “Aah… oh my god, I gotta show the others--!”
Saki grabbed her phone back and started typing.
Saki: [sent 2 images]
Saki: GUYS
Saki: REMEMBER OUR CHILDREN
Honami: oh lord
Honami: is that Saki jr
Saki: YEAH LMFAO
Shiho: …
Shiho: why did we name it shichika
Saki: “IT”????
Shiho: that thing does not deserve to be referred to as a human
Saki: EXCUSE ME THAT IS YOUR CHILD
Saki: APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW
“Wait, wait, wait-- did we make these before or after we got married?” Ichika suddenly asked. “It was after, right?”
“Uh… yeah, probably? I think we got married way before gacha life came out,” Saki said, trying to remember her wedding day. “At the playground, I think. When we were… 7? Ish? With a ring made of grass?”
“Ohhhh… Ah, gosh, I remember that,” Ichika said with a smile.
“Yeah… hey, hey, wait! That means-- technically, you cheated on me with Shiho! You had a child with her,” Saki accused with a dramatic finger pointed at Ichika.
Ichika gasped theatrically. “Well, that means you cheated too! I want a divorce!”
But Saki couldn’t focus on Ichika’s words. A brilliant idea had come to mind. Her smile slowly grew wider. “Give me a moment,” she said, pulling out her phone once more.
Saki: guys
Saki: yk what would be so funny
Honami: ?
Saki: wait can we call rq
Saki: i need some material to work off of >:)