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"Are you alright?" Arthur asked, making John blink. He turned his head to look at the man that had once had his head resting on a plush pillow, now propped up to look at John with his hand. He had a curious glean in his eye and again, John felt his heart twist. Three cedar-scented candles sat on the nightstand to their left, the wax dripping down onto the tray. The room was lit dimly to keep Arthur from stirring in his sleep even though the fact he was blind reassured him it'd be fine. Despite it, Arthur still managed to wake up in the middle of the night.
"Yes, I'm... fine," John said, unsure himself. "You should go to sleep, we still have a lot to do tomorrow," He told him, bringing a hand to Arthur's hair and gently springing it down and twirling parts. Arthur hummed appreciatively, closing his eyes again, though not moving.
"Speak for yourself," Arthur yawned, leaning closer to John's side where he sat up. "What time is it anyway?"
John looked out of the window. "It's... still very dark outside, it's been a long amount of time since you first fell asleep so I'd assume it's 1, or at least a few minutes past it," He answered.
"Jesus, John," He exclaimed, John feeling almost guilty. "Aren't you tired?" Arthur asked, worry in his tone. John's eyes hurt, and he felt himself drifting off to sleep every few minutes but when he closed his eyes nothing came from it. Yes. He was fucking exhausted.
"Yes," He sighed.
"Then why don't you sleep?"
"I... Can't," His hand came back to his lap, sat up straight in bed. It felt like Arthur could see right through him with his sightless stare. Like he was on an operation table and Arthur was about to dissect him, determining which place would be best to start.
After a moment, Arthur reached his hand out to John's face, John flinching when his fingers came to his chin. He propped it so then he was staring directly at Arthur. "Look at me, okay? Don't look at the door, just look at me," He said, wiping his thumb over his skin. "We're safe, okay?" He moved his hand up behind to rub at the back of John's neck, John's shoulders relaxing momentarily. Arthur offered him a sad smile— like he always did.
This was just another part of their night that only happened after going out, talking to too much people, feeling too much people stare behind his back. It was a restless cycle that he thought Arthur would grow tired of. He thought after the 10th time he would stop bothering or just tell John 'you're being paranoid, lay down'. But as always Arthur tucked hair from his eyes and repeated the line like an actor rehearsing, always alike in the same tone every time he said it, "Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, no malice in it, no boredom or irritation. Just care.
He took a deep breath in, then out, "Yes,"
Arthur smiled brightly at the change from the word 'no', his finger wrapping around one of John's, waiting patiently for him to collect himself. How could he even begin this conversation? How could he even talk about a slither of how he's feeling and what he's been thinking without sounding strange or being judged? How can he say it in a way that he doesn't feel exposed and vulnerable? "John," Arthur tugged at his finger, getting his attention. "I need you to talk to me, relationships are built off trust, can we do that again?" John nodded, slotting their hands together.
"I... I miss you," John said, to which Arthur's face softened. "I know you're right here and It sounds... stupid saying that and I almost feel childish for it but I don't..." He paused. "I don't like being outside of your head as much as I thought I would," He confessed, a grimace on his face, "I don't like not being able to stay awake and watch over you. I don't like that we can be separated easier than before. I miss when I was the one looking through your eyes and controlling your left arm. If I could, Arthur, I'd go back inside your head without a second thought,"
Arthur's eyes widened at that, and his cheeks flushed at that, surprised, or shocked, possibly both? "It sounds mad, I know—"
"No, no, not at all, John! I-I'm sorry I just was... I feel the same,"
"Really?"
"It sounds... Terrible to say and do tell me if it's too much but I... I miss having you in my head, I miss the privacy of it all. That I had a person that would only talk to me and have that kind of connection with me. That I'd... That I'd be able to keep around me and remain detached from anyone else and put my whole life's trust in. I miss having you to myself, John," Arthur said in a tone too gentle for John.
His heart was stuttering in its place and it felt close to overwhelming, that was one thing that was nice about this body. At least he had some form of a heart now. Even if it drove him crazy when Arthur said something so impossibly kind to him. Too caring to someone like him. "John?" Arthur called and his attention shot right back to the real thing. "Was that..." Arthur drew in more of a question and John still shook his head despite him not seeing.
"No. It's just, a lot," John sighed, covering his face with his hand.
It was a strange silence they were plunged into. The type that didn't leave your shoulders tense and anxious. It was the type that made you feel content to just sit there and not need to say much more. A silence where you would feel warmness stir in your stomach and your heart blossom. He felt soft.
"John?"
He hummed.
Arthur stretched his arms out toward him. "Lay with me, please?"
John, with no further words, sunk down to his pillow and moved so he'd lay on his back, Arthur finding room to lay on his side, resting his head on the other's chest. Arthur ran the knuckle of his finger up and down his arm. "Y'know, I have found that there are some... good things that come with you having a body now— at least for me," Arthur mumbles, a smile in his voice.
He humors him. "Really?"
"Yes," Arthur nestled his head into his neck, "I can feel you," Arthur takes John's hand in his, a gentle squeeze between the two, "I can touch you," He brought John's hand up to his lips, delivering a small peck, "I can kiss you," His arm wrapped around John's body in a small embrace, "I can hold you," Arthur's leg comes between John's and before he knows it, Arthur half lifts himself on John, putting their foreheads together, "And even if things have changed, John. You are still one of the best things that have happened to me, despite everything," He places a kiss on John's nose, smiling wide as John stares meaningfully, a soft smile on his face.
Arthur moves back, though his arm and leg stay draped across John, he doesn't pay it any mind when all he sees is Arthur's face as the tide rises and his eyes flicker. He doesn't complain when they say goodnight and Arthur's sleeping face is what makes him want to stay awake, to conserve it, to protect it, and witness each and every shift in his sleep. But he also couldn't get mad at himself for dozing off with the last face he saw being Arthur. He couldn't stay mad when he knew the sight would still be there in the morning.