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You've always been told you were long and lanky, tall for your age and skinny as a result of so many growthspurts.
Toriel's food was always good, but monster food didn't work like human food. Sure, you always felt energized and ready for the day after eating it, but it didn't have the nutrients a material body like yours needed.
After learning this, you thought about telling Tori, but you've always been long and lanky. Skinny.
You didn't really want that to change now that you were done growing.
-----
Chara is stuck in the underground. You wish you could take them with you like you did Flowey, but they don't want you to tell Alphys.
You've read so many books about SOULS and how DETERMINATION works in humans, so many books on why Chara is a ghost but why you didn't stay dead. None have given you an appropriate answer.
You're kind of glad Chara isn't around you forever, you like having some privacy.
You think maybe Chara ate like you, since Toriel had no idea that monster food couldn't sustain humans for a prolonged period of time.
Or maybe Chara was around for a shorter amount of time than you thought.
Afterall, you only realized what was happening about a month after eating only Tori's cooking. And at first you didn't even think it was the monster food.
You never thought to ask how long Chara was with the goats. (It couldn't have been shorter than a month, really. Since Toriel did know to dull the sharp objects.)
At the thought, you rub your lower thighs. You can feel the bumps through your jeans. You actually haven't thought about that since you fell, your skin itches at the memory. You wonder if your old backpack still has your kit in it.
You'll check when you get home, for now you have a math test to skip.
-----
The moment the bus drops you off, you run to your bedroom. Toriel is probably still at the school, and the skeleton brothers shouldn't turn up until they bring Toriel home. So you have plenty of time to be self destructive in peace.
You've been trading other kids at school for the little food you need to sustain your human body. Tori has been kind enough to give you an allowance, and you give other kids money for things like candy bars, bags of chips, and soda at lunch.
Toriel buys fruit and vegetable for the house, and your school gives out free granola bars at lunch, so you get all the nutrients you need to survive. Just very little of it.
The monster food keeps you energized, while the human food keeps you alive. It's a fifty-fifty situation, really.
As your thoughts reach their end, you find the back of your closet. You also find the red backpack you had with you in foster care.
Digging through the pockets, you find a small pencil case of your "essentials".
Pads, gauze, razors, bandage tape, and the only pictures of your birth mother you've ever seen.
Migrating to the bathroom, you bring the entire pencil case with you, turn the shower on, lock the door, and pull your pants down.
Leaning against the edge of the tub, you rub your scars, finding a bare spot. You take your razor out of the pencil case.
-----
You don't take a full shower, only getting your hair wet before changing into more comfortable clothes.
You trace your ribs in the mirror, rubbing your hands along your clavicle. You don't remember them ever being so present before.
You think if you checked, you'd find a gap between your thighs.
Whatever. You wait on the sofa until Toriel, Papyrus, and Sans show up, flipping between channels before you land on Animal Planet. You want a distraction, you keep thinking about the new additions to your skin.
Eventually your family does show up, and you eat more monster food. It tastes so much like human food, it doesn't feel like you're cheating an eating disorder. You can almost forget about how much you want to feel full, to feel the food sit complacent in your stomach.
You itch at your wrist the entire time you sit at the table, feeling the bones, scratching skin raw. You can't stop thinking. But your brain remains so empty.
-----
You think Toriel noticed something was off. She's been making your favorite food, letting you have desert more often, buying you more candy.
You wish you could tell her, but it's been too long to tell her what you've noticed without having to tell her what you've been doing to you body.
You wonder if it's too late to ask for help.
You think Papyrus would say 'It's never too late to ask for help!' maybe Sans would ruffle your hair, ask if you wanted to talk about it. He'd probably accept no as an answer. You think he's been where you are before.
Bone doesn't chip that easily, and definitely not in the pattern you've seen his.
Toriel has definitely told the rest of your family that she thinks something is up. Undyne didn't say anything when you faked push-ups in gym, Alphys offered to help with your schoolwork, and Asgore grew you some buttercups to take care of. (Since he's taking care of Flowey).
You think about visiting Chara again. Would they really understand? You hope they're resting easy. You've read recently that if a human soul is happy, it has an easier time staying dead.
You think about bringing Flowey with you to visit their grave. Maybe he'd appreciate that, to the best of his abilities anyways.
Maybe you really are a bad person, maybe you deserve to suffer like someone who has actual anorexia does.
You tell Toriel you aren't hungry when she makes breakfast the next morning. You "forget" your lunchbox in your locker, and you tell Toriel you're too tired to eat dinner.
She asks to have a talk with you.
"My child, have you been feeling well?"
You nod, say "The flu is going around the other humans, maybe I just caught that."
She gives you a glass of warm milk. Monsters don't have milk, it's human food. She's never bought milk before.
You think she knows.
You bite your lip as your throat tightens. You think tears well up in your eyes. Toriel hesitates, then she hugs you.
You call her mom for the first time. She sheds a tear herself.
You both end up curled on the couch, watching bad 80's movies and eating stale popcorn. Human popcorn.
You tell Toriel everything about your eating problems, she asks if you would like to start therapy.
You hesitate, but you agree in the end.
-----
Weekly visits is what Toriel has scheduled you for. Your therapist's name is Toby. He's kind, funny, and knows how to listen to you when you're talking. He makes you feel like an equal.
You feel guilty as you rub your fingers across you patterned skin. Toriel still doesn't know about that, she hasn't seen the scars, she hasn't seen any of your scars. None of your family has. Not Papyrus, not Sans, not Undyne, not Alphys, not Asgore, not Mettaton, and certainly not Toriel.
You think Flowey's gotten a glance. He sleeps in your room now. After the buttercups died, Asgore asked you to take care of him.
He does notice you think, but when you take a little too long in the shower, he looks at you with something in his eyes. Not concern, since he probably(?) can't feel that, but something akin to concern.
New scars have popped up, puffy and purple. You keep moving up further and further up your thigh. You think about relapsing on your arms, but the scars on your shoulders are already pushing it.
It's fine, Toriel never goes clothes shopping without you with her. So you can pick the right lengths of shorts, sleeves, and collars.
She also has started to buy a healthy balance of human and monster food. If you have a main course of monster food, she'll give you a side of human food, and vice versa.
Sans and Papyrus have said they're fans, though you're not sure how they can even taste it.
You're all sitting at the dining table one day, Toriel and Sans are passing jokes, while Papyrus scowls at most of Sans', you see him chuckle at most of Tori's.
It warms your heart.
You're washing the dishes when Sans decides to get more ketchup.
"So kid, how've you been recently?"
You tell Sans you've been fine.
"Is that so? Tori was pretty worried for a while."
Your hands still, you shuffle your feet while trying to think of what to say. You don't get a chance to respond.
"Y'know, even if she's convinced, I'm not. We're more similar than you think, Frisk."
The two of you continue talking. He says he's noticed the scars on your shoulders, how you're always picking at your thighs through your jeans, how there's always blood under your nails, and the new blood stains on more than one pair of sweatpants.
You confess your old habits. He hugs you, asks you to tell Mom. You say you aren't ready, but maybe soon.
Maybe soon.