Archive of Our Own ^beta

Urgent Quandary! I Slept with My Best Friend? Roommate? Landlord? (r/relationship_advice)

submitted 6 hours ago by Sudden_Ambassador502

I am posting this on a "throwaway account" to preserve the anonymity of all parties involved.

I, (40M) and the rest of my family “LTX” (9M) have recently taken up residence at the home of my very dear friend and traveling companion “T” (38M). Despite our long acquaintance, T has always valued his privacy, and I was touched that he nonetheless felt comfortable enough to extend the offer. Though I was anxious about the inconveniences we might pose as houseguests, the offer was appealing in the extreme; I was at that time living with my mother, brother, and brother's family and feeling all the truth of the adage that “you can never go home again.“ The move was similarly very positive for LTX and the district has provided him with many opportunities that he might not otherwise have.

My friend's home is quite large, but unfortunately very sorely in need of repairs after being neglected for many years during a prolonged dispute over inheritance. He has been deaf to any of my offers to pay rent or otherwise help fund any improvements, but he has willingly accepted my assistance in the many repairs and projects necessary to restore his home to good condition. It is no small undertaking, but setting things to rights has been immensely satisfying, and all tasks feel lighter in company.

We have fallen into a pleasant routine of working side by side throughout the day, sometimes with LTX to help us, and then spending the evening playing cards or billiards, or occasionally simply with a fire and a bottle of good port.These last several months have been filled with a contentment I have not known in years, and which, truly, I had not thought to look for. My friend, too, seemed very glad for the company. Perhaps it was the rawest sentimentality on my part, but I had begun to consider how things might continue on so indefinitely, and to take great comfort in the imagining of it.

You can then imagine my surprise and alarm when last night the conversation moved to him considering taking the overland route to Nepal.

Some backstory: this is a journey he has been contemplating for some time. I should not have been surprised that he might propose it now that the majority of his affairs of inheritance have been set in order, but I was unprepared for the deep anxiety that rose in me the moment he began to speak of it.

I hardly knew what to say to him, simultaneously fearing his zeal for this new endeavor may have arisen out of some desire to absent himself from our frequent company, or perhaps some misplaced belief that we were unhappy with this shared arrangement. Had I been so absorbed in matters of my own comfort that I had failed to notice that he was reaching the ends of his own tolerance?

The thought that I had so grossly overreached his hospitality struck me as hard as a physical blow. I cast about for some anchor, finding it at last in a long draught from my glass. When I had recovered enough, I resolved that I must seek a better understanding of the matter with him, and endeavor to apologize for any part I had in making him seek to flee the home he had fought for for so long. When I at last raised my eyes to his again, I found him regarding me with a curious expression.

I said that while I wished him every success on his travels, I hoped that his decision was not because he no longer felt at ease in his own home; if such a thing were the case, I begged him to tell me so at once so that LTX and I could begin an immediate search for alternate lodgings in the district.

No, he was quick to reassure me, and begged in turn that I would set aside any thought of shifting myself or LTX. It was only his worry that I might grow dissatisfied with his continued company, and that he hoped to preserve our time here by ensuring that he did not overburden us with his own persistent company.

After all, he said, familiarity so often breeds contempt.

At this he rose abruptly and went to the window with his drink. I was so shocked by this it took me a moment to rise and seek him out. When I reached him, he did not turn to me, but instead remained looking out upon the grounds with such a look upon his face.

I will tell you that he is not a particularly expressive man. Both by natural inclination and from professional necessity, he tends heavily towards keeping his own counsel, both in words and mien. I have known him for some eight years now, though, and when I drew up beside him to look upon him there was an almost unbearable look of loneliness upon his countenance.

I found my own voice strained when I was able to speak at last. I told him truthfully that these last six-month had held more happiness than the last six years combined, and that while he, of all people, should know that I have often been forced to reconsider my convictions, in the many years of our acquaintance my regard for him has only grown, never lessened; that I had said once that I thought I would be sorrier to lose him than I yet knew, and that now I could be certain that to lose him would be unbearable.

I knew at once my words had found their mark as a jolt went through his lean body as though he had been stung, or as from an electrical shock. It seemed to me, too, that the air very nearly crackled with it. He did not turn to face me again at first, but instead drew in a shaking breath and raised his hand and struck away the wetness from his eyes.

I found myself, almost outside of my own volition, raising a hand to his cheek. I cannot say what possessed me to take such liberties, only that I had some wild thought to see his face again, and to see the bleak loneliness gone. He turned as I reached for him and as I laid my hand against his cheek he threw down his drink and fell, with all apparent willingness, into my arms.

To elaborate on further details of the evening would impinge on the privacy of all parties involved. Suffice to say that we met each other with a physicality heretofore unknown to our relationship and I am afraid exhaustion claimed the both of us before we could speak at any further length on matters as they stand between us.

I woke this morning to find a pot of coffee already brewed and the house otherwise empty. Our shared calendar indicates he had a meeting of some import with his solicitor this morning, which is where I assume he has gone. I am writing this now at an utter loss as to how I shall approach the situation with him when he returns home.

He has taken such pains to secure my comfort in all other matters of my stay, I worry that he may feel obligated to continue such intimacies. How do I impress upon him that my continued esteem, as well as my desire for continued residence, is based on our longstanding friendship, and not any new expectation of physical congress?

I have few close confidants with whom I might unburden myself to or ask for advice. One is a former romantic partner, and it hardly feels seemly to ask her to provide such insights; the other is perhaps the only person in whom my friend might choose to confide, and I feel it is unfair to prematurely color his opinions by reaching out first, should we both decide to prevail upon him.

I would be exceptionally grateful for any insight or direction anyone who has been in a similar situation might be able to provide.

(Also, I will be cross posting this on r/cleaning as well, but if anyone has any recommendations for removing Madeira stains from various fabrics, I would find myself entirely in your debt.)

1955 comments

785 comments

27

Assistance with Nepali Vow Translation (r/translator)

submitted 8 days ago byReliantCaptain73

Humbly requesting a more fluent Nepali speaker review these vows and confirm they express the appropriate sentiments.

3 comments