Chapter Text
1
When it happens the first time, Bad nearly drops the old recipe book in his hands. At his age, the tug on his magic feels like no more than a spark of static, but it surprises him enough to almost cause his estate sale find to end up on the floor.
Reluctant to abandon his book, Bad subsequently ignores the pull.
It comes again and again, until Bad has distractedly read 'magic' instead of 'nutmeg' in two different ingredient lists.
He absentmindedly follows the insistent pull with a thread of his consciousness. It doesn’t feel like any of his old ward sites being disturbed, and if Skeppy were in any danger, Bad would have been at his side in a mere second, raining wrath upon whoever decided to harm his mortal.
When he identifies the tug as a summons, complete with a sacrifice, Bad almost feels startled. It has been a long time since anyone had even attempted to summon him, and even longer since anyone had performed a proper, successful summons that Bad had felt even a little compulsion toward.
Skeppy doesn’t count.
So, curiosity getting the better of him (like he has anything especially important to do at 10:30 in the morning), Bad shuts his book, stands up, and lets himself dissolve into shadows; traveling to the summons' location.
He materializes, floating, above a painted red circle. When he appears, solidifying into existence like an image from smoky shadows, he does so in a truer form than he prefers on a day to day basis.
Long, sharp horns; elongated fangs; clawed digitigrade feet; leathery bat wings; sharp fangs and nails… the whole, towering, shadowy shebang.
The red paint around him glitters in the light of pale, bright candles placed artfully around for the ritual, the sort of glimmer that Bad recognizes as expensive redstone-powder paint.
The substance tends to be used for delicate work in machinery (far more effective to use a liquid and applicator than to attempt to lay powder straight within a machine, after all), but it had uses as a wonderful magical conduit as well.
Clearly, his summoners are both wealthy and well informed.
The summoning circle around him seems fairly well made, Bad notes appreciatively, with especially great care put into the painted runes that comprised the outermost, binding component of the circle.
If Bad were any other demon, the rune array might even have held him.
As it stands, he can easily leave the circle, even with the binding sigils and lovely sacrifice they'd used to call him to them: A box of handmade, specialty Parisian-style pastries, (again ones whose price would make Bad baulk if he couldn't conjure up material wealth with a mere though).
Much more welcome than a human sacrifice and really all the offering Bad needs to properly manifest in the room. Well, that and a few drops of blood on his circle (willingly donated).
The pastries vanish with a flick of his wrist, spirited away to the home he shares with Skeppy.
Upon hearing a noise of surprise, he turns his attention to his summoners, expecting cult members or college kids (the two most likely culprits, in his experience. They always seemed to find the tomes of dark magic that slipped through his fingers…).
Instead, Bad finds himself met with a merling couple, a young man and woman, both fidgeting nervously.
The man, a minor hybrid with grey axolotl fins falling down among blueish-black hair, and thin gills on his neck, holds a paper with whatever incantation the pair had used to summon Bad. The woman (a true, majority-hybrid merling covered in shimmering peach-coloured scales, with fins running along the backs of her calves, forearms, and spine) stands back slightly, expression tired and resigned. They hold one another's hands, anchoring themselves against the fear that wafts from them.
"̴W̴h̶y̸ ̷h̴a̴v̶e̷ ̴y̵o̶u̴ ̶s̴u̶m̷m̵o̶n̵e̵d̶ ̴m̸e̷?̴"̶ ̵
Though he let demonic distortion seep into his voice, as most demons did, Bad often forewent the third-person introductions that other demons tended toward. If someone summoned him, they had better know he was the correct demon without being told.
"Greetings, BadBoyHalo, Dark Lord of Shadows and Shades, kind- ahem, Kindly Keeper of Knowledge and Secrets, Master of Darkness…" The man pipes up, tripping over his own tongue, and Bad almost laughs. He'd forgotten most of his old titles. "We summon you to propose a deal, and offer our apologies if we have disturbed you in your rest."
The man bows his head shallowly, and the woman watches with sad, wide eyes.
Bad hums, and it reverberates in the small room.
"Your apology is unnecessary, but accepted. Before you explain your deal…" Bad begins, ignoring the way both mortals flinch despite him dropping most of the reverb from his voice, "I would like you to explain why you summoned me, and how you know the method to do so."
The man nods, and steps forward, releasing the woman's hand.
"Great Saint of Games-" "Ooh, just- you don't have to use all the titles. We'll be here all day if you keep doing that, and I have a book I want to get backl to. I won't be angry if you just call me one thing, pick something from the summoning script." Bad waves a clawed hand in a 'go on' motion, and the mortals jump to comply.
"Ah! Okay…" The axolotl man hesitates, waffling between names for a moment, then settles on: "To answer your request, Dark Saint, we summoned you because our research identified you as a benevolent being, and my fiance and I are in need of some benevolence. We used one of her family's heirlooms, a tome of rituals and ancient magics. The knowledge inside was instrumental in the completion of this ritual."
"I see."
Bad definitely ought to get that book. He is fairly benevolent, and he doesn't actually mind being summoned so long as he didn't appear in a room only to be greeted with the slaughter of innocent lives… but Bad can not fight the natures of his own kind. Despite his personal geniality, demons are inherently dark.
Most demons are not kind, inherently or otherwise.
"Alright. You may inform me of your deal, and I shall set my own terms, once I hear yours."
Bad settles back, lounging in midair as he waits.
The couple exchanges a glance, and Bad watches determination straighten the set of their shoulders.
"We propose this deal: you will use your magic to ensure that shortly after we wed, my fiancé gets pregnant with a healthy, normal merling-hybrid child. In exchange, we offer you this chest, and the contents we put in, which- which are precious and equal to the value of a child. If you accept this agreement, you will not return to this estate, or any estate owned by us, for any reason."
Bad sighs and tilts his head, considering the offer. He does like mystery boxes (which their little summoning book could very possibly have mentioned), and surprises, and he could tell that the hybrid before him had been honest when said that the contents were equal to what they were requesting…
The demon closes his eyes, then lets them reopen, now glowing with light that the mortals wouldn't be able to perceive properly. He directs his gaze to the two merlings, who gasp at whatever they see, and Looks at their souls.
The woman. Emily Kalbach. Regretful, Fearful, Hopeful. Sad and resigned as Bad had seen earlier, and emotionally attached to the contents of the chest. She mourned the loss, and longed to keep the contents. She regretted summoning Bad, because she didn't trust that he would care for the precious thing within the chest, though her fiance had assured her the demon would. Still, she hoped that they could be happy with the future child, and thought she may be able to move past whatever she was grieving. To Emily, the contents of the chest were incredibly valuable, but maybe she would forget the loss with time, if she had her husband and their new child.
The man. Suijin Nihachu. Fearful, Desperate, Willful. Practically bathed in desperate anxiety, he also regretted summoning Bad, but less for the desire to keep the chest than for the unpredictability of what Bad would do with the contents. He hoped that the deal would deliver them from a situation, and that the book hadn't embellished the demon's merciful nature. He didn't want to lose Emily. Suijin could let himself believe that the contents of the chest meant less than his fiancé.
Bad lets the Soul Sight fade away, then glances over at the chest, interest piqued.
There was a long moment of silence, and the woman, Emily, opens her mouth as if to speak. Bad does so first.
"Alright. I am willing to accept this exchange, with a few conditions added." He returns his gaze to the hybrids. "First, you will bind yourselves to the agreement that you will never again summon any demon or being of demonic origin. You were lucky this time, but you shouldn't take that for granted. Your deal is full of loopholes that I could use to ruin your lives, or take them. I'm nice though, so I won't. Second, you will give me the book and any research you used to summon me. This circle is very nice, by the way, well done."
The couple stands there, blinking, and Bad clarifies:
“Oh, and yes, I will accept your deal. You'll get a baby, and I'll get whatever is in the chest. I do like surprises every now and then. Sound like a deal?”
The two merlings nod, murmuring affirmatively. Bad claps his hands together sharply, and both mortals jump. Whoopsie.
"Great. Go ahead and get the required items, including that tome of yours. I'll wait here. We can shake on it when you return."
After a beat, and a prompting 'shoo' motion from Bad, the two scramble out of the room to collect the things he had asked for. He floats patiently above the circle, taking in the decor a bit more. The room feels like magic, like it may have been a casting room for enchantments in the past.
Bad hums, trying absently to identify the magic tied into the room. It feels unfamiliar, but natural, so likely a glyph display that Bad had never felt in action before. He can sense some of the room's set protections, as well as the innate strength that came from several generations of family doing magework.
He almost wishes he could return and study it.
Alas, the deal he agreed to means he can't drop back by to satiate his curiosity unless he wants them to know exactly what loopholes he could use.
The rules of summoning demons were simple, though sadly not well known:
Prepare thoroughly. Research the being you hope to summon, know their titles, know their temperment. Know their strength. If you intended a sacrifice to make the summoning stronger and to entice the demon to stay, know their preferences. Do not blindly summon, or you will lose everything. Use bindings intended for a demon at least twice as strong as the one you intend to summon, so you don't lose control.
Pay attention to wording. Everything that was said could be twisted. More experienced summoners would know the danger in letting the demon set terms, but amateurs and desperate mortals tended to falter with this one. Even now, even with Bad's better nature winning out, a part of him was still hissing gleefully at all the ways he could take advantage of the two lovers' naivete.
Don't shake on or agree to a deal until all terms are clearly stated. Again, something newbies often fell prey to, and something Bad was trying to ensure these two avoided. He was warning them, so if they found a way to summon something like him again despite the bindings he was going to place on them, well… that would be out of Bad's hands.
Technically he had left loopholes open too, as per his nature, and he draws the line at going through the work of closing them or making the couple aware they exist. Bad considers himself a good person, but even he tends to lean toward indifference when people refuse to listen to reason.
Never ever offer your soul. Once you did, you might as well give up, because nothing you or anyone else did could get it back. Bad doesn’t accept souls nowadays. He doesn't need the power boost, for one; nor will he willingly go down that path again.
Skeppy had called him a Soul Vegan, once, and… well, sure. Good enough way of putting it. Souls are something all demons inherently desire, something coded so strongly into their existence that most would never dream of deliberately not consuming them, but Bad had always been a bit different. Chose to be different.
Bad's ears snap up to listen as the couple returns, footsteps slightly heavier as they lug whatever materials they had used to research with them down the stairs.
Bad offers them a pleasant smile as they re-enter, and Suijin, who walks in front, stutters in his steps. His fiance runs into him from behind, causing them both to very nearly pitch forward. Hm. Maybe he'd shown too many teeth. Bad drops back into gravity's hold and steps from the circle, unbothered by the binding runes on the outside. He leans down to help steady the merlings, tail lashing lazily back and forth.
"Oh, careful! I'm in no rush, and I wouldn't want you to end up injured just because you're hurrying!"
His words obviously don't have the comforting effect he had intended, because both merlings flinch away with sounds of distress. Emily's hand shoots out to grab her fiancée's, to pull him back, and she speaks clearly for the first time since Bad had been summoned.
"Don't hurt us! Please, we have the documents and tomes, just-"
"Woah, easy, I'm not going to hurt you! I was only trying to help."
"You broke the binding… to help us?" She sounds doubtful.
"Oh, no silly, I was able to break out of that the whole time. It was well done, like I said, but there's not much that can contain me. I'm a special sort of demon."
Suijin squeezes her hand and Emily offers no more fearful protest, letting him take the lead once more.
"You… truly are a gracious one, Dark Saint. We have the physical sources and materials that we used to research you and your history. The rest, while of lesser importance, is unfortunately comprised of academic texts on the internet."
"Hm. Well, that's okay. I can go through and find them on my laptop later. Anyway, since I get the feeling you want me to leave sooner rather than later, the deal is as follows: I will use my magic to ensure that you have a healthy, normal baby merling after you guys get married, and will promise to stay away from your estates for any reason. In return, you will give me all the physical research materials you brought back just now, I will receive
that chest and whatever is inside it, and you both will allow me to bind you with my magic so you can never magically summon another demon or demonic being again. Do we have a d̶̫̿e̸̜̕a̶̘͝l̶̢̏?̵̨̎”
Bad extends a hand, which lights up with a curl of red-and-white flame.
The hybrids exchange one more look, and nod to each other.
Suijin Nihachu takes Bad’s hand, and flame travels harmlessly up his arm as the contract forms. Bad notices bandages wrapped around the man's palm and up under his shirtsleeve.
"Great!" Bad chirps, voice suddenly void of all echo or demonic distortion. He snaps his fingers and all the books and papers they'd brought are swept up in a burst of familiar flame that teleports them directly to Bad’s study at home. Once that's taken care of, he strides over on silent, clawed feet to the wooden chest. He bends down and plucks it up, handling it carefully in case the contents are fragile.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Emily freeze.
Bad turns, curious. The woman seems awfully tense. Surely she doesn't still expect him to lash out at them, right? As he shifts the chest under one arm, he crouches down before the mortals.
"Come here, please. It's easier to fulfill my end if I can touch you."
As expected, the merlings hesitate but approach Bad regardless, clearly realizing that if he wanted to do something tremendously horrible, he would already have done so.
Bad makes a gesture at Suijin's hands, and the man extends them, doing a surprisingly good job of hiding his trembling. Bad touches the man's wrists, throat, and forehead in turn, leaving faint symbols glowing there that fade away as soon as he removes his touch. He repeats the process with Emily; wrists, throat, forehead. With her, though, he also traces in the air in front of her abdomen before letting everything fade away.
"Okay. Done. Everything feels good?"
Ignoring their surprise at the question, Bad watches them take a moment to consider it before answering in the affirmative.
"Good. Now, my turn!"
He readjusts the chest and goes to open his new prize. Suijin makes a strangled noise.
"Wait! Wouldn't- uh, Dark Saint, wouldn't you prefer to enjoy the surprise in the comforts of your… home?"
Suijin cringes at the blatant attempt at manipulation, and Bad narrows his eyes at the mortal.
Suijin Nihachu didn't want to be present when Bad opened the chest.
"I suppose I̶ ̴m̴i̴g̶h̴t̷.̷. This wouldn't happen to be an attempt at cheating me of something,w̸o̵u̶l̶d̶ ̴i̵t̶?̶"
"No! No no, of course not! The contents are every bit as valuable as I said, I simply, uh, thought you may want to explore them with a bit more depth once you… left. My apologies, I meant no offense!"
Bad hums, considering, but decides to oblige the man. Perhaps the mortal simply wants Bad to leave a little quicker. If they were lying….well, benevolence only goes so far.
"Alright. I'll believe you. But do remember what I said about loopholes, not everyone is as forgiving of deception."
He stands, and just before he leaves he scratches his clawed foot through the painted circle, ruining it and leaving gouges in the floor.
Oh well.
"Dark Saint?"
Bad glances over his shoulder at the merling woman. She gives him a pleading expression.
"Please, take care of our treasure."
Bad tilts his head. That's… odd.
"Okay. I will."
And then he is gone.
*^♧₩£•₩£○₩●£○₩○~○□◇□♡●■\◇\♤☆
Bad returns home, back in his normal, more-humanoid form and sets the chest on the coffee table in the den.
He sits himself in front of it on the couch, undeniably excited, and his instincts are purring at him to find out what he's gotten out of the deal. He vaguely hears Skeppy puttering around in the kitchen, preparing for lunch.
Well, then, he had better make this quick.
Deftly, Bad unlatches the front of the chest and lifts the lid, eager to see whatever powerful artifact or glittering gems or interesting and rare magic he's acquired.
His stomach drops as he peers inside.
Oh muffin.
Nestled carefully within the chest, soundly cradled in a bundle of blankets, a treasure indeed greets the demon.
However, to Bad’s rising panic, in place of tomes, gold, or precious gems, this treasure has a wisp of dark hair on its little head.
Instead of fine detailing or
careful protection runes, it has tiny hands clenched into tiny fists and tiny little slightly-pointed ears.
No magic makes the little breaths puffed sleepily up at Bad. No magic has created the baby wearing a little silken onesie with red dolphin embroidery. The baby that Bad just bought.
Oh muffin indeed.
Bad just stares down at the baby like it came from outer space. He feels the heat radiate from two fist-sized (his fist, not the baby's) orbs of blaze powder encased in specialized glass made from soul sand.
They would stay warm for decades, but never melt or burn. (Or they could be used as extremely flammable, very dangerous grenades, lighting entire forests a blaze when shattered).
Those orbs alone are highly valuable, chimes the part of his brain that was used to appraising such things.
He has no idea what to do with a baby.
A baby. Oh no.
The panic takes hold of him full force, throttling the demon as he stares down at his new gain.
Bad just bought a baby. Does that mean Bad counts as a human trafficker now?
He feels a hysterical giggle bubble up as he wrings his hands in terror, but his breath stops completely as the baby opens its eyes blearily.
It blinks once, twice, and Bad tenses.
"Hey, shh, hey-" Bad whispers frantically, wiggling an ebony finger at the baby. It goes cross-eyed as it tries to follow the movement. "Please don't cry."
A voidal form with fangs and horns and glowing eyes was probably scary to a baby, right?
"Hab-bAH-" Declares the baby, loudly, seemingly unafraid.
All noise from the kitchen stops.
"...Bad?" Skeppy calls out, something like trepidation in his tone, "Is that you?"
"Uh… yeah, I'm here!" Bad looks over at the doorway which leads to the kitchen area.
"What was that?" Skeppy questions, suspicion in his voice
Mind suddenly blank, Bad reacts with "Um- what was what?"
The baby chooses that moment to grab Bad’s finger in a vice-like grip, and Bad jumps at the contact, banging his knee on the coffee table. This, in turn, startles the baby, who looks up at Bad with wide eyes and begins to scrunch its face up.
"Oh- Nonono, I'm sorry, don't cry-"
Heedless of his pleas, The baby starts to cry, letting out a wail that rips Bad's poor heart to shreds.
"What was that! Bad, what the heck-?" Skeppy demands, bursting through the doorway in an instant. He zeroes in on the chest immediately and strides over, eyes wide.
"I knew it! You have a baby!" He shouts, setting off said baby more, "Why do you have- Hey, aw, don't cry little buddy, it's okay…"
Skeppy carefully scoops up the baby in its little bundle and begins to make tiny rocking motions. Bad feels a rush of relief. He had no idea how to hold a baby, and he doesn't want to accidentally hurt his new acquisition, but Skeppy seems to be having no problem.
The golem hybrid continues to soothe the baby, and once the room quiets, Skeppy looks back at Bad.
"Bad."
"Uh- yeah, Skeppy?"
"Why do you have a baby?"
Bad winces, tail whipping anxiously back and forth.
"Well, I kinda.. Accidentally!.. bought it?"
"YOU BOUGHT-" He cuts himself off, looking down at the little bundle, then continues in a whisper. "You bought a baby? Why??"
"I didn't mean to! The deal was that I would give them-" He stops, realization striking him, then groans. "Oh, I'm such a muffinhead! Skeppy! The deal was that I used my magic to give them a child, and in return I got whatever was in the chest, which was equal to the value of a child! There was a baby in the chest! I'm supposed to be good at deals!" he despairs.
Skeppy looks as though, if not for his fragile cargo, he would be breaking down into somewhat hysterical laughter.
Bad can relate.
"So you bought a baby. Okay… Okay. Okay. A baby. Fuck, Bad! What the fuck!"
"Language, Skeppy, and I know, I don't- I don't know!"
Skeppy sighs and sits on the couch before gently depositing the infant next to him, on its back.
"Why did they want a new baby if they already had this one? He's super cute."
"I don't know. Maybe-" Bad trails off, then takes another peek into the chest. Now that its living occupant has been removed, Bad can see a collection of papers tucked into the bottom, beneath a plush baby blanket covered in blue and white shells.
He fishes them out and begins to read. The more he does, the more his face falls.
"Skeppy…" he says, voice cracking, "It's because he's a Blaze hybrid."
Skeppy’s face twists into something dark. Angry in a way Bad rarely ever sees. "What?"
"They were both Merlings. Listen: 'Beloved, as I trust your integrity, I have confronted my father regarding our son's abnormal hybridization. His answer may well have ruined us. He was the unfaithful one, it seems, and the woman who raised me as her own is not my birth mother. My birth mother is, in fact, a Blaze hybrid. This is, perhaps, a secret we should not share with your parents. Will they accept a hybrid such as our son, no less out of wedlock? Will they accept your union with an illegitimate son such as I, should they find out? If so, then I shall welcome their place in this matter, but I worry that even the rest of my family may value the purity of our mer hybrid lineage too much to let this matter resolve itself. Yours, Suijin.'"
Skeppy stays silent for a moment.
"Does he have a name?" The diamond-golem hybrid finally asks.
"...Let me see." Bad shuffles through more of the papers. After a long moment, he spots a name, and nods.
"Sapnap."
"Sapnap…" Skeppy looks down at the newly-named baby. "Hi there, Sapnap."
Sapnap babbles quietly in response, unperturbed by the weighted air around them.
Bad lets his eyes drop back to the paper.
--------------
'Suijin. Son. If you truly have your heart set on this woman, I will aid you in securing your marriage to her. Perhaps then you may understand my feelings toward your birth mother so many years ago.
Our family is well-versed in the rituals of blood and sacrifice, and daunting as that may sound, the knowledge is not without its fair share of rewards. I shall explain more in depth when we meet, but you must consider how much you would be willing to do to keep this woman. Is she worth your wealth?
Is she worth the life of another, to you?
Is the child, outcast to our families that he will forever be?'
---------------
Bad tastes brimstone and metal, and realizes he's nicked the inside of his lip on a sharp tooth.
He keeps reading.
-------------
'Emily my Beloved, my father has proposed a solution, though it is one I only consider with the gravest of mentalities.
There are forces in our world which are not constrained to the laws of mortal magics. Creatures and beings that exist outside our realm, and yet may be called to enter it and persuaded to use their power for mortals.
Father says we could summon one. He says they could give us a merling child, one which our families would be pleased to write into the family tree. We need only find something worth sacrificing. Meet with me, at our hideaway, and let us discuss it. Yours, Suijin.
---------------
Bad skims the rest of the bundle of notes and letters quickly, then settles on the last one.
----------------
'Sapnap. Darling baby boy,
You may never read this. If, by some grace of fate, you do, know that you should be proud of yourself, in your entirety.
My name, if you wish to know it, is Emily. If you are reading this, then I have no right to call you my son, but I am the woman who birthed you.
I am also the woman who sold you away. For that, I am sorry. No excuses will make my guilt disappear, but if fate has been kind to you, then I think you will deserve an explanation for our never meeting.
Your Father, Suijin, and I are from very old families. Two long lines of Merling Hybrids, both powerful and influential, and both stuck in a tradition that should have been done away with generations ago. You see, my family, like Suijin's, has long believed in the power of purity. Merling hybrids, those people born with fins and gills and scales that glitter like the sunlight on waves, have always had a connection with water. The original generations of Mer hybrids were powerful, demigods of sandy shores and shallows and storms at sea.
To my ancestors, my family, that sort of connection is one that cannot be interfered with, by magic or marriage.
I loved your father when you were conceived, before any marriage could occur. I hoped dearly that my family would smile on our union, when it was finally made official.
And then you were born. You, a blaze hybrid, with emberglow eyes and little claws and flaming hands that burned our skin and turned our scales to ash.
It was never your fault, nor even mine or Suijin's. The fault lies with Suijin's father, who wooed a blaze hybrid woman not his wife and ended up with Suijin.
He hid that, from your father, until you were born.
Faced with a child we knew we could not properly care for, and my family, who would sooner see your impure father dead than married to me, we made a decision.
We traded you, to a being who legends and tomes said was kind, and benevolent. A demon with the qualities of an angel, for the promise that our next child would be a Merling.
I hope it was enough.
I will not ask for forgiveness from you, Sapnap. I will not ask for understanding.
I wish you all the love and happiness in the
world, wherever you may find yourself.
-Once Your Mother, Emily.
----------------
"...Bad?"
The letters in Bad’s hands are moving, shaking in a way that makes it hard to read, especially without his glasses.
"Bad."
He realizes belatedly his hands are trembling with restrained rage. The letter to Sapnap, to his new baby, doesn't even deserve to be called an apology.
He scowls. How dare that woman excuse her actions in such a way? How impertinent she must be to leave such a letter for Bad’s precious child.
"BadBoyHalo, seriously, snap out of it."
He blinks, and notices the hazy, reddish smoke beginning to pour out from between his clenched, toothy snarl. Turning his head toward Skeppy makes him aware of the way his horns weigh heavier on his head, as well, and he takes in his friend's displeased expression, as well as the gentle, protective hand that Skeppy now has on Sapnap's little head. The way the tips of Bad’s claws are poking through the paper of the letters.
Ah. His form seems to be slipping. How silly of him.
Bad forces the demonic aspects to recede again, claws dulling and smoke clearing and horns shrinking.
Skeppy watches, unimpressed and unafraid. Of course, Bad has never seen Skeppy afraid of him, not even in his most monstrous form. (He adores the golem man so much).
Once he calms a little, (visually at least), he takes a deep breath.
"...Sorry." He says, expression apologetic, and Skeppy’s face softens.
"It's fine. Are you okay?"
Bad nods, slowly. He sets the bundle of papers on the coffee table.
"It's just so- so unfair!" His voice breaks on the last word, and he gestures at Sapnap, who watches with innocent, sleepy eyes. "He didn't choose to be a specific type of hybrid. Geppy, they wanted a Merling baby to continue the pure-merling family line. That's it!"
Skeppy’s brow furrows.
"That's kinda shitty, not gonna lie."
"Language," Bad says, half-heartedly.
Skeppy ignores him. "So what are you going to do now?" At Bad’s confused look, the brunette clarifies: "Are you going to give him up for adoption? You don't have to raise him just because-"
"No." Bad growls it out, then quickly hurries to elaborate before Skeppy says anything. "He's- he's mine, Skeppy- I made a deal for him, he's mine- I can't just give him away to somebody random! I said I would take care of him, and- and I made a deal!"
Skeppy narrows his eyes. "Bad. Is this your logical brain talking, or your spooky demon instincts?"
Bad doesn’t respond, and Skeppy pushes on:
"This isn't just a cool enchanted item or something, Bad. It's an actual, living baby. If you keep him, you have to raise him. Do you even know how to raise a kid?"
Bad shakes his head, then shrugs helplessly. "You seem like you're doing a good job with him, though…"
"That's because I babysat my little cousins a lot when I was younger. I don't have experience actually helping a kid grow up, and neither do you," Skeppy argues. Bad slumps.
"You're right. I just- I don't want to give him up." He looks down at his hands, turning it over in his head. "Would it really be so bad, to raise him? Do…" He looks back up at his life partner (His chosen, his priest, the most important human in Bad's immortal life). "Do you really hate the idea?"
Skeppy considers it, brushing his fingers along Sapnap's fine dark hair. The infant, likely tired of all the excitement, has slipped off to sleep. Inconceivably adorable. (Just as much as the awe in his friend's eyes as Skeppy soothes the child)
"I don't hate it," Skeppy admits reluctantly. "It's a scary idea, though, Bad. I don't… know if I'm dad material."
"Oh, Geppy-" Bad croons softly. "I'm sure you are. Would you be willing to try? With me? I know it's sudden…"
Bad can tell the moment Skeppy’s hesitance crumbles away. Finally, the diamond-studded hybrid sighs, then gives Bad a determined nod.
"Alright. We're gonna need a lot of things for a baby, though."
Bad beams at him, ears perking up. "Of course! I'll go to the store and get everything, and books to help us too."
Skeppy nods approvingly. "Yeah, that's good… I can call up my aunt, too, she's great with kids."
"Perfect. Ahh, Geppy, We're gonna be the best parents!"
Skeppy huffs a laugh, "I hope so."
Their conversation cuts short as Sapnap reawakens. The baby blaze announces his consciousness with a babbled noise, and Skeppy glances down.
"Hello again, Sapnap." Sapnap makes another noise, and sticks his tiny fist against his mouth. He begins to suck on it, and Skeppy looks up at Bad. "Ah. We probably need to feed him…"
Bad hops to his feet. "Oh! Babies drink milk, right? One sec!" He vanishes, and Skeppy sighs with fond exasperation. A minute ticks by, and Bad reappears with a baby bottle full of white liquid… complete with swirls of sparkling black in it. It looks, a bit abstractly, like a lava lamp filled with luster dust.
Bad sits back down, swishing the bottle eagerly, and Skeppy’s face twists with a grimace.
"What is that?"
"Goat milk!"
Skeppy blinks. "Bad…" he begins, slowly, "What kind of goat makes black and white milk? Milk is just supposed to be white."
"A… demon goat?" Bad explains, confusion obvious. "They're not regular goats, they're made from magic and nightmares, so their milk is a different color."
"Can a regular baby drink demon milk?" He presses, suspicion lacing his tone.
Bad nods. "Yep! It just looks that way because of the magic, it won't hurt him. Even you can drink it, if you want."
Skeppy takes the bottle, swishes it, and wrinkles his nose. "Nah, I'm okay. But if he starts floating and chanting about souls, we're buying formula from the store." He warns. Bad just rolls his eyes. Skeppy holds the bottle back out to Bad. "Here."
Bad freezes. "I thought you were gonna feed him?"
"Nope. You're gonna feed him, and I'm gonna go finish making lunch."
"I don't-" Bad gestures helplessly at Sapnap. "Will you show me how to hold him?"
Skeppy sighs again, though this time far more fond. "Of course, silly. Look," The golem hybrid sets the bottle on the table, then scoops baby Sapnap up in one smooth motion. Bad blinks.
Skeppy moves closer, and gestures down with his chin.
"See how I'm supporting his head with the inside of my elbow?"
Bad nods.
"Okay. You have to support his head because babies have fragile necks, and they can't hold the weight of their own head up. Technically I can hold him with just one arm if I lean him against my chest, too."
Skeppy demonstrates by reaching over and grabbing the baby bottle with his free hand. Then, making sure to support Sapnap's head and torso, he leans forward to give the baby to Bad.
For one panicked moment, Bad's hands simply flutter uncertainly in the air, but Skeppy deposits Sapnap carefully in his arms and even time itself stops as he stares down at that precious, tiny life.
"Oh," He breathes when the world starts up again, "Hi."
Sapnap looks up, warm brown eyes alight with infant curiosity, and Bad suddenly knows with certainty that he will never let anything hurt his new baby.
Not in the centuries he has left, come good times or bad, will anything take his precious blazeborn from him.
(Skeppy simply shakes his head, wondering if there are self-help books on accidentally acquiring a son.)
(Somehow, he doubts it.)
(A couple weeks later…)
As it turns out, Demon goat milk might be the product of nightmare-magic and hell-grass but it still needs to be heated up for Sapnap.
Thus, as Skeppy bops his head along with the music in his earbuds, he pours two bottles full from the pitcher sitting on the counter.
That was another weird-ass thing. It apparently didn't have to be refrigerated, and so, after Skeppy overcame his immediate desire to follow proper food-safety procedures, they simply left the lidded pitcher sitting on the kitchen counter.
The golem hybrid finishes pouring the second bottle and sets the pitcher back down. He deposits the bottle in his other hand onto the counter as well, but the rounded bottom causes it to tip over slightly as he releases it.
With quick reflexes, Skeppy rights the bottle. Unfortunately, the motion fails to prevent room-temperature demon milk from sloshing out onto his hand.
Skeppy makes a face at the unexpected wetness on his skin.
Swapping hands, Skeppy snatches the nipple from where it sits next to the pitcher, and he screws it on before any more mishaps can occur.
There. Fuck off, physics.
As Skeppy turns to seek out a paper towel, on pure instinct he unthinkingly brings his hand up to his mouth and lets his tongue flick out to lick the milk off the back of his palm.
He takes a step toward the roll of kitchen towels, then stops as his brain catches up to his taste buds.
"Oh, what the fuck-?" Skeppy splutters as he full-body flinches.
Now, let it not be said that Skeppy was a wimp when it came to flavor in food. He’s a fan of chili peppers and curries and generally loves chowing down on something spicy and delicious.
However, even the spiciest of men could be forgiven for reacting badly when they expect the mild creaminess of milk and are instead hit with hot.
Maybe, Skeppy tries to reason, he had something on his skin. (Bullshit, his rational mind says, you just washed your hands.)
Skeppy squeezes a few drops from the baby bottle onto his wrist and licks it.
Yeah. That's Spicy.
"Baaaad!" He calls into the other room.
"Yeah, Skeppy?" Bad replies, muffled with distance.
"There's something wrong with your milk!"
A beat passes, then Bad shuffles into the doorway, a cheerful but confused smile on his face as he holds baby Sapnap carefully in his arms.
Sapnap has obviously found himself garbed in one of his new little outfits, a tiny hat and a soft, dark blue onesie that has a picture of a muffin on it, with the words 'muffin but cuteness' in a bubbly font. Anything but displeased with his new attire, the blazer hybrid offers Skeppy a toothless grin.
Aww! Okay, Skeppy would go clothes shopping any day of the week for that smile.
(Bad and Skeppy had shopped for baby things for six hours, and despite sharing the demon's excitement over everything they could buy for their new son, Skeppy was bodily dragging the taller man away by the end of it, keenly aware of a sleepy Sapnap nestled in the newly acquired chest-sling attached to Bad's torso.)
"What's wrong?" Bad questions, and Skeppy snaps back to the issue at hand.
Skeppy slides the pitcher of milk toward Bad. "Your demon milk has gone all fucky. Taste it."
"Language," Bad chides, but he holds Sapnap out to Skeppy, who accepts him.
(They had brought Sapnap to a doctor a few days after 'adopting' him, to ensure the boy was healthy after living with his birth parents, and while there the Doctor informed the men offhandedly that babies, and toddlers too, could get sick and die if they didn't receive enough physical contact.)
((That had sent Bad into a panic, as he didn't know if the Merlings had held their blazeborn son much, if at all. From then on, Bad had practically glued himself to the baby, carrying him around and holding him while he slept. Skeppy too did his best to hold Sapnap frequently, and the tiny hybrid seemed eternally delighted with the treatment. Even before the doctor's visit, Bad had seized every opportunity to hold Sapnap since the day he brought him home.))
(((Skeppy tries not to think too hard about it, because even he can't resist the cuteness that threatens to turn his insides to mush. His demon can be so adorable.)))
Bad gets a glass from the cupboard and pours a bit into it. He takes a cautious sniff, then a sip.
After a moment, he says blankly, "I don't taste anything wrong."
"What? Gimme that-" Skeppy demands. They trade back, and Skeppy takes a swig from the glass.
It burns, and this time Skeppy knows for sure: that otherwordly spice has no origin in the overworld. "It's spicy, what do mean there's nothing wrong?"
Bad blinks. "Skeppy, that's how milk is supposed to taste."
Skeppy’s jaw drops indignantly. "What- bullshit, it is not!" He ignores Bad’s tiny gasp and squawk of 'language!' "I've SEEN you drink normal milk, Bad. You had cereal and milk two days ago!"
"I figured it was kinda just fermented. Like cheese, or yogurt. It's not bad, it's just sweeter." He shrugs, then pauses. "Y'know, cause it's 'pasteurized'?"
Skeppy pauses. Skeppy takes a deep breath.
See, Skeppy loves the demon, trusts him more than anyone else in the world. They have their silly arguments, and snarky words, and exasperate one another to no end, but Skeppy wouldn't trade Bad for the world.
But sometimes-
"Pasteurized?" Skeppy echoes, unsure if he should laugh. His lips thin as he purses them. "Bad, what does 'Pasteurization' mean?"
"Uh. Y'know. Making it…" He makes a vague nodding motion. "Like it is. Mild."
"BadBoyHalo, are you telling me you thought people just drank milk LITE? We've lived together for YEARS, wouldn't it have come up at some point?!"
"Not necessarily!" Bad defends, voice pitching up in embarrassment, "It's not like we've ever sat down and had a conversation about the flavor of milk before!" He winces. "....And when I asked at the store they said they didn't sell unpasteurized milk."
The gem golem tosses his hands up in the air. "Bad!"
"Skeppy-" Bad replies, for no particular reason.
"Wait- holy shit, Sapnap's been drinking this stuff? He's a baby!"
"Yes, he- language, Skeppy- He has! He likes it too! Do babies not like milk?"
"Not spicy milk! They like regular milk and then bananas and oatmeal and whatever! Kids usually can't handle spice until they're older!
"Huh." Bad covers the light glow of his blush by shrugging again. "Well, I mean- Sapnap doesn't seem to be having any issues with it."
Indeed, he didn't. He hadn't shown any signs of discomfort or protest when Skeppy had fed him before, either.
"You know what?" Skeppy decides, moving to fill a pot of water so he can heat the bottles. "Whatever. If he grows up with no taste buds it's not my fault though."
Bad simply chuckles…
Right up until Skeppy turns to look at him with narrowed eyes.
"And I'm going to get you a couple of books on food science. You're like, super old and knowledgeable, I can't believe you don't know what pasteurization is!"
Bad's face lights up with a pale, glowing blush.
-
[And if, later, Skeppy tries to fill Sapnap's bottle with regular cow's milk to see how the baby likes it and finds it summarily rejected, well… at least they don't have to worry about buying formula.]