Chapter Text
It starts, as many things do, with a Reddit post from a random-ass user.
A post claiming they'd managed to hack into Siren's phone—yes, the Siren, number three most wanted villain in the entire country—and were now exposing his texts.
It would have just breezed past everyone as another fake story from someone looking for upvotes, if it weren't for the fact that the texts were so utterly ridiculous and absurd it just had to either be fake or real, no in between. But there was no way those were actually Siren's texts, right…?
Right.
▲ r/villainupdates - Posted by
15 u/screamerstore 8 hours ago
LEAKING SIREN'S TEXTS!!
▽ Guys holy shit, I'm shaking rn. I'm deadass serious right now. I hacked into Siren's phone.
No, I won't tell you how, but just-... You'd think a villain like him would have multiple phones and a way to make sure no one can hack him, right? RIGHT?
WRONG.
As you're about to see, this man is a dumbass. Total fucking dumbass of a man, like actually holy shit I don't think he has any coherent thoughts at all-
Also, you'd think he has some sort of top secret villain shit on his phone, correct?
Want to know what I actually found?
Song lyrics.
No, I am deadass. It's not code or some shit either, I ran it through multiple de-coding softwares and even tried to Crack it myself but it's just. Man's honest to God has a GOOGLE DOCUMENT that's over 20k WORDS with JUST SONG LYRICS.
He is so dumb holy shit. But also the lyrics kinda slap ngl. For a dumbass, he knows how to use big words and write deep lyrics.
I will make separate posts for some of the texts and another for the song lyrics because holy shit.
Stay posted for that so you can witness how much of a fucking moron this dude is.
TLDR: I hacked Siren's phone because he's an actual idiot and I'll be posting his texts and song lyrics because they are wild.
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hotnachos25 ⋅ 3 hours ago
C'mon op, no one's gonna believe that, esp if you ain't posting none of the 'texts' yet
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▲ r/villainupdates - Posted by
30 u/screamerstore 5 hours ago
THE SIREN'S TEXTS- PART 1
▽ I said I'd do multiple parts so here's part one. So, for context, I honestly can't fucking tell you what the deal with this texts is, you just have to see them yourself. They're from a guy named Tommy who's like… Apparently just some dude?? Like not even vigilante or anything. Straight up some dude.
Also I can't for the life of me tell you what the fuck is up with their relationship. Like are they friends?? Enemies?? Brothers??? I DON'T KNOW.
Just see for yourself.
Siren: HEY RACON KID
Tommy: Tf I'm not a kid or a raccoon
Fuck you bitch
Siren: I requore your serbices
Tommy: Sir I am a minor
Siren: YOU FNOW WHAT I MEEN
Tommy: I'm busy
Also didn't know you typed with your ass man
Not poggers
Siren: And I' m fking bledink ouf so if I dou it's on you btch
Tommy: Tf is dou
Siren: Tommy.
Tommy: ...
Okay you're serious
Siren: OFC I AM
I think I'm aby t pas out
Tommy: Holy shit okay wait are you alone?
Where are you??? Are Blade and Philza with you???
…
Siren?
Bitch this is not funny
Okay I'm omw
Wil I swear to Prime if you die before I get there I'll somehow use my powers to revive you JUST to kill you again
DON'T DIE BITCH
That's about it for the first convo they've had. I'm no detective but I think Tommy is like, a healer or something?? Like Siren clearly wanted his help bc he was injured and then Tommy said he'd use his powers to revive him or something so ig he's a healer.
Also he's a minor. Apparently.
And of course, the most important bit: Siren's name is 'Wil'??? Ayo name reveal??
I'll be posting more of this soon because this is the very tip of the iceberg folks.
TLDR: Siren is friends (?) with this healer boy or something and his irl name is apparently 'Wil'.
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▲ r/villainupdates - Posted by
12 u/poodlenoodle 3 hours ago
SIREN'S NAME!!
▽ So ik yall have probs seen the post by u/screamerscore where they claim they hacked Siren right? Okay well you also probably saw that The Syndicate actually showed up last night in the back alley from 5th street.
So, I was there.
Okay first of all- I've always wondered why The Syndicate are marked as villains when I've always thought they're more like vigilantes since they seem rather morally gray to me, and last night just about solidified that belief for me.
So, context: I work late shifts at a pizza store and usually take the back alley on 5th on my way home. Not wise to cross through a dark alley at 3 am, I'll admit, but hey, it saves me 20 minutes so if I get mugged for getting home earlier then so be it.
Okay so I was minding my business when I actually did get mugged.
And I was honestly resigned to just say goodbye to the money I got from my shift that day and maybe also to my phone but then… THEN THE SYNDICATE SHOWS UP??
So long story short, it took like .5 seconds for Siren to use his powers and order the guy to back off and that was that.
And then Philza just turned to me and asked me if I was okay. I was sort of on a daze so I just said yeah. And the guy just said he'd drop off the thug at the station because he was some guy they had been after for some time now and he wanted the police to owe him a favor, and said I should come with to fill a police report against the dude.
Again I didn't know wtf was going on so I just said yes.
They didn't go into the police station cause Ya know, wanted villains, so they said bye and started to leave.
Don't ask me why but all of a sudden I was reminded of the reddit post from op and went 'fuck it' and just turned to look at Siren and deadass said to him.
"Thanks, Wil."
When I tell you that man FROZE. Absolutely just STOOD THERE.
Philza and Blade just looked at me like they could not believe what I just said. And then the exchange was as follows:
Siren, looking like he's about to shit himself: Uh who's that??
Me : You, duh. The whole internet knows that's your name, apparently.
And idk where I got the guts to fucking just turn around and go into the station with the thug. (BTW, he was looking at me the whole time and later asked me if my power was to read minds or something. It's def not).
And in case you don't believe me, here's the proof:
[Two attached images]
[Image description 1: A photo taken of the paperwork for the police report op filled, with their personal information cropped out. The date matches the story and the description also briefly mentions the appearance of The Syndicate, besides of the mugger.]
[Image description 2: A news report informing The Syndicate was in fact seen in the aforementioned alley and heading towards the nearest police station with two civilians.]
TLDR: I ran into The Syndicate and they saved me from getting mugged, and apparently Siren's name is definitely Wil.
Edit: Some of y'all are asking me about The Blade and honestly idk how I didn't mention this but for such a scary guy he's actually quite polite. He even asked if I liked reading after he saw my books on the ground. I was still pretty much processing wtf was going on to talk much so I think he held back from asking me something but I caught him eyeing my Greek mythology book so maybe he likes it?? Idk
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reptmou ⋅ 1 hour ago
Hey op, even if it is true you encountered The Syndicate, you could very well be lying about the name thing. You don't have proof of that
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enamelbaby ⋅ 3 hours ago
I believe you op
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▲ r/villainupdates - Posted by
60 u/screamerstore 2 hours ago
THE SIREN'S TEXTS- PART 2
▽ So I noticed y'all mentioned me on a post from another user saying they confronted Siren on his irl name being Wil and I saw a comment along the lines of 'He's a villain, no way he's stupid enough to slip up if he hears his actual name while in costume' and I'm here to tell you: Yes. Yes, he is.
I have read so many texts from this man that confirm he is a dumbass that I will never be the same.
So, for the sake of proving them wrong, here you go, a compilation of texts proving the sheer dumbassery of 'Wil' - aka Siren.
And before you ask, I myself don't have context for most of these either. I just copied the texts here as they were, there's no previous contexts to so many of them. And some are just… I don't even know.
Siren: Tech
Tech
TECHNO
I'M LITERALLY WATCHING YOU SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR PHONE ACROSS FROM ME
DON'T IGNORE ME
The inferior twin: What do you want?
Siren: Hey can you pass me my water? Thx
The inferior twin: ... The water you have next to you already?
Siren: Oh you're so fast, thank you, you're the best twin ever
The inferior twin: Sure, whatever. Let me read in peace now.
Also I'm your only twin.
[×]
Siren: YOU INSUFFERABLE CHILD
I'M COMING FOR YOU
Tommy: Tf did I do now
Siren: WHY is there an actual, honest-to-Prime COW in my room!?
Tommy: Cause that's not your room
It's Henry's
Siren: Whomst the fuck is Henry
Tommy: My cow, duh
Siren: You're not keeping a fucking cow in my room
Tommy: Again, that's HIS room, Wil. Learn to read, bitch
And where else is he supposed to go??
Siren: Tommy you have an apartment
Tommy: Nah it's too small for Henry
Plus Tubbo would kill me
He already wants me to get rid of Clementine.
Siren: ???
Tommy: Keep up, man, Clem is my fish
[Attached image]
Siren: TOMMY THAT'S A FUCKING PIRANHA
HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THAT??
Tommy: Her prefered name is Clementine, please respect her or I'm suing you for causing her emotional damage.
[×]
Phil: Wil why do I hear crunching coming from your room
… Wil it's 4:27 am
I swear if you're doing what I'm thinking-
Please tell me you're not eating sand again
Siren: I'm totally, definitely, most certainly, not eating sand right now.
Phil: uh-huh
What's the noise then?
Siren: what noise?
You're senile
Old man. Oldza.
Phil: Okay that's it, I'm going to go in there right now
Siren: WAIT PHIL NO
I SWEAR IT'S NOT SAND
PHIL PLEASE
IT'S UHHHH
POP ROCKS, YEAH
PHIL I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR, STOP
PHIL STOP
FATHER PLEASE
IT'S MY MIDNIGHT SNACK
Phil: It's 4:30 am and THAT'S DEFINITELY SAND, YOU LITTLE SHIT
Siren: IT'S CRUNCHY AND I GOT THE MUNCHIES
Phil: It's going to fucking kill you, that's what it is
Either that or I'll get you first
Siren: PHIL WAIT NO THAT'S MY DOOR
PHIL I NEED THAT DOOR
STOP WAIT DON'T COME IN
PHIL I-
[x]
Group chat: Fam plus the adopted one
Siren: Sally totally just posted something for me
The inferior twin: Bruh
Just take the L already
She dumped you over a year ago
Siren: Explain this then
[Attached image]
Phil: That's just a screenshot of her twitter saying she heard her favorite song on the radio today
The inferior twin: Also didn't she block you?
Siren: On my main yeah, I have like 3 private accounts
And that's CLEARLY a message for me
Tommy: How is that a secret message
Siren: Cause 3 months ago she said her favorite song is 'Me and my husband' from Mitski
That's obviously because she still loves me
Phil: sure, mate
Siren: PHIIIIL DON'T 'SURE, MATE' ME
I'M RIGHT, SHE STILL LOVES ME
The inferior twin: She literally dumped you because you were obsessed with a fictional country from your D&D campaign
And also to become a professional mermaid because she said you were holding her back and hogging the 'siren' title
Siren: Okay and?? You know L'manberg is important to me
Tommy: Bitch didn't you blow it up and have Phil's character show up for the first time just to kill you afterwards??
Siren: I did what I had to
Anyway I'll go visit Sally now
Phil: Please don't, she has a restraining order against you
I'm not breaking you out of jail today
The inferior twin: And he's gone
Yo Theseus, I bet you one of my knives she's going to slap him
Tommy: One of the fancy ones??
The inferior twin: Sure
Tommy: Deal
The inferior twin: Let's gooooo
You're cleaning my axes if you lose tough
Tommy: Wait no ew they're all covered in blood
Phil: Mate, we've been over this, THAT'S why you don't accept a deal with Techno right away
[x]
Siren: Big Q! My man, my friend, my guy…
Quackity: wtf did you do
Siren:...
Can you break me out of jail?
Quackity: why
Siren: Because you're my friend?
Quackity: No you fucking dumbass, why are you in jail?
And why is Philza not breaking you out?
Siren: I may have tried to visit Sally
Quackity: Your ex who has a restraining order against you??
Siren: yeah
Quackity: okay fine
I'll do it for 500 bucks
Siren: I'M NOT PAYING YOU FOR BREAKING ME OUT
ALSO YOU'RE RICH??? YOU DON'T NEED 500 BUCKS
Quackity: okay have fun then
If you get sent to the prison on the west side of the city tell them you know me
They'll either punt you into the ground or cut you some discount for the non gross contraband food and cigs
If they send you to the one on the north then tell fucking Bob he owes me and I'm coming for his skin
Siren: I'm not even gonna ask
Wait no SAVE ME
Quackity: 600
Siren: That's 100 more than you said 2 mins ago
Quackity: And it'll be 100 more in 2 more minutes unless you make up your mind
I'm a busy person, I'm planning my wedding, you ass
And if either of my fiancés catch me not picking the right color of napkins now I'm dead so either fuck off or pay up
Siren: OKAY FINE I'M PAYPALING YOU RN
JUST HURRY
Quackity: Okay you're so fucking dumb
[Image attached]
Quackity: Wilbur that's 6000
Not 600
I'm missing an eye and not even I fuck up like that
But I'm not fucking giving you shit back
Omw
Siren: FUCK
WAIT QUACKITY REFUND ME THE REST
QUACKITY??
ARE YOU STILL THERE???
[×]
There's literally so many more but I can only fit so much into a post.
*points accusingly at the one who made that comment* your man EATS SAND and CAN'T MATH. Is that your smart villain??? Didn't think so
Anyway if you think I'm making this up I literally don't have the fucking imagination to do it. My essays from school will prove that to you.
Also there's a lot to unpack here. I *think* this Techno person could be the Blade bc he does mention owning fucking knifes and axes covered in blood, but if that's the case, then Blade and Siren are twins??
There's been rumors about The Syndicate being related but holy shit guys. Also going off the name, Phil, and how Siren added a 'za' at the end when he called him old man I'm gonna put it out there and say that's Philza. In which case it implies they live together and Siren called him father soooo….
Also there's Quackity. Like, fucking casino owner and villain Quackity who is apparently GETTING MARRIED to MORE THAN ONE PERSON?
And also, we have a full name, ladies and gentlemen. Not just Wil, but Wilbur. A lot of you went off the logical path and said his full name was probably William but yeah, of fucking curse this dumbass is named fucking Wilbur.
Still not sure what the fuck Tommy has to do here because apparently they don't even live together and the kid owns a cow and piranha. I have many questions. Tommy if you're out there pls reach out.
TLDR: I physically can't put it into words, you just have to read it, but if you want, here: Siren eats sand and can't do numbers for shit. Also his name is Wilbur.
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Naninicotine ⋅ 2 hours ago
Honestly idgaf if it's fake or not, it's funny af. Op if you are coming up with these then never stop
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Throwaway1284 ⋅ 1 hour ago
Can someone make shirts that say 'It's crunchy and I've got the munchies' with an image of sand on it? Pls and thank u 👍🏻
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Lukyprize ⋅ 2 hours ago
I honestly hope these are real bc the concept of the number 3 villain eating sand and being a total dumbass is simply too funny to me 😭😭😭
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▲ r/villainupdates - Posted by
217 u/screamerstore 9 hours ago
THE SIREN'S LYRICS- PART 1
▽ Okay I figured I'd roasted this man on main long enough, it's time for some of the song lyrics I promised you all, and honestly? As much as I call him a dumbass (which he is, 100%) I will say this man clearly has a talent for writing songs.
I'll also say actually I thought these were poems at first until I found some notes and drafts of music sheets and realized 'oh shit, this guy is a musician'. But ngl some of these might as well be poetry bc holy shit.
I'll stfu now and just show you some highlights:
"cause this is the part where I shut up
And let you infest my brain,
Wrap your arms around my cortex
dig you in
and let you drain,"
"they don’t know how many lives it took, no they’ll never know what you knew"
"So come on, one and all to see the apathy
The reams of gray stencils that fill the tapestry
I look to all of you and see a different fucking species"
"I guess you know now what to expect
He lives your own life in retrospect
You know it bores me? These insecurities
Breaks you down just to act as the architect"
"I've found that the road to happiness is paved
With rows and rows
Of very tempting parking spaces"
"It seems like all our friends
Abruptly fell in love
And she was in the dust
Darling, life was streaming past"
"I'm sure that your heart's in the right place
I'm sure that you break more than I make
My mother says you're up your own arse
Like a stagehand at puppet show"
"They'll sell you the rope by which you'll hang yourself
So tell me, is it normal? To totally lose your mind
I won't announce my sheer descent, but holy fuck there will be signs"
There's literally so much more but I tried picking my favorites bc again, IT'S A GOOGLE DOC WITH 20K WORDS.
Also there's like, full on songs in there. Like it's not just random ass lyrics after lyrics, but my man has FULL SONGS written down in there and it's actually impressive af.
But I'm not actually leaking the entire songs cause I feel like that would be so shitty to just release all of his ideas and stuff when maybe one day he wanted to release it himself as a civilian or something. Is it kinda hypocritical to worry about the morality of exposing him on the internet without his consent only when it comes to his original creations? Yeah.
But I don't care, the world must know this man is too much of a dumbass for his own fucking good. I'm not leaking his music though, there's a line.
TLDR: Siren is a fucking dumbass, yet a genius when it comes to writing song lyrics. And surprisingly eloquent.
Edit: Holy shit this got way more upvotes than the other parts. FYI guys, I did not write any of that lyrics, I haven't got the way with words he has (clearly). I do not take credit for any of them and they're 100% by Siren himself.
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Lolapop ⋅ 5 hours ago
… Um, I'm like, 80% sure I've heard a guy sing some of these lyrics before. I'm a barista at this one bar and there's often live music. My boss loves hiring underground musicians cause I'm pretty sure he wanted to do music too or something so he's like, made it his life mission to help any rising musician he can.
Anyway so there's this one guy who's played a couple of times, I think his name is Wilbur, and I'm so sure he's sung some of those lyrics before…
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Sistemalpha ⋅ 3 hours ago
Okay why do these slap though
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oonavibe ⋅ 6 hours ago
Ngl Siren does strike me as someone who's a good singer. Like his whole thing is that he's got a siren's voice, of course the dude can sing. I'm curious to hear him now
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saninprince ⋅ 2 hours ago
Hey op, if you did for whatever reason wrote those lyrics, they slap
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ginny962 ⋅ 4 hours ago
I know op and I vouch, they can't write those type of lyrics even with a gun pointed to their head 💀 those are definitely Siren's bc ain't no way op wrote that. ILY bestie but you ain't that eloquent.
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