Work Text:
So: you want a love like fearterrorhorror, you want a love like crucifixion, you want a love like something with incisors gnawing its way inside of you and making a living inside of your flesh-and-bones-and-whatever-else-is-floating-around-in-there-is-it-fear, is it: something shaking and whittling you into shape, into simple bones, so: you want a love like fear, like how some people say you are supposed to fear God and Holiness.
You want a love like needles, like tiny pricks of feeling - you want a love that can break through you and show you how to fall apart, is it fear, is it love, is it something flesh-and-bone-that-moves-too-quick-to-ever-be-caught. You want a love that will catch you and suffocate you. You want a love like: fear/horror/bone. You want a love that will make you feel important. People are always telling you that you are important, but it turns transparent. Over and over and over and over and over you hear He's so smart or What a genius but it doesn't stick.
You want a love like suffocation, and then you meet Bill Cipher.
You don't know what you expected when you said the incantation. You were desperate, starving. You needed help. For the very very very first time, you needed help. You meet Bill Cipher in a dream, and he calls you genius and smart guy and praise and praise and praise and praise and praise and somehow, his words aren't like other ghosts of approval. His words mean something. His words ignite the desperation and hunger once more, but this time it is different. This time: you are suffocating.
He says that he can help you, brush off the dirt and dust. He tells you that everything would be easier if he could touch and feel things, with your hands and your fingers - it has been so long, he tells you, since he has truly felt. (Maybe he never has.) So: a deal is made. The first time that he has control, he touches you and says that you have been so good. His (your) fingers find your (his) thighs. You have never felt such weakness or vulnerability before, but: you breathe and breathe and as things turn into black, you start to lose everything. You are inside your body but at the same time you are not. This is ascension, this is something more, something like fearterrorhorror, something like that love you have been dreaming about.
So: you want a love like fearterrorhorror, like crucifixion, like something with incisors, like something shaking and whittling you down into simple bone, like suffocation. You want a love that is the opposite of a fairy tale.
You find everything inside of Bill Cipher, and Bill Cipher finds everything inside of you.
You think back to that love as Bill positions you, and tells you that you should join him in bringing the world down.
"With that extra finger, you'd fit right in with my freaks!"
You do consider it, for a moment. You think about old times, where you would be with Bill and think that everything in the world works out okay. You think about how much you truly loved him.
You know that this is the end.
At least, you decide, you will be experiencing the end of all with someone who you once loved. That is a bad thought, but somehow comforting. Bill will hurt everyone he can get his hands on, and you're thinking about the past.
You clench a (six-fingered, and he always liked that about you, said it made you unique and special) fist.
"I'll die before I join you."