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The room in the Spire by Fire was quiet, everyone still reeling from the revelation that Liliana and Ludinus were on the moon, when Laudna cleared her throat. All eyes turned to her, but hers were just on Imogen.
“Well we should get going,” she said, forcing her tone into something cheerful. Imogen smiled, relieved, as the two of them got to their feet.
“Right, yeah, we told Zhudanna we were gonna stay the night,” Imogen added when F.C.G. and Orym started to ask where they were going. “We’ll meet back here after breakfast, alright?”
Everyone seemed pacified except Chetney, who was looking between Laudna and Imogen with narrowed eyes. Laudna didn’t seem to notice, but Imogen did. She locked eyes with him and raised an eyebrow in innocent question, to which he shrugged and pretended to stop paying attention.
But Imogen felt his suspicious eyes on them as they left to a chorus of “goodnights” from the rest of Bell’s Hells. It made her oddly grumpy, him thinking he knew something that he couldn’t possibly, but the irritation slipped away when the door closed and Laudna took her hand.
“How are you feeling about… everything?” Laudna asked as they strolled through the sunset streets of the Core Spire, fingers laced together tightly in a way that they did often but still felt new.
“I dunno,” Imogen sighed, thoughtful. She glanced over at Laudna’s profile and felt her heart flutter when she saw that Laudna was already looking at her. They both glanced away bashfully, then dissolved into giggles at the simultaneous action. Imogen bumped her shoulder gently into Laudna’s and Laudna hummed contentedly. “I mean I guess I started thinkin’ a while ago that we would probably end up on Ruidus, which is completely insane.”
“Yes, I’ve had similar thoughts for some time,” Laudna sighed, and Imogen followed her gaze to the ruddy moon, fixed in place ominously above the desert. “Never said it out loud though. Because yes, it sounds insane.” Imogen laughed at that and Laudna smiled. “But if that’s where we have to go, then I’ll go happily. As long as I’m with you.”
They finished the journey in comfortable silence, Imogen blushing and grinning and still marveling at her quiet mind whenever they passed other people. Zhudanna was getting ready for bed when they arrived, so they all said their goodnights and hustled up to their rooms.
Laudna and Imogen went about their usual routine, changing into their nightclothes in relative quiet, but there was a new feeling to everything now. A sort of warm, fluttery energy that walked the line between nervous and excited, a giggly sort of thing that had them laughing whenever they caught each other in it.
“Okay, alright, let’s stop for a second,” Imogen said through a smile, catching Laudna’s hands in hers from her spot sitting on the edge of the bed. Laudna came to her immediately, thoughtlessly, and she always had but it felt like more now. Laudna sat beside her, reaching up to lay a hand on her cheek without hesitation, and Imogen sighed comfortably as she leaned into it.
“It’s different, somehow,” Laudna whispered, thumb brushing Imogen’s cheekbone softly. “Right? I mean we haven’t… we haven’t really done anything different, but it…”
“It feels different,” Imogen finished for her, and when Laudna’s hand moved away Imogen just caught it in hers and held it in her lap. “We’ve done this a thousand times, gotten ready for bed just like this. But I kissed you today.”
Laudna grinned when she said it, like saying it out loud had made it real, and she scooted in just a bit closer on the bed.
“I kissed you too,” she whispered, and they both started giggling again.
“It’s okay, right?” Imogen asked quietly, nervously, reaching up with her free hand to tuck some hair behind Laudna’s ear. She left her hand there, thumb tracing down Laudna’s jaw slowly, as Laudna’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “That I… that I asked you. That I kissed you. It’s… you’re okay with it?”
“Of course, darling,” Laudna said in a rush, and Imogen couldn’t hold back a relieved sigh that made Laudna smile. “I wouldn’t have kissed you back if I hadn’t wanted to.”
“Good,” Imogen said simply, nodding almost to herself. “Good, just… I just wanted to make sure, since…”
“Imogen,” Laudna interrupted gently, and Imogen hadn’t even realized she wasn’t looking Laudna in the eyes until Laudna tilted her chin back up. “I was… surprised. I wasn’t expecting it. I mean I had never considered… never even believed it possible that…”
Laudna trailed off, biting her lip as she tried to find the right words. She let out a little huff of frustration, shaking her head.
“It’s not usually this difficult to talk to you,” she laughed lightly. “I’m so used to you being able to figure out what I mean before I do.”
Imogen thought about that for only a moment before she took Laudna’s hands in hers and guided them up to the circlet on her head.
“If it’s easier for you,” Imogen said quietly as Laudna’s eyes widened just a bit. “I mean if… if you want to, you can take it off. You don’t have to.”
“Won’t it be harder for you?” Laudna whispered, thumbs brushing against Imogen’s temples in a way that made her eyelids flutter.
“Not at all,” Imogen replied immediately. “Your thoughts have never hurt me. Your thoughts… they’re like home.”
Laudna smiled so wide at that that they both started laughing. Then she slipped the circlet off, careful not to tug at Imogen’s hair, and the wave of thoughts that washed over Imogen was such a tangle of joy and nerves and longing and fear that she only managed to catch a few words before it raced along to the next.
“Love you so much… so scared I’ll ruin this… missed you more than anything, like someone cut a hole in me… love you… never had a best friend before you so I wasn’t sure… want to kiss you again so badly… so much, love you so much… didn’t even think romance was a possibility for someone like me… wish I’d realized sooner… love you so… want to kiss you right now, every day, forever…”
Before she even realized she was moving, Imogen had pressed her lips to Laudna’s in an urgent kiss. She didn’t remember putting her hands on Laudna’s waist, but there they were, sliding up to pull her closer, and Laudna was more than happy to oblige. Her thoughts melted away into a pleased sort of fog, words and spooky whispers dissolving into a long hum of contentment.
Imogen only realized she was blushing hard when Laudna’s hands slid up her neck to her jaw, cool and soft as they tilted Imogen’s head up gently so Laudna’s lips could move more firmly against hers. A sharp thrill ran through Laudna’s thoughts when Imogen made a small sound in the back of her throat, and it seemed to startle her so much that she pulled back.
“Was that…” Laudna panted, forehead resting against Imogen’s as they both caught their breath. “Was that too much?”
Her thoughts were coming back in quick bursts, nervous and a little frightened.
“No, not too much,” Imogen replied quickly, shaking her head a little bit against Laudna’s. “Never too much. Here.”
Imogen closed her eyes and reached up to lay her hands on Laudna’s shoulders, sliding them up the sides of her neck to rest her thumbs behind Laudna’s ears to ground herself. She opened her mind to Laudna, turning the one-way street of Laudna’s thoughts into an open passage between them. They used to communicate this way a lot, back when it was just the two of them, and Imogen heard Laudna’s breath catch in her throat at the familiar rush of nervous energy coming from the woman in her arms.
It was hard to tell what Laudna was hearing exactly. She didn’t know how her own thoughts sounded to someone else. Didn’t know how to describe to Laudna that her thoughts sounded like music compared to the discordant buzzing of everyone else. So she just hoped it sounded nice the other way around, hoped that her own thoughts were as pleasant in Laudna’s mind as Laudna’s were in hers.
Imogen thought of Laudna, thought of how much she loved her, thought of every single little bit of her and how she loved all of it, the fun scary and the scary scary. She thought of how she only ever wanted more of Laudna, how she had never been too much, never been a burden like she believed herself to be. She thought of how scared she was that Laudna didn’t feel the same, didn’t want her the same way. How happy she was with any little bit of Laudna that she was willing to give, how afraid she was that she was too much, she wanted too much, she was selfish for wanting more than what they had always been.
“Oh, my darling,” Laudna whispered, and when Imogen opened her eyes there were tears on Laudna’s cheeks. Laudna reached up almost reverently, taking Imogen’s face in her hands and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “I’m yours,” she said firmly, and Imogen hadn’t realized there were tears on her own cheeks until Laudna brushed them away. “Every inch of me.”
Imogen laughed, the sound ridiculous through her tears, and Laudna laughed with her. They sat there on the bed, holding each other close, waves of warm and ardent thoughts washing between them, until they both managed to calm themselves down a little.
“I’m yours too,” Imogen whispered when they eventually leaned back from each other, hands entwined in the space between their laps. “I have been. I am. I will be. As long as you’ll have me.”
“Forever, then,” Laudna said instantly, and Imogen couldn’t stop another giggle from bubbling out of her.
“This is so surreal,” she laughed, shaking her head. “I am just so damn happy.”
Laudna lit up at that, closing her eyes like it was the prettiest sentence she'd ever heard.
"That's all I've ever wanted," she sighed blissfully, giving Imogen's hands a gentle squeeze. "For you to be happy. And the fact that I'm the one making you happy is just... wildest dreams territory."
Before Imogen could figure a way to respond to that besides just kissing her again, Laudna yawned. So, naturally, Imogen yawned immediately after. That set them off giggling again as they seemed to decide in unison to finish getting into bed. Laudna put out the light and Imogen pulled the blankets up around them, tucking one arm under her head on the pillow and placing the other hand comfortably on Laudna’s waist.
“I mean it’s not even that big of a change, right?" Imogen said quietly into the small space between their faces. "We already talk about how much we care about each other more than most folks.”
Laudna smiled and nodded, mirroring Imogen’s position with an arm under her head and idly running the fingers of her other hand through Imogen’s hair.
“It’s true, I have mentioned once or twice how capable I think you are,” she said lightly, and they both laughed. “So if the only change is the kissing, then let me assure you again that I am all for it.”
As if to prove her point, Laudna leaned in and pressed a light, smiling kiss to Imogen’s laughing mouth. When she pulled back, Imogen chased her, stealing a couple more giggly little kisses.
“How do you feel about everyone else knowing?” Imogen asked through another yawn. “Cause I feel like Chet already knows somethin’s different.”
“That little creep, how could he possibly know?” Laudna huffed, and Imogen felt like her heart was so full it would burst. But then Laudna shrugged one shoulder and snuggled down further into the blankets, wrapping an arm around Imogen to pull her in close. “Oh whatever. Let them figure it out for themselves. See how long it takes them.”
Imogen cuddled in as close as she could get, filling all her senses with Laudna as they both started to drift toward sleep.
“Hey Laudna?”
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
The joy that radiated from Laudna’s thoughts was enough to sustain Imogen for a lifetime.
“I love you too, darling.”
And she knew without a doubt that the answering joy from her own thoughts was just as powerful.