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Caleb reflexively gritted his teeth at the touch. Feather light fingers ran along his shoulder as the agile tiefling leaned over him to deliver the refill of his ale that Molly had graciously gotten him in the middle of the Nein’s meal aboard the BallEater. Mollymauk unfortunately heard the wizard’s unbidden hiss, and started to retreat before he made Caleb flinch again, not meaning to cause discomfort, just pay a friendly kindness.
The two of them had grown close the last few months, especially after being banned from Darktow. Molly had been there for the mage in the aftermath of casting his Wall of Fire for the first time, and they had grown closer despite Caleb’s best attempts to not admit it. He had become fond of Mollymauk’s companionship, even before he had miraculously learned to be quiet company for Caleb on late nights of reading, and the quiet wizard’s sense of humor appeared more and more much to the bloodhunter’s liking.
They made an odd unlikely pair of friends, but it was clear the two were fond of each other. Except in these moments; the moments where Caleb would jump away without thinking, and Molly would plaster a smile over his hurt at the seeming rejection.
“Either touch me,” Caleb said a little too loudly, catching Molly’s retreating wrist and bringing it back onto his shoulder, but firmly this time, “or do not touch me at all.”
He surprised himself with the grouchy declaration, but he was overly tired from a storm-filled day at sea and hadn’t been able to keep his response in check as much as he should have. This was the first he had sat down after hours of running around on the deck with the crew, helping however he could to keep their ship afloat until the past through the storm. His feet and wrists were sore, and he still have hours of spell work to catch up on. All he wanted was Mollymauk to sit down next to him and stop looking at him like the lit fuse he clearly just proved to be.
Mollymauk clearly didn’t know what to make of the stern, annoyed look Caleb had fixed him with, but the sudden eye contact and the fact his pale hand was still holding on to a lavender one to keep the tiefling’s touch on him, communicated the importance. It was only as the silence stretched a bit too long, that Caleb remembered that they were still at a full table of friends that, until a moment ago, had been bustling with noise and comradery. Now the table was as quiet as if a Silence spell had been cast on it.
Caleb’s cheeks heated with regret, but all he could do was sigh and let go of Molly’s hand in favor of the mug of ale and hoped everyone would get bored of staring at the two of them, waiting to see what dramatic turn might happen in their relationship for the dozenth time.
“Well, darling, it’s not like me to turn down an opportunity to touch someone,” Mollymauk joked to break the tension with a brilliant smile that was only partially to mask his confusion. It worked, but in the way that Caleb blushed and sputtered for a moment not having meant the innuendo that dark purple eyebrows were insinuating. He clarified much softer this time.
“What I meant Mollymauk,” Caleb sighed, as though that was going to cut the tension he had accidently created and get the others to stop staring, “is it is not that you are incapable of keeping your hands to yourself, that I mind. Only that you touch me like a thing that might shatter if you don’t pretend to be a feather.”
Damn it, it was frightfully adorable when Molly cocked his head to the side in an attempt to figure out what Caleb meant. It was not an uncommon sight either, but every time it made a smile tug on Caleb’s face and this time was no exception. Gingerly, but without removing his hand that was still held firmly on Caleb’s shoulder, Molly sat down in the empty spot next to him on the ship’s mess’s table, straddling it this time to face the wizard. When the others were still staring Molly gave them his patented “fuck off” glare and that, at least, earned them some pretend privacy.
“Es tut mir leid, Molly-” but the tiefling cut him off with a dismissive wave, more interested in looking at him seriously now.
“You know I don’t think you are fragile, right, love?” He kept his tone low, just for them, but the note of worry in his voice made Caleb’s embarrassment and regret worsen. Molly had been doing a kind thing for him, refilling his drink without asking, and Caleb had snapped at him for being too gentle. He couldn’t imagine what his friend must be thinking of him. Still he avoided answering what Molly was really asking.
“Nein, but you do often flutter around me when you believe I am stressed or tired, not knowing it causes me to watch my back for when a ghost is about to touch me.”To illustrate his point, Caleb ran a single, feather light finger up Mollymauk's arm from his wrist to elbow while he spoke. Still the Bloodhunter did not react until he heard the word ‘ghost’ and his handsome features screwed up unpleasantly.
“I hadn’t realized. I am sorry.”
“Scheiße, bitte , please don’t be, Mollymauk.” Molly's hand had finally retreated, so Caleb reached out and put a heavy hand on the other man's knee hoping he would understand that the contact wasn’t the problem. He wasn’t the nervous distrusting wizard the Circus Man had met in a tavern all those months ago, at least not with him. “You were being kind, and I am being an arschloch. Only next time, could you try to make your touch firmer, that way I don’t feel as though a cat’s nails have been drug across a chalkboard that only my bones can feel?” He tried to be playful in turn, and was rewarded with Molly finally fully unknotting and smiling back at him without any doubt this time.
“Next time you are being an arschloch?” Mollymauk quipped, his attempt at Zemnian sounding much more like he said ‘Asslock’.
“Ja , or you are attempting to be kind to me.”
“I think that pretty much means all the time, Mr. Caleb.” Under the table, a soft lavender hand laced with Caleb’s, giving him a reassuring squeeze and making his already warm cheeks even redder. Only Beau had to spoil the moment and turn his flush into one of embarrassment again.
“Gods, fucking kiss already. Shit.” the Monk had attempted, and failed, to quietly hiss conspiratorially under her breath to Fjord sitting next to her. The good captain had the grace to shove his elbow into her side to get her to shut up, but that only made her spill her drink and shout in retaliation, “What?! We are all fucking thinking it!”
Caleb did his best not to sink into his seat, or burn a hole straight through the bottom of the hull so the sea could sweep him away. Of course they were all thinking it. Even he had been thinking it in ever increasing intervals since the first time lavender lips touched his temple. But that’s all it would ever be, had to be; just a nice thought. Because even if Molly’s flirtations were anything real, even if a fraction of Caleb’s own feelings were reciprocated it wouldn’t matter. The future he was working towards wouldn’t contain the colorful enigmatic man no matter how much he wished it would. As it was, Molly was a pretty distraction, one that was good with a sword and his even sharper tongue, but more dangerous to his plans if Caleb let his own desires cross out of his imagination.
The petty insult battle that ensued between Mollymauk and Beauragurd only ended when Caduceus intervened and threatened not to share the desert he had managed to make for them all if they insisted on throwing food at each other. It was amusing that the two ended up clearing the table and working together on the dishes as an apology to their altogether too influential, but patient cleric who had made another minor miracle using the remaining rations of chocolate and forgotten bran. The earlier incident had been nearly forgotten by everyone, and Caleb excused himself after dinner had been finished with only minor teasing from Jester and many knowing looks from Nott before she too found distraction at the bottom of her flask. Everyone except Mollymauk, who caught up with him, a dish towel still draped over his shoulder when Caleb started to head to his little cabin on the ship.
“Oi .” Mollymauk held Caleb by the elbow, not tight enough to hurt, but enough to gain Caleb’s full attention. “Think when I am done, I could steal a minute more of your time?”
He wanted to ask what for, suspicious as to the mischievous look to those ruby eyes, but Beau was glaring at her dishwashing partner who had abandoned her and Caleb figured he owed Molly a bit more than that for his earlier emotional outburst.
“Of course. I will be in my quarters studying. Nott has the first watch.” They both nodded at each other and separated for their respective duties.
An hour later, and Caleb hadn’t gotten more than a handful of pages through his studies, too distracted by Mollymauk’s impending arrival. It was stupid; his fingers tingled like they sometimes did after spell casting, but only from the points of contact where Molly had held his hand. Caleb was wondering idling if it was some effect of blood magic when the signature knock from the tiefling broke his thoughts.
“Are ya decent?”
“I am not in the habit of reading in the nude,” Caleb quipped while shuffling his neglected studies out of his lap.
“That would certainly make the book more interesting,” Molly, ever cheerful, said as he squeezed into the small space and closed the door behind him, “for me at least.”
The cabin fit a set of narrow bunks, enough walking room that the door could open, and that was about it. Caleb felt a bit awkward sitting on the bottom bunk while Molly stood, but he didn’t want to intrude on the other man’s space by standing up himself. Instead he remained where he was, cocking his head up to see Molly, as though that wasn’t the weirder option.
“I’ll admit, I am not sure I fully understood what you were trying to tell me earlier, but I didn’t think you would want me asking a bunch of questions in front of the others. Figured in private might be a little more … dignified .” Fangs flashed in the dim light of Caleb’s Dancing Lights, and he was sure Molly made that last word sound much more seductive than the tiefling meant it. The wizard sighed good naturedly but nodded his head in agreement and in thanks. “Well then, up for a little experiment, that way I know I got it right?”
It took Caleb a few moments to understand what Molly meant; that it was wasn't the nature of his request to not be touched lightly, but more the application and that Molly was waving him to stand up.
“This seems less intimate than me crawling into your bed.” Molly chuckled before uncharacteristically rushing to explain. “not that that is too intimate for me, but would make this a very different kind of experiment. Not even sure these bunks can take two people, especially not if they are fu-”
“Mollymauk, focus,” Caleb said with his own soft laugh. Now that he was at eye-level with the ruby-eyed tiefling, he nearly forgot why he had thought the proximity would be awkward.
“Right.” There was a beat where neither of them spoke, simply smiled easily at each other. Again, that tug to lean forward a few inches, to break the barrier and kiss Mollymauk was strong. Thankfully, Molly spoke up about his experiment. “I was thinking I would try a few things out, nothing crazy I promise, and you can tell me ‘harder’, ‘lighter’, or ‘good’.”
“Why does this sound much like the conversation you’d have if you were getting into bed with someone?” Caleb commented drily, crossing his arms across his chest, suddenly unsure of what to do with his hands. They wouldn’t be doing any touching and they felt useless.
“It does, doesn’t it?” Molly quite liked the comparison, smirking while playing into the innuendo. “Similar principles. Respect and making sure we both feel good. I can’t feel good about showing you affection if I know the way I am doing it actually bothers you, and I think we will both feel good if I can find that sweet spot.”
“Danke .” All Caleb could do was shake his head at the bloodhunter, but also to dislodge the filthy thoughts that sprang up from other ways Molly could make him feel good. In an alternate universe perhaps, one where he hadn’t broken or hadn’t dedicated his life to changing this one, he could indulge in more than letting Molly basically pet him with all their clothes on. In this one, that would have to do.
“Don’t thank me yet, I am sure I’ll find a way to make you regret this yet.” Molly gave him a wink while heavily setting his warm hand back on Caleb’s shoulder like he had at dinner, “Start with where we left off. How is that?"
“Fine. Gut,” Caleb did not correct him that they had left off holding hands, “You can be lighter if it's more natural for you. Just not ghosting on my shoulder if that makes sense.”
Mollymauk really was being earnest in trying to understand him, lifting his hand and replacing it to cup at the joint of Caleb's shoulder, running his thumb across the jutting collarbone in a comforting fashion. “Still okay?”
Caleb nodded, rewarded with a soft smile and Molly’s hand running slowly down his bicep. He untucked his arms so they hung loosely at his sides, unsure of where Molly intended to go with this, but feeling oddly comfortable letting the tiefling take the lead for now.
Molly’s fingertips was too light as they attempted to skate past Caleb’s forearms, so rather than grit his teeth he muttered, “Firmer, please.”
It took Molly a moment to consider, before taking Caleb at his word and wrapping his hand around the elbow, applying even pressure as he slid his hand down the still bandaged arm all the way to the wizard's wrist. It was clear Mollymauk thought the covered scars were physically painful, but it was surprisingly easy for Caleb to push away the bad memories right then in favor of this new less terrible one being made. He wasn’t sure if he was proving it to Mollymauk, or himself, but either way he picked at the start of the bandage to unwrap it to show that he was alright.
“May I?” Molly asked, no sign of judgment or coddling, just an offer. Caleb nodded. Deft hands made quick work of unwrapping him, a thumb every now and then rubbing soothingly against an old scar. Not to bring attention to it, but to acknowledge that Molly was not ignoring they existed. Caleb had to involuntarily close his eyes by the time Mollymauk switched to his other arm, the relief of a burden he hadn’t realized he was carrying, making him a little dizzy.
It wasn’t nearly the first time one of the Nein had seen him without the bandages. Gods, they had all seen each other nude more times than Caleb cared to count, hazards of traveling and fighting together. But this was the first time he had let anyone touch him without clothes in the way, especially along the old wounds that felt like they had just started healing from how they had once ripped at his soul. He decided that the tingle and warmth of Molly’s hands as he massaged at Caleb’s tight forearms, had to be another sign of hemocraft. It felt too good not to be rooted in magic.
“Whoa there. You okay?”
Caleb hadn’t realized he had relaxed so much into the touch, the gentle rocking of the ship enough to make him stumble from being too loose limbed. Molly had caught him with one hand on his hip and the other around his arm before he could topple over completely.
“Ja, ja. Sorry. I stopped paying attention.” He admitted, sure his cheeks were matching his hair again.
“Go somewhere nice?” Molly took a step closer to him, oddly putting Caleb’s hand on his shoulder and then holding the wizard upright by the other hip, almost as if they were dancing.
“Very.”
“Excellent. Just want I wanted to hear.” A tail wrapped around Caleb’s ankle, surprising him a little. Instead of retreating like Molly normally did, not wanting to push him too far, the wayward appendage tightened just a fraction, grounding him to the wood floor and making Caleb feel like he was steady on his feet again. “Let’s see if we can't get you back there, but without losing your balance. How does a hug sound.”
It would hardly be the first time Molly had hugged him; rushed interactions after a battle or some victory in a bar room over cards happened all the time of course. It was not something for Caleb to blush about now. Still, when Molly pulled him close, one of his ringed hands sliding up his spine to rest firmly between his shoulder blades, the other across his back to the opposite hip so that the two were pressed close, Caleb was sure Molly could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks.
“You could hug me back, you know,” Molly chuckled into the redhead’s neck, having tilted his face into Caleb’s skin rather than risk the tips of his horns poking an eye out. The wizard hadn’t realized he had been just standing there lamely until given permission to touch, and somewhat hypocritically he carefully wrapped his own arms around the tiefling. Another warm chuckle and the Caleb forgot about his nervousness, and held the other man just as tight as he was being held.
It was nice. It was more than nice. It had been so long since anyone had held him, much less wanted to hold him. Nott was great, in her own way, but things with her often reminded him of old friends, their closeness born out of necessity. Any intimacy being found is an incidental comfort and not of actual free want or desire. If they shared a bed it was to save on coin, if they huddled close it was for sharing warmth. All so very different from what he was experiencing here with Mollymauk now.
“I am beginning to feel a bit like a broken record, but are you alright Magic Man? Would you like to stop?” Molly only pulled away enough to look him in the face, concern pinched around those beautiful ruby eyes. Caleb caught himself sniffling, unaware that he had begun to cry against the tiefling’s shoulder.
“Ja, I am -, I am still gut, I promise you. I just had not realized how much I needed that,” it was the truth, but Caleb loosened his hold on his friend so that he wouldn’t feel pressured to continue holding the crying wizard. Molly, of course, didn’t let him get away and tightened his hold on the wizard.
“The feeling is mutual, love,” He said with a disarming smile.
They fell back into their previous position, this time a little closer and Caleb’s thoughts focused more on the present then the past. Their chests were pressed flush together and he could feel the stronger beat of Mollymauk's heart against the weak flutter of his own. Caleb wondered if a tiefling’s heart beat a bit faster than humans, or perhaps it was just a Bloodhunter's. He did his best to ignore the way their hips touched. If he lingered too long on those thoughts it would make Molly physically aware of them, and the exposed skin on the teifling’s neck was already a challenge to Caleb’s composure.
Caleb had tucked his cheek against Molly’s shoulder, and while he should face away out of self-preservation, he was a selfish man taking advantage of the closeness for the minute or so it would last. That meant, however, that Caleb’s lips were but a breath away from the lavender throat embellished with tattooed feathers. He could smell the warmth of Molly's skin, and wondered what it would be like to taste him or to press a kiss there and let it get carried away. To see if it was just as much of a captivating experience as the rest of the man. To breathe in those swirls of color and get lost in the heat of a kiss they both had been craving.
He knew he could; Molly would gladly indulge him. Caleb’s hands could wander, feel more than just the Bloodhunter’s waist and it would be more than welcomed. He could push Molly into the little nook of his bunk and the tiefling would toss the threadbare blanket over the two of them just to kiss Caleb silly while he laughed at the mockery of privacy. He could, but he wouldn’t.
He was selfish, not a monster. What Caleb wanted from Mollymauk, he would not take. Easy affection was one thing, but he wouldn’t be the first one to break the two year old circus performer's heart by promising him something Caleb couldn’t give. The dirt wizard had love in spades, all bottled up and begging to be let out, but he didn’t have the time.
The time he had was pledged to a different goal; to other people. People whose love he had already burnt away. Mollymauk deserved someone who could pay attention to him instead of a new book. Someone who could make him a higher priority than a new spell. Molly deserved more than just a few kisses that would need to be ignored come daylight. He deserved someone who had more time to give than whatever little time Caleb had to travel with these people that he had come to call friends. His path would eventually take him away from their free-spirits and kind hearts and that kindness was not for Caleb, could not be, as much as he wished for it.
He would not be the one that taught Molly how much love hurt. Or so he thought.
Over five minutes passed like that, caught up in each other; simply holding on while the ship gently swayed in the calm nighttime waters. Caleb’s thoughts drifted between wistful daydreams and calm blankness. There was a gentle purr emanating from Molly, it had started so slowly Caleb hadn’t noticed it at first.
He knew he should let go. He should let Molly move on with his night, move on from him and this indulgent moment. Yet, they stayed like that until the hand that had been cradling the back of Caleb's neck slid around to rake a claw against the auburn unkept beard on his chin, hooking under it and pulling a glassy-eyed wizard to meet Molly’s ruby gaze.
Caleb knew that look. He had been worried about that look And had craved it all the same. A look that was meant to ask him a question, the answer to which Caleb had already firmly decided well before Mollymauk entered into this room was a 'no'. He had spent this entire time convincing himself that it was the line he would not cross, for Molly’s sake if not for his own. Except, there he was; with a single look he was considering setting fire to the line and jumping over it.
Those damn horns cocked to the side, jewelry tinkling melonically as half lidded pupiless eyes asked him, the dirty covered run of the mill burnt-out wizard, for a kiss.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe this time no one would get burned. Maybe Molly could keep him from breaking from the loneliness; notice before he went too far with his plans. Molly didn’t care about his magic and seemed to like his fire, was even born to be resistant to it even. Unlike his parents. Unlike Astrid and Eadwulf.
The last thought washed over him just after he had closed his eyes and given the smallest of nods to Mollymauk. It filled in the crack in his resolve with panic just as quickly as he had given in to his selfish desires. But Molly’s smile was so sweet, stripped away from any usual mask of playfulness the tiefling used to hide behind to keep from getting hurt from rejection. Just a simple smile of adoration Caleb didn’t deserve as he pulled the wizard close for a kiss they had been dancing around for months now.
Caleb could smell the spiced honey Caduceus often put in Molly’s tea, knowing that it would rise above the whiskey that would inevitably be snuck into the cup, ghosting warmly against his lips in the last second before they’d meet. The regret was like a lead anchor in his stomach the moment he turned his head, so that Molly’s affection was poured on to his cheek instead.
The tiefling was obviously caught off guard, hovering for a bit too long after the kiss with his lips brushing against Caleb’s burning cheek. His warm breath caught in confusion as though he was trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Caleb kept his eyes squeezed shut in fear that if he had to face Molly’s disappointment he would cry. He waited for the hurt question as to why, a second attempt where he would have to rip at his own heart to deny Molly the kiss he had earned with his never ending kindness tonight. That in return for trying to get to know him, all Caleb could offer in return was rejection.
But there was no question, no attempt to cajole him, just a sigh and a squeeze of a tail that had wrapped around his waist before Molly simply let go of him. The absence stung harder than ifMolly had slapped him.
“See, I told you I’d find a way to annoy you into regretting letting me through the door,” he said with a forced humor, but no malice, “but thank you, Mr. Caleb.”
Caleb looked up sharply at the genuine gratitude. “For what?”
“Letting me in anyways. Even if it was just for a moment. For letting me push my luck.” Molly’s smile widened, real, but with that playfulness that was his biggest charm and self-defense, “But I think that minute I asked for is long over, so I best be getting out of your hair so you can get back to your books.”
And just like that, their spell fizzled out. Failing after so many wonderful somatics were ruined by a simple turn of Caleb’s head. Desperate to selfishly save even just a moment more of the magic, Caleb impulsively caught Mollymauk’s hand before he could open the little door that would free him to the rest of the ship.
Molly’s eyes had grown watery, and the hunch of the tiefling’s shoulders Caleb could tell from personal experience was a flinch from further rejection. He should have drawn the man in again; acted as though he had a Fragment of Possibility from the odd dodecahedron that haunted his dreams when Molly didn’t, and kissed the other man like he should have the first time.
But he was just as much a coward as he was selfish.
“I do not have a brush.” The words rushed out of him quickly, a half lie that caught Molly’s attention, even if it was only with a confused but cautious interest. “My hair - its, uh, it has been growing longer. And with the wind, and the salt water —”
“You wanted to borrow my hair brush?” Molly asked, amused but incredulous. But the tiefling's shoulders relaxed and gave Caleb a bit of hope that he could possibly end this interaction on a better note.
“Ja. Only, I fear the knots might have become more than I can handle. I can cut them—”
“Don't you dare. I have been dying to get my claws on your hair for a while now, love. I even have a detangler I bought in case I ever found you passed out and could take advantage of you to comb through those gorgeous locks of yours. Willing is even better. Hold tight for just a moment, darling.”
With a wink and flash of fang, Molly slipped through the door in a far better mood than he had been about to. Caleb sat dazed on his bunk, pushed over by a gentle rock of the boat, wondering what he had gotten himself into. He wasn’t left alone with his thoughts for more than thirty seconds; Molly cleverly knew Caleb would figure out a way to back out given any more time.
“I am afraid I am gonna have to ask you to sit on the floor to make this work, but good news is you can distract yourself with some reading if you like.” Molly all but manhandled Caleb into sitting cross legged with his back pressed against the tieflings legs A tail wrapped snugly around his midsection once again, keeping him from getting away and the pile of books on the bed was dropped in his lap. “Oh, this isn’t so bad. Dealt with far worse from sweaty trapeze artists with long hair and horns.”
Caleb couldn’t focus on the halfway outdated musings of transmutational arcana he had picked up a few bookshops back. Not with Molly’s claws scraping his scalp so pleasantly he had to concentrate on not letting out any indecent noises. It was nice to have Mollymauk’s hands back on him, even if it was just to deal with how much of a physical mess he continued to let himself be.
Other then Nott occasionally checking his hair for lice, he hadn’t had someone else's hands thread through his hair in years. His hair had quickly been cut too short for Wulf to play with, or Astrid to teasingly tug at. But his mother had faithfully sat the energetic young man down regularly to wash and comb all the farm dirt out of his hair with the patience and love only a mother could have. And, apparently, Mollymauk.
Perhaps that’s why he picked up his journal from where it had been unstrapped from his side and while Molly worked pleasant oils into his hair and unraveled knots, he told his mother about the kind tiefling with the sharp wit and gentle hands. The one who couldn’t read and had magic that flowed through his veins unasked for, but only cared about a good time for himself and his friends. About his surprisingly soft hands and fierce tongue, and eyes that were impossible to track even though Caleb knew they impossibly landed on him a great deal of the time.
He wished he could ask his father if the feeling of fondness Caleb got when Molly would insist on checking him over for concealed wounds after a hard battle was just the rush left over from a fight, or if it’s what the former soldier felt when his wife scolded him for climbing the roof alone to clear it from snow, only to dumped in a pile of the fresh power and pulled out by his worried love. To ask his mother if all kisses to the temple were supposed to feel like the warm summer sun rolling over you.
That was the last his memory recorded that night, at some point his writing being abandoned in favor of being lulled to sleep by Molly’s touches. He didn’t remember being pulled into bed, or being tucked in after Molly had neatly stacked Caleb books and writing implements where he usually kept them at the foot of the bed. But he did remember the firm press of lips to his forehead, unafraid Caleb would turn away, that he would confuse for a dream of a long past memory until he woke.
The morning sunrise filtering through the cabin’s small porthole warmed him, but also fell on his still open journal that laid on top of the other books. Caleb wasn’t worried that Molly had read it and discovered the human’s true affections for him, but still he hadn’t expected that Molly would leave him a gift amongst the pages either. Pressed into the corner of the page Caleb had been filling before he dozed off, was a faint tinted oil mark. The kind Molly used to keep his lips from being chapped, and the wizard had daydreamed about what it tasted like more than once.
There, amongst his confession of love he had put in the confidence of his long dead parents Caleb couldn’t let just remain in the past, was stained a reason for living for the future.