Chapter Text
The answer is C
The answer to me is kiss my ass.
Very mature. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Jeremy scowled to himself in the middle of his math test, his hand clenching his pencil tightly. The clock ticked. It was 3:52 and he had 8 more minutes until he could finish this test.
Just listen to me and this will be a breeze.
Would literally rather die.
You’re going to fail. You’ll be held back. Imagine being a junior again. How disappointed would your father be? Just listen to m-
“5 minutes left guys, remember to put your name on it” Jeremy’s math teacher said.
Jeremy’s eye twitched as he double checked that he put his name and circled in B.
theres a 25% chance you are correct while there is a 100% chance I am correct. Just listen to me.
Yeah no.
Is this solely out of spite?
Oh duh.
hm.
The bell rings and Jeremy stands up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He puts down his test at his teachers desk before leaving, picking at the edge of his nails.
it’s been 2 months since he got released from the hospital. 2 months since that disaster of a play. So many things happened yet so little did at the same time.
1. He woke up with no voices in his head.
Ohoho that was weird.When he awoke in a hospital bed, he didn’t hear the familiar smooth, robotic voice he finally gotten used to. No. It was empty. His mind was quiet.
well until Rich broke the silence but still.
And not only that, he didn’t know what to do. Throughout the months he did was he was told. Pick up this, say that, smile, wear this, etc. now without the Squip…he had this ache in his head.
One time, he literally hovered over Brooke and Jenna talking and couldn’t speak because he didn’t know if he was allowed to. He didn’t speak for 4 minutes until Jenna spoke up and asked why he was so quiet.
So yeah. Not chill fun.
2. he got together with Christine! And then got broken up with a couple weeks later.
Honestly, it wasn’t even that hard to ask her out. He just asked her. And she said yes. They went on a couple dates, hung out, even kissed once or twice.
Obviously they went to the bowling alley for her performance art piece. Then promptly got kicked out.
”They just don’t know art” Jeremy tried to reassure her, holding her hand. He tried not to worry if his palms were to sweaty.
Christine laughed loudly until it faded and she gave a bittersweet smile, “thanks Jeremy”
There were a lot of those. The sad smiles. The furrowed eyebrows as she would stare off into space. He didn’t really know what to do so he got her stuff but that seemed to make her feel worst.
She paused Legally Blonde and started talking. “I need to talk to you about something” she’s fiddling with the hem of her dress and he immediately knew something was wrong.
”Jeremy, you are so nice and sweet and I really like hanging out with you” she starts.
Jeremy picked at his frayed gray sweatshirt (He’s to scared to throw it out. He got it during the Squip days) “but…?”
She flexes her fingers, “that’s all. I like hanging out with you. I don’t like dating you”
Oh ow. “Not-! I don’t mean it like that!” She waves her hands around. “God I mean- it’s not your fault okay. Anyone would be so lucky to have you” she grabs his hands and squeezes them.
He nods weakly, “no it’s okay. I’m sorry”
”I’m sorry to” she has tears in her eyes and she hugs him. He breaths in and exhales shakily. “You are such a great boyfriend. You’re kind, you get me gifts and listen but…I want you as a friend. Not a boyfriend” she whispers.
Huh. He can work with that. He feels sad. His chest hurts and his face is flushed but she doesn’t want to leave fully. That’s nice at least.
Jeremy pulls away, “Friends?” He asks.
She smiles, relived, “friends” and she punches his arm playfully. “Now let’s continue watch Elle Woods being amazing!”
They finish the movie. As friends.
she hates you.
Right, that’s another thing.
3. The squips voice is back
Apparently, you can never fully deactivate a Squip. You just soften its words. Glitch it out. Whatever. But it never fully leaves. Somehow that’s even worst then before. He only found out a couple weeks after he was released when he was at home and he called Michael, sobbing.
At least it can’t shock him anymore. Or control his body. Or do much of anything.
I understand your distaste for me at the moment but I assure you, I can do better. Just reactivate me a-
No. Jeremy put as much force in that word as he could as he left the school. The crisp cold air was a welcome change from the stuffy hallways. He breaths in deeply and then cranes his head, looking around the parking lot. He exhaled when he sees Michael bopping his head while leaning against his crappy PT cruiser he loves so much.
“Hey Jere!” Michael waves as Jeremy walks up, getting into the car. Michael got in after him and turns it on, glancing at his still hands. “So…how was the math test?”
Jeremy made a noise of annoyance as the car drives out of the parking lot. “I got distracted” he answered.
Michael pursed his lips, “was it…” he taps his temple and Jeremy nods.
How flattering, you have a secret gesture for me.
Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut. Michael gently pats his arm, “I got some Mountain Dew Red at home. I can give you it and then we can play some AotD” he shimmies his shoulders at the end with a hesitant smile. Jeremy can tell he’s trying to lighten the mood.
Jeremy so wishes he could jug a full bottle of Mountain Dew red but also…this crap is expensive. And rare. It literally released in 1988 and ran for a year in Alabama. Alabama. No one lives in Alabama.
He can’t keep drinking Mountain Dew whenever he wants. He can’t do that to Michael.
“It’s okay, I’ll be fine” Jeremy smiles softly. He picks at the edge of his cardigan.
(He finally built up the courage to wear his old clothes. It took him weeks to actually wear his cardigan without feeling the urge to throw up)
Michael stares before shrugging, “okay. Still wanna play some apocalypse of the damned?” He asks.
Jeremy grins, “duh. I’m always down for video games man”
That game rots your brain. You have so much potential and you can get so far without these needless distractions. Without Michael.
Kindly, shut up.
___________________
Sometimes he can’t really look at everyone.
He’ll look at Brooke and all he can see is her mascara smudged face with tears on her cheeks on Halloween.
He locks eyes with Chloe and he’s thrown back to the moment where he was pinned between a bed and her, the smell of alcohol in the air and his joints locked.
He’ll look at Jenna and see the way he used her insecurities against her. He’ll look at Jake in his wheelchair and can’t ignore the churning guilt in his stomach. He’ll see Rich in the hallways and see the exact look on Jeremy’s face on the bad days. Blank eyes and a heavy body. And Michael-
Michael.
He shouldn’t have left him. Shouldn’t have blocked him from his vision. He shouldn’t have called him a loser even though that’s what Jeremy was called for years. He shouldn’t have abandoned him, shouldn’t hav-
”hey dude”
Jeremy looks up from his lunch at Jake. “Huh?”
Jake nods to his food, “you’re kinda just picking at your burger? If you want I can totally eat it”
Jeremy glanced down at his hamburger and passes it to him, “knock yourself out” he says. The cafeteria was louder than usual and it was grating on his ears.
Everyone else at the table were talking about their weekends and how crappy their Mondays have been. Ever since the uh play disaster, they’ve all bonded even further. At least Brooke doesn’t hate him anymore.
One new thing was Michael though, who joined them after Jeremy left the hospital. It was nice. He has someone with him. And god knows he’s been needing Michael more and more.
You’re sounding desperate.
Literally I don’t care you pill Napoleon.
Okay that’s new. And rude.
Michael gently elbows him and raised an eyebrow. Jeremy shrugs and bites at his nails. Michael exhales, “Is it annoying you?” He whispers.
Am I annoying you, Jeremy?
“N-no” Jeremy stammers. The soft phantom shock crawled up his spine and he quickly straightens his back. Michael squints and he then slouches.
Michael twirls his headphone cord on his finger, looking both nonchalant and nervous, “wanna come over? We can order pizza. Also my moms won’t be home”
Before Jeremy could answer, Rich interrupts, “you guys gonna fuck?” He asks with his lisp.
Michael inhaled sharply and Jeremy’s face heats up, “no! Mind your business Rich!”
”yeah shut up Rich” Jenna kicks his leg. Then she leans over, “but seriously are you guys dating?” She wiggles her eyebrows.
Brooke puts a hand over her mouth and shoots an apologetic look to Jeremy. He turns back to Michael, continuing the conversation, “sorry I think I’m uh going to finish up some hom-homework” he says.
Michael nods, “okay cool. Friday? We’ll have our sleepover?”
Jeremy smiles, “Friday”
___________________
He’s so tired.
Jeremy bounced his leg, sitting at his desk. His homework was in front of him. Right there. Just right there. Just pick up the pencil and start writing. Stop procrastinating. Pick it up.
If I were activated, it would be much easier to do this.
God that’s tempting. Jeremy’s eye twitched as he stares down. He rubs at his eyes and checks the time.
6:31 pm.
Just go to the 7/11 nearby. Get some Mountain Dew. It would be effortless. You wouldn’t have to sit here like an idiot. You can finally have it easy.
Jeremy feels his legs standing up and dread pools at the base of his stomach. He abruptly sat down, “no- stop it. I-I’m never activating you again” he buried his hands in his hair. “I would rather die the-then let you- then let you dictate my life again”
Don’t speak aloud.
His mouth clamps shut and Jeremy balls up his fists, squeezing his eyes shut. Breathe in 4. Hold for 7. Out for 8.
Breathe in 4. Hold for 7. Out for 8.
Breathe in 4. Hold for 7. Out for 8.
Breathe in 4. Hold for 7. Out fo-
Breathing exercises won’t get rid of me. I’m in your head Jeremy. I won’t leave. Ever.
”Shut up!” Jeremy stands up and his chair is pushed back, falling onto the ground with a thud. It’s silent except for the heavy breathing coming from himself. He’s blinking back tears, his hands shaking. All it took was one small snicker from that smooth voice from the back of his mind and he broke.
Its 6:52 pm and Jeremy is crying in his bedroom.