Chapter Text
Hitoshi is, once again, wandering the streets on a Sunday evening. The reason this time? His foster parents ‘forgot’ to feed him. All weekend. And of course, he wasn’t allowed to go into the kitchen to make himself something. Nope, he’d been left to starve. It’s not like it was too out of the ordinary for them to withhold food but that was usually just a meal here or there, not two days. The headache he’d developed on Saturday one had now transformed into a vague fog that settled over his mind. One that would no doubt lead to bad decisions.
Oh goodie, here comes one now.
“Hey kid,” said a middle aged looking man.
He was a little sweaty and his eyes were constantly shifting back and forth, looking around the park Hitoshi had found himself in. There were a few kids playing on the playground but he just so happened to be in a more secluded section. Lucky him. He didn’t know why this guy was approaching eight-year-olds in the park but it probably wasn't anything Hitoshi was interested in. He was about to ignore the weird guy and carry on before he heard the next words.
“Do you want a cookie?”
Hitoshi freezes in his tracks.
The man seemed to gain a little confidence, “Ya. I’ve taken up baking and I have a bunch of extra baked goods so I thought I’d give them out to good boys and girls. You look like a good boy so do you want a cookie?”
Ok, Hitoshi was pretty sure this guy was a kidnapper. It wasn’t exactly textbook ‘don’t take candy from strangers' as baked goods definitely fell into their own category but it was still blatantly obvious paired with his demure demeanour. But at this point, Hitoshi didn’t give a shit. If this guy had food, he would gladly get in the back of his white van. It’d been a few weeks since his last kidnapping and this man looked harmless enough. Not in the, putting on a harmless act, but the, probably trying to ransom him off to pay for his kid’s chemo, kind of harmless. He wouldn’t be getting a dime out of Hitoshi’s fosters but that was neither here nor there. Hitoshi was just in it for the cookies.
So he looks at the man and says, “Sure.”
The man perked up ever so slightly and after one more glance at the group of parents sitting on a bench, he ushers Hitoshi away from the park. “I’ve got so many cookies I couldn’t carry them all so I left them in my van. Follow me and you can have as many as you’d like.”
Hitoshi nods politely as the man rambles. It reminds him of Izuku. He wonders if he’ll run into him on this ‘probably a kidnapping’ cookie trip. It’s doubtful considering he’s pretty sure the greenette has a loving mom so he has no need to get kidnapped just to eat.
The pair leave the park through a little side entrance overgrown with vines, one that opened into an empty dirt parking lot. Well empty except for a lone white van. Really on brand, nice job cookie guy. Well, it was more of a family van style (was he right about the cancer ransom?) with the back windows covered with black construction paper.
“They’re in the back. I’m sure you can manage the trunk yourself.”
Opening the door excitedly, expecting to see some bait cookies, Hitoshi is disappointed to be met with an empty van. Maybe he has the cookies up front? He’s turning around to ask when he feels a hard shove and tumbles into the van.
Oh wow. What a surprise. He has been kidnapped.
He settles himself on the floor, looking around. Even though he kinda volunteered for this, he still needed to make sure he was prepared if he needed to get out. There wasn't too much space back here, just a little nook meant for transporting groceries and such. He stood up to find himself semi-bared in by the headrests of the back seats. He’s small enough that he could squeeze between them if he wanted but for now, he’s fine back here. So Hitoshi just lays his arms lazily on the worn leather between the headrests.
The man scrambles into the driver’s seat and whips out of the parking lot, flinging Hitoshi to the side slightly. Resenterting himself, he slouches his head on his hands.
“So, where are the cookies?” Hitoshi asks nonchalantly.
The man looks back at him in shock, before training his eyes back on the road. “Kid, I don’t have any cookies. I’m kidnapping you.”
Hitoshi lets out an agast gasp, glaring at the man, “You said you had cookies!”
“I’m a kidnapper, not a saint. I lied!”
“Oh really your holiness, I couldn’t tell,” Hitohsi deadpans. “But seriously, I’m hungry and if I don’t get something to eat, I’ll start yelling.”
The man looked around nervously. “No one will hear you,” he attempted.
Hitoshi scoffed, “I don’t care about that. I just mean I will scream until fed. Like a cat. So feed me!”
Had it been a stupid idea to get kidnapped on purpose? Yes. Was it an even stupider idea to pester his kidnapper into buying him food? Logically yes but when the man let out a loud defeated sigh after Hitoshies second minute of screeching, he knew he had won.
“FINE! I’ll buy you McDonalds if that will shut you up.”
Hitoshi snapped his mouth shut, grinning his cheshire grin as he scrambled into the back seats. “That sounds great!” he chirped.
Honestly, he was so hungry, the man could have given him stale bread and he would have been thankful. The fact that cookie man was offering McDonalds was just a bonus. Maybe he should get kidnaped by normies more often? He’d reevaluate when his brain wasn’t glazed over in hunger.
Before he knew it, they were pulled up in a McDonalds drive through. The man turned back to Hitoshi. “So what do you want?” he said before shaking himself, seemingly remembering that this wasn’t some family outing and in fact a kidnapping. “Hey, when did you get out of the trunk?”
Hitoshi shrugged. If the man was that oblivious he didn’t deserve an explanation. “Can I have a happy meal?” Hitoshi ventured. He’d never actually had one before but the kids at school raved about them all the time.
“Whatever,” cookie man said, or was he McDonalds man now? “Just act normal.”
Ya know, this would have been a really good plan if he wanted to escape. But he did not, he was here for the food!
It only took a few minutes before that little red box was sitting on his lap. Minutes that were no doubt bone rattlingly stressful for the guy who kept looking back at Hitoshi as if to check he hadn't suddenly been replaced by a cop about to arrest him. Not that Hitoshi cared, all his focus was centred on the enticing smell wafting up from his prize.
He absolutely devoured that thing. No time for ketchup because the fries were gone before they’d turned into a little suburban neighbourhood. They were absolutely heavenly and Hitoshi couldn’t tell if that was from how hungry he was or if they were just that good. He gobbled down the nuggies and apple slices even faster so all he was left with by the time the car pulled up to a regular looking house was the little plastic toy. He didn’t recognize who the hero was but he held the figure reverently.
Hitoshi startled slightly when the van door slid open. “Come on kid, in the house now!” The man was probably trying to be intimidating but Hitoshi had seen worse from the old lady down his street. Still, he hopped out without a fuss, toy in hand.
But before they entered the back door (yes, very not suspicious cookie guy, 10/10 kidnapping), Hitoshi stopped and asked him a question.
“Is this for ransom?”
The man startled before hissing out a whisper, “Yes, now get in the house so I can call your parents.”
Hitoshi looked the man dead in his cobalt blue eyes before letting out a tired laugh.
“What's so funny,” the man snapped; clearly stressed out to be conversing with his kidnapping victim on his back porch in broad daylight.
“Dude, you found me wandering around alone in a park, clearly not by any of the adults,” he snickered, “I don’t have parents! I’m an orphan and my fosters sure won’t pay to get me back, Hell, they’d pay you to keep me!”
When Hitoshi looked back at the man's face, he just looked so exhausted and defeated.
“Just go,” he said in a blank voice, “this was a bad idea.”
Hitoshi smiles softly. “Better luck next time. Oh, and thanks for the food!” he calls as he jogs away before the man can change his mind. Not that he thinks he’s going to but Hitoshi wants to be back before dark and can’t afford to fool around anymore.
So little eight-year-old Hitoshi wanders off into the sunset, happy meal toy in hand. Sometimes using your words works. Who knew?