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"Man," said Subaru, "fuck Vollachia fr. Imma blow that shit up." Everyone looked at Subaru.
"Uh, sure Cap'n, but how'er ya gonna do that? 's not like ya have an orbital strike platform above Vollachia, right?" Garfiel said. Subaru smirked and reached into his pocket. "Th' fuck's that thing?"
It was a black box with a stick coming out of the top. "Yo Reinhard, help a bro out yeah? Fuck up that pile of shit down south for me," Subaru spoke into the radio.
Everyone began to panic. Emilia slammed her hands on the table. "Subaru, that violates international law! You can't launch a large scale attack on another nation without declaring war first!" She yelled. "That's, like, terrorism or whatever!"
Otto gave her a pained looked. "Why is legality the thing you're most concerned about..." he muttered. He took out his flask and downed it. "This shit is not strong enough." He stood up and made way towards the wine cellar. Ram wouldn't admit it, but she agreed with the merchant. Also, holy shit now the Emilia Camp's knight was a war criminal, they're screwed. Dammit Barusu!
A beep rang out from the radio. Everyone turned to the Japanese knight. "CALL IT OFF! BARUSU, CALL IT OFF NOW!" screamed Ram.
"I gotchu, homie," Reinhard's voice crackled over the radio. "The Rods from God have been launched, ETA 15 minutes. Godspeed, brother. For Lugunica."
Subaru saluted and responded in kind. "Well, looks like it's too late, huh?"
They were all fucked. Ram left to join Otto in draining the entire wine cellar.
Yorna looked out of her window. "My, it sure is a nice day out. I do believe I shall take a walk." As she was on her jaunt outside, sitting underneath the cool shade of a tree, a giant tungsten pole struck her with so much kinetic energy that she died instantly and her surroundings were raised to the melting point of steel, incinerating all that dared to be alive within the mile radius it struck. Nine other such Rods struck Chaosflame, bringing it to a molten mess and ensuring there were absolutely no survivors. Flesh and bone and earth melted together, the devastation evident to archaeologists thousands of years in the future.
Vollachia was left a barren, flaming wasteland. The thousands of spears from the heavens rent the nation apart.
Also, Vincent died ig. Fuckin' loser lmao imagine getting killed by a tungsten pole.
Hot, liquid earth shot out into the air from Vollachia like fireworks fueled by kinetic bombardment. The Emilia Camp watched on with awe. It seemed to shine with the light of a second sun. "This is sick as hell, in fact." Beatrice fist bumped her contractor.
"Hell yeah it is."
The horror sank in the quickest for Ram. "They're dead. They're all fucking dead. Barusu, what the hell is wrong with you?! Why would you do that?! Millions of people are dead because of you, and for what?! WHY?! ANSWER ME!" He shrugged.
"Hey, it was the trolley problem and I pulled the lever. The many over the few, right?"
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, WHAT DOES ANY OF THAT EVEN MEAN?! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT EVEN MEANT TO DO?! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ANY OF THAT?!" He did not answer, for he was admiring the beautiful annihilation of the steaming pile of shit called "Vollachia." Ram vomited. "You're an Od damned psychopath."
Emilia, meanwhile, was plotting how to her and her camp out of legal trouble.
"Surely there's no laws about kinetic bombardment in warfare, right?"
The ground rumbled and lights flashed from the south. "Dear Od, what was that?!" Julius said. Red, white, orange, and yellow were blasted out of the Vollachian soil, visible even from the capital of Lugunica. "Surely there wasn't a violation of the treaty against kinetic weapons platforms?"
He gave him a light smack on the back. "Don't be silly, nya! That kind of thing has been outlawed for fifty years already!" said Felix. "Besides, how would they even get a satellite up there? We don't have the technology for it!"
"You're right Felix, I'm sure it will sort itself out."
"Hello, you two," Reinhard appeared, "I just got back from launching an orbital strike on Vollachia. So, how have you guys been?"
Their jaws dropped. "How does that even work? How did you get them up there? How did they even orbit a flat world?" Julius questioned, "The physics of this just don't make sense!" Reinhard winked at him while Felix gave him a strange look.
"I have the Divine Protection of Kinetic Bombardment," he stated simply.
"What the hell, Julius, nyu aren't even going to question the fact that he just blew up an entire country???" Felix said with disgust.
Julius stared back. "I'm not, and frankly thinking about it isn't going to help. It's not like we have the Divine Protection of 'Unblow Up Vollachia,' so what's the point?" He returned to sipping his tea, and so did Felix.
"Fuck it, honestly. What's the point, nya." They nodded, consensus achieved.